Hold on to your Dreams

by Beryl Matthews

  The language that poured forth from him was astounding.

  ‘Alex! What’s this all about?’

  ‘I told you to bring me anything she wanted to sell. I haven’t seen any since the first lot, and I assumed they were managing to keep hold of their jewels.’

  ‘Gertie dealt with the rest of the sales herself.’

  ‘And got less than it was worth!’ Alex’s fists clenched. ‘That girl’s too independent.’

  ‘I wouldn’t consider that a fault,’ David pointed out.

  Alex took a deep breath as he tried to reign in his temper. ‘No, you’re right.’

  Relieved to see he was calming down at last, he said nothing more, as a package was handed to him.

  ‘Give this to her.’

  David knew what it was, and at the risk of making Alex erupt again, he shook his head and placed it back on the table. ‘I can’t.’

  ‘I’ll bloody well do it myself!’ He swept up the package and headed for the door.

  ‘Don’t!’

  When Alex spun round to face him, David had to gather up every piece of courage he had to face down this powerful man. ‘She doesn’t know you’ve got any of her jewellery. You’ll insult her.’

  ‘That is not my intention. I only want her to have what is rightly hers.’

  ‘And if you do that you’ll take away what little pride she has left.’

  ‘Explain.’

  ‘Right from a toddler, she’s had to do things for herself.’ David smiled, remembering the happy times they’d spent together as children. ‘She would stand in front of Edward and myself, jumping up and down and saying – I’ll do it! I’ll do it.’

  ‘And your point is?’

  ‘All her life she’s been cocooned within a loving family, and although intelligent in a bookish way, she’s never been very worldly. Do you know what I mean?’

  Alex nodded.

  ‘When this disaster struck her family she found herself in a world she’d never experienced before. She floundered, not knowing what to do. That’s why she ran to me seeking advice and help. The love she feels for her parents has kept her going, but as you know, she collapsed under the strain. This crisis has forced her to grow up quickly and face each challenge. She’s done that and knows what things are important and what is of no value.’ At least Alex was listening, and he had to make him understand. ‘Her mother is well enough to attend this function. The fact they have to wear last season’s gowns and are without jewels does not matter in the least. The Melrose family are happy tonight. Please don’t spoil that for them.’

  The man in front of him walked back to his desk, dropped the package back into the drawer, then went and stared out of the window, silent.

  ‘Gertie isn’t the same person. I’ve always adored her – now I also respect her.’

  ‘Thank you for explaining. I didn’t understand, and I couldn’t bear seeing her like that. She’s so lovely and should be dressed in the finest gowns. It made me angry.’

  Something in his expression shocked David. The barriers were down and it was clear to see that Alex loved Gertie. It wasn’t merely affection; it was a deep and lasting love, and it had hurt him to see just how impoverished she now was. And if David was right, he was now committed to another woman.

  The moment was brief, and then he was back to his usual self. ‘I’d better put in an appearance.’

  As Alex strode out of the room David felt sad – for all of them. They were all going to lose.

  ‘Ah, there you are.’ Sutton caught him as he walked down the stairs. ‘Do you know where Gertie is? It’s time to present ourselves to our hosts.’

  ‘She’s in the library with Fred and Millie. I’m on my way to collect them.’

  ‘I might have known she’d be with the books,’ he laughed.

  It was a good sound, and helped lift the gloom trying to settle on David. Laughter in the Melrose family had been sadly missing lately. The whole point of this evening was to get Florence back into the social scene, and they must do everything they could to make it a success.

  Hearing more laughter, he glanced round and saw Gertie and two very smart youngsters walking towards them.

  ‘My goodness!’ Sutton exclaimed. ‘You all look splendid.’

  ‘Thank you, sir.’ Fred bowed elegantly. ‘Surprising what a difference the right clothes can make, ain’t it?’

  ‘No one would know where we come from until we open our mouths.’ Millie smirked at the thought.

  ‘Gertrude, that looks so pretty.’ Florence joined them, leaning on the cane Fred had made for her. She never went anywhere without it now.

  ‘The housekeeper insisted on doing it for me, and I didn’t like to refuse.’

  ‘I should think not. It’s charming.’ Florence smiled at everyone. ‘Shall we go to the ballroom? I’m looking forward to seeing everyone again. And no hiding, Gertrude,’ she scolded.

  ‘No, Mother, I don’t do things like that now.’

  The six of them linked arms with their partners and made their way to greet their hosts for the evening.

  ‘Did you find out what made Sir mad?’ Millie whispered in David’s ear as the walked along.

  ‘He’s got a problem.’

  ‘Big one, is it?’

  ‘Enormous. Hell, we’ve all got problems except you and Fred. Pardon my language, Millie, but it’s all rather a mess.’

  ‘Ah, I see.’ She gave him a knowing glance. ‘And you cuss all you want to. I’ve heard a lot worse.’

  She probably did see, David thought wryly. He doubted much got past this bright girl.

  The Chesters were greeting all the guests while Alex stayed in the background. It was their ball. He’d only offered the use of his home because of the large ballroom. It was time it was used again.

  Glancing up at the balcony, he saw two little faces pressed against the bars, and hands fluttered acknowledging his smile.

  When the Melrose family were announced, he turned his attention back to the entrance. He liked what he saw. Florence Melrose was frail now, but upright and smiling. The fact she wasn’t wearing any jewellery was not as noticeable as it had been on her daughter, because lace filled the neckline of her gown. When Gertrude stepped into view he saw the ribbon his housekeeper had arranged around her neck. It looked charming, and he made a mental note to thank Mrs Jenkins.

  When the last of the guests had been welcomed, the band played the opening dance. Lord and Lady Chester took the floor first, followed by Alex and Miriam Chester. Then other couples joined in and the room was filled with music and laughter.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Much to her surprise, Gertrude was enjoying the evening. Fred and Millie had bought a book on different dances, and had obviously been learning how to do them. They were surprisingly good. It wasn’t possible to hold a conversation with Fred while they were dancing because he was too busy counting under his breath in order to keep time with the music. David was an excellent dancer and guided Millie expertly round the floor. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement.

  ‘Come and dance with me, Fred.’ Millie tugged him on to the dance floor. ‘I’m getting the hang of this now.’

  They disappeared into the crowd and David held out his arm to Gertrude. They joined the dancers.

  ‘I’m so pleased we brought Fred and Millie along. They’re having a wonderful time.’

  ‘Yes, it’s good to see,’ he agreed. ‘They’ll be talking about this for days. Alex thought it was a fine idea, and that’s why he’s included May and Johnny. He didn’t want to leave them out.’

  ‘He’s obviously fond of them, but I was surprised when he referred to them as his children.’ Gertrude laughed quietly. ‘Lady Chester was shocked.’

  ‘She was lucky to get away with just that.’ He pulled a face. ‘Everyone else got the sharp end of his tongue, and his language would have made the roughest soldier blush.’

  ‘As bad as that, was it?’ She wished she could have seen the big ma
n explode. It would have really been something to remember.

  ‘Hmm.’

  ‘What on earth made him lose his temper like that?’

  ‘He never said,’ David lied.

  ‘Oh well, he appears to have got over it now.’ She knew her friend wasn’t going to say more. If he’d been told what the problem was he would never betray a confidence. ‘When do you think they’ll make the announcement?’

  ‘Just before the supper interval, I expect. And I hope that gentle girl knows what she’s getting into. He’s a lot more volatile than I realised, and I’m not sure she’s strong enough for him.’ He glanced down at her. ‘You would be, though. You’d fight back.’

  ‘Now,’ she scolded, ‘you know that isn’t going to happen. Accept it; I have.’

  ‘I know, but it hurts.’

  ‘Yes, it does, but many things in life are hard. We have to do the best we can, and enjoy the good times.’

  ‘You sound like Millie,’ he teased.

  ‘I’ll take that as a compliment. The last months have taught me a lot. It’s been a brutal way to learn what life is all about, but I’ve been forced to do it.’ She glanced up, a slight smile on her lips. ‘Aunt Hanna told me to grow up, and I have.’

  ‘Indeed you have.’ He squeezed her hand in affection. ‘And I’m proud of you.’

  ‘Just because we can’t always have what we want in life doesn’t mean we have to wallow in self-pity and give up our dreams. Fred and Millie would be ashamed of us if we did.’

  ‘And we can’t have that.’ The dance ended and he led her back to her parents.

  Alex was there and talking to Florence. ‘… and you can be proud of your son, Mrs Melrose.’

  ‘I am.’ She smiled, her eyes shining. ‘He’s trying to make amends for his foolishness, and that shows he’s changed.’

  ‘It commands respect.’

  Gertrude studied her mother’s happy face and sent out a silent thank you to the man talking to her. She had only caught part of the conversation, but he had clearly been saying all the right things.

  As if catching her thoughts, he turned. ‘Will you dance with me, Gertrude?’

  ‘I’d be pleased to,’ she answered, without hesitation.

  Before leading her on to the floor, he said to David, ‘Why don’t you ask Miriam to dance?’

  ‘I wasn’t sure if I should?’

  ‘Of course you should. And where’s Fred?’

  ‘Right behind you, sir.’

  ‘I shall expect you to dance with her, as well.’

  ‘You’re joking!’ His eyes opened wide.

  ‘I am not. You are my guests, and it is the polite thing to do. Millie, will you save the next dance for me?’

  ‘Of course, sir.’ She sketched a curtsy, making everyone laugh.

  They joined the crush of dancers. ‘You haven’t run away from me this evening.’

  It was time to be honest with him. She owed him that much. ‘I’m not afraid of you any more.’

  ‘Does that mean I’ve been forgiven?’

  ‘It means you haven’t done anything wrong. I’m the one who needs your forgiveness.’

  ‘Shall we forget what has happened in the past and start again – as friends?’

  ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘So would I.’ He smiled. ‘I believe your friends call you Gertie.’

  She nodded.

  ‘I’m pleased to meet you, Gertie. My friends call me Alex.’

  ‘Hello Alex.’ She joined in the game. ‘You dance very well.’

  ‘So do you.’

  They finished the dance in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. He was offering friendship, and she’d take it.

  As they filed into supper, Gertrude and David frowned at each other, puzzled. There hadn’t been an announcement!

  After the interval, Florence went and rested in the room provided for her. Sutton had wanted to take her home, but she wouldn’t hear of it. All she needed was a short rest and then she would stay for another hour or so. She was enjoying herself far too much to leave so soon.

  The music began again, and Gertrude danced with her father, David, and Fred. The youngsters were having such an exciting time it was impossible not to get swept up in their enjoyment.

  ‘I can’t understand why I disliked these occasions in the past,’ she told David.

  ‘I knew it was a good idea to bring Fred and Millie. We can’t be miserable around them.’

  ‘That’s true. I noticed you spent some time talking to Miriam and her parents before supper. Did you enjoy your dance with her?’

  ‘Of course, she’s a charming girl. Have you called a truce with Alex?’ he asked, changing the subject.

  She nodded. ‘We’ve decided to be friends.’

  ‘That’s a good start,’ he murmured to himself.

  She heard, and when she noticed hope flare in his eyes, she said, ‘I’ve always valued your friendship, and I’ll gratefully accept Alex’s. True friendship is a precious thing.’

  ‘I agree.’

  ‘They’re leaving it rather late to make the announcement,’ she said, noticing how much room there was on the dance floor now. ‘People are beginning to leave.’

  ‘Hmm.’ He glanced around. It was past midnight and the room was certainly less crowded. ‘They won’t do it now. I was positive this was the reason for the occasion, especially as it was being held in Alex’s house. It seems I was mistaken.’

  ‘Perhaps Miriam wants a less public way of announcing the engagement. She does appear to be rather shy.’

  ‘You’re right. It will be in the papers soon, I expect.’

  The letters had taken a while to reach him, and Edward found a quiet spot away from the bustling camp. It wasn’t safe to venture too far on your own, but this was raised ground, and he had a good view all round.

  He sat down, the three letters held tightly in his hand, almost afraid to open them. Lifting his head he watched the sun sinking slowly on the horizon, turning the sky vivid reds, oranges and gold. It was a breathtaking sight, and one he never got tired of seeing. If there wasn’t a war going on he could get to love this country. He couldn’t remember looking at the sky when he’d been in London. How he’d changed. He never referred to London as his home now. This was all he had, and here he’d found friendship and acceptance. He ran his fingers over the two stripes on his sleeve, sighing deeply. No one cared about his past, but the memory of what he’d done to the people who had loved him clouded his days and disturbed his nights. He’d been an arrogant fool! His father had tried hard to make him go into the business, and he’d made excuse after excuse. Why should he slave away in the workshop when he could be out enjoying himself? His selfish enjoyment had impoverished his family and cast him out. The shame was crushing. He could feel the excitement now as he’d held the cards in his hands. Didn’t matter about the losses, he’d win this time … He groaned in despair, knowing now what a fool he’d been, but at the time, the only thing driving him had been the thrill of the game.

  The light was beginning to fade, so he had to read the letters while he could still see enough. He recognised the writing on each letter and opened his sister’s first. There was no condemnation in it, only relief to know he was all right. She said nothing about the problems they were experiencing because of him. She sent her love and prayers for his safety.

  The next was from his mother who assured him she was recovering from her illness. The rest of the letter was to tell him how proud she was of him, and that his award had been mentioned in the newspapers. The writing became shaky towards the end, showing how difficult it was for her to write. It did nothing to ease his distress.

  The last one was from his father, and it took a while before he could bring himself to read it. It was brief and impersonal, stating that he would accept the money for a period of six months only. If he sent any after that it would be returned to him. The signature at the end was ‘Sutton Melrose’. That stabbed Edward like a sabre, but
what did he expect? He was no longer his son, and it was useless to dream of forgiveness. He would never see them again. His grief was too heavy for tears.

  ‘Ed, what the devil are you doing up here alone? You could get shot, and believe me you don’t want that to happen! It hurts.’ Jack settled down beside him, keeping low. ‘Ah, been reading your letters from home.’

  ‘I haven’t got a home,’ he said bitterly. ‘I’ve been disowned, and it’s only what I deserve.’ He’d never talked much about his past, but there seemed to be a special bond between them because of shared experiences.

  ‘I’m sorry, Ed. You want to talk about it? I’m a good listener.’

  ‘No, not now. Perhaps I’ll be able to tell you all about it one day.’

  ‘I understand.’ Jack pulled a letter out of his pocket. ‘Got one myself today, and my family said you’d be welcome at our house when we get back.’

  ‘That’s kind of them.’

  ‘Oh, they’re not a bad bunch. I’ve got eight brothers and sisters, and the house is crowded, so they don’t miss me too much. Now, let’s get off this hill. There’s something I want to talk to you about, and I’d rather do it without fear of a bullet whistling past my ear, or worse.’

  There were men sitting around in groups, playing cards, or just talking. They found a spot where they could talk without being overheard, and sprawled on the ground.

  ‘What’s on your mind, Jack?’

  ‘When we’ve done our stint out here and get sent home, do you want to stay there?’

  ‘There’s nothing in London for me, and although the sergeant said I could make the army my career, I’m not sure I want to. To tell you the truth I’ve become quite fascinated by this country, and once the war’s over it could be a good place to settle.’

  ‘Exactly!’ Jack leant forward, his expression animated. ‘There’s a nice property about fifteen miles the other side of Ladysmith, and it’s going cheap.’

  Edward sat up quickly. ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I found it last week when I was on patrol. The owner, Mr Botha, lost his wife recently and wants to go to stay with his daughter in London. With all the trouble out here he can’t sell the place. He’s in a hurry and will take any reasonable offer. I’d have bought it there and then if I’d had the money, and I was wondering if there’s a way we could buy it together.’