Bad Girls

by Jacqueline Wilson

  But Mum laughed at me.

  ‘A bikini! Honestly, Mandy, you’re as straight up and down as an ironing board!’

  She bought me a boring little-girl costume. She couldn’t pick pink again because they didn’t come in that colour. I wanted bright orange but Mum said it was too loud. She chose a blue costume with a silly little white bow at the front and two buttons in the shape of white rabbit heads.

  ‘You look so sweet,’ said Mum, trying hard to pretend we were having a lovely time after all.

  Mum wasn’t even cross when I showed her my broken pen. We went down to Maxwell’s stationery department and mum bought me a new ink pen and a matching propelling pencil.

  I was desperate to go home right away after the shopping spree but Mum wanted me to have a treat at the Soda Fountain. So we went there and I chose a Cherry Special and I sucked cherries and licked cream and churned the ice cream round and round in the silver dish because somehow it didn’t taste right.

  Tanya was waiting for me when we got back home at long last. She was perched on the little picket fence round our garden.

  Mum sighed as I sped ahead.

  ‘I don’t think that fence is really strong enough to sit on, Tanya,’ Mum called.

  ‘Yeah, it’s not very comfy,’ said Tanya, getting up and rubbing the red ridges on her thighs. ‘Hey, what’re all these carrier bags? Have you been getting presents, Mandy? You lucky thing!’

  Oh, how I wished we’d bought Tanya a present! Especially when she’d given me the green hairband.

  ‘Here, we’ve got you a little present, Tanya,’ I said quickly, and I snatched the propelling pencil out of its bag and gave it to her.

  Mum raised her eyebrows but she didn’t say anything.

  ‘Oh, wow! A present for me! A pencil, oh great, I’ve never had one of these posh propelling ones before. Thanks ever so,’ said Tanya, and she kissed me. She even reached up and kissed Mum.

  ‘Right – so what have you got, eh?’ Tanya said, delving in the bags.

  ‘Oh, they’re lovely!’ she said, holding up my new T-shirt and shorts.

  Mum looked surprised but pleased.

  ‘What do you mean, “lovely”?’ I muttered to Tanya. ‘You wouldn’t wear them.’

  ‘Yes, but they’ll look great on you,’ said Tanya.

  ‘Thanks!’ I said, giving her a little push.

  ‘And what else have you got?’ said Tanya, rooting in the other bags. ‘Oh, a pen like my pencil! And what’s this?’

  ‘Just a swimming costume.’

  ‘Let’s see. Oh, I like the little bunnies.’

  I squinted at her through my glasses, still not sure whether she was acting or not.

  ‘Can you swim then, Mandy?’

  ‘Oh yes, Mandy goes swimming with her father every Sunday,’ said Mum, fussing with the clothes, folding them back into their bags. ‘Come on, Mandy, indoors. We must get tea.’

  ‘Did your dad teach you to swim, Mandy? Will he teach me? Can I come on Sunday too?’

  ‘Oh, yes!’ I said joyfully.

  ‘We’ll see,’ said Mum.

  I knew what ‘we’ll see’ meant. It was a polite way of saying no.

  But Dad seemed keen on the idea. ‘Yes, of course young Tanya can come along too,’ he said.

  I whooped triumphantly.

  ‘I’m not sure that’s such a good plan,’ Mum called from the kitchen. ‘That Tanya is starting to tag around after Mandy everywhere.’

  ‘She doesn’t tag. I’m the one who tags round after her,’ I insisted.

  ‘Now calm down, Mandy,’ said Mum, coming into the hall in her apron. ‘Goodness, let Daddy change his work clothes and get comfy first before you start pestering him. We’ll discuss this swimming later on.’

  ‘There’s nothing to discuss, Mum. Dad said yes,’ I said.

  He went on saying yes even though Mum tried hard to make him change his mind.

  ‘I know you seem to have taken such a shine to Tanya – but I’m really worried about her. I’ve been talking to Mrs Williams and Tanya comes from a really dreadful background.’

  Mum started whispering to Dad. I tried to hear. I kept waiting for the word thief.

  Dad saw me biting my lip.

  ‘Yes, OK, poor old Tanya. It sounds as if she’s had a really tough time,’ said Dad. ‘So shouldn’t we try to be extra kind to her, then? Show her what life in a normal loving family is like? She seems a surprisingly nice girl, considering – and very fond of our Mandy. So where’s the harm in their friendship? You keep saying Tanya might be a bad influence on Mandy. Have you ever thought that Mandy might be a good influence on Tanya?’

  I punched the air in triumph. Dad had beaten Mum well and truly.

  So we went swimming on Sunday, Dad and Tanya and me. Tanya didn’t seem quite so keen on the idea at first. We called for her at half past seven and Mrs Williams said she was still in bed, though she’d called her twice.

  Tanya appeared ten minutes later, white-faced and yawning, her orange hair sticking up on end. It was the first time I’d ever seen her without make-up. She looked astonishingly different. Much younger. Softer. More easily hurt.

  Dad had been getting irritable hanging about waiting for her, but now he smiled.

  ‘Morning, Tanya!’

  ‘Morning! It feels like it’s still the middle of the night,’ she said. But she smiled back at Dad. And then she stuck out her tongue at me. ‘What are you staring at, eh?’ She rubbed her strangely-bare eyes and combed her hair with her fingers. ‘I look a sight, don’t I?’

  ‘I think you look lovely,’ I said.

  I thought Tanya would probably have a bikini but when we changed at the baths she put on an old faded navy costume, plain and ordinary.

  ‘I haven’t got my own costume. This was Mrs Williams’ daughter’s school thingy. Isn’t it foul? Look, there are all these little holes.’ Tanya poked at them with her finger. ‘I’m going to get arrested for indecency!’

  ‘It looks fine,’ I insisted. ‘I’m the one who looks an idiot.’ I tweaked my bow and the stupid bunny heads.

  ‘You look cute,’ said Tanya. She sounded wistful. ‘You’re lucky, your mum doesn’t half spoil you. Doesn’t she come swimming too?’

  I looked at Tanya. We both had a mental image of my mum in a tight bathing costume. We grinned guiltily. ‘Perhaps not,’ said Tanya.

  We stowed our clothes in the same locker. I liked it that my new T-shirt and shorts were curled up with Tanya’s top and leggings. I had to leave my glasses behind too. It’s always so strange taking them off. The whole world mists over and disappears in the distance. I have to half-feel my way to the swimming pool and all I can see is brilliant, sparkling blue.

  ‘Here, I’ll help you,’ said Tanya, and she held my hand tight. ‘Where’s your dad? Oh, there he is, standing on the edge. Hey, are you going to dive?’ She hurried us over to him, our bare feet pattering on the damp tiles. ‘Bet you can’t dive!’ she said.

  ‘Bet I can,’ said Dad, just like a schoolboy. And then he dived in and swam away, his arms smoothly dipping through the water, his pointed feet kicking, until I lost him in the turquoise blur.

  ‘Hey, he can! What an old show-off, eh?’ said Tanya, laughing at him.

  Dad was laughing too when he swam back. He pulled himself up onto the side and sat kicking his legs, little beads of water shining all over him. I was worried about his soft fat tummy and all the hairs on his chest. Grey hairs. But Tanya seemed to think he was some sort of Super-Dad.

  ‘Hey, show me how to dive. You’re great at it! And I want to swim all smooth like that too, I just splash.’ She kept on, but she took ages and ages actually getting into the water herself. Dad had to hold her hands and coax her down the steps. I jumped in. Then even after Tanya was in the water she wouldn’t duck down and get her shoulders wet. She stood shivering with her arms wrapped round herself, and when Dad tried to show her how to swim the crawl Tanya wasn’t sure she could do it, and remembere
d she’d had an ear infection and maybe she shouldn’t get her head wet.

  Dad didn’t try and make her do anything. We played bouncing in the water instead, just Dad and me at first, but then we caught hold of Tanya’s hands and she bounced too. She shrieked ever so loudly to begin with, but then she started liking it and laughing.

  ‘We’re the bouncy family,’ she said, as we did a mad ring-a-ring-a-roses. She sang, ‘We are the boun-cy fam-i-ly. There’s Mandy’s dad and Mandy and me.’

  We all sang Tanya’s song over and over, whirling round in the blue water. ‘I wish we really were a proper family,’ I said. ‘I’d give anything to have you as my sister, Tanya.’

  ‘Yeah, you’re like my little sister now,’ said Tanya. ‘And we’ll always stay together and no-one shall ever split us up, right?’

  School was still horrible. Kim and Melanie and Sarah started holding their noses whenever I went past. Some of the others copied them. Not Arthur. But he was still a bit huffy. I tried not to care. I stalked past with my head in the air, being Miranda Rainbow until Kim stuck her foot out and I tripped.

  She didn’t try anything when there were any teachers around. Mrs Edwards was stepping up her Anti-Bullying Campaign.

  ‘Wait till the holidays,’ Kim said loudly to Melanie. ‘Then we’ll get her. Round at your place.’

  My mum still had this arrangement with Melanie’s mum. I went round there every morning in the holidays while Mum worked.

  ‘But I can’t go to Melanie’s now,’ I insisted.

  ‘Have they started bullying you again?’ said Mum.

  ‘No. Well, not really. They just do silly things sometimes. But don’t go back to the school, Mum! I just ignore them like you told me. But I absolutely can’t go to Melanie’s in the holidays. She hates me. And I hate her, too.’

  Mum got very worried. She wanted me to try to make friends with Melanie again.

  ‘But Mandy doesn’t want to be friends with Melanie,’ said Dad. ‘And I don’t blame her. Melanie’s been horrible to her.’

  ‘They used to get on all right. I just don’t know what to do otherwise,’ said Mum wretchedly. ‘I can’t take Mandy to the office with me. She’s not old enough to be left on her own. But she’s too old for a child-minder. What on earth are we going to do?’

  ‘It’s obvious!’ said Dad.

  ‘You mean I should give in my notice?’ said Mum.

  ‘No! Have a word with Mrs Williams. I’m sure she’d be happy to keep on eye on Mandy. Then she and Tanya could keep each other company.’

  ‘Oh, yes! Yes! YES!’ I shouted.

  Mum said no. She went on and on saying no. She tried to find someone else to look after me. But in the end she gave up and fixed it with Mrs Williams after all.

  ‘Oh, Mum, how wonderful!’ I said, capering about the room.

  ‘Hey, hey, calm down, you’ll knock something over! Now listen to me, Mandy. I want you to behave yourself when you’re at Mrs Williams. I’m not having you running wild with Tanya. There are going to be lots of rules, all right?’

  ‘To hear is to obey, O Great Mother,’ I said.

  We didn’t obey any of Mum’s rules. Mrs Williams didn’t seem to mind much what we did as long as we didn’t play music too loudly when the babies were having their naps. She let us go off round the town together and she didn’t even get mad if we were late back.

  ‘You are lucky, Tanya,’ I said without thinking as we walked into town arm in arm. ‘Mrs Williams doesn’t ever nag at you and make you stick to rules and tell you off like my mum.’

  ‘Well. That’s because she’s not my mum,’ said Tanya. ‘She’s just my foster mum. She gets paid for looking after me. It’s her job. And she didn’t even want me, I was just shoved her way because they couldn’t find anywhere else for me. We get on OK, she’s not a bad old stick, but she doesn’t really care about me. She gets all gooey-eyed over the babies sometimes. I don’t know why because they’re all slurpy and snotty most of the time. But she couldn’t care less about me. So she doesn’t nag. Your mum nags because she’s absolutely dotty about you, anyone can see that. She loves you to bits.’

  I didn’t know what to say.

  ‘And your dad thinks the world of you too,’ said Tanya, more enviously.

  ‘What about your dad, Tanya?’ I said.

  She’d never really mentioned him.

  ‘Him!’ said Tanya, snorting. ‘Haven’t seen him for donkey’s years. Don’t want to.’

  She unlinked arms and walked on quickly, her sandals clacking. I had to hurry to keep up. She had her face turned away from me. She looked as if she was trying not to cry.

  ‘I’m sorry, Tanya,’ I said worriedly.

  ‘What are you sorry for?’ she said, sounding fierce.

  ‘Well. I didn’t mean to upset you. About your dad.’

  ‘I’m not upset. I don’t give a toss about him. Or my mum, not any more. Or even my little brothers, because they’ve been adopted now and they’re doing great. It’s just Carmel . . .’

  ‘Won’t they let you see her?’ I asked.

  ‘We had this supervised visit at Easter but she got all shy and her foster mum was there and . . .’ Tanya sniffed. ‘Look, shut up, Mandy. I don’t want to talk about it, OK?’

  ‘OK,’ I said.

  ‘Don’t look so down, dopey. Come on, let’s get into the town and cheer ourselves up,’ said Tanya.

  We went into Boots, spending ages at the make-up counters. It was great fun at first. Tanya put all this sample eye shadow and lipstick on me and we squirted ourselves with tester perfume. But then Tanya started sauntering round the shelves – and I saw her hands reach out and grab. She was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with big pockets. It was easy for her to hide stuff.

  I followed her, trembling all over. She wandered around, so cool, so casual. An expert.

  We walked out the shop and I waited for the hand on her shoulders, the stern voice. But it didn’t happen. We walked on, Tanya’s eyes sparkling, a grin on her face. She’d cheered up all right.

  ‘Hey Mandy, come on. Better get you to a Ladies. You look a right clown with all that make-up on your face,’ said Tanya. She looked at me closely. ‘What’s up, eh?’

  My throat was so dry I couldn’t speak. I just stood there, shaking.

  ‘Hey, want to see what I’ve got for you?’ Tanya whispered.

  She held open her pocket and showed me a can of hair spray.

  ‘Told you that’s what you need to fix your hair. When you put it up. Why don’t you ever wear that scrunchie I got you, eh?’

  I just shrugged and shook my head. I was so scared of upsetting her again, I didn’t dare say anything about her shoplifting.

  She started to do it every time we went shopping together. I still didn’t dare say anything outright, but I tried my hardest to get her to stay in at Mrs Williams’,

  ‘Please, Tanya. Shopping’s boring. Let’s stay in and we’ll play your tapes or draw or something. Whatever you want. Please,’ I begged.

  Sometimes it worked. They were the most wonderful mornings ever. We played Tanya’s tapes until even I was word perfect. I just mouthed the words though. Tanya sang in her dead-cool husky way, and she did all the right gestures and invented her own special little dances.

  ‘Do you think I’ll ever make it as a rock star, Mandy?’ Tanya asked, wiggling away.

  ‘You bet you will,’ I said.

  She dressed up like a rock star too in shiny shorts and a fantastic violet sparkly top that looked wonderful. She painted her lids with purple eyeshadow, doing lovely whirly patterns right up to her eyebrows. One time she took my box of felt-tip pens and designed amazing tattoos for her arms and legs – weird flowers with faces, prancing unicorns, and witches casting spells. She inked a dark purply-blue bracelet round her thin wrist and got me to help her draw a ring on every finger, studded with red rubies, green emeralds, purple amethysts and blue sapphires.

  ‘Do me a tattoo, Tanya,’ I pleaded.

/>   ‘Your mum will create,’ said Tanya, but she drew a tiny tattoo inside my wrist. The felt-tip tickled and it felt funny when she pressed on my veins. She drew a red heart outlined with a frill. There were two names entwined, Tanya and Mandy. I felt faint with pride and happiness.

  When it was time for Mum to come and collect me I stuck a plaster over my tattoo and pretended I’d scratched myself. Whenever I was on my own I’d take little peeks at the heart. I managed to keep it until bedtime and then Mum made me have a bath. The plaster peeled off and the heart got washed away.

  I took my felt-tips with me the next day and demanded another heart. Tanya liked to draw too, using her new propelling pencil. We made up this really great story about two girls who travelled all round the world together. Tanya called her girl Love Tanyanita. I let mine be called Miranda Rainbow.

  I was a little worried at first sharing such an important pretend person with Tanya but she took it all seriously and didn’t tease at all.

  Love and Miranda were poor at first and they had to hitch lifts in lorries and share a sleeping bag at the side of the road, but then Love started singing and had a hit album and made even more money than Madonna. She still stayed best friends with Miranda. They lived in a penthouse flat with white furniture and white carpets and a heart-shaped white bed and a huge swimming pool on the roof with real dolphins and when Love and Miranda travelled the world they now had their own white stretch limousine . . .

  Tanya was so good at adding bits to the story that I begged her to write it all down for me so I could remember it all for ever.

  ‘Ther wer to girls,’ Tanya wrote, very slowly.

  I didn’t say a word. But she saw my expression.

  ‘Yeah, well, I’m not that great at writing,’ she said. ‘I’ve had learning problems. Because of my mum and stuff. And I’m dyslexic anyway. Know what that is? It’s when you can’t read and write well. But it doesn’t mean you’re thick.’

  ‘Of course not,’ I said quickly.

  ‘I can’t be thick, because I know all the words, great long ones, some of them. I just don’t know how to write them down proper.’