by Jolene Perry
“But?”
“You know I can hear you, right?” Her dimples are a dead giveaway that she’s holding in a smile.
Crap. “I forget.”
“I think that’s a good thing. One point for Dean trusting me.” Her tinkling laugh is back, the one I’ve missed over the past day. Wow. Just a day.
“I just…”
“You don’t have the best relationship record either.” She smirks—I’m sure referring to our late night conversations where I told her about the three girls I’ve made disastrous relationships with, and she told me about Chase.
I open my mouth to speak but really have nothing to defend myself.
“But wouldn’t it be great if we could be together and still give one another the freedom to grow? If we could trust like that? How cool to just do it together?” She takes a step closer.
“I’m falling for you, Addie.” I squeeze her hand as our breath mixes between us.
“Me, too.” She drops my hand and puts her arms around my neck, resting her chin on my shoulder making me love again how close we are to the same height. “But we have time, right? You’re not in a hurry for…”
“I’m not in a hurry for anything.” I rub my hand up and down her back. “I just like time with you.”
She laughs. “Well, that’s good because it looks like we’re going to have a lot of it.” She puts her lips to mine and steps back way too soon. “I need food.”
The sparks that come from nowhere but Addison fly through me and leave me feeling helpless. But helpless in a way that I’m starting to crave. “Let’s eat.” And go back to our hotel and pretend that everything’s normal.
“Agreed.”
TWENTY-NINE
Addison
Dean and I eat dinner—fish and chips from room service. Scooby Doo comes on and my eyes tear up from missing Ellie. But Dean starts to make fun of it and it gets me laughing and things feel as normal as I guess they’re going to for a while. But it’s a desperate normal. Like we’re both trying a little too hard to make it seem like we’re just hanging out together.
Should this be exciting? This running? Every time I watch a road trip or a couple being chased in a movie, it seems so interesting and fun. This feels suffocating and scary. I have to do something different.
I stand up, leaving Dean alone on the floor. We have two beds, again. Dean trying to be nice, I guess. I begin to tear apart one of the beds, stripping pillows, blankets, and everything but the fitted sheet.
Dean’s watching me from the floor, smiling.
I pull the hotel comforter off of our bed.
“Need help with your project?” His smirk is exactly what I need from him.
“Pillows.” I point. Ellie and I used to pool all our blankets and pillows together when we were little. We’d make a big nest and snuggle up in it and fall asleep to the TV and whatever eighties teen movie was playing. I need it.
Dean grabs the pillows from the floor and hucks them to me with a little more force than necessary.
“Watch it.” I laugh and point.
“Or what?”
“I’ll have to tackle you.” I put my hands on my hips and try to give him a threatening stare.
He gives me a face of mock confusion, his smile is too big to not make fun of me. I’m just waiting for it. “I’m trying to find the downside here.”
I laugh. “You’re such a guy. But there is a downside for me.”
“What’s that?”
“Lying on top of you instead of being whacked by a pillow.”
“Are you saying that being whacked by a pillow is better than lying…on top of me? Is that right?” His eyebrows go up.
I laugh at this ridiculous face he’s giving me. He grabs my waist, hoists me over his shoulder and throws me on the bed. He jumps on behind me, resting on his stomach and watching my face as I study his.
“Thanks for this.” His fingers slide through mine, and just holding hands puts us in this really intense place because of what we can do.
His hair is messy from our walk on the docks and his eyes are as deep as always. He shaved this morning and his face is still smooth. His lips look soft and before I give myself too much time to think I lean forward and kiss him. I hear the way he likes touching me. His arms slide around my waist, pulling us closer together on our mess of pillows and blankets.
I lose my head when we kiss. There’s so much desire wrapped up in his touch that it clouds my brain. At the same time I want to hear Dean, to know what he’s thinking. Maybe his thoughts are as foggy as mine but there’s no mistaking the urgency in his lips and the way his hands pull on me, his fingers grasping my shirt as our kiss deepens.
My body stiffens in response, just a little. If I could be less real with Dean, less myself, I could do whatever he wanted. But I can’t be less real. Not with him. All I can be is me.
His lips slowly leave mine. His arms relax, but he still keeps me close. I feel lips on my forehead as he rolls onto his back and pulls me with him. I lay my head on his chest, and the relief that this is okay, that lying together is enough, means more than probably anything else he could do. I’ve never been with someone who felt this was enough.
“What are you thinking?” I ask. All I know right now is how he feels, the way he wants me, and the way I can’t do it yet.
“I’m hoping that this is better than being pummeled by pillows and anyway, I figured you’d be a step ahead of me in that department. The ‘what is Dean thinking’ department.” He chuckles and I feel his body move next to me.
“Better than pillows, and I know that you want.” But I can’t say it. I know you want me. Why won’t it come out?
“You.” He rolls onto his side so we can face one another.
I look down. His eyes are too intense.
“Addie, we’re not there yet.”
“But I know how you feel.” And that’s what he wants.
“I’m a guy, Addie. Part of me is just going to feel that when a pretty girl is in the room.” He laughs.
My cheeks heat up and I look down, once again embarrassed with what he’s willing to share.
“So, you’re getting feelings now, too?”
“I don’t know. Everything’s mixed up and fuzzy when we kiss.”
“In a good way I hope?”
I try to hold in a smile, but one of his fingers reaches out and touches my dimple.
“Hey.” His finger touches my under my chin, lifting my face up to see his. “Addie, I’m not ready until you’re ready because the thought of doing anything before you want to isn’t… It just isn’t what I want.”
“Okay.” I swallow hard. Tingles float through my body reminding me of all the reasons why I love being around Dean, love how safe I feel with him.
“We’re not going to go any further until you’re practically begging me for it.” He chuckles.
My cheeks heat up again, and I have to stuff my face into a pillow. I can feel my body holding in a laugh of nervous anticipation.
“See?” I feel his hand on my hair. “We can’t even talk it about it yet. Neither of us are there, Addie.”
I turn to look at him. “But you’re a guy. I listened to you checking off your list of girls over the phone. Remember?” Those few days we spent apart were probably good—forced us to get to know each other without the distraction of being in the same room.
“At least I was honest.” His hand runs along my forehead and down the side of my face, leaving a trail of warmth. “It feels different now. You feel different.”
“Thank you.”
“Honestly, and I never thought I’d say this, sleeping next to you feels like…” He fights to find words. “Feels better than I thought it would.”
“I love this.” Even six months ago I would have jumped into bed with Dean (without the Chase factor) wanting to prove something or do something to keep him around. Things are different for me now. That’s not enough. Sex isn’t enough. What Dean and I have without that is eno
ugh. It’s enough to fill me further than I’ve ever felt.
“I love this, too.” And we’re dealing with so much other stuff. We need to enjoy being together.
Agreed.
Night, Addie.
Night.
He wraps himself around me like the best version of a security blanket and my body immediately feels heavy. I can feel sleep coming in, washing me over, and I relax to let it take me.
* * *
All I can think about is getting to Carolina, Wilmington, and Cape Fear. I think it’s great that they were trying to send us a message, but it really sucks to be heading to Cape Fear.
The front desk lady pulls her brows together. “The desk clerk last night didn’t take a credit card?” She looks up from her computer at Dean.
“I left my wallet in the car,” he explains. “But I left more than enough cash.”
How much? I ask. Dean checked us in.
A thousand.
A thousand? I’m not sure why I repeated him. A chill runs through me and I start to panic. I glance over my shoulder looking for the people who jump out of the shadows. My heart’s racing, pounding and I want out, in our car, moving forward.
“I need you to know this is highly suspicious.” She frowns, still staring at her computer.
“And I’d like the rest of my thousand dollars.” Dean’s voice is calm.
I’m clutching his hand as tightly as I can manage, scanning the room for shadows.
I’m going to need your help to get our money, he says.
But I feel another shock of a chill run through me. I just want to leave. We both know what comes with the shocking wave of cold. Those…things…in the shadows. No, the things that are shadows. Dean feels it too. I see him looking around the lobby.
“Sir?”
Dean concentrates, and she starts to look confused.
Make the change, I try to send it her way, but I still don’t know what I’m doing and I’m scared, which makes it really hard to concentrate.
Another chill passes through me, and I bite my lip trying to keep quiet. How could I possibly not think about what accompanies those chills? I clench my eyes shut and grasp Dean more tightly.
“Let me get your change.” Her voice sounds unsure, this won’t work for long.
I’m relieved, but terrified. I let my eyes open and I can see a form next to the fireplace in the lobby of the hotel, a shadow. There’s an odd half choking, whimper noise.
“Addison?” Dean takes me by the shoulders. “Are you okay?”
Was that me? Run now.
“But….” He glances over his shoulder at the counter and the lady who’s slowly counting out the seven hundred dollars she owes us after subtracting our room for the night.
I’m shaking, papery thin again. I tighten my eyes closed and hold on to Dean. He’ll keep me safe. Keep me safe. Keep me safe… I don’t want to see them if there are more.
He snatches the money from her hands and we run out. Our behavior is bound to attract some attention.
“Did you feel them?” I choke on the words. “See…?” It. Watching us from the shadows, waiting to strike?
“I tried to ignore it. We need every penny we have.”
He jerks open my car door as he looks around and climbs in his side.
The car squeals to life, and we take off up the road.
I’m shaking again and pull my knees up, clutching them with my arms. “Why can’t we just be left alone?” I don’t mean to scream, but it comes out that way just the same.
Dean’s quiet as his hands clutch the steering wheel.
I reach out for him, for him to calm me.
“Not now, Addie.” His voice is low. I don’t know what to make of it.
I jerk my hands back. Why won’t Dean let me touch him?
“I know you’re looking for something I can’t give you right now.” His jaw is tight and he’s staring out the window.
“What do you mean?” My heart’s still going frantic and all I can think about is how relaxing it was to just touch him and hear his thoughts yesterday. I want it again.
“Because I’m scared as hell and I have no idea what to do, okay?”
“Are you trying to completely freak me out?” Tears start running down my face. Dean can’t lose it. I need for Dean to keep it together.
“Oh. Shit. Addie. I’m sorry.” His shoulders slump down and he lets out a breath. His hand reaches over and touches my leg. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” But I need him to be calm, planning and positive. I glance down at his hand but realize that he probably wants a break from me. I guess I really am helplessly needy.
We pull up the ramp and back out onto the freeway. We’re heading somewhere now. It feels good. But the closer we get, the more we move forward, the more I wonder if we’re actually moving forward or if we’re just heading into some other unknown. If we do find these people will it do us any good?
THIRTY
Dean
“We need gas.” I sigh. This thing gets crap for mileage. Probably cause it’s so old.
“And pee? And snacks?” Addie’s trying really hard to sound cheery.
“Whatever you want.” I glance over at her and smile.
“Ahh.” She slumps in her seat. “That sounds so nice.”
And I know this is terrible, but it’s a relief right now that she’s not touching me. It’s one thing to keep up appearances, but it’s another to also control my thoughts to keep her happy. I’m exhausted.
I’m paying for the snacks and gas when I see someone walking toward Addie. My heart starts racing. I grab the change and bag and bust out the door.
“Hey, Princess.” His voice is a little too smooth.
“Chase.” Her eyes are wide. She’s definitely surprised.
No wonder she doesn’t want to be called Princess. As much as I want to run up and knock the guy out, I can see Addie thinking. She catches my eye briefly and shakes her head, almost imperceptibly. I slow down and pretend to take in the view of the highway from the gas station.
“Your dad’s going crazy looking for you.” He reaches an arm out to touch her shoulder. “And I’ve wanted to talk to you.” His too-slick voice is back. How do girls not see through that?
I feel sick. It turns over in my gut. I have to just stand here and trust her.
“Are you sure he wasn’t talking about Ellie?” Addison laughs. She’s good, she sounds so relaxed.
“I’m…pretty sure.” But Chase doesn’t sound so sure.
“It’s good to see you.” I can picture the smile on her face, but anyone who actually knows her could hear the edge of a lie in her voice.
“You too.” A pause, it’s killing me not to look. “What are you doing down here?”
“Visiting a friend in D.C. Dad dropped me off at the airport.” A pause. “I don’t suppose you have any cash on you, do you?”
“Run out of your dad’s money already?”
I glance over just in time to see her hand on his shoulder and a faint smile in her lips. His wallet’s open. She leans into him and presses her cheek to his so she can whisper something in his ear. I see him stuff a wad of bills into her jeans pocket. Her eyes catch mine and she jerks her head slightly toward the car.
This sucks. I feel like I’m being dismissed. Trust, Dean. Trust. It’s just so different when I’m actually faced with a situation like this where I have to trust. It’s an easy thing to say, not such an easy thing to do.
I get in and turn on the car. Addison slides her arm down his shoulder as she steps around him to come toward me. Her shirt’s pulled up to reveal a sliver of skin and I’m part thrilled to see it and part…angry? Jealous? It’s so close to the same thing.
She runs the last two steps to our car.
“Is this a good time for me to break his nose?”
“Get out of here, fast.” She looks over her shoulder as I pull away.
Gladly.
We’re back on the freeway in minu
tes. Anything I ask will make me seem needy and jealous.
She pulls the cash out of her pocket. “I got us another five hundred bucks.”
“Wha…?” But I don’t know how to finish my thought.
“Chase’s fiancé lives in D.C. Dad’s looking for me. I got close so I could tell him that if my dad finds out where I am, I’m telling Chase’s parents and new fiancé that we used to get together in the Hamptons for sleepovers.”
“Will that work?” Because if it would, that’d be a huge load off.
“I have no idea.”
I put my eyes back onto the road. It’s crazy how much it affected me, watching her with another guy like that. I try to take a deep breath in, but it hurts my chest and shoulders.
“Are you okay?” She leans forward, staring.
“Fine,” I answer. But I’m not fine. There’s anger toward Chase and jealousy over Addie looking at him that way, even though I knew it was fake and now I feel stupid because I knew it was fake and it still made me jealous.
“You’re not fine.” Her face falls a little. “I’m sorry, I just realized how bad that must have all looked to you.”
“It’s okay.” I’m trying to shrug it off.
“Dean. Stop or pull over or something.”
“We need to keep moving.” If I keep moving, keep bringing us to our destination, things will be good.
“I need us to be okay.” Her voice is urgent.
I roll my shoulders a few times. “I’m being stupid, Addie. That’s all.”
“It’s not stupid if I made you feel bad.” I feel both of her hands on my right thigh, but I don’t look down.
“But it shouldn’t, right? I mean, I knew you were doing something to help us out.” No girl has ever made me feel this before, but it’s probably only because I’ve never felt so much for a girl before—at least not one I was involved with.
“I promise next time you can break his nose.”
“Okay.” I smile. “That makes me feel a little better.”
* * *
I’m still driving, but we’ve reached Wilmington. It feels like this major accomplishment. We’re in the outskirts now, too far north probably to meet with Landon and Micah, if they’re here. Addie’s asleep next to me and it’s again a relief to not have to guard my thoughts to keep her feeling safe. That sucks because I love touching her, but right now its added stress.