by KL Donn
“Can you tell him”—she blows out a deep breath, meeting my stare—“tell him I’m not coming home.” Shocked by her response, a pleased grin spreads across my face.
“Say what now?” Braxton bites out.
I take the phone from her hand. Royal is totally at ease with her choice. “You heard the woman. She’s not coming home. Let her father know we’ll be there tomorrow to gather her shit.” Hanging up, I drag her down to me. “You know what you just did, right?”
She nods. “Yes. I can’t straddle two different worlds, Beckett. I want to be here with you, in your arms each night. I was never wanted by them, not in the way I should have been. But with you, you make me feel like I’m someone important.”
“You are. You’re the most important person in my life,” I murmur against her lips. “Marry me,” I demand. I’ve known for a long time that when I found the girl who made me look at the world differently that I wouldn’t hesitate to tie up any loose ends. Her not carrying my last name is a loose end.
“What?” she gasps, shocked.
“Be my wife, Royal.”
Her incredulous blinking turns into a stunning smile before she replies, “Yes,” with a sigh.
Flipping her over, I push up the shirt she stole from me and slip my shorts down before sliding into her waiting heat, fucking her long into the night as the sky darkens and the sounds of the waves crash on the beach.
“I love you, Royal. More than I can ever truly express,” I whisper in her ear as she sighs my name.
“I love you too, Beckett. I never knew I could have this until you.”
Royal
* * *
Watching the gates to my family home open, I feel a little sick over the confrontation I know is about to occur. My parents won’t release me without a fight, but over the past several months, I’ve realized I can no longer stay here. If I do, I won’t just lose myself, it could very well kill me in the end.
As much as I want to help my sister, I don’t know how long they expect me to be obligated to give her everything I have left. I love Leia, and I would do anything to keep her healthy, but before I can tell my parents whether I’ll continue with donations for her, I need to find out what it is that she wants.
Last night, Beckett really made me think and wonder about how my older sister must feel. With each new transfusion or transplant, it seems like we lose her a little bit more each time. I’m not sure why, but I got this feeling after lying awake and remembering the last stem cell transplant. Leia was void. The life in her eyes, dim and tired.
After an entire lifetime of one treatment, one illness after another, I don’t comprehend how she’s still holding on. Does she even want to? I’ve asked myself a million times if I’d be as strong as her if I were sick since childhood, and my answer was never clear until now.
For all the times Leia was sick, I was right there with her. I’ve always been by her side, only I’ve been the sole donator, and I’m burned out. But I can still have a long, healthy road ahead of me; Leia doesn’t.
“What if she tells me she’s done?” I ask Beckett.
With the metal barriers wide open, Beck puts his truck into park and turns to face me. “If Leia says she’s done fighting, you’re going to be the little sister you never got the chance to be and provide her the life she's missed out on. Take her surfing, go sky diving, travel to Paris. Swim with dolphins or snorkel in one of the lagoons,” he responds supportively, cupping my cheek as my tears threaten. “You’ll be there for her in whatever way she needs because that’s the kind of woman you are, Royal. You two missed out on the bonding part of your relationship because your parents treated you like two sick kids and didn’t allow you a chance to be friends.”
At a loss for words, I can only nod because he’s right. I have no idea what comes next, but I hope to give Leia whatever it is she needs or wants.
I don’t have very much I’ll want to take with me because there’s nothing here that wasn’t bought to just keep me submissive. I have a few mementos that mean a lot to me, however, and I’d like to hold onto them. Mostly I just want to talk to Leia.
Beckett parks the truck in front of the garage, next to the car Braxton always drove me around in. The front door opens as I step out, and my father is there with a hostile glare. Immediately, I know this is going to be ugly.
“You’re going to kill her, you know. You’re being selfish and utterly irresponsible.” It takes everything in me not to respond.
Beckett doesn’t have the same restraint. “You’ll want to watch the accusations you’re tossing at her.” It’s rare anyone stands up to my father, so to say he’s shocked is an understatement. “You had an obligation to Royal, just like Leia, but you failed her. Don’t make the mistake of driving her away for good.”
“Who the hell do you think you are?” Dad barks back, indignation getting his back up.
“I’m the man who’s going to protect Royal from everyone that I don’t like, and right now, I don’t fucking like you. So watch yourself, or you’ll find yourself the subject of my wrath.” His tone is even-tempered, but the threat is clear.
“You? A grease monkey? Please, boy. I could land you belly up in a day with just a few phone calls.” My father crosses his arms, thinking he’s won.
Beckett remains unphased. “You could try. You won’t succeed. And you know this because if you did any research on me, you’d understand exactly how and why my shop is so successful. Try me, Mr. Sullivan.” Guiding me into the house, Beck pushes past my father. “Go see her,” he encourages as we stop at my room. “I’ll pack up your clothes; you can come back after and get whatever else you want.”
I nod and head for my sister's room down the hall. Stopping in front of the door we decorated with a ton of Star Wars memorabilia, I smile. That was one of those times where Leia and I truly bonded.
Knocking faintly, I wait a moment before opening the door. Leia is sitting in the chair by the window, watching the ocean, and I wish more than anything she had the freedom to sit in the rhythmic waves as they roll across her body.
“Leia?” I call softly.
“You’re leaving,” she says without turning to look at me. There’s no accusation in her tone.
“Yes,” I confirm, stepping into the room and closing the door with a soft snick. “Are you mad?”
She looks back over her shoulder, and I see tears. Rushing to her side, I open my mouth to say something, but I'm speechless.
“I’m not angry, Royal. I’m so, so grateful you’re getting out. Braxton has been filling me in on Beckett, and I wish I could experience that kind of love. I’m thrilled you’re going to be able to.” Dropping to my knees in front of her, I grasp her legs as she cups my cheek. “No more procedures, Royal. No more surgeries, no poking and prodding. We can be free.”
“What?” I gasp, knowing this would be a possibility but not ready for the reality of her decision.
“I’ve been done with it for a long time, Royal, but they kept pushing me on. When they told me of their plan to use you as a surrogate to have a child for me, I was sick about it. I would have loved to have children, but I would never ask you to make that sacrifice. Especially when you’ve never had anything for yourself.” She stares out the window as tears silently stream down my cheeks.
“I love you, Royal, so much. I wish our lives had been different, but I’m so very tired. I just want to live what's left of my life, even if only for a few weeks, months. I’m done fighting.”
“You could have years, Leia.” I know the statistics. I’m willing to provide whatever she needs, but it has to be my choice and not by force.
Her head shakes as she says, “I don’t. The cancer is back and more aggressive than before. There’s no cure. No more fighting. I’m dying, Royal. That’s why they wanted you to have my baby. They knew.”
“How–” I choke. “How long do you have?” I don’t care about anything else.
“They say I could have weeks, months if I�
�m fortunate.” Everything Beckett said to me in the truck comes flooding back.
“A bucket list. We need to make you one.” I thought I was prepared for this, but I’m not.
“What?” She laughs, and I’m going to miss the sound.
“We need to make a list of things you want to do. Anything at all. I’ll help you. We could swim with dolphins or go snorkeling. Skydiving. Anything you want, Leia, and we’ll do it.”
A broad smile creeps across her face as there’s a knock on the door. Beckett enters with Braxton behind him. “I want to watch you get married,” she says to me, and I nearly faint.
“That can be arranged.” Beckett grins widely.
“You asked her?” Leia bites her lip, holding her excitement inside.
He confirms, “Last night. She said yes.”
“Would you take me for a ride on your motorcycle?” Leia asks him, and I think that’s a perfect idea.
“Uh, I’ll take you for that ride.” Braxton winks at my sister, and when I see her blush, I have to wonder if there’s something there.
“I’ve got the perfect bike for you,” Beck tells them.
This is the oddest yet most authentic conversation I’ve ever had with Leia.
“What else?” I ask her.
“Make love,” she murmurs, her cheeks turning a flaming red as her eyes dart quickly to Braxton before closing.
Looking back to the man who has been my shadow for far longer than I ever needed, I see him watch her, similar to the way Beckett watches me. “I think that can be arranged too,” I whisper.
“Could I spend a few days with you guys?” Leia’s gaze crawls to Beckett.
“Hell yeah.” He’s quick to agree, and I think I fall a little more in love with him.
“I’ll help Leia pack if you want to talk to your parents,” Braxton offers.
Standing, I kiss my sister's cheek. “I’ll take care of everything.”
Grasping Beckett’s hand as I leave the room, I glance back to see Leia’s eyes observing Braxton as he moves around her room. I know the big man is in love with someone else, he’s told me about her, but that doesn’t mean he can’t care for someone else. With the way he watches my sister, I get the feeling he has the same thoughts.
Beckett
* * *
“You ready for this?” I smooth the hair back from Royal’s face, showing support after learning about Leia's recent diagnosis from Braxton. She's dying and doesn't have much time left.
Royal halts outside Leia’s door, taking in a couple of harrowing breaths and leaning her head against my chest. “Thank you for being here with me, Beckett. For loving me. For seeing me as something other than spare parts.”
“Hey.” I grip her chin between my thumb and finger and tilt her face upwards. The sheen of tears in her eyes is heartbreaking. “You were never spare parts, and loving you is the easiest thing I’ve done in my entire life. Don’t ever think otherwise.” Bending down, I kiss her lightly on the lips, savoring the quiet moment before her world is about to shatter again.
Her eyes close, and this time, I can see her visibly strengthen her resolve not only to stand up to her parents but to ensure her sister enjoys her remaining time.
This woman…
She’s no longer the girl in the tutu or a woman dancing on the beach.
She’s a warrior transforming before my very eyes.
Head held high and fire in her pupils, I watch as Royal turns on her heel and strides into the family room, where her parents are, with more confidence than I’ve ever seen. I like to think I had a hand in helping her with that, but this is all Royal. She’s far stronger than she ever believed.
“Leia is dying.” Her candid words stop each of her parents in their tracks. “And I’m going to provide her with every dream she wants before her soul leaves this earth. We’re going snorkeling and swimming with dolphins. We’re going sky diving, or bungee jumping, or something else completely insane. She’s going to stand up with me when I marry Beckett, and I really, truly, hope that you’ll both be there. I pray that you’ll give Leia and me two nights to bond as sisters before we embark on all the crazy, silly, fun things she wants to do, and when it’s her time, when she’s ready, I hope we can all be there to say goodbye to her. To hold her hands and show her that even though she’s no longer with us, we can still be a family.”
Her mother’s tears roll down her cheek, while her father looks like someone just punched him in the gut. They’re visibly shaken by Royal’s ease of speech regarding her sister’s impending death, but what they don’t see is the shattered girl about to lose her sister and her need for parental support. Something neither are yet prepared to give her. And that, more than anything else, pisses me off.
“When you’re ready to talk, here’s my card.” I place a business card on the table. “My cell is on the back. We’ll answer.” Accompanying Royal back to her room, we gather everything she wants to bring with us, and as we’re exiting her room, Leia and Braxton are there waiting.
“I’ll be outside in a few minutes.” Leia squeezes Royal’s hand. “I need to speak with Mom and Dad first.”
I nod. “We’ll wait for as long as you like.”
Exiting the house without another word, I can tell Royal is nearly ready for a breakdown in the early afternoon sun, but she holds herself together as we unload her bags in the truck before climbing into the front seat.
“I don’t want to lose her, Beckett.” Her gaze is focused on the front door as her chin wobbles.
Placing my hand with hers in her lap, I offer my comfort. “I know you don’t.” And there’s nothing I can say that will make any of this better because it’s tragic.
Leia
* * *
So many wasted years. So much pain.
I’ve watched my life unfold like a picture book. Never truly experiencing anything extraordinary for myself but watching my sister ultimately stand up for herself, take advantage of the happiness she's been granted, makes it all worthwhile.
“You can’t seriously be thinking about leaving?” Mother scoffs, the tear tracks on her cheeks evident.
“I am. I’m finally going to live while I’m dying.” I watch as Brax walks out with my bags. Before I leave this earth, I need to help my family heal.
“What if you get hurt or sick?” My father crosses his arms with the same stern expression he’s always given when I’ve wanted to do something.
“Then I do. I have limited time left. I don’t want to fight and argue with you. I want to be with my sister; I want to watch her get married. I want to see her start a life that doesn’t involve any more procedures that weaken her only to lengthen mine.” When I was younger, I never understood why they had Royal just for me. As we grew older and Royal kept using the term “spare parts”, I hated it, but because I was unendingly sick, or there was the possibility of me getting sick, we never got to bond. To be sisters. I could never communicate to her that I was done fighting years ago.
“You’re our baby.” Mom reaches her arms out before pulling them back.
I sit on the table in front of them, my body tired and sluggish, and I respond, “I will always be your baby, Mom. But what about Royal?”
“What do you mean?” She’s genuinely perplexed.
“She’s been a lab experiment her entire life. You were going to force her to have my baby, a baby I didn’t want because I knew I would never live long enough to see them grow up. It was selfish of you both to even ask her to do it.” I’ve never really spoken out about Royal’s treatment before, and I feel so much regret over it. “Royal is a living, breathing person with real feelings who just wants to be loved. Beckett is going to give her that and so much more. If she’s not pregnant with his baby by the end of the week, I’ll be surprised. Because the way he looks at her is how I wish I could have a man watch me. To be loved so thoroughly that it can’t be hidden from the world would be a spectacular feeling.”
“We love your sister,” Fath
er blurts out, but I don’t think he’s convinced of it.
“No, Daddy, you love that for the past twenty years, she’s been my spare parts.” They both pale as realization dawns on them.
“Spare parts,” Mom hisses, dropping her face into her hands.
“She’s going to need you both, very soon, more than ever before. I hope you’ll at least honor me enough to take care of my baby sister in a way that we have all failed to do since the day she was born.” Kissing them both on the cheek, I stand on wobbling legs and leave, knowing I likely won’t ever return.
Chapter 6
Royal
“Glad You Exist" by Dan + Shay
Sitting on the back deck in the crisp morning air, with a coffee in one hand and the other holding the blanket closed around me, I watch as the sun rising behind me reflects off the water beyond me. I’ve been sitting here for about thirty minutes, figuring out how to come through for Leia and not completely break down.
I know that once she dies, I’ll lose the rest of my family, and despite being a burden, or feeling that way, at least, they’ll want nothing to do with me. I’ll simply be a constant reminder of the daughter they lost, the one they cherished through thick and thin.
Wiping away the tears as they quietly fall, I’m startled by the appearance of Beckett. With a hand on my shoulder, he pushes me forward and slips in behind me. For minutes, neither of us says a word. Just silently communing with the beauty around us.
“I hope I didn’t wake you,” I finally say. His strong arms wrapped around my body feel like heaven.
“No, but I wish you would have.” I relish his kiss on the top of my head. “Leia is making breakfast.” When I go to move, he holds me tighter. “She knows her limits, but she wants to do something for you. She said you’ve been the one to fix her your entire life, the least she could do is make you breakfast.”