A Cheyenne Christmas Homecoming (The Sweet Cheyenne Quartet Book 4)

by Caroline Lee

  Still, he’d been glad he’d stayed with Eve, when he’d gotten to the Carderocks’ new house. Sebastian and Serena were so dang in love it was nauseating. He and Annie had shared some amused glances when the couple started doing their lovey-dovey thing. It was good to see them, and catch up on the news from town, but Nate could only stand to be around their happiness for so long.

  He’d only stayed with them a few times over the last two years, when Serena had gotten it into her head to introduce him to society and help him meet proper young ladies. He was pretty sure that she assumed that he needed distracting, and did that by parading him around in front of marriageable misses who were either intrigued or appalled by his Indian blood. And every time it happened, Nate was immeasurably grateful when Sebastian would take pity on him and pull him away to discuss investments or business matters.

  On top of that, Serena was Wendy’s best friend, and the two of them still exchanged letters. Serena always made an effort to update him on what Wendy was doing without realizing that the news was tearing him up inside. From the pitying glances Annie was sending his way, at least someone understood his misery.

  Her twin aunts were there, and as always did a good job of distracting him from his moping with their gossips and jokes. They had an incredible habit of each being able to finish the other’s sentences, and Nate still couldn’t tell them apart. Aunt Agnes—or maybe Agatha—had blushed and confided that her sister was stepping out with Cam MacLeod’s father. Ian MacLeod was a crusty old grouch, but the news would have been more meaningful to Nate if he’d known which sister was which. So he’d caught Annie’s eye, and she’d given him a little nod, and he’d known that she’d tell them the story at home.

  Annie was the reason the trip home was so quiet. She rode her own horse, of course, with her carpetbag tied behind her little saddle. Even at fourteen, she was still a teeny little thing, at least to Nate’s eyes. This sister-in-law of his was deaf, and lived with the Carderocks in Cheyenne while she attended Sebastian’s school. But the Barker spread wasn’t so far from town that she couldn’t come home for special occasions. With the Thanksgiving holiday tomorrow, Molly had sent Nate to bring her sister home.

  She could talk now, thanks to more than two years of Sebastian’s oralist teachings. But Nate normally preferred silence to pratter, and liked that Annie was happy to oblige him. He’d met her when she and Wendy had come to live with them after their sister Molly married his brother, and Nate had learned the girl’s sign ‘language’ soon after. No matter how good of a speaker she became, Nate would always prefer using the silent hand language with her.

  Of course, Annie still spoke to the horses, and the bay mare she was riding now was no exception. Soon after she’d arrived in Cheyenne, Ash had discovered that she had a special way with horses, almost as impressive as his own talents. The three of them became a team, with Nate herding and breeding their horses, Annie caring for the babies, and Ash training them. They’d even taken her to the valley west of their land to catch a new batch of mustangs. But after their second spring together, they realized that Annie was doing her own training of the colts, just through the clucks and whistles she used to communicate with them. Ash had to incorporate her sounds into his own training regimen, once the horses got old enough.

  So now all of the animals coming out of the Barker spread—and there was a high demand for Barker-trained horses in these parts, which made Nate inordinately proud—understood Annie to some degree. The two animals they were on now were no different, so Nate let the girl take the lead. He liked watching the way she looked at the world around her, all bright-eyed and interested. She could notice the tiniest details, things Nate would have overlooked. As they rode, she pointed out the frost pattern on a patch of frozen mud, and the two hawks, swooping so high above the clouds that they were distant specks.

  He smiled at the wonder in her face, and it felt good. Being out on the trail always felt good to him, no matter the weather. Today it wasn’t snowing, at least, but the occasional gust of wind made him glad for his thick coat and the blue woolen scarf Molly had made him all those Christmases ago. Thinking of that winter always made him think of Ash’s gift. Of all the changes they’d experienced that holiday season, juggling new roles and new family, Ash giving half of the ranch to Nate had been the most incredible. He hadn’t expected it, and had been floored when Ash casually mentioned it. But now he had his own house and a significant share in the profits from horse sales. It was more than he could have ever imagined sixteen years before, trudging along this very road in the middle of a warm Wyoming spring, just trying to get to the only man who’d ever shown him any kindness.

  Ash had found him, and made him a brother, and given him a home. Nate had so much to be thankful for, and so much to enjoy. He had a home, and a family who loved him unconditionally, and enough money and freedom to occasionally visit the city and find some fun. He had more than seven-year-old him could have dreamed of, and he should be content.

  So then why did Wendy keep pushing into his thoughts? He sighed. Why couldn’t he forget her and move on with his life? Why did she continue to haunt him, after all this time?

  And when was he ever going to be at peace?

  CHAPTER TWO

  July 18, 1881

  Dear Nate,

  I took your advice, and left the school. Please do not mention to Molly that you were the reason I quit my job, unless it has been discussed already. I would rather she not blame you, or chastise me any further. I know she believes that I was wrong to leave a steady, respectable career as a teacher, and she made it clear to me in her last letter. But as you know, I have not told her of all of the frustrations I told you, and thus she does not understand my exasperation.

  Additionally, my sister has been a mother for… well, she has had to ‘mother’ Annie and myself for close to ten years. But with Pete and baby Noah—although as he told me before I left, he is no longer a baby!—she has become a true mother. Molly is good with children. She understands them in a way I do not. Oh, I can work with individual children, because they are, after all, just small humans. But to work with, discipline, an entire class? Especially a class of rowdy twelve-year-olds? No, that is not one of my strengths. Those boys ran circles around me, and on more than one occasion made me cry. I felt that I had to become someone I was not in order to control them, to inspire them. Few of them appreciated my insight into the great writers of the past, or even the present. Few of them cared to enhance their own craft of writing, as I strive to do. Few of them even cared to listen, and I could not force them to pay me any attention, or follow my instructions. To my sister, though, such a thing comes naturally, and she will never understand how miserable it made me.

  You understood, though, and your letter of the 5th was much appreciated. I poured over it, and thought about what you said for almost a week before I approached Principal Morgan with my resignation. I will not be returning for the winter half… and I have not felt so carefree, so light, since I arrived here with high hopes. I feel like I am free to really pursue my dreams, Nate, which was the entire reason I came to St. Louis. Teaching was not my dream; it was just a way to survive, to live, while I wrote. Now that I am free of that yoke of responsibility, I can write to my heart’s content!

  And yes, I know what you are thinking now. You are shaking your head, with that little rueful smile of yours, and wondering if I have just deserted a well-paying job to become a shiftless, penniless writer. You are asking how I imagine to support myself on the proceeds of a silly romantic novel. But you know that I am not particularly scatterbrained. I have not tendered my resignation from one position without some thought to the future. I have found a new position! And yes, it is a paying position.

  I have been hired as a private tutor for a family with a deaf daughter. The Mulligans are a wealthy merchant family with all of the refinements to pass on to dear little Suzanna. And before you roll your eyes again, Nate, she is dear. I do believe that we will get on
famously, and I shall be able to teach her a version of the sign ‘language’ I taught little Annie. If she turns out half as well as my sister, I shall consider her successful.

  I shall be moving my lodgings to the Mulligans’ house in the next few weeks, but you may write to this address through the end of the term, and I will receive it. And I do hope you will write, Nate. As always, I value your insights and support. I am hopeful that you will approve of my decision to quit the school. I know that it was the correct choice, but I pray that you will agree.

  …And, as always, I am confused why your opinion should matter so much. Is it because you are a man, and I am no more emotionally and intellectually evolved than any of my sisters who require a man’s approval of each action? Or is it because you continue to remain my friend, and I trust you to have my best interests at heart? You know the secrets and goals that I have not shared with anyone else and you have not given me bad advice yet. So please, dear Nate, tell me I have made the right decision.

  And, since I have already begged you to respond, I will share my biggest news, pertaining to my manuscript I mentioned earlier. Ready? Is anyone looking over your shoulder, dear friend? This is news for your eyes alone.

  Laird & Lee has agreed to print my book, Nate! Mister Lee, who is younger than us, if you can imagine, was meeting in St. Louis with Mr. Pulitzer, and I begged an introduction. He—Mister Lee, that is—was so impressed that he offered me a contract on the spot, and wants to see my second manuscript! He says that he will publish any of my stories, because there is a market for such—and I quote—“fluff”. Still, I do not care if he disparages my writing, because I write what I love to read, and now I will be able to share my stories with others like me. And perhaps make enough to support myself, one day. You know that goal is important to me.

  As always, keep the news of my manuscript to yourself, please. I will tell my sister and the rest of the family when the time is right. But for now, not even Serena knows of my ambition to write the kind of stories we so loved reading as girls. Only you, Nate, and I trust you.

  With deepest affection and trust,

  Wendy

  Thanksgiving, 1883

  Thanksgiving dinner had been phenomenal, to no-one’s surprise. It was the Barkers’ turn to host this year, and though the Carderocks had opted to stay in town, the MacLeods rode over from their nearby ranch. It had been a nice time, and with Molly’s cooking, delicious as well. Old Ian had brought his famous dressing, and Ash had requested Tess make her Chinese father’s rice-and-vegetable dish. Nate didn’t like it, but heard Molly say that Wendy would have liked to try it. He agreed. She had always loved to learn new things about new people.

  Pete and Noah had enjoyed having an entire day to play with Jacob, and Cam’s latest addition was passed around happily. Little Mae had more of her mother’s dark coloring than her big brother Jacob did, and that made her cuter, in Nate’s biased opinion. She was able to sit up, now, and Ash’s youngest Rose kept toddling over to bring her baby dolls or her brothers’ blocks. The little girls seemed best friends already.

  Cam was as good a man as any in Nate’s opinion, and he was glad his friend had found the happiness and family he’d deserved. A few years before, he’d seen how empty Cam had been, how much the older man wanted the belonging and acceptance a family could bring. Now it was Cam’s turn at happiness, and as they piled into the wagon to head back to the Open Skye—the MacLeod ranch—Cam lingered on the porch with Nate.

  He looked every inch the proud papa, with little Mae tucked sleepily against his shoulder. Nate nodded at the baby. “She suits you. Fatherhood suits you.”

  “Yeah.” Cam lacked Ash’s ability to hide his feelings; the older man’s face bloomed in a smile. “You’ve got no idea, Nate. Last year, even I had no idea. But being married to a woman I love, who loves me, who’s given me two healthy kids… that’s… well, that’s the best thing I could’ve hoped for.”

  Nate didn’t reply. He didn’t particularly need kids of his own, not with all of the little ones already running around. But to come home every day to a woman who loved him…? That would be pretty incredible.

  Something must have shown on his face, or else Cam knew him well enough to understand the direction of his thoughts, because his friend’s expression softened. Cam switched the baby to his left side, and put out his hand. “I’m sorry, Nate.”

  Forcing a small grin for Cam’s sake, Nate shook his friend’s hand. “Don’t be. I’m really happy for you. You got what you deserved.”

  “And you’ll get it too.” Cam squeezed, and then let go. “I had to wait a long time, you know. There’s a lot of heartache before you find this kind of happiness.” Nate snorted at the platitude, and Cam smiled. “Yeah, I know. But one day soon you’ll look back and you won’t even be able to remember this pain.”

  “Hope so.” Nate turned to watch the little boys chasing each other around the wagon, while Tess and Molly chatted. Cam propped one hip against the porch railing, and rubbed his daughter’s back. A long moment passed before Nate cleared his throat. “You got any ideas how?”

  He heard Cam sigh. “No. You still haven’t heard from her?”

  “Nope.”

  “Then you’ve got to figure out where your future lies. If it’s with her, you have to make it happen. If it’s not, if she’s part of your past, then you’ve got to figure out how to let her go.”

  Nate snorted, and tucked his hands into his armpits, wishing he’d put on his coat to come out. “Easy to say, harder to do.”

  “Yeah, well, you’ve got a whole winter ahead of you to think. So think about it.”

  Turning to his friend, Nate raised one brow. “You honestly believe I ever think about anything else?”

  There was a small grin on Cam’s lips, but pity in his eyes, when the older man said “No, I guess not.” When Tess came to bundle up Mae for the ride home, Cam pulled his hat down around his ears, and sent a smile towards the younger man. “Good luck, Nate.”

  “Thanks.” And then, long after Molly had herded the boys inside, and Ash and Annie had wandered off towards the stables, Nate stood on the porch, staring at the place where the MacLeods had disappeared over the ridge, thinking about what his friend had said: “I’ll need it.”

  “What’s on your mind, kid?” Ash rarely called him ‘kid’ these days, like he used to back before they were full partners. Sometimes it slipped out, though, and Nate knew that happened most when his brother was worried.

  So he tried to get rid of his frown when he replied, “Nothing much. Just thinking. Past and present, and all that.”

  They were sitting in front of the big fireplace in Molly and Ash’s house, the house that he’d helped his brother improve over the long winters between the time that he’d come into Ash’s life and the Christmas that the Murray sisters had joined them. How many snowy nights had they spent staring into this fireplace, not speaking for hours, but knowing what the other was thinking, feeling? And after Molly married Ash, and their days got fuller, noisier, they still knew that they could each rely on the other to know what needed doing, without having to ask… or speak at all.

  But the silent evenings were few and far between now, with Ash’s family here, and Nate living in a different house. Ash was a husband and father, and often grabbed Molly and ducked into their room as soon as the kids were asleep. And Nate couldn’t blame him. What was he offering in terms of companionship, after all? These days, he mostly moped.

  No, Nate didn’t begrudge his brother happiness. He knew how lonely Ash had been for so many years, even if his brother hadn’t realized it. Hiring Molly as his housekeeper had been the best decision Ash had ever made, and then talking her into marrying him…? That’s when, for the first time, Nate had really understood what ‘family’ really meant. And now, he wanted that same feeling for himself. He wanted that love and acceptance that came from finding someone to love, who loved him back.

  He was tired of being part of his brother’s
story, his brother’s life. Sure, he loved Ash, but he wanted his own story, his own life.

  He had a nearby house that he only used for sleeping, because it was so empty. It should be filled with laughter and love, the way Molly had filled this house. Between Ash and Molly, and Cam and Tess, and even Sebastian and Serena, he felt like he was missing out. Everyone else had found someone to love, someone who completed their lives. Nate wanted that.

  But Cam’s words had been circling around in his head all evening. In order to have what his brother had found, Nate was going to have to figure out his future. He’d have to either let Wendy go and try to find happiness elsewhere, or find a way to convince her that she belonged with him.

  As if he could read Nate’s thoughts—and maybe he could—Ash said, “Past holidays?”

  “Like that first Christmas.”

  There was a flash of white from inside the dark winter beard Ash had already started growing, and Nate knew his brother was smiling. “Molly made everyone presents, remember?”

  “It was the first time I’d ever celebrated Christmas. That I could remember, at least.”

  “Yeah. That look of surprise on your face that morning was something else.”

  Nate snorted. “That’s because you gave me half your ranch.”

  “You’d earned it. Besides, I’d told you I was gunna do it.”

  “Yeah, but…”

  A long moment, and then Ash nodded and turned back towards the fire. “I know.” Neither brother had to say it, but they each knew what the other was feeling.

  Nate took a deep breath. “Molly and her sisters taught us what it meant to be a family, you know?”