Reaching Rachel

by LL Collins

  “Kayley’s been worried about her,” Ben admitted. “I’m glad she’s making progress. I’m sorry to hear that happened to her, but if I know you, you’re all over figuring out how that happened. You know she will always have part of that with her, right?”

  “I know, and yes, Drew’s figuring out how that snake got a letter to her,” Devin gritted his teeth through the pain of the needle. “I still can’t believe we had to go through this in order to get back together. I wish I could take it all away, you know?”

  “I know,” Ben said, his eyes fixed on the needle pressing into Devin’s arm. “When I met Kayley, I often said those exact same words. Not that it was the same, not at all …”

  “Well, yes it was,” Devin interrupted. He had heard the story of Kayley’s past from Rachel. “She had been through something traumatic, too, something she shouldn’t have had to go through at her age. I would say it’s pretty similar.”

  Ben nodded. “Yeah. I mean, all through the time we dated, I was so thankful to have her, but wished that I could take away the pain she had had to endure in order to be able to date me. Her life had been perfect. And though she never made me feel compared to him at all, it was hard to know that she had to go through that in order for us to have a future together.”

  “I get that exactly,” Devin agreed. “I should’ve never believed that she did that all those years ago. If I had, then we would’ve never been apart, and she would’ve never gone through that.”

  “Don’t do that,” Ben said. “You can’t make it your fault. What the two of you went through was crappy at a minimum. But, you can’t go back and change it even if you tried, so don’t dwell on it. Keep moving forward. That’s what I finally had to realize. I couldn’t change Kay’s past, and in fact, it made her the woman I loved.”

  The buzz of the needle stopped, and Devin looked at his arm, a smile breaking out on his face. There she was. His girl. Forever a part of him, inside and out. He couldn’t wait to show her.

  She stepped from the car, the ocean breeze ruffling her hair. She used to love this place. Right now, her stomach was in knots and she was on the verge of breaking down. She looked around the peaceful neighborhood, hearing the sounds of vacationers playing music, grilling out, and enjoying the sunshine. For them, this beach was a reprieve, a place to relax and rewind. For her, it was her living nightmare.

  Looking up at the beach house, it looked exactly the same as it did, but different at the same time. She would never look at this place the way she used to. Braving to get closer, she stepped towards the front steps, remembering Justin dragging her from the truck, her arm broken. The feelings of that moment came flooding back to her, and she closed her eyes against the memory. Walking slowly up the steps, she remembered him flinging her into the house, making her sprawl out on the floor, the pain of her arm making her scream. He hadn’t liked that, so he had hit her so hard she had passed out. When she had woken, she was tied to the chair in just her shirt.

  Her hand shook as she reached for the doorknob. She knew no one was here renting the house that week, so she used her key to open the door. She stood in the doorway, looking at what once was her prison. Sunlight streamed through the windows, making it look cheerful and happy. Walking over to where her chair had been sitting, she crouched down, wondering if she could see any of her blood still there. She knew she wouldn’t, but she still felt like it was there, seeping into the floor. She remembered seeing Devin, but thinking that she couldn’t possibly be seeing him there in her house, saving her.

  Wrapping her arms around herself, she realized that she was okay. She was shaking, and her nerves were shot, but she needed to do this. She needed to come back here and see that it was just a house, her house, and not give Justin the power to keep her afraid of one more thing. Her phone rang, making her jump at the shrill sound in the silence of the house.

  Seeing that it was Devin, she pressed the key to answer it. “Hey baby.”

  “Rachel.” His voice sounded relieved, and she immediately felt guilty that he was always so worried about her. “Where are you, honey? How did Dr. Troast go?”

  “Great. It really helped me. I’m at the beach house.”

  Silence passed over the line. “What? What beach house?”

  “Mine. I had to come, Devin.”

  “And you’re okay?”

  “I’m more than okay. I can’t let him have this power over me anymore. It was something I had to do.”

  “I’m five minutes away. I’ll be right there. Stay put.”

  Rachel heard the rumble of his motorcycle when he pulled in, and she smiled. Before, that sound would make her sad and think about what could’ve been. Now, when she heard the rumble of that big machine, her heart beat faster and she knew it was her love. She no longer had to wish for what wouldn’t ever be again.

  Devin barreled through the door like he was going to find her the way he had originally. Tears dropped from her eyes as she realized, it wasn’t just her nightmare she was confronting right now. This had been just as hard on Devin, to come here and see this place again.

  He pulled her into his arms, holding her so tight that it almost hurt, but she didn’t mind. “I’m sorry, Dev. I didn’t think this would be hard for you, too.”

  “I almost lost you right here,” Devin indicated where they were standing. “Our whole lives flashed before my eyes in that second when I saw you. First, that we had wasted so much time without each other, and then that we may not ever get the time again. I’m so glad I didn’t lose you again, Rachel. So glad.” Tears clogged his throat, and his voice broke. They rocked back and forth together in a silent dance, both thinking about what they almost lost that day.

  “He doesn’t have power over you anymore,” Devin announced. “Don’t let him have that right to control you. Andrew’s working on the letter and how he was able to send it. With all of the people he knows, it’ll be taken care of immediately.”

  “I love you,” Rachel said. “I can never thank you enough for being the wonderful, caring man that you are.”

  “I love you,” he echoed, caressing her back. “My brave warrior. You amaze me every day.”

  The couple stood, holding on to each other, thinking about what they almost lost and being thankful for what they got back, lost in the moment with each other.

  Breaking the silence, Devin whispered in her ear, “I want to show you something.”

  Rachel saw the gleam in his eye and smiled. “What’s that?”

  “I got something today,” he started, lifting up the sleeve of his shirt. She saw a bandage over his original tattoo.

  “What did you do?”

  Peeling the tape off carefully, she watched in silence as he uncovered his surprise. Gasping, her hand flew to her mouth. “Devin! You didn’t!”

  “I did, baby. I did.”

  “Why?” She stepped forward to get a better look, Right there, mixed in to his existing tattoo, he had gotten her name, scrawled neatly within his lines. Her stomach constricted as she made out the letters. Rachel. He had gotten her name on his arm. On her spot.

  “Why? I want everyone to know that you’re my girl, and I’m yours. That spot is yours. Everything of mine is yours.”

  Rachel bit back tears at his words, and flung herself into his arms, holding on to him tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered past the lump in her throat.

  “I brought the Harley,” he said into her hair.

  Rachel tipped her head back and smiled. “I heard you. Did you know that for the longest time, I would look at every single motorcycle that came near me, wishing it was you? Every time, I would feel stupid, knowing that you weren’t here, and even if you were, you wouldn’t want to see me. This time, when I heard that motorcycle, I was happy. It meant you were coming here, to me.”

  Devin loved that she was being so transparent with her feelings. “Ever since we broke up, I’ve had that picture of the two of us, remember that one that was on my nightstand?” She nodded, and he c
ontinued. “I have kept it next to my bed all this time. One, because I couldn’t bear not to see you, and the other …”

  “Why?” Rachel whispered.

  “I used it as a reminder to never let anyone hurt me again.”

  A lump the size of Texas formed in her throat. She hated how much she had hurt him. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not telling you that to upset you,” he lifted her chin so she was looking at him. “I told you that because we were both doing the same thing, in different ways. But we’re here now. My motorcycle, your picture, they can all be good memories now. So what do you say we take a ride? The sun will be setting soon.”

  Rachel grinned. She loved riding with Devin on his bike, and always had. She hadn’t been able to because of her injuries, but she felt like she was ready now. There was something about being pressed up behind him, her arms wrapped around his waist, that made her feel closer to him than ever before.

  “I would love nothing more,” she kissed him softly. “Lead me to your sexy beast, my love.”

  Devin laughed, pulling her out of the house and down to his waiting motorcycle. While it wasn’t the same one he had had five years ago, it resembled it enough. Handing her his helmet, she slid it on, waiting for him to get on before she climbed on behind him. He watched her, her eyes sparkling, and he couldn’t stop the feeling that welled up in his chest. She was his again.

  Devin straddled the bike, holding out his hand to help her on behind him. Just like that, she was flashed back to that day, watching him drive away on his motorcycle, knowing he wasn’t coming back. This time, it was different. She knew he was here to stay, and the past was where it belonged—in the past. They were moving forward together.

  She leaned against him, the helmet resting against his back, and she closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of him in front of her. Her legs touched his, and her hands clasped in front of his trim waist. He revved the engine, and she felt the vibrations throughout her body. He turned his head to look at her, and he grinned. He couldn’t reach her face through his helmet, but he squeezed her leg, fitting her against him as tightly as he could. As he pulled out onto the street and her hair started flying behind her, the warm Florida air and the feel of Devin intoxicated her, and she felt free. Finally free.

  “You’re so amazing,” Devin nibbled her ear lobe, running his hand down her naked backside. “I’ll never get enough of you, ever.” He pulled her closer to him, rubbing himself against her. They were back in Jacksonville for the weekend for his parent’s 35th anniversary party, but tonight was all theirs.

  Rachel smiled, turning her face so she could kiss him. Dipping her tongue in his mouth, she bit down on his lip, loving the moan that came from him. “I love you,” she whispered into his mouth.

  Devin cupped her face in his hands, looking through her, into her. “I will never get tired of hearing you say that,” he admitted. “I know it took so much for you to get to the point where you could let go like that again, put yourself out there. Thank you for doing that, for me.”

  “You are worth everything that I’ve had to go through,” she traced her finger along his arm, along the tattoo that was hers and hers alone. She could just barely make out the name that he had recently added into the design. Rachel.

  “Not everything,” Devin’s expression darkened temporarily. “I’m so glad that Mark is completely out of the picture. First, life in prison and then all privileges revoked after his stunt with the letter. Not to mention the three other girls that came forward. He’s lucky he did that plea deal when he did. And of course there’s Zack …”

  “Don’t,” Rachel warned. “Don’t bring him here, into this. It’s over. We’re moving on, remember? We can’t change what happened with him. But what we can decide is to move on, be happy, and show them that they didn’t ruin us, they only made us stronger.”

  Devin touched her stomach gently. “I can’t help but to wonder what would’ve happened, had that night not happened. We’d have been married very soon after that. I was already planning it. We would’ve had …” His unfinished sentence hung in the room. They would’ve had their baby. He or she would’ve been a school aged child by now.

  Rachel sniffled, willing the tears to stay away. She knew how different their life would’ve been. “We can’t do this, Dev. Are we going to spend the rest of our lives talking about what could’ve been, or are we going to live together the way we should’ve always, because we love each other now? You do love me now and not the memory of me, right?”

  He leaned over, kissing her eyes, nose, and then mouth. “I love you even more than I did then, and I never would’ve thought that was possible. I love you for how strong you are, how much you have been through, and for the way you make me feel. I feel like I’m on top of the world when you look at me, Rachel, like I’m the only man on the earth. You believe in me and love me, despite everything that we’ve been through. You took a chance and trusted me when your trust had been broken in everything and everyone else. While I knew, way back when we first met, that you were my soul mate, it’s much more than that now. Can I live without you? Well, yes, and I did survive for many years without you. But I don’t want to live without you ever again. That was the most painful part of my life, well, before seeing you that night with a gun to your head and sitting by your bed praying you would wake up. There’s always something in your life that wakes you up, makes you realize what is important and what isn’t. You are important. We are important. Everything else we will figure out, as long as we have each other.” Devin sat up, reaching into the drawer of the nightstand, where he had put the gift when they arrived. “I have something for you.”

  “What’s that?” Rachel sat up too, the sheet falling from her body as she looked curiously at the wrapped present he held. “Why do I get a present?”

  “Because,” he answered. “Open it.”

  She pulled the simple wrapping paper from it, wondering what in the world he could’ve gotten her. As she pulled the last of the paper off, she saw that it was what looked like a scrapbook.

  “A scrapbook?” This was so unlike Devin, she couldn’t even believe it.

  “Not just any scrapbook. This is our book, Rachel. In this book are pictures of us from years ago, then ones from us in the last several months. There are blank pages, because our memories are just beginning. And, in the back, is my journal.”

  “Journal?” Rachel looked at the book, then at him, incredulous. Since when did he write? Seeing her confused look, he opened the book for her. She gasped as she saw the pictures of them camping, then many holidays, parties, and casual dates they had had over their two year relationship. Then, she saw pictures of them that were current, from the day they went to the gardens in Alabama, casual pictures they had taken themselves where they were acting silly, and pictures of them with Kayley and Ben’s kids. The book was not your normal scrapbook. It was a leather bound book, a beautiful keepsake. As she flipped past the blank pages, she got to the part he told her about. Page after page of Devin’s handwriting. Looking at the dates, he stomach clenched. It was when she had been in the hospital.

  “Oh, my god,” she breathed, scanning the first entry. “You wrote this for me?”

  “I was going crazy,” Devin admitted, his voice soft. “I talked and talked to you, but there were some times that I just had to sit there, looking at you and remembering. So I started writing what I was feeling, how much I had missed you. I had no idea if I was ever going to get another chance with you, but there were things that needed to be said. So, I thought I would give this to you. I had some help from Kayley. She suggested I use my extra time to write these things for you, then I decided to add our pictures. Not because I want to make you sad, make you remember that awful time in your life, but so you can see how much I loved you then, and love you now.”

  Tears shimmered in her eyes, and she couldn’t speak. This man was just unreal. Turning to the second entry, she could barely see through her tears, but she had re
ad it.

  Rachel,

  I sit here, watching you, and I’m so overcome with emotion that I don’t know what to do. You need to wake up. I can’t believe that I’m here with you, and you can’t even talk to me. I’ve missed you so much. Every single second of the last five years, I’ve wanted to look at your eyes again. But, when I got the chance to see them, it had never scared me more in my life. What happened to you, my love? I was so stupid to let you go, Rachel. You’ve always been it for me. I’ve compared everyone to you, and no one ever measures up. I can’t eat or sleep, I just want to sit here and will you to open those amazing green eyes and look at me. You’re so beautiful, even in the condition you are in. You never have completely understood how amazing you are. My heart has never belonged to anyone else. So no matter what happened, we will move on. Us finding each other again, that’s a sign. Even though the circumstances surrounding this are terrible, I want you to know that I’m here. I’ll be here for you every step of the way. Please wake up, Rachel. I miss you. I love you.

  Devin

  Devin watched her as a million different emotions crossed her face. There were over 25 journal entries, from the time she was in the hospital all the way through to just a few days ago. While he had told her so many times how he felt, he wanted her to see the proof, something she could always have to remind her.

  She put the book to the side and smiled at him, her eyes still filled with tears. “Well, damn,” Rachel laughed, straddling his sexy waist. “How am I supposed to top that? I do love you, Devin Ryan Putnam. I’ve never been happier in my life. That was the best thing I’ve ever gotten. It’s better than anything you could’ve gotten me. I will treasure it forever.” She leaned over and pressed her body against his in a tight hug. “Now, what do you say we do less talking?” She leaned over, her hair surrounding them, and his hands immediately gripped her hips while they kissed, tongues entwining desperately. Moving his hands from her hips, he traveled up her flat stomach to the swell of her breasts.