The Great Carbuncle
Page 3
CHILLINGWORTH
Doctor, you too?
CACAPHODEL
I'm not so convinced that it exists myself, but if it does, such a gem should go under heavy scientific observation and experiments. I would cut the Great Carbuncle into microscopic pieces and use them as a blueprint for replicating the gem's unusual properties.
JOHN
You'd cut it up?!
The air becomes even colder than before, to the point of freezing.
CACAPHODEL
For the benefit of mankind.
HANNAH
What would you do with it, professor?
CHILLINGWORTH
I wouldn't do anything with the Great Carbuncle, because-no, doctor, I wouldn't leave it on the ground like a simpleton, because there is no such thing as the Great Carbuncle! It's a myth. A story. A lie. The sooner we all realize that, the better off we'll be.
Beat.
HANNAH
What if we do find it? On this trip, all of us? Together.
CHILLINGWORTH
It's impossible.
HANNAH
It's not impossible. Is it, Seeker?
SEEKER
It's always possible.
CACAPHODEL
If we do find it, then it would be reasonable to agree to share the Great Carbuncle. However, I'd accept my share as a portion of the gem.
DE VERE
As would I.
JOHN
You guys don't know what you're saying. If you cut up something as beautiful and pure as the Great Carbuncle, who knows what will happen? It's not good karma.
DE VERE
Karma or not, I'll agree to an equal shares deal. John, you'll simply have to obtain inspiration from a shard.
JOHN
It's still wrong.
HANNAH
Good. We all agree to share it. No complaining about it later.
DE VERE
And what about the professor? Will he agree to this pact, or will his greed overcome him in a flash of revelation when looking upon the mythic stone he's so determined to discredit?
CHILLINGWORTH
I will not agree to this pact, because it's inconsequential. For there is not, nor was there ever a Great Carbuncle!
Enter PIGGSNORTO.
PIGGSNORTO
Jeez! Who pissed off Old Man Winter?
PIGGSNORTO is handed the bag of hotdogs, and HE impales one on a hanger and holds it over the propane heater.
SEEKER
Looks like it might rain, and if that happens, this trip is over.
PIGGSNORTO
What? Who are you to say that?
SEEKER
Who am I? You ever try walkin' up an ice-cube mountain? I tell you now, it ain't as fun as it sounds! Anyhow, that bridge your new path had us cross isn't meant for this world too much longer. That thing gets a good freeze on it, and it'll fall to pieces.
MATTHEW
Listen to the man. He's the guide, after all.