Unfaithful Ties

by Le'Shea, Nisha

  ****

  Roland is supposedly sitting at a booth in the back of the bar waiting for me. I agreed to meet him here because it’s a public place and a public place is the safe way to go when you’re meeting someone for the first time. We’ve been chatting back and forth for a few days and I think it’s time we meet in person. After all it’s not like I can put my age on pause. The years just keep flying by and I can’t afford to waste any more time.

  I spot him sitting alone at a booth at the back of the bar, just like he said he’d be.

  I can tell that he’s searching for me by the way his eyes are roaming the room. He looks to be moving his head to the beat of the soft music. After a while he raises his nightcap to his mouth and takes a sip.

  Tonight I’m dressed for the weather because it’s freezing outside. I’m wearing a black sweater, a thick gray scarf, denims, and black boots. I gave in a few days ago and had my hair stylist twist some extensions in my hair. Wearing my natural hair just wasn’t working for me anymore. Weave is more convenient. I decided to let my braids hang tonight. I check my make-up with my pocket-mirror and then I head over.

  From the waist up I can tell that he’s dressed to impress. He’s handsome too. I feel relieved now, I was afraid that he wouldn’t look anything like his profile picture. “Roland?” I say.

  “Yes” He says getting to his feet “You must be Stacy?” He says like he’s unsure. As if I don’t look like my profile picture.

  He’s towering over me, which is another plus. “I am” I say offering my hand. “Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long”

  “Actually I haven’t been here that long. Have a seat” He insists and sits back down. It appears that he’s suddenly in a hurry to speed things up.

  “Excuse me miss” A waiter says. “What will you be having to drink?”

  “Let me have a coke please”

  “I’ll get that right out to you” He informs me and walks away.

  “It’s cold outside” I say to Roland.

  He glances at his watch. “The weather during the winter is one of the few things that I hate about Chicago.”

  “The weather here was definitely a lot to adapt too. I was born and raised in Alabama.”

  “I’m sure it was” He says and checks the time again.

  “I’m sorry did something come up?.” I ask as the waiter is setting my drink on the table. “Thanks” I say to him and focus my eyes back on Roland. “I’ve noticed that you’ve checked the time twice in the two minutes that I’ve joined you”.

  “Look I’m just going to be honest.” He says. “You are much darker than you were in your profile picture.”

  “Excuse me, do you have a problem with the color of my skin?”

  “I’m just going to be honest. I’m not into dark skinned women.”

  “You know what this date is a waste of my damn time.” I say throwing my purse over my shoulder while getting to my feet.

  “Good because I realized when I got here that I left my wallet at home.”

  “Really” I chuckled sarcastically. “I can’t believe this shit.”

  “Can I ask you something?” He says with a devilish smirk drawn across his face.

  I shrug my shoulders. “Why not?”

  “On your profile picture you had shoulder length hair. I’m curious, exactly how much of that is yours?”

  “Are you implying that I don’t have any hair? The nerve of you! You know what? It’s black men like you that I’m ashamed of. From the looks of things you came from a dark-skinned woman but yet you sit up here and proudly say that you’re not into dark-skinned women. You live by a stupid ass myth that dark-skinned women aren’t as cute as light-skinned women...that we’re not as smart.... that we’re ghetto that our hair can’t grow. Think what you want to think about me because I’m a blessing to any man, including you. It’s just too bad that assholes like you are too stupid to realize it. And you know what else? It’s too damn bad that even though you claim that you left your wallet at home. This drink is still on you.” I say, before I toss my drink in his face.

  ****

  I do my usual and kick off my shoes as soon as I walk through the front door and I head into the kitchen because I desperately need a glass of wine. Layla is sitting on a barstool at the island.

  “Hi” She says. She looks happy. “How was the date?”

  I grab a glass out of the cabinet. “Awful, absolutely awful.”

  “What awful thing did he do?”

  After I pour wine in my glass I head over to the island and sit down right across from Layla. “He didn’t do anything except be the idiot he obviously is.”

  “It was that bad huh?”

  “The worst! I went on a blind date with a black man that’s into black women as long as they are not dark-skinned.”

  “Girl shut the front door! I know that he did not tell you that?”

  “Those were his exact words. And can you believe that he had the nerve to ask me how much of this hair in my head is actually mines”

  “You should have told him all of it because you bought it. I hope like hell you blessed him out.”

  “What I did was even better. Talking about he left his wallet at home”

  Layla laughs. “Do I even want to know what you did?”

  “I made sure that my drink was on him, literally”

  “You did not”

  “Yes I did too”

  “Don’t tell me you caused a scene”

  “I was so mad that I don’t even know whether I caused a scene or not.”

  “So I guess it’s no more online dating for you?”

  “Probably not.”

  “Guess what” Layla says smiling from ear to ear.

  I sip from my glass. “I’m not in a mood to guess so just tell me”

  “I met someone”

  “That explains why you’re in this enlivening mood”

  “After I got diagnosed, I basically thought that my life was over but he’s made me realize that life goes on and that I still have something to live for.”

  “That’s good Layla, I’m happy for you. Hopefully I meet someone before my hair starts turning gray. Which I doubt because the way I’m going I’ll be in a rocking chair by the time the right man comes along. And then it’ll be too late. I’m going to soak in a hot bubble bath and drink the rest of this bottle of wine in my bed while I lay there and soak in my loneliness. Good night”

  “Goodnight sis.”

  ****

  I turn on some Sade before I grab the bubble bath from underneath sink, then I carry the bubble bath over to the tub and turn on the water. I feel myself getting depressed as I watch the bubbles rise. The tub isn’t the only thing filling up with water, so are my eyes. I force the tears away and light my candles.

  I need someone to love me. Someone to need me. Someone to want me and only me.

  Slowly I undress.

  After I’m done undressing I slide into the warm water, rest my head on the back of the tub and close my eyes. For some reason all the men I’ve dated stream through my mind. I hate thinking about them. All of them. But on lonely nights like these my mind always wonders back to my past. “God are you ever going to send me a man?” I wonder and take a sip from my wine.

  After thirty minutes of soaking and thinking about how lonely I am I finally decide to get out of the tub. I wrap myself in a towel and head to my bedroom.

  Sade is still echoing from the stereo system as I clamber in bed. I’m going to fall asleep listening to it.

  The throbbing between my legs comes back as soon as my head hits my pillow. I’ve been ignoring it for weeks now but I can’t ignore it anymore. I pull up from the bed and dash into the bathroom. I’m searching for my silver bullet like I’m an addict searching for a rock. I need it. It’s my fix.

  I find it and head back to my empty bed where I don’t waste anytime pleasuring myself. I hear myself moan and moan and moan until I feel myself exploding. As I’m coming t
ears slide through the creases of my eyes. Doing this makes me realize just how pathetic my life actually is. I even hate that I just did it.

  I’m tired of this.

  I’m tired of being alone.

  I’m tired of pleasing myself.

  I turn off Sade, let my head hit the pillow and I cry like I’ve just buried my best friend.

  CHAPTER 26

  Malik...Jacksonville Florida

  When Malik pulled the mail out of the box he had no intensions of opening any of it without relaxing first. Although he loved teaching he couldn’t deny that on most days by the time he made it home from work he was drained. He twisted open the front door and trudged inside. Within seconds he’d slipped out of his shoes. Leaving his shoes right there on the living room floor he walked over to the coffee table and tossed the mail on top of it. He needed to eat before he bothered himself with a stack of junk mail and bills so he headed for the kitchen where he sat down at the table and enjoyed a bowl of Captain Crunch, his favorite.

  Once his stomach was satisfied he went back into the living room and slouched down on the new sofa he’d purchased when he received his renters insurance check. He flipped through his mail and opened the envelope that said Duval County District Attorney office.

  Duval County

  Office of the District Attorney

  Lisa A. Strickland

  District Attorney

  FORECLUSURE ADVISORY LETTER:

  Dear Homeowner:

  Public Records indicate that you have recently received a “Notice of Default” letter for late or non-payment of your mortgage. You should expect many people are going to contact you to try to convince you to sell your home to them or that they can “rescue” you from foreclosure. Often these people do not have your best interest in mind.

  It is important that you do something promptly or you may lose your home in foreclosure. You may wish to seek free real estate advice from either of the following non-profit housing counseling agencies.

  Partnership Communities, Inc.

  238 5th St.

  Los Angeles, California 90012

  323-439-7065

  Housing Development

  1429-B Boone Street

  Apopka, Florida 32703

  407-888-5432

  If you actually sold your property or paid someone to “Rescue” you from a foreclosure, you might be a victim of a crime. (For example, it is illegal for the foreclosure consultant to acquire an interest in your property)

  If you feel that you are a victim of a crime, please call the Office of the District Attorney at 904-247-8888.

  Thanks

  Lisa A. Strickland

  “Damn” He shouted as he headed to his bedroom so that he could log into his laptop and send Jennifer a Facebook message. She’d changed her cellular number and that was the only way he could get in contact with her. He had no clue they were in foreclosure.

  He thought he was hallucinating when he walked into his bedroom and saw Regina in his bed. She was asleep, one leg poking out from underneath the sheet, her bra and panties inches away from his feet. “What in the hell are you doing in my bed?” Malik yelled. “I’m sure that you were served the restraining order papers. You can’t come within one hundred feet of my presence.”

  “Baby” Regina said, yawning as she turned to her side. “You have to be a fool if you think that a little piece of paper is going to keep me away from you”

  “I’m sick of these games that you’re trying to play Regina. Get the fuck out of my bed! Get the fuck out of my House! Get the fuck out of my life!”

  “You don’t mean that.” She smiled. “Everything will be alright once the baby gets here.”

  “What in the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m carrying our child. Having you been getting the brochures in the mail?”

  She was standing on the bed.

  “I’ve sent you several pamphlets. Join me, don’t you want to celebrate?” She said moving her sexy naked body in circles. “Don’t you want some more of this?”

  “Hell no. I haven’t had a decent night of sleep since the day I met you, now get your shit and get out”

  “You don’t mean that. I know you want some of this good stuff” She said seductively as if she hadn’t heard a word that Malik had said to her.” She was still winding and grinding her hips in a slow circular motion.

  Frustration rushed through him. He couldn’t take it. He was sick of playing her little games. He snatched her belonging from the floor, grabbed her by the hand and yanked her from the bed. “Get your shit before I call the police and have your ass arrested for breaking and entering.”

  “I love you Malik”

  “Love me? You hardly even know me”

  “I do. I swear I do. I love you so much it hurts. Please don’t push me away.”

  “Out of everything that you’ve put me through you think that we’re going to be together! Are you insane?”

  “I did those things because you’ve been treating me like I was a whore. I was upset and I didn’t know how to control it. I thought that we were in a committed relationship and then I had to find out that you ditched me for another bitch. How was I supposed to react.”

  “I never gave you a reason to believe that we were in a committed relationship. We haven’t even known each other that long! Judging from your actions you’re not someone I would even consider getting serious with.”

  She looked away from Malik and stared at the wall, leaving nothing between them but silence and then she turned back to Malik, giving him a stare down. And just like that she snapped. “ Who do you think that I am? Getting rid of me is not going to be easy so you might as well get used to me because there is a little life in my belly. And it’s yours”

  “Come on you gotta’ go. My daughter will be home soon.”

  “You’re not going to introduce us”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “Because I’m carrying her little sister or brother that’s why”

  “There is no baby and if there is I’m not the father”

  “Can I at least get dressed first?”

  “Hurry up before I throw you out dressed in nothing but your skin”

  “I hope that you don’t think that you’re a man because you’re nothing but a coward”

  “Fuck you” He pushed her out of the room, shoving her until they reached the living room.

  “Fuck me? That’s what I want you to do. Fuck me good”

  “Screwing you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life. You can holler you can holler you want me to fuck you to the top of your lungs and it will never happen.”

  His words set her heart on fire and she landed her small fist right between his eyes. “I hate you. You fucking arrogant ass-hole. No wonder your wife left you” She was pounding him hard, everywhere that she could.

  Malik grabbed her by the arm. “How did you know that my wife left me? I never told you anything about wife”

  “Let me go. You’re hurting my arms”

  “How do you know that about my wife? Did Jennifer send you here to torture me?”

  “Let me go. I don’t know what you’re talking about”

  “Get the fuck out of here” He said shoving her closer to the front door. “These games you’re playing are starting to get old.”

  “I love you Malik”

  “Get out” He screamed.

  She slid into her sundress, mooned him and stepped on the porch. “Jackass”

  He slammed the door.

  Regina ran across the street where her vehicle was parked, slid behind the wheel and sped off.

  ****

  Malik was on Google searching for information on how to save his home when his phone vibrated on the desktop. He picked up the phone and set it back down when he saw that the number was PRIVATE. He knew that it was no one but Regina so he ignored the call. He also ignored the next call, and the next one. By the time his phone quit ringing he had seventy-
two missed calls along with 72 new voicemail messages.

  New Voicemail: Do you hear that clicking sound Malik? That’s the sound that you’re going to hear when you take your last breath

  New Voicemail: Malik I’m sorry! Please pick up the phone. I love you!

  New Voicemail: I know that you probably think that I’m crazy but I’m not I’m only acting this was because I want us to be together

  New Voicemail: Uuuugggghhhh….Why won’t you answer for me?

  New Voicemail: I don’t like it when men that I’ve fucked ignore me.

  New Voicemail: If I call enough you’ll pick up the phone.

  New Voicemail: One-Two Regina’s coming for you. Three-Four don’t forget to lock your door. Five-Six I hate I have to be like this. Seven-Eight but you made it this way. Nine-Ten I’m going to get you in the end

  CHAPTER 27

  Brandi...San Antonio Texas

  Brandi was sitting in her minivan watching people walk through the doors of Total Fitness. She’d been sitting there for at least thirty minutes trying to get the urge to go inside. Convincing herself to get out of the vehicle was like pulling teeth. The way she was carrying on you’d think that the double glass doors was an entrance that would lead her to Hell. Her oversized belly was an embarrassment, and she feared what others around her would think if she got her BIG behind on a treadmill. That’s about all she’d probably be able to stand. And what would walking on a treadmill do?

  She didn’t know why she was there anyway, even if she walked on a treadmill for four hours a day, she believed that she’d still be hefty. She was thinking that most of the women inside were probably no bigger than a size four with nice toned arms, tight flat stomachs, and firm buns. The blonde that’d just walked out of the gym looking like she’d just left the taping of a work-out video only helped to confirm that she was right on the money. Those women and their perfect figures would only crumble her self-esteem or they would if she had any. The bottom line was if she went inside she was just going to feel more ashamed than she already felt.