The Lighthouse of Oz

by Tommy Baggins

  Scruffy said, "We're hitchhikers."

  The curious passenger said, "Fascinating! Where are you from?"

  Bright Eye said, "Far side of Munchkinland."

  The curious passenger said, "You're a long way from home. Where are you heading?"

  Scruffy said, "The lighthouse."

  Bright Eye said, "It appeared quite suddenly a few days ago and we're going to have a look at it. It was too good a mystery to resist."

  The curious passenger said, "I had a friend who went to that lighthouse."

  Scruffy said, "Let me guess. Your friend never came back?"

  The curious passenger said, "He called himself Mr. Bulger. He lived in the cabin at the edge of the lake where the corn field is. Have you seen it?"

  Scruffy said, "We spent last night on his porch. We had gotten caught in a thunderstorm and were looking for cover."

  The curious passenger said, "Mr. Bulger used to make scarecrows. He made lots of scarecrows. He even had a bunch of them tending the cornfield for him."

  Scruffy said, "I think some of them still are. I could swear that I saw one of them walk by that cabin last night."

  That evening, the light from the lighthouse glared at the two neighbors from its place on the horizon. Meanwhile, the two neighbors wandered the interior of the ferry. They found all sorts of interesting things.

  For example, a few dozen of the other passengers were organizing a poker tournament in the ferry's dining room. A couple of spots were available so Scruffy and Bright Eye paid the entry fee and joined the tournament. There were some card sharks in the room and Scruffy was eliminated early in the first round. He congratulated the other players, tipped the dealer and traded his seat at the card table for a seat at the bar. Bright Eye, however, gave the sharks a good run for their money. He lasted through several rounds of play. At one point, another player was caught using marked cards. That player was thrown out of the game and was then thrown entirely off the ferry. Bright Eye finally went broke shortly after that. He thanked the other players for a lovely game. Then he joined Scruffy at the bar. Scruffy had been at there for a while by that time. He was looking moderately sloshed. He had been watching the tournament and drinking martinis.

  Scruffy said, "I had no idea that you were such an excellent poker player."

  Bright Eye said, "I'm not. I'm mediocre at best."

  Scruffy said, "Don't tell me you were cheating."

  Bright Eye said, "I noticed that we were playing with marked cards. I took advantage."

  Scruffy said, "You cheated."

  Bright Eye shrugged and said, "The other guy cheated first. I was just playing along. Never mind that, though. What about you? You got smashed but you walked away with a smile on your face."

  Scruffy said, "I have a secret for that."

  Bright Eye said, "Tell me."

  Scruffy said, "It's the first rule of gambling and the only rule that matters. It is the one ironclad law in a casino. It is the word of god at the card tables. Although, which god exactly, I couldn't say."

  Bright Eye said, "Are you going to tell me or do I have to beat it out of you?"

  Scruffy said, "It's just this. Never bet more than you're willing to lose."

  Scruffy and Bright Eye continued exploring the ferry. They found a fight club in the engine room. They left, some time later, with sore fists and fresh bruises. Shortly afterward, they found a host club on the aft deck. They stayed only for a moment to marvel that such a thing existed in Oz. They left before anyone noticed them.

  The two neighbors spent the night on their own boats which the ferry unknowingly towed.

  The following morning, the two neighbors climbed out of their own boats and back onto the ferry. The ferry, which had traveled all night, had entered a large yellow city. Many of the buildings were properly golden instead of plain yellow. The ferry stopped briefly in this city. Passengers disembarked. People from the city came aboard. The ferry set off again. Scruffy and Bright Eye spent the day sitting at the front of the ferry and watching Winkie country pass by around them. For most of the day, nothing much exciting happened. They passed the usual towns and farms and forests. They studied their maps. They were getting close.

  The lighthouse itself came into view. Scruffy and Bright Eye looked up and there it was, right in front of them. Not just the light but the building itself. A tall, gray, stone tower with a lamp on top. Plain and clear as anything. It was less than a mile away.

  The ferry went around a bend in the river. They were then moving away from the lighthouse. The ferry had taken them as close to the lighthouse as it was going to. The time had come to disembark. Scruffy and Bright Eye returned to their own boats and untied them from the ferry. A minute later, they were standing on the bank of the river.

  The ferry had already left them far behind. They were alone. In front of them was an overgrown meadow that made up the last little bit of Winkie country before the impassible desert that surrounded Oz.

  The lighthouse stood there on the desert: a hundred feet tall, made of blocks of gray stone, unpainted, bits of dust and sand swirling around it, a brown wooden door on the front at the base, a little wooden porch in front of the door. The light at the top was unmistakably aimed directly at the two neighbors. The two neighbors stood and stared at it.

  Scruffy said, "Here we are."

  Bright Eye asked, "What do we do now?"

  Scruffy said, "I don't know. I really haven't any idea at all."

  Bright Eye asked, "Do you want to go over there? Get a closer look, maybe?"

  Scruffy sat on the grass that was along the river bank. He said, "No. Not yet. I want to just sit here and look at it."

  Bright Eye said, "Okay. I'm going to take a closer look." He started walking.

  Scruffy said, "Right now? What's the rush?"

  Bright Eye stopped walking. He said, "It's just that, from what we've learned, this lighthouse comes and goes as it pleases. For all we know, it could vanish on us at any time. I want to say hi to it before it goes."

  Bright Eye started walking again. Scruffy joined him a moment later. The two neighbors walked across the meadow. It was overgrown with grass and thistles and an occasional poke weed. Twenty minutes later, they were standing at the edge of the Land of Oz. In front of them was the dead, poisoned desert that sucked the life out of any living thing that touched it. The lighthouse stood on this ghoulish desert and towered over the two neighbors. For that matter, the lighthouse towered over everything around it. It would have towered over just about anything in Oz. The two neighbors stood and stared up at it. The light at the top of the lighthouse stared back at them.

  Bright Eye said, "Hello, lighthouse. What happens now? Are you going to eat us? Are you going to stand there and creep us out? What's it going to be?"

  The lighthouse didn't move.

  Scruffy said, "I don't get it."

  Bright Eye asked, "What don't you get?"

  Scruffy said, "Why? Why is this thing here? Why does it come and go? Why, of all the people in Oz, are we the only ones who came here? Why are we the only ones (with the exception of that wogglebug that we met and maybe that busybody in the pub) who see this thing?" He looked up at the light at the top of the lighthouse which was aimed directly back at him. He asked, "Why is it staring at us?!"

  Bright Eye said, "We don't know. Maybe we'll never know. I'm okay with that."

  Scruffy said, "I want to open the door and look inside."

  Bright Eye said, "You might get sucked in."

  Scruffy said, "I'll risk it. I would be a waste to come all this way and not have a look inside."

  Scruffy stepped over the little bit of poisoned sand between the edge of Oz and the porch of the lighthouse. He opened the door and looked inside.

  Bright Eye asked, "Well? What's in there?"

  Scruffy said, "I don't think I could explain it. I think I'm supposed to go insid
e. I was always supposed to go inside."

  Bright Eye asked, "Why? You're talking crazy, man!"

  Scruffy said, "You don't want to know. Good bye, Bright Eye. This has been an excellent adventure." Scruffy entered the lighthouse. The door closed behind him.

  Bright Eye stood alone on the edge of the desert for a long time. A dust devil made its way across the poisoned sands. The sun went down. Stars came out. Bright Eye studied the stars for a few moments. They were particularly bright and numerous on the abandoned edges of Oz. He walked back to his boat.

  Scruffy, meanwhile, woke up in Kansas. He was sitting on a reclining chair in a room that looked and smelled like a dentist's office. His scalp had hundreds of electrodes glued to it. He heard the hum of computers behind him.

  Someone whom Scruffy couldn't see asked, "Are you awake yet?"

  Scruffy said, "I think so. Mostly, at least."

  The same unseen someone asked, "Do you know where you are?"

  Scruffy said, "I'm not in Oz any more, am I?"

  Unseen someone asked, "Can you remember your real name?"

  Scruffy said, "No. I'm still calling myself 'Scruffy'."

  Unseen someone said, "It will come to you. In the meantime, welcome back to the real world. How did you enjoy your visit to the Land of Oz?"

  Scruffy said, "I loved it. It's the best simulation that you guys have created so far."

  Unseen someone said, "Marvelous. I'm glad to hear it. I'm going to start working on getting those electrodes off your scalp now."

  Scruffy said, "Okay. Do you know what happened to Bright Eye?"

  Unseen someone said, "Who?"

  Scruffy said, "Bright Eye. He was my neighbor in Oz. We traveled together. I ditched him at the base of the lighthouse."

  Unseen someone said, "Is he a character or another person?"

  Scruffy said, "I haven't any idea. I met him in Oz."

  Unseen someone asked, “Could he see the lighthouse?”

  Scruffy said, “Yes. We went there together.”

  Unseen someone said, "Then he's a real person. Characters can't see the lighthouse. He's probably in the next room and still plugged into Oz. He'll come out when he's ready.”

  Scruffy felt something warm and wet on his scalp. He figured that it was a solvent to help unglue the electrodes. Scruffy kicked back and relaxed. All he had to do now was remember what his real name was.