Here Be Dragons - 1

by Sharon Kay Penman

  608 ing of these displays of Angevin temper. "Now what's wrong? Jesu, but your nerves are on the raw today! I did but speak another truth, that you are wed to a man much older than you. Nigh on twenty years older. 1 am being blunt, but not unkind. A man cannot be blamed for growing old. But neither can a woman for wanting what he can no longer give So what harm if we" "You fool!" Joanna all but spat the words. "You vain, boastful fool. You talk so glibly about truths. Let me give you one, then. Yes, Llewelyn is five and fifty and you're but two and thirty. But for all that, he is twice the man you could ever hope to be, in bed or out!" "Is he now?" Will had gone rigid, first incredulous and then infuriated. "Then suppose you tell me this. If you're such a satisfied wife, why have I been able to tumble you all week long on the floor of this stinking hafod?" Joanna had begun to tremble. "I do not know," she admitted, sounding not so much angry now as despairing. "God help me, I do not know. But no more. May the Blessed Mary be my witness, no more!" Snatching up her mantle, she whirled, ran from the hafod, ran until she was sobbing for breath, ran until the meadows were misted by a light, warming rain and she saw ahead the distant timbered walls of Llewelyn's manor. JOANNA left Rhosyr that same afternoon, was gone by the time Will returned to the manor. Catherine showed no surprise at her unexpected arrival, welcomed her as if hers was a visit planned long in advance. She found some comfort in Catherine's quiet company, but Catherine could not give her the advice she most needed, could not tell her what to do about Will. Joanna dared not confide in her, could not even risk confessing to her chaplain. Until she could find a way to confess in anonymity, she must live with a mortal sin upon her soul. As frightened as she was at being denied absolution, she was even more fearful of blaspheming her vow. She had sworn to the Blessed Virgin that she would not bed with Will again. And she had to keep that vow. She had betrayed Llewelyn, betrayed herself. She could not betray the Lady Mary, too. But could she trust herself? She must pray for strength, must find it in her to resist temptation. And she must somehow see to it that she and Will were never alone again. JOANNA passed three days at Tregarnedd, returned to Rhosyr with gre reluctance. The sun had been elusive all morning, making weak foraX

  609 /lej** through the clouds rolling in off the Irish Sea, and by theHn^-hado" dismounted in the manor bailey, she could no longer see), //ie'i$ "Have Madlen see to the unpacking, Glynis. I'm Sllt a will not a stitch of work whilst we were gone." Topaz was spr^ jmalnii' her, and Joanna bent down, gathered the whimpering jjttj ^ her arms, absurdly grateful for at least one heartfelt welco,,, "Mama!" 6' heS/l "Davydd?" She straightened up, watched wordlessly /-omelt" hastened toward her. As he'd grown into manhood, he'd'be^ nos*1 and less given to public displays of affection. But he show A reticence now, embraced Joanna warmly. jl, "When did you get back? Davydd, why did you not & fr Tregarnedd?" j, "We rode in last night, would have dispatched a m^ e? morn." t ^ "But why are you back so soon? Your father ... he' f Davydd, tell me if" raitfl "He's fine, Mama, truly. He's in the great hall, discussjnAfe «« terms with Will de Braose. All is well, could not be bette Mama. The war is over." "Llewelyn . . . Llewelyn is with Will?" ot ^ Davydd nodded. "Have you no questions for me? DO you ' respl|t to hear how we triumphed over the English? We gave them n^ace * harassed them day and night, finally forced them to make t^smanl met with Henry and Hubert de Burgh and they agreed t $ aeitf' Hubert's new castle, to withdraw at once from Ceri, whilst Pav c>f hi to assume the costs of the expedition. That was truly cie / ce altj Mama, for Henry is now grateful to Papa for helping him save rin'reil he's begun to blame de Burgh for the entire debacle." DavynH iestf "Papa can put a fox to shame at times. And the best part c»f (? js |( this. The three thousand marks Papa is to pay Henry_^.t^ amount he is demanding for Will's release!" "And Will agreed to this? He is to be freed?" . e re) "Well, there's more to it than that, but I'll let Papa tell yol|' move Come on, let's tell him you're here." When Joanna did n^ou m> Davydd turned back with a quizzical smile. "Mama? A»-e ^ coming?" "No, I... I want to change my gown first. I was not exp^r Joanna's voice trailed off in confusion, but Davydd just laug*,^ gun "Mama, you look fine," he insisted, as Glynis chimed i^f, * Joanna that the gown was quite becoming. ' mvv^ "But . . . but it's green," Joanna said, very low, and bc^ty* nd Glynis looked at her in surprise.

  620 "Mama, green is your favorite color!" Joanna said nothing. Green was her favorite and most flattering hue. It was also the symbolic shade of fidelity. Abandoning further protests, she allowed Davydd to lead her into the hall. Davydd was still talking about their campaign, laughing as he told her de Burgh's half-built castle was now known as "Hubert's Folly." But Joanna was no longer listening. Llewelyn and Will were seated together by the open hearth; they seemed surprisingly at ease with one another, were talking with animation, and as she watched, they exchanged smiles. And then they were turning, getting to their feet as she walked toward them. Joanna's mouth was suddenly parched; she sought to shape it into a smile, said as calmly as she could, "Welcome home, Llewelyn." Had they been alone, she would have waited for his rejoinder, taken her cue from that. But with Will's eyes upon her, she felt she had no choice but to step forward, to kiss Llewelyn lightly on the mouth. His response told her nothing; even if he was still furious with her, he'd never have been so churlish as to rebuff her in public. His face was impassive; as well as she knew him, she could not read his expression. "You look pale," he said. "Have you been ailing?" She shook her head, started visibly when Will chose that moment to interject himself into the conversation. "I'm glad you're back, Madame. I confess it was rather lonely here the past few days, what with both you and the Lady Senena gone." And then, before she could anticipate him, he caught her hand, brought it up to his mouth, with impeccable manners and laughing eyes. Joanna's reaction was instinctive and vehement; she jerked her hand away. They were all staring at her now, Will with poorly concealed amusement, Davydd with surprise, and Llewelyn with a look that brought the blood up into her face, a look of curiosity . . . and conjecture. "Actually, you were right, Llewelyn," she said unsteadily. "I do not feel well. If you'll excuse me, I think I shall go and lie down." Not waiting, not daring to wait, she turned and walked swiftly from the hall, feeling their eyes upon her all the while. Upon reaching her bedchamber, Joanna dismissed her maids. She'd decided she really would lie down, hoping in that way to avoid a discussion with Llewelyn, should he seek her out. She stripped to her chemise, began to unbraid her hair. But her fingers had become infuriating')' clumsy; she kept dropping hairpins and brush, even a small glass bottle of her favorite scent. Glass was very much a luxury, and this perfume vial was of a particularly delicate design, the handiwork of a Genoan master craftsman. With a cry of dismay, Joanna knelt, began to searc the rushes for the broken shards. But once she'd salvaged the fra&

  611 merits, she saw the bottle was beyond repair. She stared down at the glass splinters, and suddenly her eyes were brimming over with tears. Sitting on the floor in the middle of her bedchamber, she began to cry. LLEWELYN found himself hesitating before the door, not at all sure what sort of reception he would get. The memory came to him then of another quarrel with Joanna, another occasion when he'd stood before a bedchamber door, reluctant to go in. The memory was very vivid for being more than twenty years old; it had been their first true quarrel, but a memorable reconciliation, leading to the consummation of their marriage. He no longer hesitated, reached for the latch. "Joanna?" He was beside her at once, brushing back the cascading dark hair that hid her face. At his touch, she fell forward into his arms, buried her face in his shoulder. Her sobbing was spasmodic, out of control, but he was more alarmed by her violent trembling, like one with the ague. He was baffled to discover that she was clutching several broken pieces of glass; he had to pry her fingers loose before she'd drop them. In all the years of their marriage, he'd never seen her weep like this, as a maltreated child might weep, helplessly, utterly without hope. When he lifted her in his arms, she felt as light as a child, too, frighteningly fragile. After putting her do
wn upon the bed, he started to rise, but she clung to him and he sat beside her, holding her as she wept. At last her sobs began to subside. She no longer sounded so incoherent and he leaned over, put his lips to her forehead. Although she did not feel feverish, he was not yet reassured. "Shall I summon my physician?" Her head moved on the pillow, tossed emphatically from side to side. He rose, crossed to the washing laver, and came back to the bed. Joanna stirred when he gently wiped her face with a wet cloth, lay looking up at him with tears silently trickling from the corners of her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. I love you, I do. I never meant for it to happen, I swear it. . ." "I know that, breila." "You . . . you know?" "Why should that surprise you so? You wanted to see Gruffydd banished, not imprisoned. That was no part of your plan. Did you think 1 doubted that?" "Gruffydd." Joanna closed her eyes. "No," she echoed faintly, that was no part of my plan ..." Llewelyn regarded her in silence for several moments. The signs of strain were much more apparent now than they'd been in the hall, the

  614 her now, he was thinking that there were other benefits, as well subsequent barrenness, for her body had retained the supple m tone, the lissome and willowy grace of her youth. His eyes follow H fall of her hair, from breast to hip, and up again to her face. Feelin i/ gaze upon her, she glanced over her shoulder, smiled radiantly a H k'S said, "Joanna, what is there between you and Will de Braose?" 6 Joanna would never know how she managed to continue pou wine, how she kept her hand steady. Very carefully she set the fla ^ back on the table. "What do you mean, Llewelyn?" "The tension in the hall was hard to miss." His voice was dry h' eyes unwavering upon her face. She gripped the wine cup between h palms, took one quick swallow, and then walked back to the bed. Wh had she not foreseen this? Who knew better than she how keen his eve could be? "You are right," she said slowly. "I suppose I was not very good at hiding my feelings. I'm sorry if I was rude. But I find it very difficult to be in Will de Braose's company. You know how I feel about his family. And with Will, it is more than I can bear, for he loved Maude well, and his hatred of John is still green, still very raw. He told me ... told me that Maude died mad." Her shudder was not feigned, was all too real. It did not escape Llewelyn, nor did the sudden reversion back to "John." He slid over and she got into bed, handed him the wine cup. "I thought it was something like that," he said. "Ah, lass, I am truly sorry." Joanna forced herself to lift her head, to look into his eyes, dark eyes full of intelligence and affection . . . and faith. He loved her, would never suspect her of so base a betrayal. He trusted her. She'd have to bear that to the end of her days, the burden of his trust. Llewelyn put his arm around her shoulders, drew her down against his chest. "Would it be easier for you if I moved the court back to Aber, whilst keeping Will here at Rhosyr till his ransom is paid?" "Jesti, yes! Oh, yes, please." She kissed his throat, blinking back tears. She'd thought she'd reached the nadir of shame and self-loathing on that last day in the hafod, raging at Will, at her incredible folly. But if was infinitely worse now, having to lie to Llewelyn, to look into his eyes and take such despicable advantage of his love. . "Joanna, I do understand your feelings for the de Braose fam~yt j know you've never been at ease with any of them. And I would could promise you need never set eyes upon Will again. But I ca "Llewelyn . . . what are you saying? What are you trying me?" rn "I She sounded suddenly so frightened that he frowned, bit his P-

  r 625 t Buellt Castle, breila I've got to have it, for it commands the upper *£hes of the Gwy Valley" "I I do not understand Davydd said Will had agreed to pay you e thousand marks Surely he'd not yield up Buellt, too7" "No, of course not But he is willing to give it as his daughter's rnage portion That is what I am trying to tell you, Joanna Will and I ve agreed upon an alliance, one secured by wedlock, the marriage of his eldest daughter and our son " "Davydd Davydd is to wed Will's daughter7" "In time Isabella is but a little lass yet, so I expect they'll only plight troth for now " Llewelyn leaned over, tenderly kissed Joanna's upturned face "I know this does not please you, love, and I am sorry But ,t cannot be helped " Joanna turned her head into his shoulder, brought her hand up to her mouth, bit down on her fist She must not laugh If she did, she'd not be able to stop Like her mother So many years ago, but Joanna could still hear her, hear peal after peal of that shrill, hysterical laughter as her mother looked at her, at her bastard child, her "mistake " We pay and pay for our sins, she'd gasped We pay and pay 10 DEGANWY, NORTH WALES September 1229 J-JLEWELYN'S grandsons were standing on the airs °f the keep, watching as he rode through the gateway into the er bailey The younger boy, his namesake, was a dark, solemn child, °

  e 616 id that Senena felt a what he'd heard in zing Llewelyn, howsr. I shall expect you sving forward, then, was good of you to ther's body language aas his own; tWzthe squared shonrilcarlers, the jutting Httie chin were wrexichingly familiar. "W*"Why have you ctx>»me?" he demanded "We do not want you here. Go awsvovay!" "Owain, hold yo >ur tongue!" " ' Hastening dovs^^acn the stairs, Senena grasped her son by the shoulders. " _ "How dare you sspeak to Lord Llewelyn like that? He is your Prince anrr_nd your grandsirLj»-e, and you owe him respect!" "But Mama ..." The boy loolc*oked so bewildei»reed that Senena felt a conscience pang; he was, after all.ILU, only parrotin§§:g what he'd heard in their private chamber.- She could nn not risk antagonz Jszing Llewelyn, however, and she said sha rply, "See to oo your little brotr-ne»er. I shall expect you to apologize to your gnandfather ensre he leaves." MlcirDving forward, then, to greet Llewelyn, sh«e mustered as a taut smile. "It* was good of you to come." Llewelyn dismoumted, tossed bd the reins to th _»e-rs nearest man. "You sent word that Gruffydd was askii^idng to see me. MDOid you think I'd refuse?" He signaled fo:r his men to oo await him in tri&e great hall, glanced toward Senena once amd then agaim*in, much more s--e ~archingly. "Senena? Gruffydd did ask for met" "No." Reaching o»ut, she clutcH>ched at his arm. "'i iiecj i had to lie. It was all I could think 4o do. Llewela-elyn, you must ss»-ee him, talk to him. Please say you will!" Llewelyn slowly shook his heaesad. "I think it b»-e--tter if I do not, Senena. If he does not wa nt to see me, ,s, what would it s»ierve?" "Wait, please. At least hear me 9 je out. You want tJttrie truth? I'll tell you, tell you whatever you want to knormow. I've tried s AOO hard to help Gruffydd, to raise his spirits, to keep I o him from desp- »a miring. But he, of all men, cannot abide confinement. SoS Some days he'll rnot talk to me at all, and he spends hours standing at thrt*the window, nev^e-=»r taking his eyes off the horizon, those soaring seagullllnlls." Llewelyn rrm_nade an involuntary movement, and her h.and tighteneoa.ed on his arm. "~'I If you could just see him, Llewelyn, if you could but talWlalk together, may~^-rrtap then ..." Llewelyn knew better, knew tt - that talking wo»v«L_ild change nothing. But as he looked into hus daughter-inin-law's face, he - ocould not refuse ner. "Your loyalty does you great credir>dit, lass. I'll talk^: to him. Just do no expect too much to come of it." Senena heard only the consent,,t«it, not the qualifiacs-ation. "Thank you, she sighed, and he followed her upqcip into the keep. OGruffydd's chan> was on the uppermost floor. Pausiruiiing on the threshncnold, she gave L e lyn a look of anxious entreaty. "It n~n might be better L_if T I spoke to him 1 If you'll wait. . ." He nodded and se J she slipped insi» d -Me. the The door was ajar. Llewelyn nn could see a rnani^arble-top 'a ' ^ sweep of velvet bed hangings. Senermena had not stinn»_ted in making

  6:Z7 tydd's captivity as comfortable as p«z>ssit»le/ as if enough luxui somehow compensate for the guard sat the bottom ot the stau table was cluttered with the evidence of Gruffydds strug empty hours, to vanquish theaiem^ tl~iat time had become a a draughts board, a stack of boob It was the books that Lie we most poignant, forGruffydd hadne ^ver t>een a reader He bac from the door A mistake This was .^ gririevous mistake "No1 I'll not see him1" Gruttfdd^ s voice earned clearly into well Senena's response was softe«r, less distinct, she seem pleading with him Her importuning was in vain, Gruffydd's vi again, raw with the rage of mpote- :nce. "Would you have n to him7 And for what7 He's notgoir^g to relent, and 111 be dai
I'll give him absolution Tell him if h_ is conscience wants easm seek it elsewhere Let his Norman s-lut console him let her v Llewelyn heard no more, he turned, moved into the shadov stairwell The guards stepped aside resp^ectfully, let him pass P clinked, struck sparks against thestoiie-s and then he was emer the sun, into brilliant, blinding light _ O^wam had disappeared younger boy was sitting on the out«r stairs, when Llewelyn name, he smiled up at the man with irinocent camaraderie, hear trust "Llewelyn, wait1" Senena MS flushed, breathless She ign son caught up with Llewelyn at the jfoot of the stairs Do no like this I know you heard Gruffdd, t>ut . but can you blame not apologize for his pride and 111 not make excuses for his bi He is still your son, }our firstborn Her* w can you turn your bacl like this7 Do you hate him so much7" Hate him7" Llewelyn swun? about, pointed toward the h 'Do you think you could ever hate Lle^lo ? Or Owam7 How can I man as ]ong as j remember the child7' ' ' You want to free him1" Senena cn-ie-d, and it was both a cl j>nd a plea "i can see that now You tn-iJy do Why will you n n? L1ewelyn, I beg you Let him go- . " exil ?And then What' Can y°utone^t;1y tell me he'd willingly With That h death, disavow all alleg and th anta§omze the other *lsh r*rinces, goad the March she w 6 Cr°Wn lnto an invasion, and as. f o a- Joanna how do yc "Wh fare at hls hands'Senma?" at are you saving, then'That yo«Tj can never let him go

  626 ther's body language as his own; the squared shoulders, the jutn chin were wrenchingly familiar. "Why have you come?" he dem e "We do not want you here. Go away!" ed "Owain, hold your tongue!" Hastening down the stairs s grasped her son by the shoulders. "How dare you speak to Lord Ll ^ lyn like that? He is your Prince and your grandsire, and you ow h*~ respect!" lm "But Mama . . ." The boy looked so bewildered that Senena f conscience pang; he was, after all, only parroting what he'd hea H * their private chamber. She could not risk antagonizing Llewelyn h ever, and she said sharply, "See to your little brother. I shall expect v to apologize to your grandfather ere he leaves." Moving forward the to greet Llewelyn, she mustered a taut smile. "It was good of you t come." Llewelyn dismounted, tossed the reins to the nearest man "You sent word that Gruffydd was asking to see me. Did you think I'd refuse?" He signaled for his men to await him in the great hall, glanced toward Senena once and then again, much more searchingly. "Senena? Gruffydd did ask for me?" "No." Reaching out, she clutched at his arm. "I lied. I had to lie. It was all I could think to do. Llewelyn, you must see him, talk to him. Please say you will!" Llewelyn slowly shook his head. "I think it better if I do not, Senena. If he does not want to see me, what would it serve?" "Wait, please. At least hear me out. You want the truth? I'll tell you, tell you whatever you want to know. I've tried so hard to help Gruffydd, to raise his spirits, to keep him from despairing. But he, of all men, cannot abide confinement. Some days he'll not talk to me at all, and he spends hours standing at the window, never taking his eyes off the horizon, those soaring seagulls." Llewelyn made an involuntary movement, and her hand tightened on his arm. "If you could just see him, Llewelyn, if you could but talk together, mayhap then . . " Llewelyn knew better, knew that talking would change nothing. But as he looked into his daughter-in-law's face, he could not refuse her "Your loyalty does you great credit, lass. I'll talk to him. Just do no expect too much to come of it." Senena heard only the consent, not the qualification. "Thank yo she sighed, and he followed her up into the keep. Gruffydd's cnam was on the uppermost floor. Pausing on the threshold, she gave lyn a look of anxious entreaty. "It might be better if I spoke to him If you'll wait. . ." He nodded and she slipped inside. t^e The door was ajar. Llewelyn could see a marble-top '^i. sweep of velvet bed hangings. Senena had not stinted in making