Bilgarra Springs

by Rotondo, Louise

  ‘As a guest here, we didn’t expect her to help out or work, but she insisted and she worked hard. She put in full days, no matter what it was and she gave it her best shot. She burnt herself several times with the iron or in the kitchen through inexperience, had her hands nicked by barbed wire while we were out fencing, and got battered a bit by branches and large rocks while we were out mustering. She never complained. Not about anything. She just seemed to decide that she was going to enjoy whatever it was and set about doing it. She certainly went home a different woman to the one that arrived.’

  Fiona’s gaze dropped, looking at the photo on her lap before handing it back to Aurora and meeting her eyes.

  ‘Your grandmother was a very strong woman and I think that there is a lot of that in you.’

  Fiona pushed herself to her feet.

  ‘I don’t have any more photos of your grandmother inside, but there are a few of the rest of us when we younger, from around the time that she was here if you want to come and have a sticky beak.’

  Aurora took a long time to straighten out of the chair, rubbing her thighs as she did. She appreciated Fiona’s offer and tried to smile, biting her lip with the discomfort of getting her legs moving again.

  ‘I would like that a lot, I just hope that you aren’t in a hurry.’

  Fiona laughed heartily at that.

  ‘Those photos have been there for over 60 years. I can’t imagine that a few more minutes is going to make any difference.’

  She moved past Aurora, gently squeezing the hand closest to her. Fiona hoped with all her heart that when Aurora finished the journal and discovered the part of Isabella’s life that it was so important to Isabella to share, that Aurora had the maturity to realise that things are never black and white, but a shade of grey somewhere in between.

  eleven

  Trouble

  The closer the time came to leave for the wedding on the neighbouring property, the more Aurora struggled with it. On the one hand, the chance to get out and have some fun attracted her, but on the other, the fact that she wasn’t going to know anybody except the crew from Bilgarra Springs put her off. She wasn’t desperately shy, she was simply uncomfortable around people that she didn’t know. Her reluctance to jump into situations with strangers used to drive Peter mad. They’d had more than one serious argument about it.

  This time at least she would be surrounded by fifteen people that she knew, but it was the stares and the wondering from the others that she was dreading. She was sure that they would be friendly, it was the ‘who, what, where, when’ questions that she knew would be running through all their minds that were going to make her uncomfortable. She didn’t like the feeling of being under scrutiny. As there was no choice, she had joined in with the others, loading cars and pretending to be looking forward to something that she was ambivalent about at best.

  On top of that, so far she had mostly spent time with the others in the context of work, or after work, where the conversation had revolved around what had happened during the day or discussion about what they had planned for the following day. She wasn’t quite sure what she would talk about if it wasn’t tied to Bilgarra. Aurora was one for facing facts head on and she couldn’t dodge the fact that she would have next to nothing in common with anybody else. It wasn’t like they could discuss the latest article on native title in the Australian Law Journal. She hoped that she didn’t stick out too much as not being one of them.

  After a very quick burst of energy after breakfast, everything was loaded and ready to go. They were staying in the barracks there so there was no need for camping equipment in general, but they had thrown in bedding, towels etc. Sophie and Jeff, the couple getting married next door, were going to do barbeques to cook for everybody, but nonetheless, the Bilgarra crew still took a massive amount of food with them.

  It struck her as a thoughtful gesture. In general, Peter’s friends and their wives, when they had come over for a barbeque, had brought the obligatory bottle of wine and left everything else up to her – a bottle of wine that was nominally presented to her, but which they invariably ended up drinking themselves. It wasn’t true of all his friends, but it certainly was the behaviour of the majority.

  Her friends were more considerate than that, but Peter had driven just about all of hers away, she could now admit. His need to isolate her was now as clear as day. She just wished that she had been able to see it sooner. It would have saved everyone, most especially her, a lot of pain and heartache. She reflexively placed her hand on her stomach. Their son would have been around seven years old, at school… Aurora wrenched her hand off her stomach as if her own flesh had just scorched her. She couldn’t go there, she simply couldn’t. She spun around and marched into the homestead, desperate to find something to do to occupy her mind.

  She collided with Callan as she rushed through the doorway, her mind a whirl of emotions. He caught her arms to stop her from falling. She looked up at him and he was sure that what he could see in her eyes was absolute terror and if he wasn’t mistaken she felt like she was shaking.

  ‘You ok?’

  Aurora plastered a huge and very false smile in place.

  ‘Absolutely. Just coming in to check if Fiona needs anything more taken out.’

  Cal didn’t believe her for a second. She wasn’t a convincing liar and he couldn’t help but wonder what the hell had happened that had freaked her out so much and forced her to cover it up. His mind instantly went to Keith. If that little scumbag had touched her in an inappropriate way he was going to kill him. He looked at her again, and she seemed a little calmer and more settled than when she had barrelled into him at a hundred miles an hour a minute ago.

  He wouldn’t have been surprised if it been had something to do with Keith. He couldn’t think of any other reason that she would be taking off across the yard as if the hounds of hell were at her heals. He would have to keep an eye on Keith over the weekend. See if there was anything to his suspicions. He would absolutely deal with it if there was something going on that shouldn’t be. Aurora was a guest in his home and he would be damned if he would let that wormy, little shit do anything to upset her. He decided that he would give her discomfort one further probe and see if she still fobbed him off.

  ‘Sure?’

  Aurora nodded. Cal released her arms and stepped back allowing her the space to get around him. She still had an odd look on her face, but now it was more startled than scared. Aurora bolted down the hall into the safety of her own room, closing the door, leaning against it and sliding to a sitting position on the floor. She was shaking like anything. She leant her head back and took a couple of deep breaths and rubbed her arms where Cal’s hands had been.

  She was that keyed up that it felt like the skin on her arms had been burnt. She had thought that she had put the whole Peter mess well and truly behind her. This was the first time in the last eight years that it had overtaken her like that. She took another shaky breath. She now knew that it could sneak up on her at any time. Her heart rate was slowly returning to normal. Cal’s touch hadn’t helped. She seemed to have an awareness of him that wasn’t helping either, in light of Theresa’s role in his life.

  Slamming car doors from outside intruded into her thoughts. Aurora pushed herself up off the floor and opened the door, scanning the hallway, she didn’t particularly want to run into Callan again. Her stuff was already in her rental car, and it was simply a matter of slipping out and into the Cruiser. She was taking Heather, Con, Mike and Gerry over with her. Or rather, one of them was taking her as somebody else, who at least knew where they were going, was going to drive her car over.

  She took off down the hall as fast as she could while there was nobody about, dashed through the front door and headed for the general area of the shed where everything was waiting, walking as fast as she could without actually running. She got three quarters of the way over before Heather fell in beside her.

  ‘Don’t know about you Aurora but I am so l
ooking forward to these few days off and getting away from here. The last couple of months have been absolutely hectic and it will be nice to wind down for a bit. Do everybody the world of good.’

  Not being a part of the last few months, all Aurora could do was smile in reply. Heather continued.

  ‘You wait, you will have a ball. Sophie and Jeff are a hoot and her family enjoy themselves no matter what. I will be very surprised if you don’t have the time of your life.’

  On the inside, Aurora was still sceptical but she wasn’t about to admit that to Heather. She opted for a non-committal response instead.

  ‘Sounds promising.’

  If she were being honest it felt a little like being dragged to the dentist, but as that would probably be a little bit insulting, she decided against sharing it. There wasn’t time for Heather to continue with the matter before they reached the Cruiser.

  Once there it was all systems go with organising people and setting off. Heather informed everybody that she was driving over and they were going to draw straws to drive back. She was working on the assumption that they were all going to be at least mildly hung over and more than a little worse for wear, so whoever drew the short straw... Aurora knew without a shadow of a doubt that it would be her. She was the resident non-drinker and therefore probably going to be the designated driver. If that turned out not to be the case she would be very surprised. She wasn’t prepared to volunteer right now though!

  The car was full of noisy chatter on the way over. From what Aurora could work out, the bride and groom had met some years before on the property. She appeared to be the daughter of the owners, and he had only worked there for a few months before they became involved. There were a number of stories thrown around regarding the jokes that the others had played on him and the tough time that her parents had given him when the two had first become a couple. They had Aurora laughing even though she didn’t know any of the people involved.

  It turned out that Theresa and the groom’s sister were the bridesmaids, with Callan and groom’s brother as best man and groomsman. Aurora instantly tried to imagine what Cal would look like in a suit, that was of course assuming that they were going down the suit track. She pulled her thoughts up quickly. She had no right to be thinking about him like that and it felt incredibly disloyal to Theresa. She had been nothing but nice to Aurora since she arrived. Lusting after her boyfriend certainly wouldn’t be good form. Aurora dragged her attention back to the banter taking place in the car for the rest of the journey, closing her mind as best she could to any thoughts of Callan.

  The thirty minute trip over there passed quickly and before she knew it they were all tumbling out of the cars and the frenzy to get everything unpacked and organised began, amid back slapping, greetings and more jokes. Aurora had to admit that she enjoyed the mostly carefree nature of the life out here. No traffic jams, no deadlines, no bustling crowds none of the things that usually drove her blood pressure through the roof. Although, the more she thought about it, the more she came to realise that maybe life out here wasn’t that carefree. They were certainly at the mercy of the weather and world market prices. Maybe it had to do with attitude rather than circumstances. Perhaps that was a lesson that she could take back with her to Sydney when she returned to her everyday life.

  Aurora was trying not to watch but she couldn’t help but notice that Theresa had come out to meet Cal when the horde had arrived. The briefest twinge of jealousy rippled through her when he planted a kiss on the top of Theresa’s head. Even though Aurora herself wasn’t a touchy feely type of person, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be adored by somebody who spontaneously showed affection regardless of where and when.

  She was jostled out of her private world by Heather, who with her hands full herself, nudged Aurora to get her attention.

  ‘Follow me and I will show you where we are staying.’

  Heather didn’t wait for an answer, just strode across the dead grass towards a large cluster of buildings. Aurora quickly bundled what she could into her own arms and followed her. It turned out that there were empty rooms everywhere, a couple with double beds, the rest with singles.

  ‘This used to be a much larger property until a large chunk of it was sold off in the late eighties. At one stage, these rooms were all full, but once the property was divided up there was no longer any need for such a huge staff.’

  Heather watched Aurora’s attention darting all over the place. Aurora’s gaze sharpened briefly when Theresa and Cal crossed her line of vision, but Heather pretended not to notice. There would be time later to push that issue a little further. Heather smiled to herself at the scenario that she thought that she could see unfolding.

  ‘This is the best place for parties. There is room for heaps of people to stay and we have been to a few absolutely wild ones over the past two years that we have been at Bilgarra. Hopefully we can add another to the list this weekend. Wander to the other end and throw your gear in one of the rooms.’

  With that, Heather darted left and dumped her armload on top of the bed. Aurora was about four paces further down the makeshift hallway when Con followed Heather into their room, dropping his own load beside hers. Aurora passed the room where she had seen both Cal and Theresa go in, and she couldn’t help but peer inside. Theresa was now standing on her own in the room that she must have already stayed in overnight. Aurora wasn’t surprised to see that it held a double bed and not a single. A little stab of envy hit her in the stomach.

  She moved along another couple of doors, found an unclaimed room and placed what she had of her stuff down. She turned around and was half way out the door when she heard Cal’s voice.

  ‘I’m gonna take this one Rick. That way I will be as far away from you noisy lot as I can get.’

  Cal didn’t see her as he ducked into the room. Aurora wasn’t close enough to hear exactly what Rick’s response was, but she did make out the words ‘big skirt’. She bit her lip to stop the chuckle that was about to erupt. She didn’t want them to think that she was eavesdropping.

  What interested her more was the fact that Callan and Theresa were sleeping apart. For the life of her, Aurora couldn’t work out why. Their relationship surely wasn’t a secret. If so, it was one of the worst kept secrets ever. Maybe there was a more simple explanation. Perhaps it was for the sake of keeping up appearances. Or maybe they really didn’t sleep together. Possibly they were saving themselves for marriage.

  Whatever.

  It was none of her business and she needed to get over this awareness of feelings that had been creeping up on her for a while.

  Bottom line was, Callan was off limits.

  Get over it.

  She steeled herself and made her way back out to the car to bring in the rest of her gear.

  From that point on, the afternoon was a whirlwind affair. Trudy came and collected her and introduced her to the soon-to-be bride and groom, her parents, his brother and his parents. She rationalised that she could probably, if she tried hard that is, remember the names of the pair getting married, but as for everybody else, she figured there was not a snowflake’s chance in hell of being able to recall them later. Her inability to remember names was one of her failings as a lecturer. She would be better off calling her students by their student numbers, which, incidentally, she had no problem at all remembering. Well...maybe not the whole hundred students for her lectures, but certainly those for her tutorials. Numbers had always been her thing.

  A few drinks in the afternoon had become a barbeque in the evening, and Heather had been right. So far it had been an absolute riot. She hadn’t laughed that much in a long time. The beauty of their humour was that for the most part they weren’t poking fun at each other, they tended to aim their barbs at themselves. She hated herself for it, but she had been a little warm and fuzzy on the inside when Cal had come over and sat down with Trudy, Rick and her. Oddly, Theresa had stayed on the other side of the group, heads together with the
bride.

  Aurora hadn’t noticed until fairly well into the night, that Theresa had on what appeared to be an engagement ring. She felt incredibly stupid for her own silly belief that Callan had chosen to be close to her during the evening. Aurora’s insecurities flared. All things considered, why would he be interested in somebody like her when he already had as close to perfection as he could possibly get.

  She had only noticed the ring when one of the other women had leant over Theresa and picked her hand up for a closer look. Aurora didn’t think she wanted to examine the ring herself. She figured that it would be just like Theresa – beautiful and sparkly. At least the fact of their engagement put her feelings into perspective and although she felt foolish for the moment, so far it was only her that knew what her feelings for him were developing into. At least she didn’t have the extra worry of what everybody else was thinking.

  Given that there was a wedding tomorrow, Aurora had thought that it would have been an early night, especially for the bride and groom. She was surprised therefore when it was eleven or so before the likes of Fiona and Arthur, and Rick and Trudy had pulled up stumps. After that people had started drifting off one at a time.

  She herself had called it quits around 1:30 a.m. The constant opening and closing of doors as everybody else had made their way back had meant that she hadn’t slept well for the next three or so hours. She had checked her watch at 4:30 a.m. wondering how the hell she was going to stay awake through the wedding and function at all during the reception party. Come to think of it, she wondered more particularly how the others were going to fare tomorrow due to the fact that she herself had only had a few drinks. They had still been going strong when she left. The fact that she was worrying about that made her feel old, but the feeling only lasted a second before sleep overcame her again.