Going in Deep

by Carly Phillips

  “I was going to suggest we eat in the family room and relax, but I don’t think the dogs will let us do either.”

  He laughed. “Kitchen table it is.”

  “Is Alex coming?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “She has a test tomorrow. She’s studying.”

  At the small kitchen table, he unpacked the boxes and she set down the plates and utensils. They shared pork dumplings, lo mein, egg rolls, spare ribs, and other traditional American-favorite Chinese foods.

  “So… I was thinking,” she said.

  “About what?”

  “My sister. I think you and I have been together long enough, tested the waters, so to speak. I’ve been considering telling her about us.” She looked up at him with a serious expression on her face.

  He dropped his chopsticks onto the table. “I’m sorry. Did you just say you want to tell your sister you’re seeing me?”

  “It’s time I stand up for myself. She wants me to make my own decisions, to build my life. I’m doing that except she has no idea.”

  The muscles in his neck and shoulders tightened uncomfortably. “And how do you think she’ll take the news? How do you think Kade will take the news?”

  Kendall pushed herself up from her seat and walked around to his, settling herself onto his lap. “Not well,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck, obviously trying to soften her words with her actions.

  Still, it hurt to know he wouldn’t make headway with an apology or change of behavior with Kade. Julian had thrown away a friendship that meant the world to him, but he’d been in so much pain over his sister at the time, he couldn’t see anything clearly. And later, he’d been a complete and utter bastard, jealousy and irrationality ruling his emotions. No excuses could be made.

  “Hey.” She clasped her hands on either side of his face. “What matters now is what we have. And I’ll make them see that you’ve changed. Even if Kade won’t come around, I just need to make sure my sister at least understands.”

  “The last thing I want to do is create a rift between you and your twin.”

  If that were true, you would have left her alone to begin with, his conscience mocked him. But he’d been incapable of keeping his distance, especially once he’d seen her again.

  “Is understanding enough for you?” he couldn’t help but ask. There was a big difference between her sister saying, Okay, date the douchebag who hurt you, and Let’s have Thanksgiving dinner together.

  All things he should have thought through before bringing her back into his life, for her sake. But as usual he’d been selfish, thinking of only his needs at the time.

  She shrugged, which was as honest a response as he was likely to get, and his stomach cramped at her having to make a choice between them. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

  “Let’s not worry about it until it happens,” she suggested. “I just wanted to give you a heads-up that I’m considering it.” She threaded her fingers through his hair, in a blatant attempt to distract him, he was sure.

  It was working. His thoughts shifted from their potential problems with her family to them, and she kept him too busy to think or worry until it was time for him to leave.

  * * *

  After a long day of work, Julian took Steve out for a walk. With the sun overhead, white clouds dotting the sky, he enjoyed the time stretching his legs and being alone with his thoughts. He and Steve returned home after an hour. Because Kendall had a therapy appointment and he wasn’t going to see her tonight, he planned on crashing early.

  Except when he reached his floor, he found his door partially open and heard voices inside, which was unusual because Alex had never had company before. She said she had friends at school but always declined to bring them around. Given her foster care situation and the fact that she’d moved around, he wouldn’t find it all that odd if she was lying and didn’t have many friends at all. Hopefully time would change that.

  Thanks to work and now Julian and Kendall, she kept plenty busy and out of trouble. As far as he could tell, she wasn’t the kind of kid who caused problems anyway. From the time he’d met her as a young girl, she’d been easygoing and eager to please. She’d gotten along well with his sister, and because Alyssa was the type of person to embrace others, she called Alex to say hi on her own. Alex treated Alyssa well, not being put off by her speech or occasional forgetfulness.

  So he didn’t think there was anything really going on in his apartment, but he pushed the door open, wanting to see who was there without giving warning. Just in case.

  Julian stepped inside, shocked to see Alex with her brother, Billy.

  “Dude!” From his seat in the family room, Billy saw Julian first. His hair was cropped short, and he wore a pair of ripped jeans along with an old tee shirt.

  A wariness prickled up Julian’s spine as he bent to release Steve from his leash. Mixed emotions rushed through him, a combination of gratitude the man was no longer in prison and a guarded feeling of distrust. He couldn’t put his finger on why, except Billy had always been one to make a side deal, to look out for number one. It made Julian uncomfortable that he was here now.

  Had he just come to see his sister? Or did he want something more? Because for as long as Julian had known Billy, he’d had an angle.

  “Hey!” Julian slapped his old friend on the back.

  “Good to see you.” Billy gestured to the table where an open beer can was beside an empty one. “Have a beer and we can catch up.”

  Julian’s stomach cramped. Hell, he could be around alcohol no problem, but Julian didn’t keep alcohol in the house, which meant Billy had brought the cans with him. He was drinking around his eighteen-year-old sister for no good reason. When the man was just out of jail. It didn’t sit right with Julian.

  He picked up the beer cans and headed for the kitchen, tossing one in the recycling container and pouring the other into the sink.

  “Come on,” Billy muttered. “That’s good money down the drain,” he complained. “Are you that much of a straight arrow now? I mean, Alex said you’re clean now, but not even alcohol?”

  “Not even that,” Julian said, proud of himself and not about to let Billy make him feel bad about himself or the choices he’d learned to make.

  “Umm, I’m going to get some homework done while you two talk.” Alex ducked her head and escaped into the room she’d been staying in.

  Julian had a hunch she felt bad he’d found her brother here, drinking, but he wasn’t about to give her a hard time. He understood, at least from her perspective, the desire to see family and not to turn her brother away. Alex was just a kid. Billy was supposedly the adult. And the man was still a question mark as far as what he wanted.

  “It’s cool of you to take Alex in,” Billy said, shoving his hands into his pants pockets.

  Julian leaned against the kitchen cabinets, his arm on the Formica countertop. “She had nowhere to go. I wouldn’t turn her out on the street.”

  “You’re loyal. Always have been.”

  “Where are you staying?” Julian asked.

  “At a halfway house for the next six months.”

  Julian did his best not to wince. It was Billy’s life and he’d earned his way there. On the positive side, the man had somewhere to go and wouldn’t be hitting Julian up for a place to stay. And there would be rules, restrictions, and people to watch him and keep him in line.

  “I got a problem though,” Billy said.

  And now Julian knew why his sixth sense had been tingling. “What do you need?”

  Billy ran a hand over his short hair. “Don’t say it like that, man. I just owe some people some money. I was involved in some… deals on the inside and—”

  “And you stiffed some people?” It wasn’t a difficult guess that Billy had been out for Billy. Even inside prison walls.

  “Something like that.” He shrugged like it meant nothing. But if Billy owed people from prison, it wasn’t nothing. “But if I don’t pa
y back what I owe, they’re going to come after me. And that’s no way to start my life on the outside.”

  Julian rolled his eyes. “You don’t think this is something you should have thought about before you worked an angle?”

  Billy laughed. “Yeah, well, what fun is that if you aren’t always pushing for more? But here’s what I’m thinking.” He kicked his sneakered foot against the floor.

  “You’re rich now. Everyone knows you hit those Blink guys up for big money. It was in the news. You can afford to help a brother out.”

  Julian pinched the bridge of his nose. “There is no money. I used it all to pay off debt from my sister’s accident.” And what was left he’d put into a trust for Alyssa, but that was none of Billy’s business.

  “You owe me,” Billy said, his tone no longer light. “I took the fall—”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it. You were dealing. I agree I bought shit from you and they could have arrested me for possession if they’d caught me, but they didn’t. No owing involved.” Julian drew a calming breath. “As for money, you can’t get blood from a stone. I don’t have what I don’t have.”

  But he wanted this man gone, so Julian pulled his wallet out of his pocket. “Here’s a couple hundred bucks. I’ll get you another grand but that’s all I’ve got. And considering I’m taking care of your sister, I’d call us even.” Julian did his best to hide his disgust.

  He was looking after Alex because he wanted to help her, not because he owed Billy a damn thing. But the other man was too selfish to understand that. Clearly he didn’t give a shit about his sister at all. And Julian wanted him out of his hair for good.

  “Fine.” Billy snatched the cash out of Julian’s hand and had it pocketed before Julian could blink.

  It was time to define terms. “Fine means fine for good. Don’t come back asking for a handout, because after this, we’re done.” Julian spread his hands, indicating no more.

  “Whatever,” Billy muttered. “Just get the cash soon. I like my bones where they belong in my body.”

  What a fucking idiot, Julian thought. But what had he expected? That he’d changed? “You plan on hanging around your sister much?”

  Billy clamped a hand around the back of his neck, rubbing it like he was stressed. “I’m not the fatherly type, but you never know.”

  Julian frowned. “So you came here for money, not to see her. Nice brother you turned out to be.”

  “Give me a fucking break.” Billy scowled and stood up straighter. “I gotta go.”

  “Don’t let me keep you,” Julian muttered, knowing he would have to pick up the pieces for Alex when she realized her brother wasn’t just a criminal but a selfish asshole, too.

  But Julian preferred that to Billy being a permanent fixture around here, bringing around a bad crowd and exposing Alex to his bad influence. He’d just have to see if Billy became an issue or not.

  “Don’t forget my cash.”

  Julian headed for the door and held it open for his former friend. “Give me a day. I’ll get you the money. How do I reach you?”

  “I’ll get in touch with you tomorrow.”

  “Fine.” And then he never wanted to see Billy again.

  Chapter Ten

  The next day, Julian made a trip to the bank and withdrew one thousand dollars.

  Cash.

  He headed home and managed to work for a few hours before Billy called, voice raspy, obviously hungover, to demand they meet so he could get his money. Twenty minutes later, he’d paid Billy one grand, reminding him they were through for good.

  But seeing Billy again had brought up all sorts of feelings Julian didn’t want to have or experience ever again. Anxiety clawed at him, and though he didn’t desire a fix, he wanted to avoid feeling like he wanted one. As a preemptive measure, Julian called Nick, and they met at an AA meeting.

  An hour later, Julian had his head on straight and Billy in his rearview mirror, hopefully never to be seen or heard from again.

  One night soon, he planned on taking Alex for dinner and having a conversation about the kind of person her brother was and what kind of influence he could be… if she wasn’t careful and let him in should he decide to hang around. Hopefully without hurting her too badly.

  “You okay?” Nick asked.

  “Much better and I appreciate you coming out for an extra meeting this week.”

  A light breeze settled around them. The street was otherwise quiet.

  “My pleasure. You know, I worry about moving out of the city,” Nick said, stopping on the sidewalk so they could talk.

  Julian shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. It’s not like I won’t know where or how to reach you. Besides, nights like this are rare.”

  “Right. It’s not every day an old druggie friend shows up on your doorstep demanding money.”

  “This is true.” He shoved his hands into his front pockets. “I paid him this morning while Alex was in school. He didn’t mention her at all.”

  Given how Julian felt about his sister, the things he’d done to secure her future, the fact that Billy could walk away turned his stomach. At the same time, he was grateful and believed Alex would be safer without her brother in her life.

  “Forget him. We both know she’s better off in the long run.”

  “Right. Once the hurt and pain pass.”

  “Let’s change the subject,” Nick suggested.

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “How about Kendall? Things are good?” Nick kicked at the ground beneath his feet. “I’m not one to gossip, but she seemed key to your happiness so I have to ask.”

  Julian burst out laughing. “You’ll play matchmaker and try to set me up but you won’t gossip?”

  Nick merely grinned.

  “Everything is great.” Which meant he was nervous because nothing in his life stayed good for long.

  He needed to see Kendall. Only she could calm his nerves. “I’ve got to go but thanks again,” he said to his friend.

  It was late but he didn’t care. Inside him was a driving need to feel her soft body wrapped around his, to help calm the rapid beating of his heart and the fear that she might be taken away from him at any time.

  The worry wasn’t rational but it was real, at least in his mind. Witnessing the after-effects of his sister’s injury, he’d taken drugs to numb the pain. His father had been long gone. Loss was real in his life, and Billy’s reminder of his past had churned things up inside him. Yes, the meeting had helped, but he knew getting lost in Kendall would help more.

  A short time later, he was knocking on her door. One look at her beautiful face and the panic inside him settled.

  She wore a long nightshirt, her nipples hard and evident beneath the soft cotton, her bare legs peeking out from beneath the short hem.

  “Julian! I wasn’t expecting you.” But she didn’t look disappointed to see him. “Is everything okay?”

  “I needed to see you,” he said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. Waffles said her hello, and he paused for some petting time before rising to his feet.

  Before Kendall could react, he swung her into his arms and strode for the bedroom.

  “You like carrying me around,” she said, winding her arms around his neck.

  “I like you.” He had a hunch it was more than that, but there was just so much his brain could handle tonight, and overthinking emotions wasn’t on his agenda.

  Her soft, curvy body molded against his, giving him strength and boosting his desire. Before he could set her onto the bed, she clasped her fingers together, preventing him from releasing her.

  “Talk to me. What’s got you so worked up?” she asked. “When I spoke to you this morning, you sounded preoccupied on the phone and didn’t want to answer any questions.”

  He spun himself around and sat down, keeping her on his lap as he pushed them back against the pillows. “I had a visitor last night. Alex’s brother showed up, pretending to wan
t to see his sister, but he really had his own agenda.” No big surprise there.

  He breathed in her sweet-scented hair and forced himself to continue. “He wanted money. And this morning I gave it to him because it was what was best for Alex. And for me if it meant he wouldn’t come around anymore.”

  She leaned back, meeting his gaze, worry in her eyes. “What’s to stop him from coming back and asking for more?”

  Smart girl, he thought. He’d had the same concerns himself. He gave her the only answer he had.

  “I’m not saying he won’t be back. Just that he can’t get what I don’t have. Any settlement money was spent on bills and my sister, and the rest was put into a trust for her. End of money. End of story.”

  Kendall’s eyes remained steady on his. “But seeing him has gotten you all worked up.”

  He nodded. “I went to an AA meeting to help take the edge off.”

  She nodded in understanding. “I guess that’s the equivalent of me going to an additional therapy appointment during the week. Did it help?”

  “It calmed the anxiety inside me, at least a little. Seeing Billy, dealing with him just brought my past too close.”

  She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m glad you came over.”

  “Me, too.” He slid his hand beneath her nightshirt and up her back, stroking the soft skin, letting the circles he traced on her skin calm him.

  “I have another way to calm you,” she murmured, climbing off his lap.

  Her hands went to his waistband, releasing the button on his jeans. “Stand up,” she ordered. “And undress.”

  “Bossy.” But he listened, toeing off his shoes, then unzipping and dropping his pants and the rest of his clothes, kicking them aside.

  She dropped to her knees, leaned forward, and licked at the head of his cock, her small tongue causing a big reaction throughout his body. A tremor rocked him, only getting larger as she slid her mouth along his hard length, then pulled back, grazing her teeth lightly against his skin.