The Shadow's Touch

by Scott VanKirk

  He didn’t react to my anger, just pinned me down with his blue eyes. They focused entirely on me. Thusly armed, he said calmly, with finality, “Finn, leave her alone, until we know what we’re dealing with. That man that you just knocked out was Paul Stith. Before today, he was in here for anxiety and night terrors, not schizophrenia. Do you understand? Yesterday he was not showing all the signs of being shadow-ridden. If he had a shadow, it didn’t have a strong hold over his thoughts.”

  Understanding came to me in a flash: the shadow I had shooed away yesterday had returned and taken over a new person, or at least reinforced, or replaced, another smaller shadow.

  That meant that it was likely that someone else was going to be infected now, since I had just stripped it off Paul Stith. Oh, crap!

  The doctor’s gaze continued to bore into my soul. I finally said, “Okay! Okay! I understand, but what can we do about it?”

  “Something different, Finn, something different.”

  No shit, Sherlock! I was glad Anderson couldn’t read my mind just then, but Spring laughed.

  That’s awesome! You’ve got to say it.

  Probably not a terrific idea, Spring.

  I scuffed the carpeted floor with a foot and decided not to fight the Doc on this particular battle, yet. “Doctor, how’s Holly doing?”

  “She seems the same, Finn. She doesn’t seem worse, but she doesn’t seem better either.”

  “Can I go see her?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want you to disturb her.”

  “I won’t.”

  He led me out of the commons and down another hallway.

  As we walked, the snappy rhythm of “Mamma Told Me Not to Come”by Three Dog Night played from my pocket.

  I struggled with the phone for a minute and finally got it out. I stopped walking. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Finn! Where are you? Are you all right?”

  Oops, forgot to leave a note.

  “Yeah mom, I’m fine. I caught a ride to Shady Oaks with Gregg and Dave.”

  My mom’s voice came out cracked and strained. “Dear lord, Finn, please don’t leave without talking to me first. I came home and had no idea what might have happened to you.”

  “I’m fine, Mom, really.”

  “You can’t just go running around right now. Not with Erik still out there. It’s not safe. There is no telling what he might do.”

  “Okay Mom, I understand. I’m sorry.”

  “You stay there, and I’ll come and get you.”

  “I’m not ready to leave yet. I’m working with the doc and then I want to go visit with dad for a while. Can you come in a couple of hours?”

  There was a pause. “Okay, but don’t leave the building.”

  “I won’t, Mom. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

  “… I love you so much Finn. I can’t lose you too.”

  That hurt. It made it sound like she had already given up on Dad. “Don’t worry Mom, you haven’t lost either of us. Dad will be coming home soon. You’ll see.”

  “I hope so. I love you, Finn.”

  “L ove you too, Mom.”

  I hung up. Anderson was watching me with unnerving focus.

  He surprised me when he said, “This has got to be hard on your mother.”

  I nodded silently. I felt guilty that I had caused her to worry.

  Anderson spread his arms out as an invitation to continue walking, and we strolled down the hall together.

  The door he stopped at led to a room done in bright pinks and had a parade of cartoon animals dancing around the walls at waist height. Holly lay on her back with her arms at her sides. The pink sheet pulled up to her chest provided a heart-wrenching contrast to her pale and unmoving features. She looked tiny on that single bed—tiny and dead.

  I tried to swallow the lump of anxiety that rose in my throat and said, “Is she…”

  “She’s in a deep sleep.”

  I found myself blinking tears away, so I turned back to the hall.

  “She may pull out of it, Finn. We just need to give her time.”

  I turned away from the doc and my dark thoughts. “I’m going to go see my dad now.”

  The Sins of the Fathers

  When I reached my dad’s room, it was dark. The curtains were drawn, and he sat in a chair, staring at nothing.

  “Dad?”

  “Oh, hi Finn. Come on in,” he said without much interest.

  “Dad, what’s wrong? Why are you sitting here in the dark?”

  “I just needed some time to think. The dark fits my mood.”

  It hurt to see my dad like this. It was totally unlike him. I walked over and sat down in the other chair. “Does it have to do with why you want to stay here?”

  He looked at me through tired eyes. He wasn’t wearing his Harry Potter glasses, and I could clearly see the wrinkles and worry lines around his normally obscured eyes. For the first time in my life, my father looked old.

  “It’s hard to have to re-examine your life when you’re fifty, Finn. It is even harder when you realize just how badly you’ve screwed things up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Finn, all my life, I have seen and heard things that I could not explain, and all my life, I have denied them. I didn’t want them to be real; I just couldn’t handle it. When I was young, I dated a Shawnee woman named Annie Hunter…she’s Detective Victoria’s mother… and no Victoria isn’t my daughter. Annie had Victoria before I met her. The instant I met Annie, I was infatuated, and I wanted to know everything about her. It seemed miraculous to me that she returned my affection. She brought me into her extended family. They became part of my life. They’re an exceptional group and accepted me openly and warmly.

  “Annie ’ s father was a wise man. He didn ’ t accept the term Shaman, but that ’ s what he was. He joked that he was a non-denominational Native American who had picked out the best parts of many tribal traditions . We took an instant liking to each other, and we had long conversations on the nature of the world. After a few months with her, he had invited me to join them in their ceremonies. I intended to marry Annie, and I wanted to be a part of her life, so I agreed to participate. The ceremonies were powerful and moving.

  “A little over a year into my relationship with her, Annie fell ill. She lost all her wondrous energy and soon became bedridden. The doctors couldn’t help her. They called it chronic fatigue and then apologized for being impotent.

  “I agreed to participate in a peyote healing ceremony for Annie. I had absolutely no belief in the supernatural, but I liked Annie’s family and admired their beliefs. I agreed, telling myself that it couldn’t hurt.

  “I purified myself by having no food or water for two days before the ceremony. By the time I took part in the sweat, I was already in a strange state. In a short time, the chanting seemed to lift me and carry me from my body…” My dad’s eyes searched back through time.

  “I was luminous, Finn! I was golden light, and I knew that I’d been granted the power to help Annie. I flew bodiless through the night to her bedside and saw her covered with a black shadow. I immediately knew that it was the manifestation of her illness. I laid my glowing hands on her. I willed my golden light into her, but to my horror, the shadow fed off what I was giving her. It quickly grew larger and darker. When I tried to pull away, it started feeding off me! Before I knew it, it had grown to cover Annie. I fled, following the golden cord that led me back to my body. When I regained consciousness, I was crying and terrified. It took a long time for the others to calm me down.”

  Dad’s shoulders slumped. “The next day, I learned that Annie died that night. The guilt almost crushed me. A few days after her funeral, I started having nightmares, nightmares like yours. The shadow had tracked me down and intended to consume me next. Grandfather Tom taught me the techniques I needed to keep it at bay. He taught me about the sacred circle—the first step before taking a shamanic journey. It will keep harmful spirits away from your body while you�
�re journeying. These were the same techniques I taught you.”

  I’d had no idea my circle came from an Indian tradition. I filed that away for future examination.

  “Even though the technique worked, I felt as if I were losing my mind, so I went into therapy. When I came out, I knew that my visions of the blackness, my guilt, and the nightmares that followed were all just symptoms of my loss. The therapist taught me that we all try to take too much credit for the things that happen to us and our loved ones, and I was doing that in spades with Annie. I came out of therapy knowing two things: ‘Mysticism is nothing but mind games’ and ‘shit happens.’

  “Finn, when I watched what happened to you and that little girl, I saw the golden shield you put up. I saw the girl’s soul when she passed through it! That did something that even my experiences with Annie, your mother, and your dryad didn’t do. It broke through my wall of denial.” Tears rolled down Dad’s face. “Everything crashed back in on me, and I knew that my therapist had been wrong. My meddling had helped to kill Annie, just as I had a part in killing your mother. I couldn’t handle it. There was too much guilt and grief. I had to leave, Finn. I’m sorry, but I had to. I think the detachment I’ve felt since awaking in the hospital is the only thing keeping me somewhat functional.”

  I sat there for a long moment, trying to digest everything he had just said. I struggled to think of something to say. When I finally spoke, it was with my traditional style and elegance. “Wow! I really hate it when that happens.”

  His face opened in surprise, and then he laughed. It was short, but it was a laugh. “I suppose you do, Finn, I suppose you do.”

  I looked at my hands in shame. “Dad… I’m the one who broke you. I’m so sorry.”

  He gently took my hand and said, “Finn... son… look at me.”

  I did, feeling miserable. His eyes searched my face.

  “Finn, that’s the last I want to hear of that. I had even shut that memory away, but I was the one who is responsible for what happened. When you collapsed into my arms that day after your dryad touched you, when I saw what had happened to you, I was frantic. I knew you were dying. I just knew. I’d give my life for you five times over, so I willed you back. I gave you everything I had. I guess it was the same as what I did when I tried to help Annie. I didn’t realize that it would be at the cost of my life when I gave you everything, but I would do it again. Yet, you came back, and you saved me from my choice, Finn. You have nothing to feel sorry for.”

  Of course, I started choking up as I felt the sincerity of his words. I had always enjoyed a special bond with my father. Always assuming it was just love, I now realized it was more than that. We both had a talent that allowed us to connect at a deep level. I realized that we were both crying and that it didn’t matter.

  We cried for a time before we both grew still and calm. I tensed up, waiting for the hiccups to attack, but to my relief, they didn’t come. I pulled back. “Do you want me to give you a boost?”

  He said, “No, but I don’t think I have a choice. Nothing I eat seems to satisfy me—except nurse.” I tried to gauge how serious he was about that last part. I reluctantly concluded that he was dead serious. I couldn’t imagine how horrible it would be to wake up one day and find that you were some sort of rabid cannibal.

  I dropped his hands, stood, walked over behind his chair, put my hands on his shoulders, and dove in. Once more I mentally blew on the fires that were running low in his body. I gave him what I could since I was drained after my earlier wrestling match with the accountant. When I finished, he sat straighter in his chair, his face less worn and more alive.

  “Thank you, son. I wish I knew just what you were doing. I’m terrified of what price you’ll have to pay. I’m tired of having other people pay for my mistakes.”

  “Dad, as Dave likes to say to me, ‘No one died and made me god.’ Not to say you’re not the greatest dad ever, but I think it applies to you, too. At least I know now where I get my talent for guilt.”

  Dad chuckled and said with new resolve, “Come on, Finn, let’s get out of here and go home.”

  I wasn’t surprised, but hearing it still delighted me. “What changed your mind?”

  “I’m done moping for now. I can’t change what I’ve done, but I can let it go and change what I am going to do. It’s past time to go home and enjoy life with you and your mother.”

  “Awesome!”

  My mom showed up shortly after that. We had just finished packing the few personal items my father had brought when she came into the room.

  She stopped.

  Dad looked up at her and smiled. “Helen, do you have room for one more in your car?”

  She didn’t move, but her face caved as she started to cry. My dad rushed up to her and grabbed her in a bear hug. Body-wracking sobs joined her tears, and she just stood there, arms at her side, as my dad hugged her, cradled her head, and told her everything would be alright. I wanted to give them some room, but I only succeeded in holding myself back for a handful of seconds before I hurried over and turned it into a three-way, teary group hug.

  Home with the Family

  “Finn, how’s that little girl doing?” asked my mom.

  We had just gotten home, and we were all sitting in the kitchen drinking lemonade trying to shake off the heat of the trip.

  I shrugged. “I don’t actually know. She’s still asleep. She hasn’t woken up yet.”

  Her eyes contained little hope. “Does Doctor Anderson think she’ll recover?”

  “He doesn’t know, either. We’re hoping she will.”

  “Finn, I’m not sure I can live with the idea of you being around these shadow things.”

  I felt the same way, but I needed to keep working with Anderson to ensure my dad didn’t have to go back. I didn’t want to see my mom cry anymore, so I lied. “I’ll be just fine, Mom. I was able to drive them off when I was ten, and now I’ve got Spring and the stick. It’s easy to keep them away from me. They can’t touch me.”

  She looked at me dubiously, but my dad spoke first. “He’s going to be fine, Helen. If you could have seen what I saw, you’d realize just how strong Finn is.”

  “I want to believe you, Jack, but I can’t even see these things. How can I let my little boy be around them? All we know is that they’re dangerous. After what we’ve seen, how can we know anything anymore?”

  My first lie didn’t seem to help much, so I tossed in another one. “Mom, I’ll be okay. I’ll just be trying to teach these people what Dad taught me. It won’t be a problem. Really. I’ll be careful and stay away from them.”

  “Promise me, you will keep a good distance between yourself and these people.”

  I tried to swallow my guilt and said as sincerely as I could, “I promise, Mom.”

  Snakeboy vs. The Tiny Green Hooter

  That evening, the three of us sat together for dinner, and it would have seemed normal if my dad had done more than pick at his food. So, I did what any dutiful son would do. I stuffed myself with enough spaghetti, garlic bread, and ice cream for two. Then, I went over and topped off my dad. I swear that I was directly metabolizing the food in my belly, because when I finished with him, I was hungry enough for another bowl of ice cream.

  For his part, Dad’s eyes were sparkling, and he said to my mother, “Helen, how would you like to go out dancing tonight?”

  She looked startled and pleased but said, “Jack, you just got out of the hospital, and I don’t want to leave Finn here alone with that sociopath Erik Parmely still running loose.”

  Spring, who had gone into hibernation when I had been using so much of my energy keeping off the shadows today, had woken back up and been mostly silent. That’s why it surprised me when she piped up, Let’s go with them, Finn! Let’s go dancing!

  I found that I was eager to see both my parents happy and having a good time, but I honestly had no interest in dancing with them. I told her, Not tonight, Spring. I’m tired, and I don’t like dancing
.

  You are a liar, Finn. You’re just embarrassed. Last time you went dancing, you had a fantastic time and you’re not all that tired. I want to go dancing. I want to be able to move like that and feel the beat against my skin!

  I think you’ve been watching too many dance movies, Spring. Besides, the last time I danced was at the school square dance with Patty Burgess, who I had a crush on.

  Well, you have a crush on me now!

  Yes, and I would love to spend the entire night dancing with you —if you had a body.

  Poop. You never let me have any fun!

  I ignored her little pout.

  “How about if I invite the guys over tonight? You two can go out and have fun, and I can stay here to hold down the fort.” I tried to shortcut Mom’s next concern. “Besides, I have my shotgun here, and I know how to use it.”

  My mom scowled. “Yes, I saw that by the door when I came in. I unloaded it and put it back where it belongs. I don’t feel comfortable having a loaded gun just lying around waiting to go off if someone trips on it.”

  I disagreed, but I didn’t want to go there. “Okay, so I won’t use the gun, but, remember, the police are still out front.”

  Eventually, between my dad and me, we convinced her to go.

  After they left, I served myself that second bowl of ice cream. As I was licking the bowl, I decided that this wasn’t such a terrible deal. I was able to eat like a pig and not gain any weight (I hoped). At some points in my life, I would have viewed that as heaven.

  I put the bowl in the dishwasher and sent out the call.

  ***

  Jim, Gregg, Dave and Jeff had answered the call and were down in the basement with me. Jim had just returned from his Outward Bound survival trip so we had to catch him up.

  Since just about everyone was missing key parts of the story, Gregg and I spent the next hour retelling it. The only thing I left out was my dad’s current affliction. No one needed to know about that.

  Four liters of pop and two family sized bags of nacho Doritos later, we finished describing the battle of the oak. Jim headed off to the loo, and Dave chimed in. “Okay, Finn, you’ve kept your dryad to yourself long enough. It’s time you brought her round to meet your friends.” He put his hand up to his mouth as if to keep Jeff from hearing and stage-whispered, “This will help Jeff. He still thinks we’re just setting him up for a big joke.”