Craving Trix

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  She grew.

  She laughed.

  And finally, she glowed.

  I was so fucking proud of her.

  Through all of it, the radio silence between her and Cam never faltered. They kept their distance all the way through summer and into the fall.

  Chapter 25

  Cameron

  “We got him,” Poet yelled, limping his way into the clubhouse. “Fuckin’ got him.”

  I glanced at Dragon, who was watching Poet carefully, then followed his lead when he got to his feet. “Church,” he barked, striding through the room.

  The small meeting room was silent until everyone had taken their seats.

  “Got a call from my contact in the office at U of O—” Poet began.

  “How the fuck did you get a contact there?” Will asked incredulously.

  “Shut the fuck up,” Dragon growled, making Will jerk back in his seat.

  “Got a call,” Poet said again, a sly smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Little Steve Smith decided to transfer—needed his transcripts. University of Montana.”

  Grease, Casper and Dragon all leaned back in their seats with knowing smiles on their faces. I wasn’t clear on why the kid being in Montana was a good thing, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to speak up and have Dragon rip my head off.

  The man wasn’t my biggest fan.

  “Called our old friends up there and they’re takin’ care of it,” Poet announced.

  “He’s mine,” Grease snapped.

  “Know that,” Poet replied respectfully. “Horsemen are playin’ the game, bringin’ little Steve down to us to deal with.”

  “When?” I finally asked, glancing around the table.

  I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but Trix had her doctor’s appointment the next day, and an ultrasound to find out if we were having boys or girls. She’d texted me earlier that day to let me know and invite me to come along.

  I didn’t know whether I was going, but I liked having the option.

  “Boys’ll be here by the weekend,” Poet answered, giving me a nod. Right. He knew about Trix’s appointment, of course he did.

  My neck burned in embarrassment.

  I’d tried really hard over the past few months to show how unconcerned I was with Trix’s shit—but I think everyone probably knew that I was starved for news of her. I spent most of my time less than a half-mile away from her, but I hadn’t seen her face to face since Micky’s funeral.

  She hadn’t even come to say thank you for packing up her apartment, and it burned to think of how I’d waited for her to show up once I’d known she was all moved out. I’d thought for sure she’d say something, but she never did. She kept her distance, just like I’d told her to.

  The one time in our lives that Trix had followed an order from me, and it was the only one I’d wished she ignored.

  * * *

  I still wasn’t sure if I was going to the appointment with Trix the next morning when I took a shower and put on a pair of jeans that weren’t covered in grease.

  I wasn’t sure as I read a text from her giving me the address to the doctor’s office.

  I wasn’t sure as I climbed on my bike and rode it slowly out the gates.

  I still hadn’t decided when I parked my bike in the crowded parking lot.

  Hell, I still hadn’t made up my mind when I walked in the front doors.

  Then I saw Trix.

  She was sitting in a chair, laughing at something her ma said, with both hands braced on her round belly. Her hair was up in a ponytail and her face had filled out, so her cheeks were round like they’d been when she was little.

  The dark circles under her eyes were gone.

  I stood frozen, watching them until Trix glanced up and met my eyes.

  It felt like the entire waiting room went quiet as her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock.

  Then she smiled, and I felt my legs go weak.

  “Hey, you came!” she called, using the arms on her chair to push herself to her feet.

  I didn’t say a word as she walked toward me, her belly swaying slightly from side to side. I was too busy staring.

  When she finally reached me, I cleared my throat. “That okay?” I finally asked.

  “Wouldn’t have invited you if it wasn’t,” she answered, grinning.

  I couldn’t get over the difference a few months had made. Excitement was written all over her face, she was practically vibrating with it as we stared at each other.

  She looked healthy. Happy.

  “Come sit with me and my mom,” she ordered. “They told me not to pee before the appointment, and if I stand here much longer, it’s going to start running down my legs.”

  A surprised laugh tore out of my throat as she led me back to where Brenna was sitting. I couldn’t help but glance at her ass as she walked in front of me. I was trying not to be a douche, but I was pretty sure I heard angels singing as I looked down again. Her belly wasn’t the only thing that had gotten bigger—her thighs and ass had grown, too. Fucking beautiful.

  “Hey, Cam,” Brenna called dryly, making my head snap up.

  “Hey, Bren,” I said back, my neck heating up. Shit, it felt like my ears were getting red, too.

  “The receptionist said that they’re on schedule, so it should only be a few more minutes,” Trix said as she sat back down and patted the seat next to her. “Thank God. This is actually starting to be a little painful.” She squirmed in her seat as I dropped down beside her.

  Sitting so close to her had my heart racing, and I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands. I’d never been more nervous in my entire goddamn life.

  This was Trix. My Bea. But I didn’t know how to act around her anymore. Before we’d gotten together, I would have wrapped an arm around her shoulders. I would have hugged her. Teased her about her belly. When we were together, I would have kissed her. Put my hands to her stomach and rubbed the taut skin.

  Now, I could only sit there like an asshole, trying not to fist my hands where they rested in my lap.

  “Bellatrix White?” A nurse called from an open doorway to our right.

  It should have been Harrison. She should have my name.

  “Showtime,” Trix mumbled as she pushed herself to her feet.

  I lifted my hands to help her, but let them drop again.

  If I touched her, I was afraid I’d take it too far. I wouldn’t be able to let go, and I’d end up tracing her body with my hands in a waiting room full of people.

  The nurse walked us down a short hallway and set us up in a tiny room, and Brenna filled the silence with chatter as she helped Trix pull up her shirt and move her pants low on her hips.

  I silently cursed as I felt myself get hard. Jesus. All she had to do was push those pants a little lower and I’d get a glimpse of the Promised Land.

  “I’m so excited,” Trix whispered, closing her eyes as her lips tilted up. Her eyes popped open after a second and she turned her head toward me. “Are you excited?”

  “Nervous,” I rasped out.

  She giggled. I hadn’t meant for it to be funny.

  Then Brenna leaned down and whispered something in Trix’s ear, making her nod.

  “I’ll see you guys in a bit,” Brenna announced when she’d straightened back up.

  “What?” I watched in horror as she left the room.

  “She thought it would be better for us to do this just me and you,” Trix said softly, pulling my attention from the empty doorway.

  “Oh.” I looked at the doorway again.

  “I’m so sorry for—”

  “Don’t,” I barked, making Trix’s mouth snap shut. “After the shit I said at the clubhouse?” I shook my head. “You got nothin’ to apologize for.”

  “You were angry.”

  “I was a fuckin’ dick.”

  “That, too,” she said, her eyes tearing up. “But I forgave that a long time ago.”

  I groaned, taking a step forwar
d. “Bea—”

  A knock sounded on the door, cutting me off. “Hey, guys, you ready to see your baby?” a woman asked as she slipped into the room.

  “Babies,” I corrected, making Trix smile.

  I swallowed hard as the woman came inside and started talking about all the shit she needed to do, and before long she was squirting what looked like lube on Trix’s belly and pressing a little wand against it.

  A heartbeat filled the room.

  “Look, Cam,” Trix said, nodding toward a big screen high on the wall.

  When I’d gotten the first ultrasound pictures, I’d had no idea what I was looking at. Our kids had looked like kidney beans.

  But fuck me, that wasn’t the case anymore.

  I took an involuntary step forward as the tech moved her wand, giving us a clearer picture of our baby, its hand in its mouth and its legs pulling toward its chest and then kicking out again.

  “Whoa,” I whispered, barely registering when Trix reached out and gripped my hand.

  “There’s Baby A,” the tech said. “I just need to take some measurements here. Do you guys want to know what you’re having?”

  I kept my mouth shut as I looked down at Trix. Tears were rolling down her face.

  “Yes,” she answered, meeting my eyes.

  “Well, this baby is not at all modest,” the tech said with a grin as little lines appeared on the screen while she measured the baby’s head. “Definitely a boy. I’ll try to get a picture in just a minute.”

  Trix squeezed my hand, and my eyes slammed shut while I tried to just fucking breathe.

  A boy. Baby A was a boy.

  I leaned down and kissed Trix’s forehead without thinking about it.

  When I looked back at the screen, something seemed off.

  “What the fuck?” I murmured, my heart beginning to race.

  “Oh, that’s just Baby B getting jealous of all the attention on Baby A,” the tech laughed. “That’s Baby B’s leg, I think.”

  Trix began to laugh, and her entire belly shook with the movement, making my son freeze for a second before he went nuts.

  “He likes it when you laugh,” I said in surprise, grinning at Trix.

  “He looks like you,” she murmured back, staring at the screen.

  “How can you tell?”

  “I just can.”

  I wanted to laugh at her words. You couldn’t see what the baby looked like on the screen, just an impression of his face, but I could tell she was serious. She meant it.

  “Okay, I got everything I needed, now let’s take some fun pictures,” the tech said. “Hold on, Baby B, you’ll get your turn in a minute.”

  She took still shots of our son’s profile, and I was pretty sure he had Trix’s nose, not mine. She also snapped a few more shots of his spine and arms and one of his junk, typing in, “I’m a boy” on that picture.

  “Okay, now let’s find Baby B,” the tech said quietly to herself.

  The sound of more than one heartbeat filled the room for a minute, but suddenly, a single heartbeat became clear.

  “There’s Baby B,” the tech announced.

  Trix’s hand squeezed mine hard.

  “You okay?” I asked quietly, leaning down to get a good look at her.

  “Now, I’m nervous,” she whispered back, sniffing.

  “It’s all good, Sweetbea—” The name slipped out on accident and we both froze.

  “Want to know the sex of Baby B?” the tech asked cheerfully.

  “Yeah,” I replied gruffly, standing up straight again.

  “Baby B is also a boy,” the tech said with a smile. “No modesty in these two.”

  Trix giggled as I looked closer at the screen.

  Two boys.

  The rest of the appointment passed by way too quickly. I could have watched my kids swimming around on that screen all fucking day, but unfortunately, the tech had to take her machine and look at other people’s babies.

  “Ugh, this shit is so gross,” Trix bitched as she tried to wipe the lube off her belly with a handful of paper towels the tech had handed her before she left. “And I can’t see it.”

  I glanced at Trix’s face, then down at her belly where she was just smearing the shit around.

  “Do you—uh,” I swallowed hard. Jesus. “Want some help?”

  “Could you?” Trix shuddered as she pushed the paper towels in my direction. “Get it off. Please.”

  I shuffled forward and pulled a few paper towels from the stack, clenching my jaw as I wiped across her belly.

  She had stretch marks, one large purplish one that ran directly beneath her belly button, and then a bunch of smaller, jagged ones off to the side.

  I wanted to trace them with my tongue.

  “Thank you,” Trix murmured huskily as I kept wiping the shit off her skin.

  By the time I got done, Trix was breathing heavily and my dick was so hard it was painful.

  “Oh, feel!” Trix said in surprise, grabbing my hand and pressing it hard against the side of her stomach. “Wait for it…”

  My breath caught as I felt something pushing against my palm, then my fingers, then my palm again.

  I’d been missing it. They were moving around in there, and I’d been missing it.

  My throat tightened as I leaned toward Trix’s belly.

  “Hi, son,” I murmured less than an inch from her skin. “I love you, bud, but you gotta stop showing your dick to random women.”

  Trix burst out laughing and I grinned against her skin, letting my lips make contact. She smelled like the lube they’d smeared there, but under that was all Trix. Spicy and warm.

  “Oh, right here,” Trix murmured, taking my free hand and pressing it higher on her belly. Sure enough, there was movement in that spot, too.

  We stayed there quietly, feeling our sons move, until someone came to clean the room and kicked us out.

  It was physically painful to pull my hands away from Trix’s skin.

  We stopped at a bathroom on our way back down the hallway so Trix could finally pee, and I stood there uncomfortably as she groaned beyond the door. She was going to the bathroom—that sound shouldn’t have turned me on like it did.

  “Well?” Brenna asked excitedly as we walked back into the waiting room.

  “You want to tell her?” Trix asked, her eyes shining.

  “She’s your ma,” I murmured back, a grin tugging at my lips.

  “Two boys!” Trix announced before I’d even finished speaking.

  “You’re gonna have your hands full!” Brenna moved forward and hugged Trix, then turned to me and hugged me, too.

  I didn’t know if I should try and hug her back. Instinctively, I recoiled, Dragon’s face flashing in my mind.

  “Jesus, I’m your kids’ grandmother. You can hug me,” Brenna snapped.

  Trix started laughing and she sort of danced toward the front doors of the office.

  “I’ll get you next time,” Brenna warned, turning toward her daughter.

  I really hoped she didn’t.

  When we got to Brenna’s car, what little ease Trix and I had felt during the appointment was long gone, and her eyes were wary.

  “Thanks for coming, Cam,” she said softly as Brenna climbed in the driver’s seat.

  “Thanks for inviting me.”

  “Of course.”

  We fell into silence and I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Should I just turn around and leave? Tell her how beautiful she looked? How much I’d missed her? Should I try and make plans to see her again? Even if she didn’t want to be with me, I was already anxious to feel our sons kicking in her belly again.

  Trix finally gave an uncomfortable smile, and opened her door.

  I still didn’t say a fucking word, because I was an idiot.

  After they drove away, I stood by my bike for a long time, going through the second set of pictures the tech had printed for us so we’d each have our own copies. Then I pulled out my phone.


  “Hey, Ma,” I said when she answered without even a hello, immediately bitching about my dad.

  “Hey, bud. How’d it go?”

  “Great. Both babies look perfect.”

  “They look like sea monkeys. Who are you trying to fool here?” she joked.

  “Nah, they were…hell, Ma.”

  “I know, right? So cool to see them swimming around in there.”

  “They were—”

  “Tell me right now,” Farrah cut me off. “I mean, I’ll listen to you moon all day if you want, but I want to know what you’re having first. I’m pregnant and impatient—you don’t wanna make me wait.”

  “A boy,” I said, grinning.

  “And?” she snapped, not finding me funny.

  “And another boy.”

  “Holy shit! Cody!” she yelled in my ear. “Cam and Trix are having boys!”

  “Shit, Ma. My fuckin’ ear!”

  “Oh,” Farrah started laughing. “Sorry.”

  She didn’t sound sorry.

  “This is awesome, dude. Charlie’s going to have two little shits protecting her in school.”

  “Charlie?” I asked softly.

  “Yeah, we decided. Charlotte Vera Butler. Got a nice ring to it, right?”

  “Yeah, Ma. It does.”

  “Does Trix have any names picked out?”

  “No, uh, I don’t think so.” Dammit, I should have asked.

  “You should have asked!” Farrah scolded.

  “I know, I know. Maybe I’ll text her or somethin’,” I mumbled.

  “So, wait. . . You guys are talking again?” Farrah wheedled.

  “I gotta go,” I answered.

  “Cam! Are you guys talking again?”

  “Bye, Ma.” I hung up the phone, laughing as she bitched.

  Two sons. I had two sons.

  * * *

  A couple days later, I still hadn’t texted Trix. I wasn’t sure what to say to her.

  I wanted her back. I wasn’t sure that I could have any contact with her without pressuring her, and I knew how that would fucking go. If she actually did come back to me, she’d bail again.

  “Boys’re almost here,” Poet announced, dropping his phone into his breast pocket.

  We were in a warehouse the club owned a few miles out of town in the woods and we were waiting for Poet’s buddies to drop off little Steve Smith. If the kid had any idea what he was in for, I had a feeling he’d stink to high heaven from shitting his pants by the time we got him. We’d gotten the call earlier that morning telling us that the guys were in Oregon, so Dragon, Grease, Casper, Poet, Will and I had ridden out to the property we rarely used. It didn’t have any neighbors for miles around, and we’d had to spend an hour clearing the dirt road of branches and shit before we could even pull our bikes in.