“Pig,” she scoffs, making me laugh.
“Is that what you want to eat, or are you just naming animals?”
“Jesse, I’m going to nut punch you soon.”
I cover said nuts with my hands because I know she will. “Fine. What do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know.”
“Penny, you are exhausting me and you haven’t even sat down yet.”
“Pizza?” She shrugs her shoulders.
I pull out my phone and order our usual, earning me a satisfied smile from her when I’m done.
“Please sit down. You’re making me nervous,” I tell her, taking a healthy gulp of my beer.
“You nervous to tell me what’s really wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Then why did you act the way you did when I told I got a job with RK?” I ignore her question and instead drain the bottle in my hand. “Jesse Jones, you cannot ignore me.”
“But I can try.” I smile as I reach for another bottle.
“Jesse!”
“Fine,” I grit, throwing the bottle top. “I’m mad you’re leaving. You said yes. You’re leaving.”
“It’s not forever, Jess.”
“I know that.”
“And I’m not leaving you. I’m taking a job for a few months. I’ll be back and we’ll talk and FaceTime while I’m gone. It’ll go fast. I know it.”
“Says the one leaving to see the world.”
“You make it sound like you have nothing here without me.” I lift a challenging brow at her. “Tilly is here. My dad is here. All your girls.”
“You know none of that is the same as you,” I say while wiping at the condensation on the bottle in my hand, not wanting to look at her.
“Jess, I have to see what else is out there. I’ll regret it if I don’t.”
“Looks like you’ll get to see whatever the hell you want to see,” I snort. “And have the cream of the crop to show you around, show you exactly what’s out there,” I add.
“That’s not fair, Jess. I’ve sat by for years while you had any girl you wanted anytime you wanted. I’m eighteen and I’ve never been on a date, had a boyfriend, been kissed,” she trails off. “You ran off everyone off who ever showed interest. And if you didn’t, then my dad did, or Ollie or Benton. Heck, even Tatum has.”
“It’s always been to protect you from all the assholes.”
“Like you,” she sasses.
“Exactly like me.”
We sit quietly, both of us rocking in our own chairs on the porch, just like we always do, with Bear between us. The pizza arrives. I pay, and we still haven’t said another word until we’re halfway through the pie.
“You want to watch a movie?” I ask.
“You have M&M’s for the popcorn?”
“Who do you think you’re talking to? Of course.”
I pop the popcorn, pour in the chocolate candies to heat them up to be perfectly melty, and head out to where she has a movie started.
“Never Been Kissed?” I laugh.
“Seemed fitting,” she grumbles, taking her bag of popcorn from me.
The movie starts and we snack on our favorite movie treat since we were kids. Finally, I can’t help but ask.
“You’ve really never been kissed?”
“Nope. Not even a peck,” she says, tossing a handful of popcorn into her mouth, eyes fixed on the TV.
I watch her for a minute as she stares at the movie playing. Her big, beautiful blue eyes lined with long lashes. Creamy skin dotted with freckles that create a treasure map across her cheeks and nose of her innocence and our childhood together. Red hair that’s darkened through the years but is still equally unruly when she first wakes up in the morning. She’s beautiful.
“Fuck it,” I mumble before throwing both our bags of popcorn to the floor.
“What are you do—”
I cut off her protest. My lips press to hers, soft and firm all at once. I pull back and look in her eyes, waiting for her slap me or knee me in the balls. But instead, she surprises me, swinging her leg over mine and straddling my lap.
Our eyes haven’t lost connection since I kissed her. “Do it again,” she whispers.
My fingers go into her hair, pulling her closer to me. “You sure about this?” I ask when our lips are just barely apart. I watch as her tongue darts out, licking her lips.
“Nope. But I want you to be my first.”
I crash my mouth to hers again. I slide my tongue in this time, messaging hers, getting to know her this way. We kiss and nip and suck at each other. Her arms wrap around my head, keeping me close. My arms wrap around her body, not daring to travel anywhere else. I know I won’t stop if I do.
Her hips are sliding back and forth on my lap, making me groan. And by her pants of pleasure, I’m pretty sure she feels my hard dick she’s grinding against. I groan again, knowing I need to stop this or it’s going to get messy in all kinds of ways.
My hands go to her hips, holding her still. She pulls back, looking embarrassed.
“We need to stop,” I tell her, fighting through every ounce of my self-control.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers as she tucks her messy hair behind her ears.
I cup her face and kiss her swollen and bruised lips once more. “You don’t ever apologize for that.”
“Then why did you stop, Jess?” Where did this brazen girl come from?
“Because we’re both leaving soon and I don’t want to leave like that. When we finally do this—and we definitely will—it’s not going to be on a goodbye.”
“What do you mean we’re both leaving? Where are you going?”
“I enlisted.”
“You what?!”
“Yeah, I talked to a recruiter a few months back. I enlisted in the Air Force. I leave in a couple weeks.”
“How could you keep this from me? How can you be such a hypocrite? You’re mad I’m leaving, but you were going to be leaving me all along.”
“Just for basic training. I was hoping that when I got my assignment, you’d come with me.” Fuck, I feel so nervous admitting all this to her. I knew I needed to talk to her, but I didn’t know how. Then today, when she told me she was leaving, I knew I’d lost my chance. I’m a fool.
“Jesse…”
“I know I messed up. I should have talked to you about this before. I know I’m too late.”
She slides off my lap, and I already miss feeling her against me. “I can’t believe this.”
“I’m sorry, Nugget.”
“Why?”
“I guess, like you, I need to figure out if this is what I want for good or not. I know I want you to be part of whatever I do though.”
She huffs out a laugh. “Really? Because you didn’t even include me in your decision.”
“Maybe not directly, but you were very much a part of this decision. Trust me.”
“I don’t even know what to say. How long?”
“I signed up for four years, for now.”
“Geez, Jess, don’t go big or anything.”
“Hey, it could have been six,” I say, trying to make her laugh, but it doesn’t work.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“I know. I’m going to miss you, too.”
“Don’t stay mad at me, please, Nugget. I can’t leave with you mad at me,” I plead.
“I won’t. I’m not. I’m just surprised. Shocked really. Does Tilly know?” I nod. “My dad?” I reluctantly nod again. “I can’t believe he didn’t say anything to me.”
“I begged him not to.”
“Well, I’ll write you. Or email? Call? I don’t even know, but whatever it is, I’ll do it.”
I smile at her and kiss her again. I can’t help it. Resting my head against hers, I ask, “Will you stay here tonight, like old times?”
She agrees, and together we climb my stairs to the loft bedroom. I curl my body around her and whisper, “Thank you.”
Chapter Three
Pen
ny
When I wake up, Jesse is gone from his bed. I stretch and smile when I inhale my favorite smells of morning: coffee, pancakes, and bacon. I roll out of bed and make my way downstairs.
“Why are you so great?” I ask as I enter his small kitchen, where he stands over the stove flipping pancakes in nothing but gym shorts.
It’s never given me a reason to pause before but after kissing him last night, my body is reacting to him in a whole new way. I push down these foreign nerves for my best friend and pour a cup of coffee for each of us.
“Here.” I place his steaming mug next to where he’s cooking breakfast. Hopping up on the counter, I take in his naked upper half from over the rim of my own mug.
“Thanks,” he says, taking a sip but not looking at me yet.
Then, his eyes glance to my bare legs next to him, and I feel embarrassed with Jesse for the first time in my life for only wearing one of his T-shirts. This is a typical morning for the two of us and has been for years. But that was before we muddied the lines of our friendship last night.
Trying to push past the awkward tension in the room, I reach for a piece of bacon. I love bacon. He hands me a pancake, knowing what I want, and I fold it around my piece of bacon, making a bacon/pancake taco/sandwich. I moan around a bite of my favorite salty-sweet breakfast.
Jesse’s head falls back, looking up to the ceiling as he lets out a frustrated breath. “You are going to fucking kill me this morning, aren’t you?”
“What are you talking about?” I slowly ask, chewing my breakfast.
When his eyes find mine for the first time since I walked in, I see it. I swallow down the food in my mouth. We stare for a second longer, and then his mouth is on mine.
He steps between my legs, pulling me to the edge of the counter. His hand is at the back of my head, holding me to him. Little does he know, I’m not going anywhere. At least not yet.
“Fuck, Nugget,” he sighs into my neck when his mouth trails there. “What is happening?”
“Well, right now, you’re kissing me.”
He chuckles into my neck, “Smartass.”
“Did you really expect that to change?”
He straightens, looking at me again. “I didn’t really expect any of this.”
“So, does that mean we should talk about what ‘this’ is?” I ask, reaching for my coffee again. After I take a sip, he takes it from me, taking one of his own. That simple act of sharing a cup makes all of this feel more intimate.
Especially with him still between my legs.
“If you want to.” He moves then to finish cooking breakfast. I cross my legs, pulling down his shirt that I’m wearing to cover more of my exposed legs, feeling the need to keep that part of me hidden from him. What is happening?
Once the stove is turned off and plates filled with bacon and pancakes are sitting on the counter between us, he makes his own sandwich of breakfast goodness and leans back against the counter next to me.
“We’re both leaving soon,” he says like a final statement.
I finish my breakfast, that now tastes bitter, and jump from the counter, making my way upstairs to change.
“Nugget,” he calls when I reach his bedroom. I lean over the half-wall of his loft bedroom and see him standing below, looking defeated.
“It’s fine, Jess. It is what it is. Now, we move on,” I tell him with a shrug. I dress quickly, give Bear a pet, and head out to my car.
“Really, Pen? Now, you’re not even going to say goodbye?”
“What do you want from me?” I ask as I turn around with the tears I was trying to hide from him falling down my face.
“Nugget, I…”
“Don’t make this goodbye any harder than it’s already going to be.”
I get in my car and drive home, trying my best to get my tears under control. I still have a couple weeks with my best friend, and I’m not going to ruin them with my tears.
I take a quick shower and head to the garage to work through my frustration, hoping that my dad doesn’t ask. I’m still mad at him, too, for not telling me about Jesse leaving.
I just have to make it through the next two weeks. Next weekend I go to Vegas, and then I graduate the week after, right before Jesse leaves. Then, I’ll get to do my dream job. Because I’m still excited about it. I think.
* * *
The weekend and Vegas came and went. It was fun and exciting and I had a great time with Tatum and the kids. It’ll be a great experience working with Royal King and networking around. Plus, I’ll get to see the world with my sister as my tour guide. What could be better than that?
Doing all of that with Jesse. That’s what would be better. But that isn’t happening.
He’s kept distance between us, only seeing me at Pretty Girl when we’re both there. He claims he’s just busy getting ready to leave. Which I’m sure is partially true, but I’m not buying that that is the only reason. He forgets that I’ve known him since he was ten.
Today is my high school graduation and I couldn’t care less, but it’s important to my dad. My whole family will be there, and then we’re having a backyard barbeque. A Duncan/Gellar tradition, I’m told.
I’m putting earrings in when I hear a knock on my door. “Yeah?”
“LP, you decent?” my dad asks.
“Just putting on jewelry. Come on in.”
He pushes my door open and takes me in for a second. He looks both happy and sad.
“Dad, it’s OK. I’m growing up. It’s what happens,” I tell him, walking to give him a hug.
He kisses the top of my head. “Doesn’t mean I like it.”
“You sure you’re OK?”
“Yes,” he says, stepping back and smiling at me. I’ve always felt like I had to take care of him in a sense. Not like he didn’t parent me or take care of me, but he has always needed someone to check up on him from time to time. He still misses my mom after all these years. I try to help him see the joy in life around him so he doesn’t stay lost in his grief. “I have a letter for you.”
My face lights up. I was hoping I’d have one today. Before my mom passed away, she wrote letters to all of us: my dad, my brother and sister, and me. We were each left a box filled and labeled for everything from milestones and birthdays to recipes and advice. My dad has always kept my box with his and given me my letters when needed. I like it that way; it’s like a surprise or extra gift whenever I get one.
I look to my bed then and see that he put a box there. I look at him in wonder because I’ve never actually seen the box before.
“I think it’s time you keep them yourself. You’re a grown woman now, LP, no matter how much I try to fight it. They’re all there. The ones you’ve read, the ones you haven’t, all of them are there.”
“I never doubted you took care of them, Dad.”
He gives me a small grin and nods his head. “Alright, well, we gotta go in about ten minutes.” He leaves me with my box of letters, and I know this has to hurt him a little bit.
I sit down and open the box, pulling it to my lap. I can’t believe how many envelopes sit inside. I close my eyes and try to remember her as I pull the box up to my face and inhale, wanting so much to feel her. I can faintly smell lavender. “Hey, Momma.” I smile.
My fingers skim the envelopes until I see the one labeled ‘High School Graduation.’ I pull it out and slide the letter opener through the sealed paper.
Baby Girl,
Alright, I know at this point you’re eighteen and graduating from high school, a legal adult even, but you will always be my baby girl.
I can only imagine the pride your daddy feels today. Watching you, a young woman, walking across the stage and entering the next phase of life. Today will be hard on him. Although, I think it’d be hard for him even if I were there.
Tell me, are you going to college? Taking a year off to backpack through Europe? Pissing your dad off and running away with a boy even? Where is life taking my Penny?
Whe
rever you go, whatever you do, do it for you. Never make a choice for someone else. Now is the time to figure out who you are. Now is the time you get to experience life and all it has to offer. Now is the time to be you, truly you, apart from anyone else.
It’s OK to still do all of that with someone (if you have someone.) But don’t let them dictate what you do. Consider them, but consider yourself more.
You get to fly, baby girl. Soar high and touch the sky. You are the sunshine of my life.
I’m so proud of you.
Love,
Momma
I sniff back my tears, kiss her name like I do every time, and tell her everything I keep inside.
“Oh, Momma, I wish you were here. I’m so excited to be going with Tatum and seeing the world, but I’m so scared I’m going to make a fool of myself. It’s for less than a year, though. I know she’ll take care of me, probably too much.
“I’m going to miss Jesse. I can’t believe he enlisted and didn’t even tell me. I had no idea he was considering the military at all. And did you know that Dad knew before me and kept it from me? I was so mad at him.
“Oh, and Jesse and I kissed. It was one heck of a kiss, too, Momma. He was my first kiss. I always hoped it’d be him, I think. But now I’m not sure what’s happening. He’s pushed me away, and it doesn’t feel right. I thought if we ever did do anything like that it would bring us closer, but it seems to have done the opposite. I don’t know what to do now. Do you? You would probably know exactly what to do.”
Then I smile and reach for the box of letters again and look through them. I see the one I need to read next. ‘Boy Trouble.’
I just open the envelope when my dad yells it’s time to go. I close the box and head out. I’ll have to read it when I get back.
I meet my dad at the door and kiss him on the cheek before jumping into his truck. He chuckles, shaking his head at me.
“Good talk with your momma?”
“Always.” I smile at him.
“I love you, LP.” He smiles back at me.
“I love you too, Daddy.”
Chapter Four
Always Series Box Set Page 49