Beautiful Dead 04 - Phoenix

by Eden Maguire

  'It's OK,' I told him. 'It's been a year. You can stop doing this.'

  He walked downstream. 'Doing what?' he asked with his back turned.

  'Taking care of me like Phoenix asked you to. You already kept your promise. Thanks.'

  'So now I walk away and you mess up?' 'What do you mean, I mess up?'

  He walked a little further. 'You know what I mean. You see trouble and you walk right into it. Take the other day my family can't settle a dispute without you turning up.'

  'Hey, listen! Your dad came looking for me, not the other way around.

  Plus, I see why he needs something to remind him of Phoenix - I total y

  understand that.'

  'No, you don't.' Brandon turned and strode back towards me. 'How can you? You're not family.'

  I took a sharp breath and backed off. My foot slipped into the water.

  He grabbed hold of my wrist and pul ed me clear.

  'I only want to help,' I protested. 'Let me, please!'

  'Who do you want to help my mom, Zak, me, my dad ... or yourself?'

  'I want to help Zak.' I said, and I told him the latest about his kid brother hanging out with Mil er and Stafford, and the link with Nathan Thorne and drugs.

  This is what makes guys back off from Brandon Rohr the way he slams a steel door in your face. His eyes go blank, it's like there's no one home.

  'Brandon, did you hear me? I said Zak is in trouble. Alcohol, drugs - it's al there.'

  He let go of my wrist, walked slowly up the bank towards his bike.

  I ran after him. 'This is serious. Are you listening to me? No way can

  Nathan Thorne be good news. He's Oscar's brother. You need to do something!'

  Brandon swung his leg over the saddle and fired up the engine. 'Didn't you pay attention to anything I said?' he muttered. 'Family stuff stays with the family.'

  This was running away from me fast. 'Don't shut me out,' I pleaded. 'What about the fact that Nathan was the guy who started the fight with Phoenix? You were there, that's what you told the cops.'

  He turned the bike around, pointed it towards the track.

  I ran in front of him, grabbed the handlebars. 'You said you didn't see who stabbed Phoenix, it al happened too fast. But I reckon you have your

  own theory. You think it might be Nathan!'

  Brandon stared at me with his dead eyes then he swung the handlebars out of my grasp. The engine roared, the tyres kicked up dirt and he was gone.

  I knew Phoenix was there, right beside me and invisible, on my long walk home.

  'Were you down by the creek with me? Did you see how Brandon

  reacted?' I muttered.

  Zoom - whoosh - zoom! A steady stream of traffic raced by and my Beautiful Dead boyfriend stayed out of sight.

  'How am I going to get the whole story if your family slams the door in my face? Nathan Thorne sure isn't the one to ask. And I don't want to mess with his big brother either.'

  How many times do you see a crazy girl walking by the side of th(71 highway, talking to herself? Car drivers slowed down to give me a hard stare then drive on.

  'Plus, there's Zak,' I told Phoenix.

  I hear you, he said. Let me think about it. Let me discuss it with Hunter.

  I stopped at the junction, swamped by a rising tide of frustration. 'I wish we could go somewhere to talk properly.'

  Walk up the banking towards those trees, he told me.

  He was already waiting for me in the shadows, with cars whizzing by below. He looked troubled and unsure. 'It's a big ask the whole story.'

  ' I know it. But that's what we're doing, right?' Now that I could see Phoenix, I felt my heart twist with pity. I longed to smooth away his frown, kiss him into a state of forgetting.

  'Is it?' He drew a deep, shuddering breath. 'I don't feel good about putting pressure on the people I love - my mom, Zak, and now my dad is here too.'

  'I understand. But getting to the truth was always going to be hard - the way it was with Jonas, and with Arizona and Summer.'

  Phoenix gave a smal shake of his head. 'If it gets uglier what then?'

  I took both of his hands and made him look right at me. 'Then we stand

  together and face it, you and I. We don't back off. We get there.'

  Slowly he nodded, his eyes locked on mine, his hands grasping mine. But a mist was surrounding him, a halo of light forming. He faded and was gone.

  I felt a soft, warm wind in my face. It stayed with me al the way down the banking, along the road past the white church and the boarded-up hospital, along the streets leading to my house, then it disappeared.

  I reached home at noon and found Laura's car parked on the drive when she should have been working.

  'Where's your car?' she asked, back to old-style Gestapo mom.

  'Why aren't you at work?' I threw back. There was a pile of papers spread out on the table, and I'd noticed a stack of big cardboard boxes on the porch.

  'Come and look,' she invited. She showed me pictures of houses and details giving square footage, information on garages and basement space!2 bathrooms, views of the lake. 'We're looking for a quick and easy move so it has to be a rental property. Jim visited two realtors' offices this morning and they came up with these.'

  'It's stil no,' I insisted, pushing the papers away.

  'How about this one in Forest Lake? It has lakeside views.' She showed me a picture of a smal grey house with a gable and a porch, pretty much a replica of the one we currently live in.

  'Not even remotely interested.'

  'Forest Lake is only fifteen minutes from here. You could stil drive into school.'

  Suddenly everything was different. 'I'd stay as a student at El erton High?'

  'If that's what you want,' Laura offered.

  'Yeah, it is.'

  'Then this is the right house for us.'

  What did I care, so long as I got to keep my friends? I stayed to eat lunch with Laura then walked into town to pick up my car from outside the Rohrs' house, where luckily there was no sign of life.

  For me, driving my car with the top down frees up my thinking, untangles the knots. I need to be clear on my way through this mess, I thought, stopping at a red light. The only member of Phoenix's family who wil even talk to me is Michael Rohr and there's no point going there. The light changed - green for go. I cruised on, out of town, fol owing the route Brandon and I had taken earlier in the day. Then there's the cops. Hunter told me that Dean was able to check out some files on the kil ing - the official investigation didn't find a weapon, and there were no named suspects.

  For me that looked like another blind al ey, though the new sheriff was back on the case, digging the dirt about Foxton. Maybe he would turn up something new.

  Coming out of town and heading for the open road, I passed the gas station. Why don't you check out the scene of the crime? a familiar voice inside my head suddenly suggested.

  I braked hard. 'Arizona?'

  Concentrate on your driving. Take a left into the service station. Try to pick up a new lead.

  I signal ed, mistimed my turn and cut across an oncoming driver. There

  was a squeal of tyres fol owed by a blast from his horn. 73

  Jeez, Darina!' said Arizona-in-my-head.

  'I know. My nerves are shredded. Anyway, you're not even supposed to

  be here on the far side!'

  I'm not. You're hearing imaginary voices, going seriously crazy like everyone says.

  I pul ed up on the oil-stained forecourt, close to the pay point. 'This had better be good,' I grumbled, getting out of the car and walking right into an example of what the media would cal compassion fatigue.

  The name on the gas station cashier's plastic badge read Kyra. She glanced up at me from behind her display of gum and chocolate bars. 'Gas?'

  she asked.

  I picked up a packet of gum then dug in my pocket for change. 'No, just this thanks.'

  Kyra went back to reading her magazi
ne as she held out her hand for the coins. She had black, bee-hived hair, Cleopatra eyes, French-manicured nails and an expression that said I hate my job.

  'Can I ask you something?' I said. 'Were you working here the night my boyfriend got stabbed?'

  The question broke her off from her astrological chart for a whole two seconds. 'You're the girlfriend?'

  'Yeah. I got here too late.'

  'Now I remember.' Kyra went back to her magazine. 'You were the person who cal ed the cops?'

  'That was me.'

  'You saw what happened?'

  Sighing, she folded down the corner of her page and closed the mag. 'Honey, I already answered questions from the cops, the TV, the newspapers, a mil ion rubberneckers they were crawling al over this joint.

  What's left to say?'

  'Could you just go through it one more time?' I pleaded.

  'Somebody, give me a dol ar bil for every time I tel this story,' she sighed as she looked me up and down.

  'Please. It'd mean a lot.'

  'You're real y young,' she sighed, softening at last. 'I guess Phoenix was too. What was he - nineteen?'

  'Eighteen, a year older than me.'

  'I never knew him before this happened, though I went to school with some of the older guys Vince Hal , Oscar Thorne, Robert Black.'

  'They were there, right? That's why you cal ed the cops.'

  'Yeah, the late arrivals were bad news.' Kyra final y got over her fatigue

  and was warming up. 'The place was already a mess - kids had overturned trash cans, there were hoses spil ing gas everywhere. Those punks were wild. But Vince Hal and his buddies put the thing into a different league.'

  'Scary,' I shuddered.

  She nodded. 'You get five or six guys in leather jackets riding up on serious Harleys, you know you're in trouble.'

  Soaking up every detail, I tried to steer Kyra towards my main question, Who kil ed Phoenix? ' Up til then no one got hurt?'

  'No, but those kids sure did a great job of wrecking the place.' 'And how did the whole thing start?'

  'Wouldn't you and everyone on the planet like to know?' 'Did you get it on CCTV?'

  Kyra shook her head. 'The camera ran out of tape two days earlier. I informed my boss, but he let it slide. And that night I was here in the office doing my job so I didn't see the fight break out. The first I knew, seven or eight kids were throwing punches, bouncing each other off car hoods, throwing stuff around.'

  'And one of them was Phoenix?'

  'Actual y, no,' she said. 'He drove a black truck, right? And the way I remember it, he was standing by his truck, having an intense conversation with a kid in a black Chevy.'

  'What did the Chevy driver look like?' I double-checked my facts. 'Round face, long hair. Dark.'

  'Nathan Thorne. Let me get this straight - Nathan and Phoenix were talking but they weren't fighting?'

  'Not when I saw them. I didn't pay too much attention. I was speaking to my boss on the phone and he was saying cal the cops. Then Oscar and Vince plus the rest joined in and it was World War Three.'

  I needed time to think this through while Kyra took care of a customer. When she was done, I was ready with my next question. 'So you know that Brandon Rohr was there too?'

  'Yeah, I noticed him. What's not to notice?'

  'He's hard to overlook,' I agreed, offering her a piece of gum 75 'According to Brandon, it was Nathan and Phoenix who started the fight.'

  She took the gum and slid it into her mouth. 'No way,' she insisted. 'Those two were stil talking way after the first punk threw a punch. Then the big guys joined in and that's the point when Nathan got involved. I guess he had something to prove, but in my opinion he should've picked on someone in his own league.'

  'So who did he pick on?' I asked as steadily as I could.

  'Nathan Thorne took a piece of steel pipe from the trunk of his Chevy,'

  my new star witness told me. 'The guy he hit was Brandon Rohr. I swear to

  God, he laid him out flat.'

  Deer Creek drew me back. It was noon, I was feeling a mil ion miles from Phoenix and even further from solving the mystery of how he died. So I went to the place we knew best.

  I played Summer's songs as I drove, sad songs like 'Without You', 'Invisible' and ' Red Sky.' Red sky when I say goodbye, Red sky makes me cry Forever ... Crimson was the colour of the clouds over Amos Peak while I waited for Phoenix that last time.

  My life splits into three and the sections don't overlap: Before Phoenix, During Phoenix, After Phoenix.

  Before Phoenix - I was a normal kid whose main skil was in the super-

  bendy department. Double-jointed is a bit freaky, it gets you noticed. Plus, it puts you top of the gymnastics league for under-tens. Gymnastics, bal et,

  and a tiny, budding talent for playing guitar. A major talent for misbehaving after my dad left home.

  During Phoenix - a blur of ecstasy and open air, summer kisses. This beautiful guy-loved me. For two and a half months I held my breath and prayed it would last.

  After Phoenix - I was al pain and emptiness. Another blur, nothing is real. Friends and family try to help but they can't. I push them away. The closest I come to being able to describe it for Kim and once for Zoey, because she went through it with Jonas, is the sensation of losing my balance and fal ing down a dark hole that has no bottom and the sides are so smooth there's nothing to catch onto.

  After Phoenix I fel and fel into blackness.

  And then I drove out to Foxton and found the Beautiful Dead. 76

  Today, at Deer Creek, the sky was intense blue and clear. The sun was at its highest point, the granite rocks sparkling pink and grey. I picked some

  white flowers, stepped down the steep bank, took off my shoes and held up the light fabric of my white dress as I waded into the clear, cold water.

  I

  climbed onto the boulder in the middle of the stream and perched there, my knees drawn up under my chin, my arms clasped around my legs.

  'Hey, Darina,' Phoenix whispered. 'You've been busy.'

  'Back again?' I turned my head sideways and smiled at him.

  He sat in a glow of white light next to me on our favourite rock, legs dangling over the edge, dark hair lifted back from his face by the breeze. He wore jeans but no shirt or shoes. 'I've been talking with Hunter and working stuff out,' he sighed. *1 stil think this whole situation sucks.'

  'Don't talk about it.' Turning towards him, I knelt up and edged in closer, wrapping my arms around him, feeling the cold smoothness of his skin. The softness of his lips made me melt.

  The creek ran and gurgled, swirled and eddied, the sun beat down.

  Phoenix kissed me for a long time, one hand stroking my face and neck. I ran my fingertips down his back, tracing the angle of his shoulder blade, imagining the smal death-mark tattoo.

  'What wil I do without you?' I whispered at last.

  He leaned away from me, looking at me through half-closed eyes. 'You know I want to go with you,' I sighed.

  ' u can't. You have to carry on.'

  I don't know how.'

  'We've talked about it. You go on, live your life. I'm always with you.' 'If we can't cheat this destiny thing, and I agree we can't - won't you take me with you instead?' I would go with Phoenix wherever the Beautiful

  Dead went when their time was up.

  'You know I can't. It's hard. Don't make it even harder, please.' 'You won't take me?'

  He shook his head, taking the soft fabric of my sleeve between his fingers. 'I love you with al my heart, Darina. You know how that feels? It's total and it's overwhelming. I'm lost in my love for you.'

  I kissed him and wanted it to last for ever.

  After a lifetime, Phoenix pul ed away. 'I want you to promise that afterwards, when I'm gone, you'l stil come here and talk to me.'

  'I promise.' My voice was a sigh, a whisper, a sound like leaves rustling in the breeze.

  'Here, on this rock. You'l talk to me and I w
il hear.' 'Wil I hear you?'

  'If you believe. And if you want to enough.'

  I wil hear his voice in the running water, in the wind from the mountains, in the rustle of the grass in the meadows. I'l remember the low, slow sound of his voice and the soft touch of his lips.

  'Hey,' I said at last, tearing myself away and refocusing. 'And I thought my family had problems.'

  'Enough kissing?' he asked.

  'No way.' I leaned in again with a smal , tender brush of my lips against his. 'But we should talk. I just learned some new information. Do you know Robert Black and Vince Hal ?'

  Phoenix thought a while. 'Vince hangs out with Oscar Thorne.'

  'Right. Likewise, Robert Black. The gas station cashier identified them, said they were bad news when they showed up that night. I guess the cops

  interviewed them, along with twenty others.'

  'These two they would come up with a story and stick to it.'

  'And the other witnesses, the younger kids - they wouldn't risk stepping on the big guys' toes?'

  'That's the way it works,' Phoenix agreed. 'Brandon was always total y clear you don't mess with drug runners and their gangs.'

  'Which leads me to ask why Brandon lied to the cops,' I said, not ful y prepared for Phoenix's reaction.

  He leaned right away from me and launched himself from the rock, striding through the water towards the far bank then staring up at the mountains. 'This is what I meant earlier - the thing gets uglier, the more stones you turn.'

  'It's true, Brandon did lie,' I insisted, fol owing slowly. 'He told them the fight started between you and Nathan.'

  'And?'

  'That's wrong. I spoke to the girl at the cash desk. She says what happened was that the guy Nathan actual y hit was Brandon, and it carom 78

  much later.'

  Phoenix stil stood with his back to me, helplessly shaking his head.

  I went back to my favourite theory emerging out of the witnesses' accounts. 'OK, so is there a strong reason Brandon would want to highlight Nathan's role? Might he want the cops to pay particular attention because he believes Nathan's the one?'

  'You're saying he's the kid who stabbed me?' For a while Phoenix seemed lost in thought.

  'What's going on in there?' running my fingers along his forehead and wishing, not for the first time, that I possessed the mind-reading powers of