by Dianna Love
“I’ll think about it,” Kasey said.
“You could ask if Jake’s alive. Find out for sure, one way or the other. Maybe get a lead.”
“I could ask specific questions like that?” She needed answers, but that magic stuff had always given her the heebie-jeebies. “If I only knew he was safe, it would be easier.” She slouched, then shook her head. “No, I’m not ready for that. I have an aerial photographer going up tomorrow to search the area again. He’s doing it as a favor. I’m going to photograph his plane for a print ad in exchange. Maybe something will turn up this time.”
Jeremy looked at his watch. “I’ve got to go. Your grandmother will be a real pain in the ass if I pick her up late.”
“Like she won’t be anyway?”
“Be nice. She’s not as bad as you think. She loves you.” Jeremy gave her a hug, then left.
Kasey watched him back out of the driveway. The thought of somebody predicting her future or knowing her past sent a tingle down her spine, and not in a good way. Time was slipping away though, and the longer Jake was missing, the more likely it was she’d never find him. Some said it had already been too long.
Even Riley had asked if she wanted to consider a memorial for Jake if something didn’t turn up soon.
Kasey couldn’t—wouldn’t—give up on Jake yet.
Chapter Seven
Kasey stared at the ceiling until the swirled plaster blurred, forming images—silhouettes of better times. She sprawled her leg across Nick’s side of the bed. Empty and cool.
She’d promised herself she’d get out of bed today, but that had been yesterday, and today didn’t seem as far away as tomorrow had seemed at the time she made that promise.
One month. Exactly one month today since she’d laid Nick to rest. Everyone said it would get easier with time, but how much time and how much easier?
Although the wounds were still tender, she knew in her heart she couldn’t let time keep slipping by. Nick would hate that. He’d lived life to the fullest—never wasted a minute. She hadn’t done a good job of either lately.
She sat upright on the edge of the bed and forced her feet to the ground. She held her arms out to the side to steady herself as she stood. Taking slow steps, she made her way to the bathroom and twisted the knobs on the shower.
She stepped out of her pajamas and into the shower, letting the gentle spray wash over her as she prayed for strength. She turned counter-clockwise, wishing that would rewind her life to happier times. The water began to run cool so she got out. Wrapped in a towel, she went back in the bedroom and sat at the antique dressing table. She hadn’t put on makeup since the funeral, but it was a step, even if she was faking it, toward feeling better. She brushed her hair, then picked out something to wear.
Her favorite pair of khakis hung loose on her now. She cinched the waist tight with a belt. It would have to do.
The melancholy she’d woken up with slid away, now replaced by anger. Nick had given her a wonderful life and then abandoned her.
How could you leave me? You promised you’d always be here.
Kasey went downstairs and walked outside. She looked at the beautiful property, as if through Nick and Jake’s eyes, and remembered each precious day, each moment. She wasn’t alone. Dutch wandered around with her every step of the way, like a shadow. The old dog had loved those two Rolly boys as much as she did, and his eyes seemed sadder than normal. Every time she stopped, Dutch pushed his head under her hand. He needed the connection, too.
She went back inside with a plan, with Dutch at her heels. His nails clicked on the hardwood floors like seconds ticking by on a clock.
Kasey picked up the phone and dialed Grem to tell her she was coming by. She made the call short though, because Grem had a way of saying the wrong thing, and all she needed was an excuse to crawl back under the covers.
She wasn’t going to give herself a way out today.
* * * *
It was a beautiful day for a drive. Kasey drove with the top down on the Porsche. She usually loved the wind in her hair and breathing in the air that rushed around the car as she sped along. She’d been known to sing at the top of her lungs without a care about who might hear. No radio and no singing today, though. She was going through the motions for Nick, but her heart wasn’t in it.
She punched in the security code at the gates to her grandmother’s estate, then idled between the flowering crepe myrtles that dotted the path to the big house. When she reached the end of the driveway, she caught sight of Grem on the porch, waving at her.
Kasey waved and parked in front. The old Porsche had been Daddy’s car, his pride and joy. When she’d been little, Daddy would speed down the road with the top down and her by his side. It had cost her dearly to rebuild the old car over the years, but she felt close to Dad when the leather seats wrapped around her like a hug. She’d always been a daddy’s girl.
“It’s about time. I haven’t heard from you in weeks,” the old woman complained. “Now get your fanny over here already. The day is half gone.”
Had to give it to her for being spunky at her age. “It’s only eight o’clock. Most people are just getting their day started.”
Grem pursed her lips with a vague hint of disapproval. “Don’t be sassing me. Just give me a hug.”
Kasey pushed her sunglasses on top of her head and hugged her grandmother.
“Let me get a good look at you.”
Kasey stepped back and posed, forcing a smile.
“Goodness dear, you look thin, and you could use a haircut.” The old woman took Kasey’s hands into hers, then rubbed her thumb over Kasey’s nails. “Would you have a look at those nails? My goodness. Are you sure you’re my granddaughter?”
“Yes, I am.” She rolled her eyes. “I haven’t had time.”
“Pshaw, you’ve just been sitting around moping. You’ve had plenty of time to take care of those little things.”
Kasey sat on the top step in front of her grandmother. “Yeah, well that’s just it. Those are little things, aren’t they? Not so important in the scheme of things.”
“Don’t dismiss the importance of taking care of yourself. Lucky for you, I had a feeling you would be in a mess. I already called Seth at home. I’ve made appointments for both of us with him and George this morning, dear.”
“Tell me you didn’t.” Kasey slumped. She like being pampered, and George and Seth were the best stylists around. But they were so full of energy, and she wasn’t up to that.
“Yes, I did. If we don’t get a move on, we’re going to be late.”
Defeated, she knew better than to argue. Grem always got her damn way. “Fine. I gather you already have Jeremy lined up to take us.”
“Of course, dear. He should be around any minute. Why don’t you put on some lipstick? You look a little pale.”
“I look fine.” She gave her grandmother a stern look. “Don’t push it, okay?” She now remembered why, when she’d lived here, she stayed in the carriage house where she could come and go without bumping into Grem on a daily basis, and why she’d hired Jeremy in the first place. Well, that and the fact that Grem had run off all the other help. Jeremy had staying power.
The older that woman got, the more she thought she had the right to do and say whatever she damn well pleased. That wasn’t always pleasant.
Jeremy pulled the Mercedes around. Kasey scooted to the edge of the step and stood, muttering under her breath, “Saved by the Benz.”
He made his way to the porch and hugged Kasey. “Glad to see you out and about. We’ve missed you. You doing okay?”
She nodded, although not too convincingly.
He gave her the don’t-lie-to-me look. “Call me. Let me know if you change your mind about the other thing we talked about.”
“You know how that freaks me out. I don’t see that happening.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “But, thanks.”
Jeremy helped Grandma Emily into the car. She wouldn’t hear of a va
n or special access vehicle; she’d just stay in the house forever before she’d allow someone to tote her around like that. Kasey got into the back seat and readied herself for what was to come.
The day turned out to be pleasant, even refreshing. Separated by spinning beauty shop chairs and the hum of blow dryers, there was no room for a lot of dialogue with her grandmother. Kasey was thankful for that. However, on the ride home, there was no safe barrier.
“You look like your old self now.” Grem looked proud of herself.
“It was a nice day.”
“Yes. So...are you ready to move back home yet?”
“No.”
The old woman raised her hands. A shadow of anger swept her face as she turned and looked out the window.
“What? Why would I move back? I have a home.”
Grem spun her sprayed fray of blued locks around to face Kasey. “Yes, you have a home, and it is with me. Now just come back to where you belong and live like the lady you were raised to be. I want what’s best. You’ve wasted too much time already.”
Kasey choked back a gasp. “Wasted? I cannot believe you.”
“We all make mistakes, dear.” Her grandmother clucked her tongue, then turned in her seat in a huff.
“Jeremy, pull over.” Kasey slapped the back of his seat.
“What are you doing?” Grem’s lips pinched into a tight line.
Jeremy caught Kasey’s gaze in the rear view mirror.
“Pull over right now or I’m jumping out,” Kasey said louder, her voice tight.
Her grandmother’s eyes widened. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Kasey fumbled with the door handle. Jeremy swerved the car off to the side of the road.
“What is your problem?” the old woman shouted.
“My problem?” Kasey shook her head. Her hands trembled. “My problem? Is…is…that you are heartless.”
“Dear—”
“Don’t dear me. I can’t believe you. I know you didn’t care for Nick. That’s fine. You have that right. But he was my husband who, whether you like it or not, I loved with all my heart. I’m empty without him. Empty. And my son. My son, damn it. Do you not have a heart at all you old...errrrrrrrrr.” She pulled on the door handle again—this time it opened, and she jumped out of the car.
“It’s not like he was planned,” Grem muttered, half under her breath as Kasey slammed the door.
Kasey spun on her heel, fire in her eyes. “I heard that. I heard you. That was awful. What is making you act this way?” Kasey felt the tingle of red splotches rising on her chest.
Her grandmother rolled down the window. “Get back in this car. Have you gone crazy?”
“No.”
“You’re going to get yourself killed. You can’t just walk along the interstate.”
“Who would care?” Kasey balled her hands into fists, pumping them as she marched down the road. “Leave me alone.”
“You aren’t thinking clearly.”
Kasey stepped over to the car and leaned into the window, way in, right into her grandmother’s face. “I loved my husband. Having Jake was the best thing I ever did in my life. I don’t want to hear your voice. I can’t even think about you right now.”
Calmness fell over her grandmother’s features. “I loved Jake, too, honey. This outburst won’t bring him back.”
“He will be back.” Kasey slapped the side of the car. “And you don’t know anything about love.” She stepped back and screamed to Jeremy, “Drive her home. I swear, get her out of here.” She clenched her teeth so tightly that they ached.
“You don’t have to live that way anymore.”
“Why can’t you get it through your thick skull? Nick and I wanted to share those dreams with our son, and I plan to do that.” She threw her hands in the air, turned and started walking.
“Kasey!” Grem’s voice rose to a screeching level.
Jeremy idled the Benz up to Kasey. “Are you going to be okay?” he shouted across the car.
“Fine. Just go!”
He eased back on to the road.
Kasey kicked the back of the car as Jeremy drove away.
She choked back tears as she walked along the shoulder of the interstate to the nearest exit where she called a cab to take her home. Home, to the farm in Pungo.
Thank goodness, she didn’t have to wait long before the cab arrived. Kasey leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes, thankful for the silence on the long ride back. When they arrived, she paid the driver, got out, and went as far as the front porch.
All her good intentions to have a good day had backfired, but somehow she felt stronger for having tried. She loved Nick and she adored Jake. She missed them, ached for them. No one could ever take the good memories from her.
She forced herself to go into the house. There were ten messages on the answering machine. She pushed the button. People checking on her and leaving their condolences. Had it ever occurred to them that if they’d just quit reminding her how fragile she was, maybe she wouldn’t be?
When would it stop?
Two messages from Riley, and one from Von, too. One from Jeremy, bless his heart.
His voice was kind and filled with remorse, not that her grandmother’s actions were his fault. “Kasey, its Jer. Sorry about this afternoon. The old lady had it coming, though. She was way out of line. I just had your car loaded on a flatbed tow truck, and it’s on its way to your house. I am so sorry about today. She loves you in her own way. Oh. Yeah. I pre-paid the wrecker driver. I used Miss Em’s salon account. I figured she owed you, even if she’d never admit it. Call me if you need me. For anything. Bye.”
The guy was a saint.
Quiet settled in the house. Dutch strolled out of the living room where he’d probably been napping in Nick’s chair. He’d never done that when Nick was alive, but lately Dutch had taken it over as if he was next in line—man of the house.
Casey shifted her gaze to the kitchen table where Nick’s cell phone lay, attracting her like a magnet. She picked it up and rolled it between her hands. She remembered how she’d cried when she opened the packet from the police, glanced at the phone, and seen there were twenty-three missed calls.
All from her. All made on that tragic afternoon.
The first voice mail had been the hardest for Kasey to listen to. Her voice begged Nick to respond, followed by the muffled sound of the phone being pried from her hand as she realized the officer wasn’t mistaken about the news he had given her, and then her crying.
She still called Nick’s number sometimes, just to hear his voice.
Chapter Eight
The next morning, Riley sat at her desk staring out the window. Kasey had promised she’d meet Riley for lunch, but she hadn’t shown yet. Riley picked up the phone and tried to call her again. Still no answer.
Riley shifted the phone under her chin and dialed Von’s cell phone. She tapped her pen on the desk, waiting until he answered.
“Hey, it’s me.” She closed the folder that lay in front of her on her desk. “Busy?”
“Never too busy for you. What’s up?”
“Are you at the house?” She crossed her fingers, hoping that he was.
“Sure am.”
“Oh, good. I’ve been calling Kasey, and she isn’t answering. I wasn’t too worried this morning, but she was supposed to stop by the office this afternoon. She hasn’t shown up.”
“Want me to run over and check on her?”
She hated to ask, but… “Would you mind?”
“You know I don’t mind.”
His voice always settled her down, no matter how riled she got.
“Odds are she’s in bed. Anything to avoid facing the pain.” The past echoed in Von’s words. “Don’t worry. I’ll head over there now.”
“Thanks, sweetie. I just have a weird feeling about today.”
“No cardinals or ladybugs?” he teased.
“Not one lucky sign all morning. That’s when I started to
worry.”
He often teased her about her strong beliefs in lucky signs. But her superstitions had played in his favor when they’d been dating, so who was he to complain? Her quirky ideas were part of what made him love her so much.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m on it.”
Von closed the phone and headed to his SUV. The keys dangled from the ignition. One of the nice things about living all the way out in Pungo was the low crime rate. No reason to lock up.
He drove along the winding road toward Kasey’s place...and Nick’s. He’d always remember it as their place, together, even though Nick was gone. As he neared the house, he saw Kasey’s old Porsche in the driveway. He pulled in and parked behind her car. Out of habit, he skimmed his hand over the hood as he walked past. The metal was cool. She’d probably been here all morning.
Von rapped on the back screen door, and waited for her to answer.
He was no stranger to this house. Over the years, when he and Nick were growing up, Nicks’ granddaddy had lived here. Nick and Von had spent many weeks on this farm, in this very house. He opened the screen door and rapped on the wooden door.
No sound came from inside.
He twisted the handle, opened the door and stepped inside. “Kasey, it’s me, Von. Are you around?”
No answer.
He walked through the house, pausing at the sight of Nick’s cowboy hat atop the rack of the sixteen-point trophy buck hanging on the wall. Nick’s first buck. That thing had been around for years. He and Nick had hung it on the wall in their first rental back in college. They’d decorated it with a hat and black sunglasses and called him Buck Blue, the third Blues Brother. They’d sung Soul Man into beer bottles under that deer head many a night.
Von followed a beeping sound to the answering machine. The LED indicator flashed eighteen new messages. Knowing Riley, the last ten were from her. He slid the switch on the side and silenced the incessant beeping.
He checked every room downstairs, then went upstairs. The wood creaked under his weight. He gripped the heavy oak banister as he climbed the steep stairs and found the bedroom door halfway open.