Rodrick Rules (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 2)
Page 8
he got Rodrick’s movie instead.
I came across a couple of Manny’s drawings
after that, and some of them were enough to
give me nightmares.
Scream!
Chomp!
171
Tuesday
Mom and Dad set up due dates for Rodrick on his
Science Fair project, and by 6:00 tonight, he was
supposed to tell them the theme of his experiment.
But at 6:45, things weren’t looking so good.
Rodrick was watching a show about astronauts,
and what happens to them after they’ve been up
in space for a long time. The show said that
when the astronauts get back to Earth, they’re
actually taller than when they left.
And the reason is because there’s no gravity in
space, so their spines decompress or something.
Well, that gave Rodrick the idea he was looking for.
172
Rodrick told Mom and Dad he was going to do
his science experiment on the effect of “zero
gravity” on the human spine. And from the way
Rodrick was talking it up, you’d think the results
of his experiment were gonna benefit mankind.
Dad seemed pretty impressed. Or maybe he was
just relieved that Rodrick actually came through on
his first task. But I think Dad started to see
things a little different later on when he told
Rodrick to take the trash out to the curb.
I can't. I'm
doing my
research.
173
Wednesday
Yesterday at school, they announced tryouts for
the big Winter Talent Show.
As soon as I found out about it, I came up
with this awesome idea for a comedy skit
that me and Rowley could do. But I admit the
real reason I wrote it was to give myself an
excuse to talk to Holly Hills, who is Heather Hills’s
sister and the most popular girl in my grade.
The boy whose
family thinks
he's a dog
look, honey!
our dog is
standing on
its hind legs!
I am a
person
not a
dog!
Hey, you're not
supposed to be
up on the couch,
you dumb mutt!
But I'm not
a dog, I'm
your son!
Don't you
growl at
me!
We're off on a
romantic vacation.
I guess we'll have
to put you in
the kennel!
But I want
to go
with you
guys!
Well,
woof
woof
woof to
you, too!
The End
I showed Rowley the script, but he wasn’t too
enthusiastic about the idea.
You’d think Rowley would be grateful that I
was gonna make him a big star. But like Mom
always says, there are some people you just
can’t please.
Credits
writer - Greg Heffley
Director - Greg Heffley
Dad - Greg Heffley
Mom - Holly Hills
Dog-boy - Rowley Jefferson
shove
176
Thursday
Rowley went and found someone else to partner
with for the Talent Show. He’s gonna do a magic
act with this kid from his karate class named
Scotty Douglas.
And if you want to know if I’m jealous, let me
put it to you this way: Scotty Douglas is in the
first grade. So Rowley will be lucky if he
doesn’t get beat up at school for this.
They’re having one big Talent Show for the
elementary school, the middle school, and the
high school. So that means Rodrick and his
band are gonna be in the same competition as
Rowley and Scotty Douglas.
Rodrick’s all fired up about the Talent Show.
His band has never played in front of a crowd,
so they see this as their big chance to get noticed.
177
Rodrick is still grounded, but the rule is that he’s
not allowed to leave the house. So his band just
comes over every day and practices down in the
basement. I think Dad’s starting to wish he had
worded Rodrick’s punishment a little differently.
But if Rodrick’s band really thinks they can win
this Talent Show, they better get serious and
play some actual music. Because they spent their
last two practices fooling around with a new echo
pedal they got over the weekend.
Ba-dum bum
crash bam
somebody
farted farted
farted farted
farted
178
Friday
Dad ended Rodrick’s punishment two weeks early,
because he was going bonkers listening to Löded
Diper practice every day. So tonight, Rodrick
went to his friend Ward’s for the weekend.
With Rodrick out of the house, that meant the
basement was free. So I invited Rowley over to
spend the night.
Me and Rowley bought a bunch of candy and
soda, and Rowley brought over his portable tv.
We even managed to get our hands on a couple of
Rodrick’s horror movies, so we were all set. But
then Mom came downstairs with Manny.
look who
came to
join
you!
179
The only reason Mom dumped Manny on us was
so he could spy and tell her if we were doing
anything wrong.
Every single time I’ve had a sleepover, Manny
has ruined it. The last time Rowley slept over
was the worst.
Manny must’ve gotten cold in the middle of the
night, so he crawled into Rowley’s sleeping bag
to get warm.
That freaked Rowley out enough to make him go
home early. And he hasn’t been back to spend
the night ever since.
scream
180
It looked like Manny was gonna ruin another
sleepover. Me and Rowley couldn’t watch our horror
movies with Manny around, so we decided to just
play board games instead.
But I’m a little sick of board games, and
besides, Rowley was kind of driving me crazy.
He needed to go to the bathroom every five
minutes, and whenever he’d come back downstairs,
he’d kick a pillow across the room.
It might have been funny the first couple of times,
but then it really started getting on my nerves. So
the next time Rowley went upstairs to use the
bathroom, I played a prank on him.
booh-yah!
kick
181
I put one of Dad’s dumbbells underneath a pillow.
And sure enough, the next time Rowley came
downstairs, he gave it a big kick.
Well, that did it. Rowley started blubbering like
a baby, and I couldn’t quiet him down.
And with all the racket Rowley was making, Mom
ca
me downstairs.
Mom took a look at Rowley’s big toe, and she
seemed pretty concerned. I think Mom’s
sensitive about Rowley getting injured in our
house after the tinfoil ball incident, so she
drove him right home.
I was just glad she didn’t ask us how it happened.
182
As soon as Mom and Rowley walked out the door,
I knew I’d better start working on Manny.
Manny saw me put that dumbbell under the pillow,
and I knew he would tell Mom what I did. So I
came up with an idea to keep him from snitching.
I packed some bags and told Manny I was
gonna run away from home so I didn’t have to
face Mom for what I did.
Then I walked out the door and acted like I
was leaving for good.
Good-bye,
oh, family.
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye!
183
I got that idea from Rodrick. He used to pull
the same kind of thing on me when he did
something bad and he knew I was gonna tell on
him. He would act like he was running away,
and then five minutes later, he would just walk
back inside.
And by that time, I was ready to forgive him
for whatever he did.
So after I told Manny I was leaving home, I
shut the door and waited outside for a few minutes.
And when I opened the door, I expected to find
him crying in the foyer. But Manny wasn’t where
I left him. I started walking around the house
looking for him, and guess where he was?
184
Down in the basement, eating my candy.
Anyway, if letting Manny eat my candy is the
price I have to pay to keep him quiet, I can live
with it.
Saturday
After I woke up this morning, I went down to
the kitchen. But one look at Mom’s face told me
that Manny sold me out.
gobble
smack
185
Manny told Mom everything. He even told her
about our horror movies. Don’t even ask me how
he knew about that.
Mom made me call Rowley to apologize, but then
she made me talk to his parents and apologize to
them, too. So I don’t think I’m going to get
invited back over to Rowley’s house any time soon.
Then Mom got on the phone with Mrs. Jefferson.
Mrs. Jefferson said Rowley’s big toe was broken,
and that he had to stay off it for a week.
Then Mrs. Jefferson said Rowley is “heartbroken,”
because this means he’ ll have to miss the Talent
Show tryouts. And he’s been practicing his magic
act with Scotty Douglas all week.
186
So Mom told Mrs. Jefferson that I would be
happy to fill in for Rowley at the tryouts. I
started tugging at Mom’s sleeve to let her know
this was a terrible idea, but of course she
just ignored me.
After Mom got off the phone, I told her the
last thing I needed at school is to be onstage
doing magic tricks with a kid who was in pull-ups
a year ago.
But Mom made me go through with it anyway.
She took me down to Scotty’s house and
explained the situation to his mother. So now
there was no getting out of it.
187
Mrs. Douglas invited me inside, and me and
Scotty went up to his room to start practicing.
Well, the first thing I found out was that
Rowley and Scotty were not equal partners in this
act. Rowley was actually Scotty’s assistant.
I told Scotty there was no way I was gonna
be a magician’s assistant to a first-grader. But
Scotty said it was his magic set, and he started
throwing a big tantrum.
So I just went along with the idea to keep
Scotty quiet, because believe me, I did not need
any more trouble.
Then Scotty handed me this shirt that was covered
with all these sparkly sequins, and he told me
that it was my costume.
188
It looked like something Gramma would wear to
Bingo. I told Scotty maybe I could wear something
cooler, like a leather jacket, but he said that
wouldn’t be “magic” enough.
Anyway, it turns out all I have to do for the
act is hand Scotty a prop every once in a while,
so maybe it really isn’t going to be all that bad.
But ask me how I feel again if we get in and
have to perform onstage in front of five hundred
people instead of Scotty’s baby sister.
Sunday
I’ll tell you one good thing that’s come out of
practicing this magic act with Scotty Douglas:
It’s given me a bunch of good ideas for more
Creighton the Cretin comics.
And for my
next twick
189
Rowley quit doing his comic strip “Zoo-Wee
Mama!” for the school paper a few months ago,
because he said he wanted to have more time to
play with his Dinoblazer action figures. That
means the cartoonist job is open again, and
maybe I have a shot.
I'm gonna make this
apple disappear
oh
boy!
ta da!
You didn't
make it
disappear, you
just ate it!
uh oh, you
figured out
my trick.
You didn't
even eat the
whole thing!
Ok, watch this,
Now ain't
that
magic
flick
That's not
magic, it's
just a
lighter!
Oops. I
thought it
was magic.
Boo! You're
not a
magician,
you're an
idiot!
Plus, that's
not even a
magician's
hat. It's an
Abraham
Lincoln
hat!
Oops.
The
End.
190
Monday
Well, good news on the Talent Show. The tryouts
were today, and me and Scotty didn’t make it in.
OK, so maybe I could have done a better job as
Scotty’s assistant. But I didn’t blow it on
purpose. I just forgot to hand him his
props once or twice.
We were the only ones who didn’t make the
cut, and that actually is kind of embarrassing.
I know we weren’t exactly the best act trying
out today, but we weren’t the worst, either.
Some of the acts that got in were a lot lamer
than our magic act.
191
This kindergartner named Harry Gilbertson made
the cut, and all he did was roller-skate figure
eights around a boom box that was playing
“Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
Rodrick’s band made it in, too, and he’s acting
like that’s some huge accomplishment.
Like I said befor
e, Rodrick is really excited
about the Winter Talent Show. In fact, he
actually got his Science Fair project done a day
early so he could squeeze in some extra band
practices before the big night.
But when Rodrick turned in his project, his
Science teacher told him he was gonna have to
start over and come up with a whole new idea. He
said that Rodrick didn’t use the “scientific method”
with a hypothesis and a conclusion and all that.
192
Rodrick told the teacher he actually grew a
sixteenth of an inch during his “zero gravity”
experiment, so that proved he was on to something.
But his teacher said that’s a normal amount for a
boy Rodrick’s age to grow in a month.
Well, this really stinks for me, because I had decided
to do my Science Fair project on “zero gravity,” too.
And now it looks like all the research I did was
just a big waste of time.
193
Dad told Rodrick he’s going to have to just skip
the Talent Show so he can do a new experiment,
but Rodrick says he’s not going to do it.
Rodrick told Dad he doesn’t care about school
anymore. He said his plan is to win the talent
show and use the tape of the performance to