by Emma Louise
“The gorgeous one with legs that would look fucking great wrapped around my back?” he asks, thankfully missing the fact that his answer has me going rigid, every muscle tensing. He must miss the frustrated flex of my fists because he keeps speaking. “That’s Lucy. She runs Flex with the guys, why?” He glances at me, confusion on his face. Thankfully, the ceremony comes to an end, and I’m saved from explaining why I’m asking about her. We all stand and clap as the happy couple share a not at all appropriate kiss. My mind is too preoccupied to care all that much right now.
I’m wracking my brain trying to remember if we discussed her job at all over the weekend we spent together. Nothing stands out, though. There wasn’t a whole lot of talking going on. Between fucking ourselves stupid, we pretty much just slept and ate.
If she is who I think she is, it wasn’t all that long ago that she was coming on to TJ. While he was with my sister. What kind of idiot was I to think there could have ever been anything but sex between us? And if I'd known then who she was, I wouldn’t have given her a passing glance.
I’m grateful that I've managed to avoid speaking to her so far. I’m still pissed at the way she spoke about me. I’ve had to keep a tight hold on that anger over the last two months. I felt it slip every time I saw her name on my phone in those first few days, and there was no way I was interested in hearing whatever bullshit she might have come up with to excuse what I heard.
The reception is in full swing, the music has been turned up, and there’s even a few couples on the makeshift dancefloor, but it looks like my luck has finally run out when I'm at the bar getting myself and Beau a drink.
“Can we talk?” Her voice is soft and unsure, but it does nothing to soothe the anger that’s coursing through my system like red hot lava.
“Better get me another whiskey,” I tell the bartender when he puts the glass down in front of me, as I completely ignore Lucy.
“Please?” She tries again, this time reaching out to touch my arm. The contact burns, even through the material of my shirt making me jerk my arm out of her reach. I finally turn to look at her, and that’s yet another mistake.
Why does she have to be so fucking beautiful? Her chocolate eyes stare up at me, and it looks like she might have been crying. I drop my eyes away from hers, wishing I didn’t find her so fucking attractive. She’s been on my mind for weeks now, my head full of visions of her naked and under me. I can’t keep having these kinds of thoughts about her. I don’t want to have these thoughts of her all the damn time. The anger in me collides with the desire for her, turning my insides into a knot of confusion. I feel the pressure of it building inside of me, and I’m not sure I can keep it tamped down for much longer.
“Not interested,” I clip, frustrated that she’s not getting the hint and leaving me alone. I turn back to the bar and the second shot of whiskey the bartender just dropped off.
“I know things didn’t—”
“No,” I growl, cutting her off sharply. “We are not doing this. Not here, not now. It’s my little sister’s fucking wedding day. But I guess you don’t care all that much about that, now do you?” I sneer.
Tears fill her eyes, and her chin wobbles as she stares at me a beat, undoubtedly trying to decide if she really wants to keep pushing this. She finally seems to understand I’m not budging. Without another word, she turns and rushes off. I stare after her as she goes, watching until she disappears in the crowd. I feel like a fucking dick for dismissing her that way, but she just wouldn’t fucking stop.
“What the fuck was that?” Beau asks, stunned. I might be a bit rough around the edges most of the time, but I’m never outright rude like that. Especially to women. My mom would be spinning in her grave if she ever knew Ij0qaaa acted like that.
I don’t have it in me to lie to him; instead, I tell him everything. From seeing her walk in to Fuzzy’s, to those incredible few days, and I end with overhearing her trash talk me to whoever was on the phone.
Through it all, Beau listens without interrupting. He’s silent for a beat, and once I'm finished, he lets out a long, loud laugh.
“You’re so fucked,” he chokes out, slapping me on the back.
“How the fuck did you work that out? Were you not listening at all?”
“If you didn’t like this chick, you wouldn’t give a shit what she thought.” Giving me another slap on the back, he picks up his bottle of beer and starts to walk away.
“Like I said, you’re so fucked, big bro,” he calls over his shoulder, and the fucker is still laughing at me as he goes.
“Good Luck, I think you’re gonna need it!” Giving me a salute with the bottle, he turns and disappears into the small group of people standing at the edge of the dance floor watching TJ and Bree have their first dance.
He has no idea what he’s talking about. I might have liked her for a minute, but that was before she showed her true colors. Now I want her to stay far away from me.
***
I’m standing outside waiting for my Uber to get here.
The party is still going on out back, but it’s been a long day, and I’m more than ready to get out of here. Avoiding Lucy has been exhausting, especially since she was all I saw, no matter where I turned. I take a deep draw on my cigarette. I’ve been craving a hit of nicotine all day, but I knew my family would be pissed if I came in smelling like smoke.
“You can’t leave. We need to talk.” And there she is again. I’m too tired to argue with her, the venom from earlier soothed by plenty of whiskey.
“I’m already leaving, and I told you how I feel about talking to you.”
“I know, but—”
“Did you know who I was?” I cut her off, asking the question that’s been on my mind since I saw her earlier today.
“What?” she breathes out, seemingly caught off guard by my question.
“When you asked me to take you home that night, did you know who I was? Did you know that Bree is my sister?”
“I had no idea!” Lucy exclaims loudly. “You let me think your name was Lucas!” she adds on a hiss. I search her face for any hint that she’s lying, but all I see is surprise mixed with a touch of trepidation.
“I swear to god, Lucy, if I find out you were using me as some pawn in your fucked-up game to get TJ back, I will make your life miserable.” Her eyes narrow as anger chases the hurt from earlier away.
“I had no idea who you were, and if I did, I would have stayed as far away from you as possible,” she all but yells at me, her chest heaving as she tries to contain her temper. “And I am not playing any kind of games. Whatever you think you know about TJ and me, you’re wrong.”
We’re standing toe to toe, her anger flushed face tilted up to look at me. If I wasn’t so frustrated with her I might find it cute, how her jaw is jutted out in defiance, but I’m too pissed to let her affect me.
“I know plenty. Most importantly, I know I had to pick my sister up in floods of tears after you made your fucked-up play for TJ at a kid’s fucking birthday party.”
Her face turns ashen at my words, and the tension bleeds out from her. Every part of her goes slack, like she doesn’t have it in her to fight with me anymore.
“You don’t get to judge me. You don’t know what was going on then,” she whispers, but the fragility is thunderously loud. “You don’t know me.”
“Well, isn’t that ironic,” I bark out a bitter laugh. “I don’t get to judge you, but you felt it was okay to judge me?” The freaking nerve of this woman.
“You haven’t let me apologize for that.” She tries to debate, but I’ve had enough of her trying to justify her actions.
“I don’t need, nor do I want your apologies. You’re not significant enough for me to care about what you think, sweet cheeks.” I don’t miss the way she winces at my words, and I don’t know which part of what I said causes it. The harsh words or the term of endearment, the one I gave her the night we met.
Bright lights shine across the lawn, p
ulling my attention away from Lucy. Looking over her head, I see my ride arrive. Relief fills me knowing I can finally make my escape from this whole fucked up situation.
“Let’s make a deal. I’ll forget the shit you said about me, and you can forget all about trying to get me to talk to you. Forget all about whatever it is you think we had. Deal?” I don’t wait for an answer. I move past her to open the car door.
“I can’t,” she says to my back. She says the words so quietly it’s a small miracle that I even heard them.
I’m not even going to respond. I’ve made it clear where I stand on this. I’m not going to entertain her any more than I already have.
“I can’t forget it because I’m pregnant.”
CHAPTER NINE
ASA
She has got to be fucking kidding me.
I turn around, ready to tell her to try a different trick, but the shattered look on her face stops me in my tracks.
Her cheeks are soaked with tears, and one trembling hand covers her mouth. She looks like she wishes she could take the words back, but we both know she can’t do that. As much as we both want it to be possible.
“It’s yours. I swear. I know you might not think you can believe me, but I swear it,” she babbles, the sound of her voice droning into nothing but an echo in my mind while I stand there gawking at her. Everything fades away as shock numbs me. I can’t form thoughts on this mess.
“Buddy, you getting in or what?” the Uber driver asks impatiently. I need to get out of here. This isn’t the time or place to try to deal with something like this.
“Get in,” I command, holding the door open and nodding toward it.
“Pardon?” is her stunned reply, her pretty pink lips parting in shock.
“You got what you wanted. My attention. Now get in, so we can go somewhere that we don’t have a fucking audience.” I point over her shoulder to where my nosey-fuckhead brother is watching us.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not while you’re still so ... tense.”
“Oh, I'm not tense, Lucy. I’m fucking mad. Now get in.” She must sense that I’m on the edge of breaking because she doesn’t argue further. She brushes past me and slides into the back seat.
We don’t speak as we speed toward my place which luckily isn’t far away. I don’t trust myself to say anything right now. I’m too caught up in thoughts of an impending baby to make conversation anyway.
I’m going to be a fucking father.
“This is where you live?” Lucy asks as we step onto the porch that wraps around my house.
“Not what you expected from a waste of space who works at a strip joint, huh?”
“Can you just quit it already?” she snaps. “I know you heard me that day, you’ve already made that obvious.” When I don’t answer right away, she draws in a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve tried more than enough times to apologize for being a bitch. You obviously didn’t hear everything I said that day, and with the way you’ve acted today, I’m past caring. You can hate me, but we have more important things to discuss right now. It’s not about you and your hurt feeling anymore.”
She storms past me and into the house. It’s wholly inappropriate, but my dick twitches at the sight of her stomping away from me in a skin tight dress and tall stiletto heels.
“Down, boy,” I murmur to myself. “That’s exactly what got us into this mess.”
Walking into the open-plan living space, I find Lucy standing in front of the window that overlooks the backyard, the tension in the room almost thick enough to cut with a knife.
“How did this happen?” I ask her, trying to keep my voice even.
“I honestly don’t know. I’m on birth control, and I’m pretty sure we used protection, right?” Her eyes come to me in the reflection of the glass.
“We did,” I confirm, knowing I would never have gone there without suiting up first.
“I shouldn’t have dumped all this on you the way I did. I should have found a better time and place to do this.” She finally turns to look at me.
“Well, I guess I didn’t leave you much choice.” That gets an awkward chuckle out of her, but it’s only there for the briefest of seconds before her face crumbles, and she starts to cry.
“I really am so sorry.” She sniffs. The defeat etched on her face hits me square in the chest. My resolve to keep her at arm’s length weakens in the face of her distress. I’ve only been thinking of my own shock at this news, not taking into account how she must be feeling.
“Come sit down.”
“I don’t have any expectations,” she states, standing in place, only moving to swipe at the tears that are still falling down her face. “I know this whole thing is insane, so I completely understand if you don’t want to be involved. I have no expectations.”
Is she seriously saying this shit to me right now?
“You don’t expect me to be involved?” I repeat her statement, injecting plenty of venom into the words. “Why? Because I'm just a lowlife who works at some scummy club?”
“That’s not what I said.” She tries to intervene, but I’m done listening to her crap.
“It’s not what you said, but we both know it’s what you meant.” She shrinks back at the acid tone of my voice. “I’ll be doing my fair share and not just financially.”
I don’t know what she expected me to do, but if she thought for one second that she could drop this bomb on me and I’d try to dodge it, she’s in for the shock of her life.
I’m going to be in my child’s life, no matter if she’s thinks I’m good enough or not.
CHAPTER TEN
LUCY
I’m so freaking tired. The numbers on the spreadsheet I’m working on start to blur into one, and I take that as a sign I need to turn my computer off. Maybe I can get away with locking my office door and sleeping for a while?
I’m only around twelve-weeks pregnant, but this baby is draining the life out of me. I’ve been unlucky and experienced the worst nausea, not just in the morning like I expected either. It’s all the time. I thought I knew what to expect after reading all the baby books I could get my hands on, but none of them could prepare me for how I actually feel. From the outside, nothing has changed. Well, apart from the gigantic boobs that seemed to spring up overnight. My stomach is still flat, and nobody would guess at the monumental things happening inside me right now.
It blows my mind that I have a tiny human life tucked away safely inside of me.
A tiny human life that I’m responsible for protecting.
A tiny life that I’m completely in love with already.
It’s only been two weeks since I found out, but that’s more than enough time for me to know that this baby was meant to be, even if the circumstances that led to it have been less than ideal.
While I’m incredibly happy, there’s also part of me that’s absolutely terrified. A very large part of me. I have no idea how I’m going to deal with the chaos that my life is about to become. I just know that I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure my baby is healthy and happy.
“Aunty Lulu!” I hear a sweet little voice call out right before my office door is slammed open. Yeah, totally should have locked that while I had the chance. The sound of little shoes thumping on the floor is the only warning I get before I’m attacked by a pair of chubby little boy arms.
“Hey, hunny.” I smile, bending down to pick Chase up.
When I first started working at Flex, it was just Keir, TJ, and me. Since they’ve settled down and started popping out babies left and right, this place has become like a creche some days. Especially since we added Elliott to the team part-time. We went from no kids to six in what felt like the blink of an eye. And soon it will be seven. Although, with the way TJ and Breeze are, I wouldn’t be surprised if Abel has a brother of sister on the way before long.
I suppose that’s a good thing for me, though. I’m really going to need all the support I can get when the baby arrives, and
I’m lucky to have a group of friends that I know will offer it unconditionally.
“Stop using Aunty Lucy as a climbing frame, Chase,” Poppy scolds as she follows him in. She has another dark-haired baby boy balanced on her hip.
“We still on for tonight? I love these boys, but this mama needs a break. And by break, I mean wine.” She groans as she lowers herself in to the seat on the other side of my desk. I’ve somehow managed to avoid this for a few weeks, but even I know my time is up. My friends are not going to wait any longer for me to talk.
“Sure. I'm exhausted, though. Could you stop off and get a takeaway on your way over?”
She eyes me with that quiet assessing stare that I hate, but thankfully she doesn’t push me. I’ll bet my life savings that she’s storing that little nugget of info away for another day.
“Sure, I’ll let El know,” she finally answers.
“I already sent her a text. Rina will be there too.”
“Oh! Do you think she’ll teach us some new moves? Keir seemed to really appreciate it last time.” A dreamy look flits across her face. I do not want to know what she’s remembering right now. I don’t need a visual of Poppy using the stripper moves Rina taught us on the last drunken night in we had.
“You do know that your husband is like a brother to me, right?” I ask on a shiver of disgust.
“Oh shush.” She laughs. “I bet you’ve put those moves to good use a time or two yourself.”
I cringe internally at the memory of the last time I used my best moves on a man. I’ve been doing a great job at removing that from my memory. Even if it did somehow leave me with a lifelong reminder that it did, in fact, happen.
***
“I have tacos, margarita mix, and the promise of hot sex when I get home if I promise not to get too drunk,” Elliott dramatically announces as she and Poppy walk into my apartment later that evening. A margarita sounds like what I need right about now. If there’s anything that would make tonight easier, it’s most definitely alcohol.