Always Series Box Set

by Becs, Lindsay

  Her question and accusation make me laugh. “I grew up in England; this is my English accent,” I tell her. “And I’ll let you tie ribbons to my ears only if you can tell me where your sister is. I’m here looking for Tatum. I’m a friend of hers.”

  Before she can answer me, a man walks outside. I look over at his stern expression and stand to meet him. “Dad, he’s a friend of Tates, and he has holes in his ears!” Penny tells him with excitement. Wait, Dad? This guy looks too young to be Tatum’s stepdad. Although, I never saw his picture.

  “Are you Travis?” I cautiously ask.

  “Yeah. And who the hell are you?” he asks me.

  “Dad! You owe me a dollar when we get home,” Penny says.

  “I’m sorry, let me start again. I’m Benton King. Tatum has been working with our team this season. She and I have been dating. Sort of.” I furrow my brow. “She left without saying anything and had been sick. I came to make sure she was alright. She wouldn’t answer any of my calls. I’m worried is all.”

  Travis studies me for a minute, and Penny matches her dad’s standoffish stance this time. “I didn’t know she’d been sick, but she isn’t here. As far as I knew, she was with you,” he says flippantly.

  “Tatum is sick?” Penny asks with concern. “Is she going to leave like Momma?” Her little voice turns panicked.

  “Shit,” I hear Travis mutter before turning toward his daughter. “Let me call her. I’m sure she’s fine, LP.” He pulls out his cell and calls. His eyes find mine for a second when he speaks again. “Hey, Tate.” He turns away from me, and I don’t hear what he says after.

  “I’m sorry, Penny. I didn’t mean to upset you. I only wanted to make sure your sister was alright. She means a great deal to me.” I smile at her. “In fact, she’s my favorite person.”

  “She’s the best.” She smiles back.

  “That she is. I promised her I would take care of her and never hurt her. I want to make sure I’m keeping my promises.”

  “You should only make a promise if you know you can’t break it,” Penny tells me, just like her sister had.

  “Tatum is fine,” Travis says, interrupting my moment with Penny.

  “Where is she?” I ask.

  “Safe,” is all he offers.

  “I need to see her. Please?” I plead.

  “She said she needs some space, but to tell you she’s alright and that she’ll be watching you win,” he offers.

  “I suppose that will have to be enough then, yeah?” I mumble on a frustrated sigh. I could stay, track her down, yell at her for leaving. But none of it would do any good. When Tatum builds walls, they are reinforced with steel. And I unfortunately don’t have the time I need to convince her that it’s time to open the gate and let this King storm her castle.

  He gives me a curt nod. “I’m sorry.”

  Turning around, I head back to my car. “Can you tell her something for me?” I ask as I turn back to face him. “Can you tell her that I will win, for her? Then, afterward, I’m coming back for her. That is a promise.”

  I climb into the car, but not before I hear Penny. “I like him, Daddy.”

  Now, I just need your sister to feel the same way, Pen.

  * * *

  As pissed as I was about Tatum leaving, I had to get back and I had to keep my mind in the race. The IMR was nearing the end, and I was so close to victory I could taste it. Although, now, it had a slightly bitter taste without my Sugar beside me.

  I still didn’t have answers or understand her quick departure, but I knew if she wanted space, I needed to respect that. It still pissed me right off, though. None of it made sense. Things were good, and as much as I search my mind, I can’t come up with any reason for her to leave the way she did. Alone, early, no goodbye. It just did not make any sense.

  I would do what I promised her, though. I was going to win, and then I was coming for her and I would get my answers. She couldn’t hide forever, and she would help me understand all of it.

  Over the next eight weeks, I did exactly what I sought out to do. I fucking won. I won the IMR. It was close, but I did it. And in that moment that should have been filled with excitement and joy, it was dimmed by the fact that Tatum wasn’t there. I couldn’t pull her into a dark corner and kiss her lips in victory. I couldn’t stare into her heated blue eyes and see how proud she was of me. I couldn’t have her beside me as I took the top podium before the world as the champion. It didn’t feel right. Because she was missing.

  “Congratulations, son! You did it!” my father says when I get back to the bay from the podium.

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  “Why don’t you seem happy?”

  “I need to leave. I’m taking a break. I’ll talk to you in a couple weeks, yeah?”

  “What are you talking about? We have to get back and start again with the new model for next year,” he says, talking about the new bike for the next race season.

  “No. I'm bringing back the old model.” I smile at him.

  He huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “Keep your head on, Benton. Is it really worth losing all of this to follow a girl?”

  “When it’s the right one, yes,” I tell him, meeting his disapproving eyes. “I’ll talk to you later.” I push past him and everyone else.

  It takes what seems like an eternity to get back to my hotel room. I tried not to brush everyone off, but I was over the congratulations when all I wanted was to get to my girl and hold her and talk to her. Find out what went wrong and fix it. After a quick shower, I pack my things and head to the airport.

  “I’m coming for you, Sugar,” I whisper looking out the window once I boarded the plane.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Tatum

  Since peeing on that stick, I have cried more than I have in my entire life. In fact, I can’t seem to stop crying. It’s ridiculous, really. Who cries this much?

  Once I flew back home, I went to Bexley, my brother’s fiancée, first. I knew this was going to devastate Ollie, and I didn’t know how to do any of it now that I was here and had no choice but to keep going forward. Ollie was mad a first, but Bex helped calm him, and me, as we talked about what I needed. The next day, they took me to the hospital where they both work, Highrise Hospital, and I saw an ob-gyn, who not only confirmed I was pregnant, but also that I was four months along.

  After the shock of that sunk in, I made a plan. Except before I could put my plan into action, I got a call from Travis telling me that a scary looking guy was at Pretty Girl asking for me and Penny wanted to tie ribbons on him. That visual made me let out a sudden laugh, but then I couldn’t believe that Benton had flown all the way here when he was so close to winning the IMR and had a race in a few days. I also knew I had to stick to what I agreed upon with Matthew and I couldn’t tell Benton, which meant I couldn’t talk to him. If I did, I was sure to break down and spill everything.

  Benton left, giving Travis a message for me. “He said, ‘Tell her that I’ll win for her. Then he said he’d come back for you and that was a promise.’ It kind of seems a little bit creepy, Tates.” That was Travis’s take on it when he called me back a little later. I assured him that Benton may look rough and tough, but he was a softy, really.

  Then, I asked if he would mind me staying with him and Penny and getting my old job back at Pretty Girl Garage. He, of course, said he’d be happy to have me at both. I packed up from Ollie and Bex’s place and drove down to Graves.

  Travis took one look at me, opened his arms, and I ran into them crying. I wasn’t sure if Ollie or Bex had told him everything, but he didn’t say a word. He let me get my tears out and tell him on my own that I was scared and pregnant. Travis may be young to be considered my dad, but he’s been more of a dad to me than my own.

  Though it’s different, Travis still understands what it’s like to be a parent at a young age. He was twenty-three when Penny was born, and three years later, Mom was gone and he was left to raise a spunky, red-headed little girl.
Penny has always been sunshine behind the clouds and the glue that keeps us all together. Now I understand so much more of what he means every time he says that she’s his whole life.

  That first flutter I felt, even before I knew I was growing a life, seeing that first ultrasound, the life that Benton and I made together, I knew this little human I was growing was the only important and real thing in my life now. Nothing else mattered. Not my feelings for Benton. Not his race standings. Not if he ever talked to me again once he found out what I kept from him. Nothing mattered but taking care of this little life that was precious and cherished and loved.

  I am so scared and don’t have any idea what the next weeks, months, or years will hold; but I do know that in five months, I’ll be a mom. I promise I will care for and love this baby with everything it deserves.

  * * *

  It’s been a month since I left Benton in Japan and came back home. I’ve watched his races, and he’s made the podium in both. He smiles, but the fire in his eyes has dimmed. I can’t help but wonder if it's because of me. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I had to do what was right for both of us at that moment. I hope one day he’ll forgive me.

  I’m lying on my back on my bed, my hands resting over my growing belly as the baby kicks up a storm. I’m listening to interviews Benton did after the last race. His voice soothes me, like a balm on a burn. I think the baby likes it, too.

  I decided not to find out the sex of the baby. I want it to be a surprise, and maybe one for both of us to have together if Benton wants to be there. I’m still not sure how he’ll react to the news or the fact that I didn’t tell him right away. I try not to think about it.

  I need my mom; I wish she were here. She’d know exactly what to do, what’s right for all of us. The more time goes on, the more I feel like I just keep making a bigger mess of things. I pull down my box of letters, the one she left me filled with handwritten notes for each and every big life event she could think of and then some. We each got one when she died: Travis, Ollie, Penny and me. After her cancer came back and took the best person in the world from me. From us.

  I sniff back the tears threatening to fall. Emotions. I’m still not used to having so many all. The. Damn. Time. I thumb through the envelopes until I find the one I’m looking for. I’ve avoided reading it, afraid that she’s disappointed in me from where she sits in heaven. You’re going to be a Mommy! I pull it out of the box, wiping my wet eyes on my shoulders as I open it.

  Tatum!

  Oh, my sweet girl, I’m so excited to write this letter (and maybe a lot mad I can’t be there too!) You are going to be a mom! Wait. No. You already are one. If you have already peed on a stick and waited those excruciating minutes until you got the results for them to change your entire life, you are already a mother. That is a fact no one can take from you, ever. No one will feel that life growing inside you like you do. No one will love that precious life the way you do.

  I remember with Ollie, I was so petrified. I was only fifteen and thought my parents were going to kill me, or your dad. I was shaking so badly, I peed all over my hand in the process of trying to take the test. Funny now, but at the time I felt so alone and scared.

  Then, nine years later, with you, I was scared for a different reason. I had already had three miscarriages and was afraid to tell anyone I was having a baby for fear I’d have to tell them that I’d lost another child. Something about the moment when I found out I was having you told me you were a fighter, and I knew we’d do this together. You and me. And we did.

  With Penny, everything was so different. After chemo, I didn’t know if I’d even be able to have another baby. She was a miracle. I was thirty-seven, married to the right man this time, had beaten cancer, and felt on top of the world. I should have been the most scared with her, but I never was. Everything felt right.

  I want that for you, Tatum. I hope that everything feels right. I hope that whoever the father of this baby is loves you and this child wholly. I hope that he makes you both the center of his universe. You are his queen, after all, carrying his little prince or princess.

  Enjoy every movement, every stretch mark, every cramp, craving, and bout of nausea. Enjoy it all because it will be over quicker than you expect.

  I still can’t believe you’re making me a grandma. You’re the first, right? Ollie is still far off from fatherhood, I’m guessing.

  I love you, sweet girl. Kiss all those baby toes for me when that little miracle joins the world.

  Mom

  I cry all the tears I can and then I sit up, grab my journal and pen, and write back.

  * * *

  “Penny!” I yell outside for her to come in for dinner. I shake my head when I see her rounding the corner of the house with the new boy from next door beside her.

  Travis’s neighbor, Tilly, moved in a year ago. A month ago, her sister and husband were killed in a car accident, leaving Tilly as guardian over their son, her nephew, Jesse. Jesse Jones moved in with Tilly and started raising hell the second he got there. He’s ten and three years older than Penny, but she doesn’t let him get away with anything. It’s pretty humorous to watch, actually.

  “I told you. She’s my sister, not my mom!” Penny yells at Jesse. He’s got a smirk on his face, showing that he’s pushing her buttons on purpose.

  “Pen, come on, dinner is ready. Jesse, you’re welcome to join us if you want,” I tell the pair of them.

  “No thanks,” he grumbles, walking to his house next door, kicking dirt on his way.

  “What was that about?” I ask Penny as she washes her hands at the sink.

  “How should I know?” She shrugs. “He’s got more moods than you!”

  “Hey! That’s not nice, you little twerp!”

  “Can’t say it isn’t true, Tate.” The little turd may be right, but it still stings a little bit.

  “Fine,” I give in. “What were you two doing, anyway?”

  “We were catching crickets in the field. Jesse said that maybe later we could try to catch lightning bugs. Can I go back out after dinner?” she asks as we set everything for dinner on the table.

  “You’ll have to ask your dad. He doesn’t like you going out after dark.”

  She slumps into her seat and crosses her arms over her chest. “He’ll say no.”

  “Oh, so you thought you’d get me to say yes then, huh?”

  “Duh!”

  I roll my eyes and begin helping her make her tacos. We’re almost finished when Travis comes in to join us. We eat and talk about our days, and after we clean up, he gives Penny a flashlight and a jar and tells her she has thirty minutes to catch lightning bugs.

  While Travis goes out back to keep an eye on Penny, I go upstairs to take a bath. I just sink into the water, hoping it’ll help calm the ache in my back, when my phone rings. Without looking, I answer and immediately regret it.

  “Hello?” I answer

  “Sugar? You answered.” Benton’s deep rasp comes through the line. It’s like a warm blanket over my body.

  I close my eyes to take a second before responding. “I guess so.”

  “What’s going on, Tatum?” His question and the way he says my name have tears filling my eyes. Stupid emotions.

  “I can’t really talk, Benton,” I tell him, biting the inside of my cheek to check myself.

  “Please? Talk to me. Tell me anything. Tell me to fuck off even. But please don’t shut me out. What happened? Are you alright? Did someone hurt you? Talk to me, Sugar.” He sounds so desperate. He sounds exhausted. They should be in Malaysia, I think.

  “I’m fine. I just needed to leave. But I can’t talk right now,” I tell him and shift back in the tub, water moving around my swelling belly.

  “Are you taking one of your baths?”

  “Yes,” I answer.

  “I miss joining you.” The line is quiet for a minute, and the baby starts to kick. It’s like he or she knows I’m crumbling talking to their father. “You promise me you’
re alright? You’re feeling better, yeah?”

  “Yeah, I’m feeling better. I’m alright.”

  “Good. That’s good. I needed this. I needed to hear your voice. Know you were alright.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “I miss you so fucking much.” He sounds tortured saying those words.

  I blink back tears again. “I need to go.”

  “Two more races. Then I’m coming for you, Sugar.”

  And the line goes dead.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Benton

  The two months without Tatum have been awful. Nothing felt right. My pre-race nights were off. My whole vibe felt off. I don’t know how the bloody hell I still managed to race decently because my mind was everywhere but on the track. My spark was gone, and the only reason I was finishing the season was my binding contract. Otherwise, I’d have been across the world fighting for my girl.

  Hearing her voice a month ago gave me the bit of fuel I needed to keep my fire going. Although she said she was fine, she didn’t sound fine. Something was still off. I just need to see her, talk to her, find out what. I could help fix whatever was going on if she’d just talk to me and stop shutting me out.

  I pull up to Pretty Girl Garage, for the second time, and hope that she’s here this time. My palms are sweating as I walk to the entrance. I’m nervous to see her. I race on two wheels, riding at over 150 miles per hour, but this makes me nervous.

  I rub my hands down my jeans and pull open the door. I see her huddled over a desk with some guy hovering over her back, their heads close together. Too close. It sets my blood boiling, and I wonder if this is really why she left. I steel my jaw and clear my throat, interrupting their cuddle time.

  They both look up slowly, but the man stays close to her, touching her, and I want to rip his face off.