Death of a Gay Dog

by Anne Morice

  ‘That’s the first safe assumption that either of you has made, so far,’ Robin said, yawning mightily, as he woke up for the last time.

  He had underestimated us, however.

  Six

  I was awakened on Monday morning by Dolly summoning me to the telephone:

  ‘I wouldn’t have disturbed you for anything, dear, but it’s one of those call-box places.’

  Still half-asleep, I stumbled down to the hall. It was Christabel on the line, to cancel the sitting.

  ‘Oh, why?’ I asked stupidly. ‘Isn’t the fluence right?’

  ‘No, I just don’t happen to possess your divine egomania. Honestly, you remind me of Mott sometimes. It so happens that Superintendent Somebody or Other will be calling this morning, to ask a few more questions, or repeat the same questions; I’m not sure which. But, of course, you missed all that, didn’t you? That’s what comes of having a nice protective husband to ensure that your feet never actually touch the ground.’

  ‘So it really did happen?’ I said feebly. ‘I’m sorry, Christabel, but I was only half-awake. Of course, I remember everything now. The Superintendent is coming to see us, too. What does he want to ask you about?’

  ‘Whether I saw anyone lacing Brand’s drink. What else?’

  ‘And did you?’

  ‘Wake up, child! Why would he be asking me all over again, if I had?’

  ‘You mean he didn’t believe you?’

  ‘He didn’t put it quite so bluntly, but I suppose that is what he meant. He said I might recall something when the shock had worn off.’

  ‘I see. And has it worn off?’

  ‘It was never on. He’s wasting his time.’

  ‘Still, you can’t blame him for persevering. After all, he can’t get many witnesses with such a close-up view of the event.’

  ‘No, and too bad it happened to be me, wasn’t it? Sharp-sightedness is not exactly my strong suit. Anyway, I can’t stand in this capsule all day, talking to you about it. The point is that it’s no good trying to think of work with this kind of thing hanging over one. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel differently. The idea of painting you is still hovering somewhere in the background.’

  I went back to my room, just as Dolly staggered in with the breakfast tray. It was a sight to restore the sagging spirits, containing, among other delights, fresh raspberries, scrambled eggs and bacon, hot croissants and home-made jam.

  ‘No papers?’ I asked, rather ungraciously.

  ‘They don’t come Mondays, dear. It’s one of Auntie’s little savings. She says nothing much don’t happen on a Sunday, except a lot of naked girls and traffic queues, so what’s the good of throwing good money after bad on newspapers?’

  ‘It is not infallible, however. Something did happen this Sunday.’

  ‘Oh, you mean the poor gentleman passing on like that? Wasn’t it shocking?’

  ‘So you’ve heard about it already?’

  ‘Your Robin told me, just before he went out. He is a thoughtful boy, that one. You’re lucky there, you know. He said he was just telling me the sad news, so’s I could break it very gentle to Mrs H., before she heard about it on her wireless or anything. Not that she’s all that clever about turning the thing on by herself; usually has to call old Dolly to come and find the right station.’

  ‘How did she take it?’

  ‘Well, to tell you the truth, dearie, she said it must have been the shellfish you had in that pyelly rice thing. She said she didn’t trust it.’

  ‘The rest of us seem to be alive, though. However, she wasn’t exactly knocked out by the news?’

  ‘She’d heard it already, you see. That Zany rang her up at half-past eight, if you please, only two minutes after your boy had gone. Carrying on ever so hysterical, she was.’

  I stepped aside from the main stream at this point to ask:

  ‘Robin went out at half-past eight? That’s a bit early for golf, isn’t it?’

  ‘Oh, he hasn’t gone to play golf, dear. His clubs are all down in the hall. He’s at the police station, over at Haverford. Can’t keep away, I dare say. He told me I was to say when you woke up, if you ever did, he said, that was where you or Mr Toby would find him, if he was needed.’

  However unwelcome the realisation that a murder or suicide had taken place in my presence, I was paradoxically annoyed that Robin had not woken me to report on his plans. It may not always be agreeable to be in them, but I do dislike being left out of things.

  My two relatives were free from this persecution mania, and when I went downstairs an hour or so later I found them playing Beggar My Neighbour in front of the drawing-room fire.

  ‘What’s happening?’ I asked, flopping moodily into an armchair and getting a cold glance from Aunt Moo for squashing up the mauve satin cushion.

  ‘Momentous things,’ Toby informed me. ‘After a shaky start, Auntie has come storming back into the game and now holds three jacks, if I’m not mistaken. I am afraid my number is up.’

  This dismal prophecy proved correct and, in three minutes flat, Aunt Moo had scooped the pack.

  ‘Would you care to take a hand?’ Toby asked me politely. ‘It is quite de rigueur for three to play, so long as everyone is prepared for the game to go on for a fortnight.’

  However, Aunt Moo told me that I could take her place, as she was off to the kitchen to knock up a souffle for luncheon, adding darkly that if Robin were late it would be his own watch-out.

  ‘How about a stroll down to the village?’ Toby asked, putting the cards away. ‘We could buy some newspapers and secrete them in our bedrooms.’

  ‘I wouldn’t half mind. It’s stifling in here; but you’d better go on your own. That Superintendent is supposed to be calling on me this morning, if he can tear himself away from Robin’s company.’

  ‘Ah! Then you haven’t heard about your reprieve?’

  ‘What reprieve?’

  ‘Curious! There is something faintly disenchanted in your manner this morning and, knowing how public-spirited you are and all for the common weal, I had put it down to that. It just shows that one can’t be right about people all the time.’

  Perhaps this was his way of breaking the news to me gently and, if so, it succeeded.

  ‘Does all this humorous chatter indicate that the Superintendent is not coming? Why not just say so?’

  ‘How could I say so, when it wouldn’t be true? He did come. Half an hour ago.’

  ‘No one told me.’

  ‘There was no need to. He asked Aunt Moo a few questions, and to say that her answers left him none the wiser would be the understatement of the century. Then he asked where you were.’

  ‘I was in my room.’

  ‘I know, and Aunt Moo explained that all you cinema workers kept very late hours, so he said he wouldn’t disturb you, as it was doubtful if you could add anything to the existing confusion, or words to that effect. I detected a certain relief in his manner.’

  ‘I can’t see what reason there would have been for it.’

  ‘Well, darling, not knowing about your being so public-spirited and mad for the common weal, he naturally concluded that you would regard his questions as a great bore, unpardonable infringement of privacy and so forth, which I believe is the line most people take. The fact is, he has fallen so heavily for Robin that he is scared to death of putting a foot wrong in that camp.’

  ‘What camp? You seem to have very curious notions of what goes on in the police force,’ I said crossly. ‘Let me assure you that there is nothing at all of that kind.’

  ‘Yes, you are in a mood, aren’t you. Never mind! How about a little stroll, after all? Just time before the soufflé comes to the bubble, I should say.’

  The painful sensation of being left out of things was growing more acute by the minute, and I resolved that Robin and his silly old Superintendent should rue the day when they had decided to plod on without my assistance.

  ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘Why not? Let’s go and call on the H
arper Barringtons.’

  ‘What a horrible idea! And I doubt if it would do us much good. Something tells me they only take the Tatler and the Financial Times.’

  ‘I’m not talking about newspapers. I just thought it would be a constructive thing to do.’

  ‘I am all for raising your spirits in any way that appeals to you, but is this quite the moment for a social call? There is bound to be a certain constraint after what happened last time they had guests in the house. There will be nervous tensions about, which is something I can’t stand.’

  ‘That’s the whole point,’ I said impatiently. ‘This is not a social call. I simply want to find out whether one of them murdered Sir Maddox, and the tighter the tension the more chance of their betraying themselves.’

  ‘Oh, well, that’s different.’

  ‘Naturally, we shan’t let them see what we’re up to. We shall make some plausible excuse for our visit. In fact, I have thought of one already.’

  ‘Oh, good!’

  ‘I shall say that you and I are planning a trip to the beach this afternoon and we thought it would be a friendly gesture to invite Anabel. They can hardly take that amiss.’

  ‘On the contrary; they may take it so well that the offer will be accepted.’

  ‘That’s what we want, surely?’

  ‘Oh, do we?’

  ‘In that way, we shall edge ourselves into their confidence. We shall soon be in and out of the house, taking pot chance like old friends.’

  ‘It sounds hideously boring and uncomfortable and I don’t at all care for the way you are including me in this deathly programme. Why not leave all this sort of tiresome business to the police? Personally, I intend to ring up Mrs Parkes after lunch and see whether the Spearmints are on the move. If so, I shall not be going near a beach this afternoon, I promise you. I shall be beating my retreat.’

  ‘I doubt if they’ll let you. The trouble with leaving things to the police is that you have to play it their way. Naturally, you don’t figure on my own list of suspects, but I’ve no doubt that, if you were to do a bunk this afternoon, they’d have the road blocks out for you all through Surrey and Berkshire.’

  Privately, I considered this extremely unlikely, but I needed Toby as an ally and I was glad to see that my words had made an impression.

  ‘So, you see,’ I continued, driving home the attack, ‘you’d do better to tag along with me. I don’t anticipate needing more than a week to clear things up; after which, you can walk out of here, a free man.’

  ‘Oh, very well,’ he agreed reluctantly. ‘Perhaps that would be best, but try not to spin it out. A week is really more than I can afford.’

  There had been a certain bravado in setting this limit, but I airily assured him that a week would be ample, and I was very nearly right.

  Seven

  (i)

  Things did not instantly fall into place, however, and the first to be out of it was two-thirds of the Harper Barrington family.

  The door was opened to us by Maria, whose English was at least intelligible, although she seemed too bemused to take full advantage of it. By degrees, it emerged that Mrs Harper Barrington was in her room and would see no peoples; that Anabel had gone, but Maria was not knowing where; and that Mr Harper Barrington was inside, talking to policeman.

  It was an impasse from which retreat seemed the only way, but just before Toby hustled me off the premises Roger’s bellow was heard in the hall:

  ‘I say, who is it now, Maria? If it’s anyone from the newspapers, tell them no comment. Do it myself. Now, look here, chaps. . . . Great Scott, it’s you, is it? Oh, good show! I say, do come along in and have a snort.’

  ‘We don’t wish to disturb you,’ I said, amending the script a fraction. ‘We just called to see if there was anything we could do.’

  ‘You bet there is. Come and keep me company over a noggin. God, I need one, too. Up half the night with those police wallahs, and at eight o’clock this morning back they come! Gone to nose round the garden now; God knows what for. Nancy’s just about flat on her back, I don’t mind telling you. Now, what’s it to be? Gin and ton.?’

  Needing no pressing, I had galloped after him, followed at a snail’s pace by Toby, and found myself in a trendy little room, with a glass and copper-plated bar in one corner.

  ‘Gin and ton. would be gorgeous,’ I said, hell-bent on ingratiating myself.

  Roger was already at work behind the bar:

  ‘No, I’ve got it! Much better idea. How about some champers? Got some already on the ice.’

  ‘Oh, champers would be heavenly.’

  ‘Good for you! It’s some rather decent vintage stuff that I buy through a fellow at my club. I get twenty-four cases at a go. Works out a bit cheaper.’

  ‘Oh, well, if we shan’t be robbing you,’ Toby said.

  ‘No, no. Damn decent of you to drop in, specially after that shambles last night. God, what a thing to happen, though! Shouldn’t have been surprised if you’d never wanted to set foot in the place again. Nancy says she wants to sell it and move right away somewhere. Hysterical nonsense, of course. She’ll get over it.’

  ‘I’m sorry she’s taking it so hard,’ I said, ‘but I expect it’s just shock and exhaustion, don’t you?’

  ‘Could be. Not like her to crack up, though. Strong as an ox, as a rule. Still, she’s out for the count this time. Had to get our old quack to come and write a certificate saying she wasn’t fit to answer any more questions. Don’t think old Cole is exactly wagging his tail about it, but there you are! No point in paying through the nose to be a private patient, if you don’t get some service out of it. And we can’t have old Nance going off the rails. Anabel’s bad enough.’

  ‘What’s the matter with Anabel?’

  ‘Done a bunk, by the look of it. Lit out of here this morning, before any of us was up, and hasn’t been seen since. Still, that’s only to be expected. She’s not a bit like her mother; goes to pieces at the drop of a hat.’

  ‘It doesn’t sound as though she takes after you, either?’

  ‘What’s that? Oh, see what you mean. No, she doesn’t. And I’m not worried. Nancy’s kicking up a fuss, but the silly kid will be back as soon as she feels peckish, I dare say. She’s taken that damn dog with her, which is one consolation.’

  ‘Don’t you like him?’ I asked. ‘He struck me as quite a pleasant old party, in a maudlin sort of way.’

  ‘You’ve seen him, have you?’ Roger asked sharply.

  What a mistake! To cover it, I said, prevaricating ever so slightly:

  ‘Yes, for a moment. Last night, while you were all lingering over your port.’

  ‘Good God! And I thought I’d got it through their heads that he was to be kept in his kennel. That’s the trouble. He’s not a bad fellow; the makings of quite a good gun-dog, in fact; but the women of this household make such an ass of him. Cosset him like some bloody lap-dog.’

  There was an irritability in this outburst, which was such a marked falling-off from his former ebullience that I feared I had touched on a raw nerve. I was naturally all in favour of bruising as many of these as possible, but a dissertation on canine training did not promise anything very fruitful, and so, to get the adrenalin back in place, I swung round on a new tack:

  ‘I do adore your bar,’ I gushed. ‘Don’t you wish you had one like it, Toby? It’s so absolutely marvellous and cute.’

  Roger gaped at me for a moment, as though knocked off balance by the switch of topics, and then went into action again with the champagne bottle;

  ‘That reminds me; time for a top-up.’

  ‘No more, thank you,’ Toby said firmly, setting his glass down. ‘We’re on a paper chase and it’s time to move on to the next clue.’

  ‘Clue?’ Roger repeated in a distant voice; so I explained about the Hankinson phobia over Monday newspapers, and he said:

  ‘Oh, good show, mustn’t keep you, then. Nice of you to drop in. Let’s hope they soon get this blood
y business cleared up and then we’ll have a real party, what?’

  ‘So much for running in and out like old friends,’ Toby remarked, as we retreated down the drive. ‘Something tells me they are not quite ready for us yet.’

  ‘It began well,’ I said, glancing back over my shoulder in time to see some twitching of upstairs curtains, indicating that Nancy might have temporarily abandoned the horizontal position for a peek at the visitors. ‘It was your talking about clues which scared them off.’

  He shook his head: ‘No, the freeze-up set in before that.’

  ‘Anyway, it wasn’t a wasted visit. We learnt a few things.’

  ‘Such as the fact that he prefers dogs to be kept in their place. I can see that’s going to be a big help.’

  ‘Well, he sounded to me as though he wouldn’t half mind having daughters kept in their place, too, wherever that may be. It rather puts paid to one of my theories. You could hardly say that he gave very strong indications of besotted fatherhood. But it was his account of Nancy’s reactions which I found most fascinating. Why the total collapse? Does it mean that she was carrying the torch for Uncle Mad? She certainly burnt incense around him, but I assumed it was because he was the biggest lion in her zoo. Perhaps there was more to it than that? Do you suppose that Roger was the jealous husband and that what we have here is the straightforward crime passionelle?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Oh, what a pity! I rather go for that.’

  ‘Yes, I know all about your romantic tastes, and I hate to disillusion you but, in the first place, if there had been anything of that nature between Sir Brand and Nancy she’d have had more sense than to make such a fuss of him in public.’

  ‘Not necessarily; but what about the second place?’

  ‘I refuse to believe that husbands in Sussex go around murdering their wives’ lovers. It would leave them practically no time for anything else.’

  ‘You talk as though Sussex were some polygamous, offshore island. Besides, there has to be an exception to prove the rule.’