Clash

by Charity Parkerson

  Marshall looked uncomfortable—like he regretted bringing it up, but it was too late. The words were spoken, never to be unheard. “Really, it was just one other guy.” Marshall hesitated again, making Michael want to shake him before he spoke up and shattered Michael’s heart. “Me.”

  The air left Michael’s lungs in a whoosh. If it had been Marshall’s intention to break him, he’d succeeded. Michael couldn’t breathe past the betrayal. “What?” Even Michael heard the panic in his question. How could Gavin come back into his life after that? “What?” he repeated, sounding closer to an enraged roar this time than a question.

  Marshall looked panicked now that he seemed to realize his confession had hit home. He scrambled to explain. “We only made out—like kissing, but I thought you knew. I thought—surely—he would’ve told you everything by now.”

  “No,” Michael growled. “No one has ever told me shit. Including you.” Just made out? It was his fucking twin. The better twin, at that. How could they have kissed? David’s claims had been true that night. He was the one Gavin had settled for because he couldn’t have Marshall.

  Marshall stood. “I shouldn’t have said anything. You looked happy with him, and that was a long time ago. I thought you knew,” he added, sounding helpless. “You’re my brother, Michael,” Marshall finished lamely.

  That added a whole new level of betrayal to the mix. They were brothers. “In one breath, you say you knew about us, and in another, you admit to being the other guy. I’m just...” Michael stared at Marshall, feeling attacked from all sides. “I don’t understand.”

  The devastation in Marshall’s eyes was the only thing keeping Michael sane. “I wasn’t like you,” Marshall said with heartbreak etching every word. “I’m not like you,” Marshall restated. “I’m not brave enough to endure the way you do. Back then, being normal meant everything to me. I didn’t want to want him, but you did. That’s why I stepped back and pretended not to know. That’s why I kept playing the part I’d set for myself. The one I keep setting for myself. You get to be you. Always have.” The more Marshall spoke, the more Michael’s heart broke. He wished his brother wouldn’t choose this life in the closet, but he understood. It wasn’t easy to be him, and he didn’t have the world looking at him the way Marshall did. But the way Marshall sounded—like there was no air—Michael didn’t want that for him. “I never would’ve hurt you,” Marshall said, and Michael couldn’t doubt him. Marshall wasn’t that guy. He always smiled and made everyone else laugh. It broke Michael’s heart, because Marshall was miserable inside where no one could see.

  “I know,” Michael finally said, setting Marshall free of his guilt. Too bad it didn’t help Michael’s heart. He’d been certain he’d been meant for Gavin, and that was why they’d found their way back to each other. Now it felt like another of life’s cruel jokes. Michael had no clue how he’d handle this. He stood. “I guess I should start the salad while you cook. We won’t turn twenty-four again. Have you heard from Mom and Dad?”

  “They’re in St. Martin. Michael.”

  At the sound of his name, Michael finally met Marshall’s gaze. He tried for a smile. “It’s okay. I’ve always been alone, right?”

  Marshall growled. “I didn’t mean to fuck things up.”

  The thing was—Michael wasn’t so sure that was true, but he didn’t have the energy to fight. “Go cook. It’s fine.”

  With one last defeated look, Marshall finally went back outside. Michael went through the motions of chopping all the vegetables Marshall had brought. He kept his mind carefully blank. Right now, he couldn’t picture Gavin kissing Marshall, whispering secrets to him in the dark. He couldn’t be the second choice again. Michael just couldn’t.

  Chapter Eight

  Gavin: I’m safely on the ground.

  Gavin: Judging by your radio silence, I’m guessing you’re out partying with Marshall.

  Gavin: Did you make it home last night?

  Gavin: Okay, now I’m getting worried. Please answer my calls or at least text me and let me know you’re still alive,

  Gavin: Seriously, are you dead in a ditch somewhere?

  #1HatTrick: You around?

  This user does not exist.

  Gavin: I’m guessing, since you’ve deleted your gaming account that you’re alive and we just have some problem I don’t understand. You could at least be a man and tell me what I’ve done.

  Gavin: I’m coming to Mara’s baby shower. If you don’t want me there, I’d suggest you answer my calls and tell me.

  Michael kept shooting him dirty looks from across the room and Gavin had never been more lost. He had no fucking clue what happened. When he’d left for Montreal, they’d been perfect. The second he’d left, everything had gone to hell with no explanation. Gavin had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that Marshall was to blame.

  He didn’t want to be angry, but Gavin was enraged. The first time Michael had walked away from him without a word, there had been a clear-cut reason and it had been Gavin’s fault. This time around, Gavin had no fucking clue what was going on. He wanted to cross the room and shake Michael. It took every ounce of his self-control not to make the biggest scene of his life.

  Mara’s house was packed with men Gavin knew from work. Each one had spoken to him. Gavin couldn’t remember a fucking word of what was said to him. All he saw was Michael’s evil glances. Gavin bided his time. Michael would talk to him today, even if Gavin had to kidnap him. Fucking Marshall. Gavin had left Michael’s for the airport with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Now he knew why. If he couldn’t work things out with Michael, Gavin would kill Marshall after this. He’d spent the last week hoping he was wrong and something hadn’t come between Michael and him. Now, he couldn’t avoid the truth. Marshall had said something. Gavin would ruin him. He’d never been more furious. As he looked on, Michael headed for the door. Kieran was in the middle of pitching him a team in New York. Gavin walked away without looking back. He wasn’t leaving Michael for any amount of money, and he had bigger problems right now than being rude.

  Michael felt Gavin’s gaze on him throughout the entire shower. Gavin made a few attempts to speak to him, but Michael kept his distance and stayed stuck to Cal’s or Mara’s side for safety. Despite his dark looks, Michael wasn’t scared of Gavin. He was frightened of himself. All it had taken was one look at Gavin in person, and Michael had almost caved. Goddamn, he hated himself for loving Gavin. He hit the door damn near running the instant Mara set him free. Michael couldn’t get out from underneath Gavin’s stare fast enough. The moment he cleared the door, he knew Gavin followed. The man walked harder than any person Michael had ever met. Michael swore he could feel Gavin stalking him and hear every step he took behind him.

  “Why are you doing this, Michael? Why are you ignoring me and shutting me out? I’ve done everything I can to prove myself.”

  Michael snapped. It had been the world’s longest two hours beneath Gavin’s accusing gaze. He spun and closed the distance between them. “Do you know what your problem is?” Michael asked, going toe to toe with Gavin.

  Gavin didn’t back down an inch. “Bated breath here. The sooner you fucking say it, the faster we can have this out.”

  Gavin’s smartassery rolled off Michael. He’d been angry too long to walk away now. “You make me love you. Every fucking time. And it’s not fair, because I’m not who you want.” Gavin looked as if Michael had slapped him. That gave Michael pause, but not for long. “Yeah, that’s right. Marshall told me about the two of you.”

  All the anger bled from Gavin’s face. “You’re so blind,” Gavin said, sounding tired. For a moment, he stared at Michael, as if seeing him for the first time. The ugliest snort Michael had ever heard left Gavin. “I’m so stupid I’d laugh if there was a goddamn thing funny about this. All these years, I’ve been thinking you were the only person who ever saw me, but you’re just like everyone else.”

  The tables turned so fast on Michael, he no lon
ger knew what was happening, but he had a terrible feeling he was the bad guy. “What do you mean?” Even to Michael’s ears, he sounded unsure.

  Gavin shook his head and took a step back. His expression had never looked faker—like Gavin had donned a mask—the same one he gave the rest of the world. It was cold on the outside of Gavin. “I’ve always been mediocre at all the things expected of me. The things I love, I’ve had to hide. I came around for you,” Gavin said, as if Michael should’ve known. “All those years, for you. Marshall was convenient, and I knew no one would find out, because Hell would freeze before Marshall let anyone know he’d kissed a guy. But it felt wrong. Everything about it was wrong. I didn’t want him. He was like me—hiding behind douchery, and I already hated me. That’s not what I craved.” A bitter smile touched Gavin’s lips. “I wanted the dark, weird guy who didn’t give a damn what anyone thought. The only time I ever had anything in common with Marshall was when I pretended to be who everyone expected me to be. You were the only one who let me be real. I thought you got that, but I was wrong. Sorry to waste your time,” Gavin said before walking away.

  Michael didn’t move. He stared at the spot where Gavin had been only moments earlier and absorbed every word, searching for any hint of truth. Michael remembered the slurs and the way it felt the night he’d lost Gavin, but he’d forgotten why he’d let that first kiss happen between them. There were other nights before that kiss—times when Gavin had secretly shown him his art. Played video games with him while Marshall made out with some girl. He’d chosen to stay behind with Michael when Marshall wanted to go to parties Michael hadn’t been invited to. Gavin had intentionally done things to keep anyone from thinking they were friends, but Michael hadn’t felt disliked. Horror struck as quickly as the truth. Gavin had shown up for him in the only way he could under the worst of circumstances for himself. He wasn’t like Michael. No one gave Gavin the freedom to be open and proud. His actions reflected on his father and Coach would probably rather die than hear his son was gay. So Gavin had found another way to be with Michael. Did it really matter to him if Gavin kissed Marshall once? Did he care the world hadn’t known about them in high school? This whole mess was stupid. He was letting old hurts stop him from having the only person who’d ever gotten under his skin. Gavin deserved better because Michael hadn’t lied. He loved Gavin. Always had. All these years, he’d never let him go. Michael didn’t intend to start now. He would make this right because Gavin was his.

  Michael didn’t wait to get started. Procrastination wasn’t in his blood. He headed back inside, making a beeline for the only person who could help him. Mara might be a few weeks away from giving birth to twins, but no one got their way the way she did. His desperation must’ve been written all over his face, because Mara perked up at the first sight of him.

  “Have you finally decided to let me help you?” she asked without preamble. She’d known he’d been acting different since Gavin returned to his life, but Michael was a private person. He couldn’t afford to keep secrets any longer.

  “I need someone who isn’t afraid of a little B and E.”

  Kieran sidled up next to him, obviously overhearing. “I know a Russian who isn’t afraid to steal whatever you need, even if it’s another person.”

  Thank God. Kieran Steele was the most ruthless agent in the world. He was exactly the type of person Michael needed. “It’s nothing quite as dramatic as kidnapping.” He thought it over and added, “yet.” But, goddamn it, shit was about to get done, because Michael couldn’t live with knowing he’d hurt the man he loved. Gavin would see Michael knew him if it was the last fucking thing Michael did.

  Too late, Gavin realized Michael had confessed to loving him. He was halfway to wherever unnamed place his SUV carried him before it hit him. Michael had definitely said he loved Gavin. Unfortunately, Gavin’s temper had snapped—the way it always did, ruining everything. He did the stupidest things when his heart was engaged. Fucking Michael. Every goddamn time Gavin felt like he was done, Michael gave him a reason to hang on. He couldn’t walk away now that Michael had confessed to loving him. Gavin equally didn’t know how to fight the past. How long would he have to pay for shit he’d done years ago? He’d been a different person back then.

  Michael needed Gavin to claim him in front of the world—without shame. Gavin got that. He’d spent a lot of time denying Michael and humiliating him back then. Michael would never fully forgive him until Gavin fixed all that. And, fuck, that one night with Marshall. That would never stop haunting him. He’d been drunk and stupid. Marshall had been hiding—just like him. Gavin had been staring at Michael and craving for so fucking long, and Marshall had been there. David had been wrong when he’d said Gavin got to stare into Michael’s eyes and pretend it was Marshall. It had been the other way around, and also why it hadn’t gone farther. No matter how hard he’d tried or drunk he’d been, his heart had known it wasn’t Michael beneath him. The next day, he’d given in and kissed Michael. Gavin’s heart had never looked back, or forward, for that matter. He would figure this out if it was the last damn thing he did because—goddamn it—he loved Michael. The stubborn ass. Unfortunately, there was only one person who could help him above all others. Gavin only hoped he didn’t beat the shit out of him at first glance.

  When Gavin reached Marshall’s, he beat on the front door with too much enthusiasm while picturing the wooden slab as Marshall’s face. The door opened and Marshall eyed him, looking unsurprised to find Gavin standing on his front porch. “Are you here to punch me? You should probably aim for my nose,” Marshall said, twisting his fingers, and looking so damn guilty Gavin couldn’t even be mad.

  “I’m not here to hit you,” Gavin said. Even to his ears, he sounded unsure if the words were true.

  “I swear, I thought he knew,” Marshall said, as he stepped back, silently inviting Gavin inside. “You should’ve seen his face,” he added, sounding like he felt like the worst person on the planet.

  Gavin’s anger fell away. Instead, he wanted to die. He couldn’t imagine Michael’s devastation. “It probably looked a lot like he looked at me a few minutes ago when he dumped me,” Gavin said as he plopped down on Marshall’s love seat, as if he owned the place. “If it had been anyone other than you, he might not have said a word to me about it, but you’ve always been a sore spot for him.”

  Marshall’s face screwed up in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Gavin’s brow pulled together in thought. There was no way Marshall was that blind. “You’re you and he’s him.”

  He could see Marshall’s temper spiking. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? There’s not a goddamn thing wrong with my brother.”

  A smile pulled at Gavin’s lips. Despite current circumstances, Marshall was an awesome brother, but then again, he wasn’t, because he was blind. “I know that. He’s the one I fell in love with, but you’ve always been popular and he’s always been teased. While you played on every team, he stayed home and tried staying out of your way.”

  “We had parties every weekend,” Marshall said, keeping up the argument even though he’d lost some fire.

  “You had parties. Michael hid, because your friends, myself included, made sure he knew he wasn’t welcome. Face it, Marshall, you’ve always been the golden child. He was just in your shadow, trying to support you.”

  Marshall threw himself down on the couch across from Gavin, looking dejected. “And then I told him about us.”

  “There was no us,” Gavin said, determined to make everything right. “I was wrong to ever kiss you. Granted, it happened before anything ever happened with Michael, but I knew it was a mistake. I love him, Marshall. Always have. I’m sorry I was such a shitty friend and an even shittier teenager. But I need you to help me now.”

  Marshall eyed him, looking wary. “What do you need me to do?”

  “Get him to go to tomorrow night’s game. I’ll get you tickets and take care of everything else. I just need
him to be there, so I can make everything right.”

  Marshall nodded. “He’ll be there, even if I have to kidnap him.”

  A smile tugged at Gavin’s lips. “Thank you.” Gavin’s eyes stung as he stared at Marshall. He really had been Gavin’s best friend. It was just another relationship Gavin had fucked up over the years. Goddamn, he was tired. He was trying his ass off, but no one ever noticed.

  “You know, my number hasn’t changed either,” Marshall said, taking him by surprise. “Just in case, you know, you ever want to call or whatever.” Marshall sounded so goddamn uncomfortable Gavin didn’t know what to say.

  So he smiled. “Maybe I will. You know, sometime.”

  Looking relieved, Marshall nodded. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  “Yeah,” Gavin said, coming to his feet. Tomorrow night, he’d make things right. He had to. The alternative was unthinkable.

  Chapter Nine

  Michael spent too much time alone with his thoughts, plotting his way back into Gavin’s life. Probably, a sane person would’ve just called or went over to the man’s house and begged for forgiveness. The thing was—Gavin deserved more. The man had stalked him via a game for months before making his move. Michael could show Gavin the same level of intensity. He was determined. Everything was set. By the end of the night, Michael would know—either he’d fixed everything, or they’d be done for good. There was no going back from this grand scale of a plan. Michael swiped his hand over his face. He hadn’t stopped feeling sick to his stomach since Mara’s baby shower. Chances were good he was making the biggest mistake of his life, but he had to try. Michael’s phone rang, saving him from the insanity running through his brain. He checked the face. When he spotted Marshall’s name, he sucked in a deep breath. Marshall would always be his twin, even if Gavin refused to take Michael back. He couldn’t avoid his brother forever.