Me Without You

by Mindy Hayes

  I have two options. Alert Gran and stress her out. Or, go out on my own to track Savannah down. I might kill her if I go alone. Probably best to tell Gran.

  “Gran,” I holler as I storm down the hallway. “She’s gone.”

  She sighs. “Not again,” she mutters under her breath.

  “Again?” I press. That changes everything.

  “It’s not a big deal—”

  “It feels like a pretty big deal. How many times has she done this and you haven’t told me?”

  Gran shakes her head dismissively. “This is only the second time. I thought she learned her lesson when Grandpa gave her a talking-to last time.”

  “Obviously not. I’m going out to find her.” I grab my keys from the kitchen counter.

  “And embarrass her in front of her friends? Make her resent you? Think first, Aiden. You’re too angry to go after her now. We can talk to her when she gets back.”

  “You’re letting her get away with too much, Gran. I don’t want her going down the path I did. I won’t let her.” I turn, walking out of the house before Gran can stop me.

  ***

  The gravel crunches beneath my tires as I pull into the drive-in at the edge of town. There aren’t a ton of cars lined in front of the screen, but it wouldn’t matter if there were. The side of Savannah’s head is unmistakable in a 1970 red Mustang convertible. If I wasn’t watching some pompous turd waffle sucking the face off my little sister, I might stop to appreciate it.

  Had she come here with her girlfriends, like she said, I might have waited for the movie to be over to catch her as she was leaving, so she knew I knew what she was trying to pull. But, like the Hulk, my big brother instincts take over. No one touches my little sister like that. I park my car at the back of the field,s walk right up to the driver’s side, and snatch the collar of his black T-shirt.

  “What the—” He turns like he’s about to swing at me. When he sees my face he stops. I don’t recognize him, but he reeks of an emo douche canoe.

  “Aiden!” Savannah yelps, springing back against the passenger’s side door. “What are you freaking doing here?”

  Quietly commanding, I say, “Get out of the car, Savannah.”

  “Are you kidding me?” She doesn’t budge. Her face contorts in defiance. “No.”

  My jaw clenches, but I keep my quiet tone in an attempt to minimize her embarrassment and the eyes that are gradually shifting to us. “You’re going to get out of this car now, or I’m going to pull you out myself. You take your pick.”

  “Who is this guy?” the punk asks as if he has the right to know.

  “Her older brother,” I answer, holding back the urge to pummel his arrogant butt. “And I promise you’ll wish you messed with someone else’s little sister if you ever touch her again.”

  Savannah mumbles, “I’m so sorry, Jason.”

  “It’s all right,” he mutters back and shoots me a look. He can’t decide if he should play tough guy or fear me. Fear me, clown. Always fear the older brother.

  She fumes as she swings her legs to the side and jumps out. “I’ll call you later. Okay?”

  “No, you won’t,” I murmur and grab her elbow to guide her to my car.

  “Ai-den!” she says my name in two syllables and tears her arm away. “Oh my gosh.”

  “You’re making a bigger scene, Savannah. Do you really want that?”

  She groans and storms off ahead of me, a dirt cloud in her wake, and slams the passenger side door of my car behind her.

  “Drive safe, Jacob,” I say, walking away.

  “It’s Jason.”

  “Whatever.”

  I get in the car without a word. I’m worried if I open my mouth, I’ll say something I’ll regret. She’s walking a fine line, teetering onto the wrong side, and I don’t know how to save her from the fall. Right now I want to yell. And yell. Then yell some more.

  “I can’t believe you just did that to me,” she mutters with her arms crossed tightly over her chest and slouches further down, placing her feet on my dashboard.

  I knock her feet down. “I’d watch what you say right now, Vannah. I’m this close to losing it. And you don’t want to see me lose it.” I try to control it, but my voice quivers with anger.

  “We were just kissing,” she retorts quietly.

  “Seriously,” I snap. “What about the fact that you snuck out of the house when Gran told you no? Then not only lied about who you were going with, but disrespected me in front of that dirt bag when all I’m trying to do is help you!”

  “Help me? How is that helping me?” she shouts. “He’s not a dirt bag. And you just embarrassed me in front of everyone. I’ll never be able to show my face at school now. You made me look like such a loser.”

  “Better a loser than a slut.”

  She gasps, and I realize I may have taken it too far. After a moment I peer over at her as she rubs her fist across her cheek like she’s wiping away a tear, and turns her face away from me.

  I soften. “I don’t want you to end up like me, Vannah. Sneaking out? Lying? What is that all about?”

  “You don’t know what it’s like growing up in your grandparents’ house,” she grumbles, fighting back more tears.

  “Umm…”

  “It’s not the same, and you know it.” She sits up and faces me. “You only lived with them for what…like three years? I’ve been with them since I was four. My whole life has been under their roof, and it sucks. No one wants to hang out at our house. No one knows how to act around them. All my friends’ moms are in their thirties and forties, while mine is seventy and isn’t even allowed to drive anymore. I’m basically a pariah, Aiden.”

  I stop myself from snapping at her ungrateful mouth. “You’re one of the lucky ones,” I say honestly.

  “How can you say that?” she cries. “Everything about my life sucks!”

  I have to remind myself that she’s a melodramatic teenage girl as I evenly reply, “I’m not saying it’s not hard, but you should be dang grateful you have a home where you have food in the cupboards, and people who love you, who don’t take every opportunity they can to beat the crap out of you or tear down your soul.” Josh’s face flashes through my mind and the black eye or bloody lip that adorned his face on more than one occasion. I clench my jaw. My chest constricts.

  “Forgive me for not sounding sympathetic, Savannah, because I’ll be the first person to tell you I know how much not having Mom and Dad around sucks, but you’re taking your life for granted, and it’ll only be a downward spiral from there. You make friends with the wrong people or make decisions because everyone else is doing it and you’ll no longer have control over your life. You think that’s what you’re doing—making decisions for yourself because it’s what you want, and living your life the way you want to—but they’re poor decisions, and it’s all down hill from there.”

  “What do you know? You were gone for like five years of my life. You act like you know everything, but you know nothing.”

  “Why do you think I came back here?” I snap. “Do you think a guy with a degree and prospects comes back to a going-nowhere town to work in a repair shop because he wants to? News flash, Vannah. I came back here to be close to you. To help take care of you!”

  Her eyes pool with tears, and I realize my yelling might not have been the best route to go here. She looks down at her lap, blinking them away.

  Gripping the steering wheel, I exhale. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to yell at you. I didn’t mean to lose my temper. I just…I want more for you, and if you throw it away because you get tangled with the wrong crowd or the wrong guy—and heaven forbid get knocked up or worse—this will all be for nothing.”

  “I’m not stupid, you know?” she whispers, sniffling.

  I reach over and grab her hands clasped together in her lap. “I never said you were, but you don’t know everything either. Life is cruel, and I want to do everything I can to protect you from it.” I pause. “Even if it
means embarrassing you a little in front of your ‘friends.’”

  Savannah nods and slouches back into the seat without another word, but I think I might have gotten through to her. She looks more thoughtful now than defiant.

  “And the first thing you’re going to do when we walk through that door is apologize to Gran. And then you’re going to go to bed because you have school tomorrow.”

  She nods once more. That’s all I get from her. It’s enough, I suppose.

  “I love you, you know that?” I say, trying to fight back emotions. I want her to know, to understand how much. She’s all I have left.

  “Yeah,” Savannah responds faintly. “Love you too.”

  ALIX

  WHEN I DROP off the redesigned plans for the Hendersons the following week, Dean is the one to greet me up front. I almost ask where Aiden is, but I shouldn’t care. He’d tell Aiden I was asking about him, and I don’t need that kind of flack. Aiden has a big enough head.

  “If the Hendersons would like any other changes, just let me know,” I say and discreetly try to look around the office to see if he’s maybe busy in his personal office.

  “Will do. And he’s not here,” Dean says, eyeing me with a small smirk.

  “Who?” I feign obliviousness and fidget with my hair.

  He softly chuckles. “If you have no interest in him, Alix, don’t string him along.”

  “I’m not,” I retort. “He knows I have no interest in a relationship.”

  “Does he?” Dean asks, suddenly serious. “Because to me it looks like you can’t make up your mind, and you want to give him just enough hope, so that he doesn’t move on.”

  “I’ve never given him hope,” I try to defend myself. “I’ve never given him any inclination that I want something more. In fact, I repeatedly tell him I’m not interested.”

  “But that’s not entirely true, now is it?” Dean’s condescending tone enrages me.

  “Bite me, Preston. Don’t act like you know me. You’ve never tried to get to know me. So, you mind your business, and I’ll mind mine.”

  Dean laughs dryly. “That’s real rich coming from the girl who made it her business to mess with mine when I came back to Willowhaven.”

  Dean and I have had our differences over the years, but he’s always taken the passive aggressive route or avoidance, which I’ve been fine with. We can both be a part of Sawyer’s life when we avoid sensitive topics. It helps us tolerate one another. But he should know better. I don’t take the passive aggressive route or avoidance. I’ll tell you how it is and if you don’t want to hear it, that’s your problem.

  I scoff. “So, we’re doing this now, huh?” I square my shoulders. My hip pops, and the crazy white girl inside of me rises to the surface.

  “I’m not trying to start a fight, Alix. Just don’t tell me to mind my own business when all I am is concerned for my friend, as you were concerned for yours. You meddled in our lives when you had no right.”

  “But there’s a huge difference between our situations. If I’ve done anything over the last ten years, it’s try to protect Sawyer from getting hurt. Her trusting, sweet heart wasn’t ready for you. I warned her about you the moment you came on the scene, and she didn’t listen. We both know exactly where that got her. She might have forgiven you, but you stole years from her. Years. So, forgive me for not welcoming you back into our lives with opens arms. You might have bought her Sprinkles, but all that proves is that you can throw money at things to fix them. What have you really done to make up for what you did?”

  “Wow,” Dean mouths. “Don’t hold anything back, Fink. Anything else you want to get off your chest while we’re here?”

  “Nope. I think that about covers it.” I fold my arms and wait for his reply.

  “Good. Now it’s my turn.” He takes a step forward. His eyes burn with anger, but I’m not scared. I know he’d never lay a finger on a woman. “You paint yourself to be this patron saint who tried to save Innocent Sawyer Hartwell from Wretched Dean Preston, but I did come back. Maybe it took some time, but I did. And when I did, who was it that kept it from Sawyer and lied to me? Oh, that’s right. You.” Dean laughs under his breath. “Maybe Sawyer forgave you for taking away all those years we lost because you thought you knew what was best for her, but I never plan to. Open your eyes, Alix. You can’t even get your own crap together. How could you possibly help anyone else?”

  The chime on the front door sounds, and I’m speechless.

  “Hey guys.”

  Aiden.

  He appears beside us facing off. Why did he have to come now? Dean and I remain in a staring match, my mouth agape.

  “What’s going on here?” Aiden asks, shifting his gaze back and forth, waiting for one of us to say something to him. “Dean, what did you do?”

  “Nothing.” He breaks eye contact and looks to Aiden. “Alix and I were just chatting. I think we’ve said all we needed to.”

  “Yup,” I say, clipped. “If you’ll excuse me. I need to get home.”

  “Hold on a second.” Aiden catches my arm before I walk out the door. Dean excuses himself from the room and leaves quietly. “Are you okay?” His thumb rubs my skin. I shiver. His eyes scan my face for any hints. Aiden’s concern chips away my anger and somehow adds to it. I can’t look at him.

  “I’m fine. I really need to get home.” I turn away again, reaching for the door.

  “Alix. C’mon.” Aiden blocks me, holding on tighter. “What did Dean say to you? If it was anything do to with this situation between us. Don’t listen to anything he says. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

  “How could it be about something between us when there’s nothing there?” I don’t blink. His face falls with his hand. My heart cringes. I shouldn’t have said that. “I need to go.”

  AIDEN

  WHAT IN THE world did I miss? I spin around and stride to Dean’s closed office door. Determined to get answers, I swing it open.

  “Are you trying to drive a deeper wedge between me and Alix?”

  Dean leans back in his chair behind his desk and runs a hand down his face. “I’m sorry, Aide. She set me off. I was trying to watch your back. Make sure she wasn’t trying to play you. And then she lost it on me, stirring up old feelings, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”

  “What did she say?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does to me.”

  “She was just rubbing the past in my face, opening old wounds. Whatever. It wasn’t anything I didn’t already know.”

  “What did you say?” I walk in and sit across from him.

  “Some stuff I shouldn’t have, but not all of it was about you. I couldn’t let what she did to Sawyer and me go. I know it should be water under the bridge. Sawyer and I are happy now, married, with a baby on the way, but she started to place herself on this pedestal like she’s always put Sawyer’s happiness first, but she caused half of our grief. She meddled where she shouldn’t, and I couldn’t let it go.”

  “Oh great,” I grumble. “You two can’t just grow up and move on, can you? You think we’re bad. At least Alix and I keep it light. You two hit where it hurts.”

  “We needed to get it out in the open. Now it’s out there. We can move on.”

  “You think she’s going to feel that way? Or did you just wake up a beast? In case you forgot, she’s a woman, Dean. You don’t get things out in the open, and suddenly it’s fixed. Now that your issues are out there, they’re going to fester and build. Do you know women at all?”

  “Her beef is with me, not you.” He groans as he realizes, “Oh man, Sawyer’s gonna be ticked. Alix is probably going to talk to Sawyer right now.”

  “Of course she is. You telling me Sawyer doesn’t already know how you feel about this Alix situation?”

  He exhales and nods. “No, she does, but she’s been wanting me to let it go since we figured out that Alix tried to keep us apart. She gave Alix the benefit of the doubt. I didn�
��t, but I kept my mouth shut until today.”

  “Forget about the personal issues, Dean.” I lean forward. “She’s our best interior design drafter, who was hesitant to work with us in the first place. What if you just screwed one of the best working relationships we have?”

  “I’ll fix it. It’ll be fine. I promise.”

  I grunt and stand. “It better be because I’ve kept myself in check for over two months to make this work. If you destroyed that in a matter of minutes, you and I are going to have beef.”

  “I’ll fix it,” Dean hollers as I walk out.

  “Yeah you will,” I shout back.

  ALIX

  IF THERE WERE a list of people I expected to show up on my doorstep, the list wouldn’t be very long, and Dean Preston definitely wouldn’t make the cut.

  But evident as the red in my hair, here he is. His hair is shaggier, and his cheeks are unshaven. He looks like a bum, but he’s not a mirage. He’s in Willowhaven, standing innocently like he didn’t desert my best friend a year and a half ago.

  I’ve never punched anyone before, but if Sawyer were here, I hope that is exactly what she’d do. My right hand immediately curls into a fist and plants itself smack dab on the left side of his face.

  Dean holds his jaw, and my hand stings like a mother, but man did that feel good. I’ve only wanted to do that since the moment I found out he left. The urge only grew when more of the story unfolded.

  “I should have seen that coming,” he says, working his jaw.

  “What do you want, Preston?” I want to cradle my hand, but I don’t want to show him weakness. That’s what he is. Weak. A coward.

  “I want to know where Sawyer is.”

  Unbelievable. I scoff. “You honestly think I’m going to tell you? You should have stayed away. Have a nice life, Preston.” I begin to shut the door in his face.