Will
I had watched her from the crack in the door, debating on whether I needed to step in and help her. I'm still unsure of my role with her. Am I to act as caretaker, friend, lover ... who knows? Everything that is taking place between us is uncharted waters. I don't know of anyone who's ever been through something like this. My relationship with Kara is odd, but I'm determined to work through it and make it as uncomplicated as possible.
But then I look at her ...
Truly look at her ...
And all my good intentions disappear.
She's beautifully complicated, and it draws me in when I least expect it. Watching her get sick was hard to witness because I was so torn on what I was supposed to do.
But then she threw me for a loop after she cleaned herself up and started examining her body. The way she looked at herself in the mirror left no doubt in my mind that the woman staring back in her reflection was a creature she was struggling to come to terms with.
But what a beautiful creature she is.
Her genuine curiosity and timid ways provoke a need from me to protect the delicate shell encasing her vulnerabilities.
One minute there's a fire burning so brightly in her eyes that I'm forced to avert my gaze for fear of being burned. Then I see the fear she hides so well in a rare moment of total transparency.
This is a woman who needs to be loved––fiercely so.
The soft shuffle of her sock-covered feet reach my ears, alerting me to her presence long before the feeling of the room shifts as she enters. Every human has that extrasensory perception, but mine is heightened in her presence. The subtle shift in her breathing as she approaches me. The way the air around me seems to thicken with an unexplainable force that confounds me more often than not.
I shake off the unsettling feeling brewing in the air like a strong summer storm and turn, the pan in one hand, and a spatula in the other. Carefully, I tilt the pan and scoop out the omelet I've made for her.
I glance up, noticing her raised brow, but don't offer an explanation. She doesn't need to know that I've been watching cooking shows on my lunch breaks. I need to tackle my inability to cook, and omelets seemed a simple enough start in developing my culinary skills.
"It has bok choy, mushrooms, and baby shrimp in it. It's full of vitamin D, choline, and protein. All of which are vital for the babies’ development." I gesture to her belly with the spatula. She glances down, the corners of her lips twitching as she fights the urge to laugh.
"What?" I ask, pretending to be offended.
"You”—she waves her hand over the plate—"cooking?"
I smirk. "I'm a doctor. Cooking didn't seem such an unattainable skill."
She laughs. The sound filling the room like a chorus of sweetly harmonious bells.
I try to resist, but the more she looks at me standing there with the spatula in my hand and a false look of harmed male pride, the more the urge to laugh begins to rumble deep in my chest. Before I know it, we're both laughing together.
"All you need now is an apron that says 'Kiss the cook'," she teases.
I laugh harder, the visual popping into my head.
We laugh and tease each other while we eat. Moments like these are what I look forward to on my way home from work each day. I can't get home fast enough.
I don't know why I fought this so much, this easy banter and relaxed relationship developing between the two of us. It sure beats the anger and tension that used to lace every word with a hidden agenda.
Besides, Kara doesn't laugh nearly enough. She's coiled as tightly as a cobra ready to strike. And seeing her shed that tension is refreshing. She looks her age when her face lights up with laughter. The worries of the world seemingly forgotten, if only temporarily.
We're cleaning up and loading the dishwasher when I ask what's been weighing heavily on my mind since the day I saw a scar on her outer thigh.
"So, tell me, what were your past relationships like?"
She freezes, her expression closing off all insight to her thoughts.
I finish loading and then close the dishwasher before facing her. "Secrets are a cloak of fog distorting all that lies beyond it. Truths are the sunlight that breaks through the fog and shines a light on the path before us."
Her brows scrunch together, and her mouth forms an irritated pucker that I find adorable even though I know I shouldn't. "My nan used to say that." I give a soft smile and the tension in her face evaporates. "Abbi and I call them nanisms."
"Nan?"
My expression takes on a nostalgic look as s smile pulls at the corners of my mouth. My mind going back to a time when life wasn't so complicated. "Yeah. On my mom's side. She passed away when I was in college." I walk over to the fridge and pull out a couple of bottles of water and then take a seat at the bar.
She walks over and joins me, her chair scraping across the tile floor as she scoots up under the bar. I slide her water over and then slowly remove the cap from mine before taking a big swig.
The water beads on my upper lip, and I swipe it away with the back of my hand. I look up to see her staring at my lips, eyes captivated by my tongue as I lick them. Her eyes flash up to mine, and she clears her throat before looking away.
Inside, I smirk, but on the exterior, I hold it together. "My nan was a great woman. Married to my grandfather for fifty-three years before he died of a stroke."
"How did she die?"
"A broken heart," I say solemnly as if there couldn't possibly be any other explanation. Because in my mind, there isn't. "She lived for two years after he died and then died of congestive heart failure in her sleep. She was seventy-five." I take another drink and then screw the cap back on the bottle. My eyes lock on my fingers as I twirl the bottle in my hands, lost in thought.
"She lived a good life then." My eyes flick to hers in question. "To be loved that long and to be surrounded by those who loved her as much as she loved them." She twirls a strand of hair, a nervous gesture I've noticed she does when she's either embarrassed or uncomfortable. "That's the kind of life everyone dreams of having but few are blessed with."
Her eyes travel around the room, focusing on everything but me. The heat of her leg near mine is enough to let me know she feels my presence. Even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it, there's an awareness that passes when the two of us are in the room together. Our eyes don't have to meet. Our bodies don't have to touch. It's on an elemental level––it's a chemical reaction that jolts my body as if I were hooked to a live wire. I physically ache from it but try so damn hard to fight it.
Even though we've been told to abstain from sex, the urge is there, and it's damn near crippling in its intensity.
I move my knee over, grazing hers. Just enough to let her know it was intentional but not enough to seem forward.
She gasps, her chair scraping across the floor as she slams her feet to the ground and shoves away from the bar in the same motion. "I ... I need to take a bath," she stutters out nervously. Her fingers tucking her hair behind her ears, a pained expression on her beautiful face.
Before she walks away, I reach out and grab her by the elbow, drawing her back to me.
I rise to my full height, looking down at her with a heated gaze.
The soft skin of her arms beneath my fingers feels like heaven. I trail my touch down her arms before linking my fingers through hers and tugging her against my body.
I eye her for a second before my head dips down, my lips closing in on hers in a soft caress. Gently ... so gently, I kiss her. My fingers tighten around hers as my heart picks up speed. My body hums with excitement, and my head clouds over as her sweet scent settles around me like an invitation, drawing me in.
She pulls her fingers from mine and moves to push me away, but I grab her by the hips, walking her backward until her back hits the wall. Our kiss grows more heated by the minute. My mouth devouring hers and our tongues exploring each other.
I grow more frenzied by the second. My hand
s running over her hips, squeezing roughly and then moving over her shirt until I cup the lush mounds of her breasts, kneading her hard nipples between the tips of my fingers as I grind my erection against her stomach ...
"Easy, the babies." She gently pushes me away. Her lips kiss swollen and her chest heaving as she fights to gain control of her breathing.
I raise my hands––stepping back to give her some space. My head still in a cloud of lust, and my cock throbbing to the beat of my heart.
I adjust myself and take a few more steps back, my hands lacing through my hair as I try to make sense of what just happened. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." The words come out strangled as I fight to contain the desire flooding my veins. I want her so badly that I do the only thing I can to keep my hands to myself.
"I want you so badly, but I know we haven't been cleared by Dr. Carter yet. It's just ... it's killing me not to touch you. Not to take you how my body craves to take you."
She works to adjust her ruffled shirt. My eyes latch onto the gentle swell of her breasts and the hard peaks of her nipples.
A groan escapes my mouth before I can stop my body’s reaction to hers.
Her glazed eyes meet mine. Silence fills the room as our eyes convey a wealth of words with only a single glance.
"I have to burn off some energy. I'm going to tackle the gym."
I rush out of the room and get my gym bag together before I make my way to the garage. Kara is gone by the time I come back downstairs, and I release a relieved sigh. Seeing her would have tested my resolve.
I jump in my SUV and get the hell out of there before I do something I'll regret.
With her carrying twins, the pregnancy has been deemed high risk and sex is no-go. So I have to sit and look at her day in and day out knowing what it's like to sink deep inside her and not be able to actually do it.
It's torture.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kara
It's been two weeks since Will kissed me that day. He didn't come back home that night until after I had already gone to bed. The next morning, I woke up to him cooking breakfast. He kissed me on my forehead, and when I asked how he'd relieved his "stress", he'd laughed and told me I didn't want to know.
At first, I worried that if I couldn't fulfill his sexual needs that he'd go back to Jackie or some other random fling. But he's been loyal to a fault, and even though we haven't officially made any commitments to one another, I trust him not to stray.
Some of the strongest commitments are those never spoken but acted upon. After all, actions speak louder than words. And if Will were to be judged on his actions, we're definitely exclusive.
It physically hurts not being able to be with him the way my body craves to. I go to bed wet and aching, and I wake up sore and throbbing with desire.
Hence, why I find myself in Abbi's office today. I'm hoping she'll clear me for sexual activity. After all, I'm twelve weeks pregnant now. At twelve weeks, I should be past the danger zone for a miscarriage. At least, that's what Abbi says. Surely, this is far enough that we can have sex again.
I hope I'm strong enough to weather this storm.
"Are you ready?"
Abbi's question pulls me from my thoughts, and I look up to her in question.
"Earth to Kara." She smiles. "The sonogram. Are you ready?"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that."
She tsks. "Quit apologizing. Pregnancy causes us to get a little unfocused. It's perfectly normal, and a direct result of the hormone imbalance your body is experiencing." She grabs the gel and I lift my shirt to bare my belly as I lay back on the examination table.
"Shouldn't a nurse be doing this?"
"Normally, yes. But these are my nieces or nephews you're carrying, so I'm personally vested." She smiles at me and then proceeds with the sonogram.
"Isn't Will coming?" I ask, only just now noticing that he hadn't mentioned the appointment this morning before he left.
"I didn't tell him I was coming to get you for a visit today." She sets the sonogram wand down and eyes me. "I know this has all happened really fast, and I understand that my brother can be a bit rough around the edges. I love him dearly, but he can be difficult to handle sometimes. I figured you needed a break, and it would be nice to have a woman to talk to without prying ears listening to our every word."
I nod but don't say anything.
"Let’s begin."
She squeezes the gel over my belly and smooths it out with the probe before she begins selecting segments and taking measurements.
I watch, fascinated by the heart rhythms and the babies’ movements. They're already moving around, and it only further cements my affection for them. How can I not look at the sonogram and feel affection for them? They're as much a part of me as if I were their biological mother. I breathe life into these babies every day. My body creating the building blocks to life as my womb fosters their growth.
No matter how much I've told myself that these aren't my babies, a part of me realizes that my essence is as ingrained in these babies as the DNA that binds them to Will and Sophia.
Abbi wraps up the procedure and gives me a couple of photos to take home for Will.
"Just remember, I'm only a phone call away if you need someone to talk to. Will can be closed off, but don't let him get to you. Okay?"
I nod. "Thank you for everything, Abbi. I really appreciate how kind you've been to me."
She waves my comment off as if it's no big deal. "My husband will have the kids on Saturday. How about we take the day to ourselves and visit the spa? They have pregnancy massages that specialize in circulation and stimulating blood flow to keep the swelling down. It'll be good for you."
I contemplate that for minute. I've never been to a spa, much less had a massage. I wouldn't mind spending the day out of the house, though. Will hasn't really invited me along for any of his trips to the city, and I can only paint so much before even that gets boring. A day out on the town would be a nice change of pace.
"Yeah. That does sound nice. It's a date. What time?"
She pulls out her phone and goes through her calendar. "Looks like I'm free all day. How about I pick you up at noon and we'll go from there?"
"Sounds like a plan. Thank you so much, Abbi." I lean in and give her a quick hug.
"It's my pleasure." She pats me on the back as we hug and then we say our goodbyes.
Kara
I’m just stepping onto the elevator when my cell beeps with an incoming text message from Mr. Price, my attorney.
I glance down, and when I finish reading it, I feel the blood slowly drain from my face.
Mr. Price: You'll have to go to NC to finalize the divorce. Court date has been set a week from today. My PI will accompany you to ensure you arrive and depart safely. Stop by my office today for details.
By the time I make it downstairs and to the sidewalk to hail a cab, my legs are trembling and my heart is racing. The thought of going back home is terrifying. I can't imagine what Jay would do if he saw me in my current condition.
I glance down at the slight bulge of my pregnancy belly. A surge of motherly protection flows through my veins, and I find myself cradling my belly. I can't let anything happen to the babies, but I have to put this awful mess with Jay behind me once and for all.
I raise my hand and flag a cab over. When I'm situated in the back seat and have given him the address to my attorney’s office, I sit back and contemplate how I'm going to handle this situation. I can't fathom Will letting me leave without wanting to accompany me. And that's definitely not going to happen. The last thing I need is for him to get sucked into the dark vortex that is my ugly past.
Before I know it, I'm exiting the elevators and Mr. Prices' secretary is escorting me back to his office.
"Ms. Murphy," he calls out, walking over to greet me with a handshake.
My brow raises. "Is it official?" I ask, wondering why he's calling me by the name I've requested to make official.
He nods. "Yes, it is. He even signed the divorce papers."
I stand there with a dumbstruck expression on my face.
He laughs and gestures for me to take a seat and then he takes his on the other side of his desk. "He signed the papers, but you have to go to North Carolina to have them filed with the courts. That requires your physical presence. He's already been told to stay clear of you. He'll go in and see the judge on a separate date from yours. Everything is all set."
Hope flutters like a thousand butterflies in my stomach. "Are you serious? It's over?" I ask, my breaths short and choppy from excitement.
He grins. "Yes. It's over. The only thing left now is the formalities. Your name has officially been changed to Kara Murphy and as soon as you file your divorce papers with the courts, you'll officially be divorced as well."
I leap from my seat and dash around his desk, hugging him before he has a chance to rise from his chair. "I can't believe this. Thank you so much." He pats me on the back as we part and gives me a fatherly look of adoration.
"It was my pleasure. Hunter will meet you at the airport terminal on Friday. Your flight leaves at two o'clock. Be there at least an hour early for security checks. My receptionist has your ticket and hotel accommodations up front. Swing by and pick them up on your way out."
"You set all this up for me?"
He nods. "It's the least I could do considering everything you've been through. He was a tough bastard to negotiate with. Demanded to see you before he would agree to signing but a little investigate work from Hunter had him cowing to our demands easily enough."
I don't want to know what his investigative work turned up. There's no telling what all Jay has done throughout his time on the force. He's been known to use his position in law enforcement to get his way.
A Whisper Of Solace Page 12