Bilgarra Springs

by Rotondo, Louise

  ‘I’m loving it. It’s so far outside my normal routine that I am enjoying it immensely.’

  A look of disbelief crossed his face. Aurora decided that he was handsome, in a pretty boy kind of way.

  ‘Better you than me. I love Theresa but I don’t love the life out here. We are going to buy an acreage on the outskirts of Townsville so that I can still keep working in the city and Theresa can still keep her horses and some cattle if she wants to.’

  Theresa laughed heartily at that, raising her eyebrows at him and gently elbowing him.

  ‘If I want to... I can’t believe you said that. You know as well as I do that there is no choice.’

  Brett lifted his hands, briefly letting go of Theresa’s and shot Aurora a look of complete surrender.

  ‘This not an argument that I am ever going to win. I surrendered long ago.’

  Theresa leaned in for a quick kiss. Before anybody had a chance to say anything further, the band struck up When a man loves a Woman, and Brett pulled Theresa up to dance. Now that Aurora knew how it all fitted together, it made sense. She was relieved that Callan wasn’t the sort of guy that would let his woman flirt and tart about. Brett and Theresa actually made a lovely couple. She was pleased for them.

  Thinking about it, all the things that she had seen between Cal and Theresa were the marks of friendship. She had seen Theresa with her arm around him and seen him kiss her on the top of the head but the more she thought about it, the more she could see that she had never seen him kiss her on the mouth or grab her hand as a lover would do. She felt foolish for jumping to conclusions and less guilty about her own feelings and the pleasure that dancing with him had brought her. She also felt a moment of guilt about thinking that he would use her to get even with Theresa. It had been an unfair thought.

  As if her thoughts had conjured him, Callan stood in front of her with his hand out. The only word that he said was ‘Please’ and it was the little boy look on his face that really sucked Aurora in. She placed her hand in his and let him lead her out onto the dance floor. This time when Callan put his arms around her she looped hers around his neck. She wanted to lean against him, tuck her head under his chin and very much enjoy the moment. Instead, she kept a small space between them and wasn’t quite sure where to look.

  She was very self-conscious about what the others were probably thinking. Being very private by nature meant not usually wanting to flaunt everything in front of everyone, but in this situation there was no other choice. It wasn’t like they could duck off for dinner, or slip away to the coast for the weekend and get to know each other without feeling like they were under a microscope.

  ‘Aurora...’

  For the first time since they started dancing, Aurora looked at Cal. The band were close enough to the dance floor that the music was heard, but far enough away talking was easily possible without the usual yelling.

  ‘I’m not sorry that I hit Keith. I would do that all again, but I am sorry that I literally dragged you into the middle of it all.’

  Aurora didn’t quite know how to respond. If only he knew. She had copped worse at the hands of Peter, but she couldn’t tell Cal that.

  ‘It’s fine. I didn’t get hurt so no harm done.’

  Aurora dropped her gaze to regroup before she continued.

  ‘It should be me thanking you. I was having trouble getting Keith’s hands off me without making too much of a fuss. So, thank you.’

  A look of thunder crossed Cal’s face.

  ‘He made me so bloody angry. He’s lucky I only hit him the once.’

  Aurora didn’t say anything, merely waited for him to say more. He huffed out a breath before he continued.

  ‘Theresa tore strips off me. Her biggest concern was causing a scene at somebody’s wedding, especially when I am part of the bridal party. She had a point on that one. Luckily, not many people seemed to have noticed. She also ripped into me for being stupid enough to assault an employee of the family in case the twit decides to claim workplace harassment or some garbage like that. She probably has a point with that one too, but I wasn’t thinking too straight at the time.’

  Aurora gave a small smile. He had obviously forgotten what she did for a living.

  ‘I think I could explain that your actions didn’t amount to workplace harassment or bullying.’

  Cal raked his hand through his hair, before settling his arm back around Aurora. Then he looked at her and fully grinned.

  ‘Crap. I forgot you’re lawyer. You probably teach all this do you?’

  ‘No, not that particular area, but I do know the basic ins and outs of it. I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you.’

  ‘In which case I’m going to forget all about it and enjoy the rest of the night.’

  With those words he pulled her a little closer. The band moved from that song into a rendition of Elvis’ Love me Tender and they kept dancing. Aurora had never been much of an Elvis fan, but if she were being completely honest with herself, she wouldn’t choose to be any place other than dancing with Cal at the moment, and she had sort of tuned out anyway until she realised that the slow song had stopped and the band had launched into an old ACDC number.

  Cal loosened his arms and grabbed her by the hand, weaving his way through the people to the outside of the dance floor and over to the other side of the tree where Sophie and Jeff had been married that afternoon. Ignoring the fact that he was in good clothes, he pulled Aurora to sit beside him leaning against the large trunk of the tree. Away from the fairy lights, the moonlight lit everything with its own glow. Instinct had Aurora flinching at sitting on the ground in her dress, but logic won out - it was just a dress after all, and it certainly wasn’t her best dress, merely the best dress that she had included just in case, which in the circumstances had paid off.

  She tried to lower herself down beside him in the most graceful manner possible, although she felt like an ungainly giraffe trying to fold itself onto the ground. Cal leant back against the tree and put his arm around her, pulling her head onto his shoulder. There was no talking they just rested like that through a couple of songs. While they sat Cal’s fingers were lazily drawing circles on Aurora’s shoulder. Without the distraction of people, Aurora finally noticed the stars in the distance. Gran was right, it certainly was vast and they did look like sequins on velvet. Aurora hoped she would get the chance to have a better look before she went home. The lighting in the city took a lot of the wow factor away.

  It was the lead singer of the band that eventually burst into their peacefulness.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen. This is going to be the last song of the evening.’

  This was met with a groan and various yells from the crowd asking form more.

  ‘Sorry folks. Every voice has its limits. As friends of Soph’s from way back we are dedicating this last song to her and Jeff.’

  With that, the band launched into the Dixie Chicks’ hit, Cowboy Take Me Away. Without moving his arm, Cal turned to face Aurora.

  ‘As the best man, I should probably be visible for the last song and wrap up. Who knows, the others will probably form one of those arch things to walk Sophie and Jeff through.’

  Without saying anything further he ever so gently pulled Aurora closer to him and very lightly moved his lips against hers. The spontaneity of it rendered her speechless and before her brain had a chance to catch up he had pushed himself to his feet and grabbed her hand, pulling her up.

  ‘Come have the last dance with me.’

  Aurora gave him a shy smile, her mind still reeling from the unexpected kiss, and let him lead her over to the dance floor.

  At the end of the song, as Cal had predicted, there was indeed a farewell arch formed, after which the bride and groom went their own way amidst an awful lot of catcalls and a few well meaning, but rather lewd comments. With the departure of the guests of honour and the band, the gathering wound down fairly quickly, which was not surprising given the late one last night. Most of the Bilgar
ra group went back to the barracks en masse, people peeling off as they came to their rooms.

  By the time they got to the end of the building there was only Cal and Aurora left. She was as nervous as a school girl as to what he was going to do next. The kiss under the tree had caught her completely off guard. She wanted a repeat performance, but on the other hand she wasn’t comfortable with the possibility of it happening around so many familiar people. She wanted to be able to enjoy it without the pressure of an audience.

  As it happened, Cal took the decision right out of her hands. He paused at her doorway, wished her goodnight, grabbed her face between both hands and placed the sweetest of kisses on her forehead before walking away to his own room. Aurora was both elated and deflated at the same time as she watched him move away. She was incredibly glad that the kiss under the tree wasn’t just a spur of the moment one, but she had also been hoping for another. She inwardly groaned as she closed the door to her room. She had forgotten the ‘bittersweet’ angle to dating and men. Obviously there was no age barrier to that sort of stuff. She settled into bed for what she assumed was going to be a restless night.

  The next day, true to her prediction, Aurora ended up driving home as the least hung over member of the car full that had driven over. In stark contrast with Friday, in packing for the return journey home, there had been no speed or boisterousness involved. Movements had been slow and sluggish and the conversation restricted to necessities. Once back at Bilgarra, the group was even more lethargic, with the majority, Aurora included, disappearing for an afternoon nap. Kate and Harriet seemed to be the only live wires and that fact was not particularly appreciated by the adults.

  When Aurora surfaced from sleep, things were still quiet outside and she decided that some time out alone wouldn’t be a bad thing. Being away for two nights had meant that she hadn’t had a chance to get stuck into the journal. She rolled out of bed and padded across to the chest of drawers, retrieving it from underneath her jumper. She flicked through until she found the photo of Gran that she had tucked into the last entry that she had read. A smile tugged at her lips as she again read the bit where her grandmother had snuck out to be with Hellequin. She turned the page, expecting the next entry to read the 23rd and was a little taken aback when it wasn’t.

  25th January 1946

  It has been a few days since the last entry. It isn’t that I have nothing to say, more I am ashamed of myself for saying it. I have committed one of the cardinal sins. As a married woman I have fallen in love with another man and whilst neither of us has given into temptation, dare I say yet, the mere fact that I am in love with Will is enough of itself in my mind to constitute unfaithfulness.

  Aurora’s couldn’t believe her eyes.

  Crap.

  She snapped the journal closed, her finger resting inside as a marker, her mind positively whirring. Her first thought was to wonder if her grandfather had known.

  This changed everything.

  The foundation of a life that she had believed to be true simply wasn’t there. She had always assumed that her grandparents had been lucky enough to have a solid marriage based on all the qualities that were necessary trust, honesty, faithfulness and love. To find out that some, if not all of those had been undermined at some point shook her up. In her own melodrama of a marriage, thanks to what she had perceived to be the situation with her grandparents, she had held firmly onto the belief that a strong union was possible, and that a good marriage wasn’t just a myth.

  She put the journal down on the bed beside her. There had been a lot more in the entry for that day but at the moment she wanted to get her head around this bit first, before she found out more.

  She had to admit that she knew herself how easily feelings could develop, even if you weren’t intending them to. Still, this was her grandparents and there were questions now that could never be answered. Aurora wondered if that was why Gran had set this in motion after she died. Let the cat out of the bag at a time when she didn’t have to deal with the fall out. Aurora dropped her head. Why were things never simple?

  She must have sat that way for a good fifteen minutes, tossing thoughts to and fro before finally deciding to bite the bullet and picking the journal up again, leafing through until she found the entry for the 25th January.

  I am wracked with guilt on that count.

  Aurora’s sarcastic nature kicked in at that point. She snorted and thought, well at least guilt was a good start. To Aurora’s way of thinking, Gran should have been guilty. She had only been married for less than a month. An affair wasn’t the best start to a marriage. She took a deep breath and tried to be more objective. If this were somebody else she would listen to the full story before jumping to conclusions, or forming an opinion. She owed her grandmother no less.

  I never anticipated that such a thing would happen to me. I always considered loyalty and faithfulness to be strong character traits of mine, but it has happened, and although I am loathe to admit it, the depth of the feelings that have come into being are greater in many respects than those that I hold for my husband. I realise now, admittedly too late, that leisure time spent in the company of another does indeed breed attachment, but it seems to me, with the benefit of hindsight, to be an affection that grew into love without the benefit of a foundation based on understanding, acceptance and true appreciation for the character of the person. My time here has allowed me to get to know Will in ways in which I may never know Charles. I have seen Will in the context of his fellow workers which is an aspect of my husband’s life that I will not have the chance to observe in the manner of a third party. It is grossly unkind of me to say this but I now think that any observation by me of Charles’ behaviour with his family and colleagues would necessarily have been modified for my benefit, whereas there was no thought of Will trying to attract me and his behaviour was what it was. I do not mean to intimate that Charles has in any way been false, more that he may have not done or said things that he would have had, I not been present. Restrained is more the true nature of it. I have seen Will get angry, yell and act in a less than polite manner,

  Aurora dropped her hands to her lap, the journal resting in them. She had never thought about it, but Gran had a point. Generally the dating stage showed up all the positive aspects of a person and none of the negative. She thought back to her own situation with Peter. In the years before they were married he was patient with her, loving even. He had been courteous and respectful to her family and his own.

  The wedding had changed all that. Whilst he had never been rude to her grandparents to their face, he had made the odd snide comment and generally made things harder with them and more uncomfortable than they needed to be. To his own mother he had become downright rude. Looking back after the event it seemed to Aurora that once Peter had her in a committed position, things had changed dramatically. She could see his logic. What woman in her right mind would agree to become tangled up in the bonds of marriage with a man who used his fists to communicate?

  A conversation between her and Gran after she had first taken Peter home, which she had forgotten all about until now, came flooding back to her. Gran had hugged her and told her that he appeared to be a nice young man and that she was happy for her. As she had been letting go, Gran had gently held her hands and looked Aurora in the eye. The memory was suddenly as clear as if it had happened yesterday. Gran’s words had been, ‘Just make sure love that you get to know the real Peter. The man behind the facade.’

  Aurora could remember thinking at the time that Gran was over-reacting and that of course she had known the real Peter. They had spent most of their available spare time together. Now, of course, she knew how wrong she had been and had wished that she had listened, or rather had the experience to know what to look for, but wasn’t that always the way? Gran had obviously learned the same lesson, also a little too late by the looks. Not that Aurora had thought that Gran’s life had been a bad one, nor that her grandfather had been a bad man. Aurora ha
d thought that the sun had risen and set in him, but maybe had she been able to view it through Gran’s eyes, her perception of the situation and the person may have been different. There was no way of knowing now.

  She lifted the journal up again and continued with the entry.

  …but I have also had the opportunity to catch unguarded genuine moments of pleasure and kindness, most especially towards his own mother, which is incredibly unusual. He also seems to have an incredible inner strength as was shown by a sad event that happened the day before yesterday, which I was not (thankfully) part of, but was told to us by George, Will and Arthur’s father who had been present. They had been moving cattle in one of the paddocks near the river when Will’s horse had stumbled, fallen and rolled with him on it. Will had emerged from under the horse unhurt, thankfully, but the horse itself had suffered a bad break to the leg. My heart broke to hear it, but apparently it would have been impossible for it to heal properly and for the horse to have had a normal range of movement with it. According to George, Will didn’t hesitate and leave the horse in pain. He unstrapped the rifle from the horse, removed the saddle, placing it over to one side and did what had to be done. George said that he had offered to do it but Will had merely shaken his head and proceeded. When he was certain that the horse was no longer suffering he had slung the rifle over his shoulder, picked up the saddle and walked home. George told us that they let him go, understanding that it had been difficult for him to destroy the horse that had been his primary working horse for the last few years. Will was very quiet that night at dinner and retired early. I had been under the impression that the others were not attached to their animals in as deeper way as I am to Hellequin. The error there is mine. Affection does not have to be displayed to be present. I could not have done what he did. The thought of having to shoot an animal for its own benefit fills my eyes with tears. I am overly attached to Hellequin and I hope that nothing of that nature has to be done with him while I am here.