The Roommate Arrangement

by Jae

  “She’s not my girlfriend,” Rae said but kept glancing at Steph, who said something to the people in front of her and then slid past them to make it to the front of the line.

  Steph stopped slightly to Rae’s right so Rae didn’t have to turn her head to look at her, but otherwise, she didn’t treat her any different than before finding out about the eye, as Rae had first feared.

  “What are you doing here?” Rae asked. Steph hadn’t mentioned a gig at The Fun Zone.

  Steph batted her eyelashes. “Maybe I missed you.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Okay, okay. Looks like your MC canceled at the last minute, so Mr. Hicks called me, and I came straight from a nursing home’s holiday party.”

  Rae raised her brows. “Isn’t the MC spot considered a step back after being the feature act?” Selling herself under worth didn’t seem like Steph at all.

  Steph flashed an impish grin. “It is. So I told him I’d only do it in exchange for a chance at another feature spot. One that he’ll hopefully watch this time.”

  Ah. Yes, that seemed more like Steph. Rae gave her a nod of approval.

  “So, can I go in, or do you want to search me first?” Steph teasingly spread her arms away from her body.

  Rae couldn’t help it; her gaze darted to that tight T-shirt again. Annoyed with herself, she wrenched her gaze away.

  “I could do it,” Carlos piped up next to her.

  Rae sent him a glare that promised to turn him into a puddle should he as much as reach for Steph.

  “Uh, on second thought, I think we can skip the pat-down this time, seeing as Rae is your roomie and all.” Carlos waved her through.

  Steph tipped an imaginary hat. “Thanks.” She walked past them into the club.

  They both turned and watched her for a second.

  “She’s cute,” Carlos commented.

  Rae grunted noncommittally. Yeah, if you go for smart-asses with a sexy grin and hair that always looks like she just crawled out of bed. Wait a minute… Had she just thought of Steph’s grin as sexy?

  “If she’s not your girlfriend, do you mind if I ask her out?” Carlos asked.

  A growl rose up Rae’s chest. “Do I look like I’m the manager of her love life? Besides, didn’t you say you have a girlfriend?”

  Carlos shrugged. “We broke up.”

  He didn’t look heartbroken at all. Did people nowadays really get over failed relationships so easily? When Lise had walked out, Rae hadn’t even looked at other women for a year or more.

  Brandon joined them at the front door and gave Carlos a pat on the shoulder. “Why don’t you help me keep an eye on the showroom before you get yourself into trouble?”

  “I’ll do it,” Rae said before Carlos could answer. She wanted to watch Steph on stage—only to make sure there were no more jokes about roommates, of course.

  Not that Steph had a lot of opportunity to do many of her own jokes tonight. She had her hands full making the announcements Mr. Hicks wanted her to make, introducing the other comics, and dealing with a heckler who seemed to have it out for her. The asshole hadn’t opened his big mouth at all when the feature act had bombed, but when Steph took the stage again, Rae could almost feel the guy getting ready to interrupt once again.

  Too bad that he was in Brandon’s part of the room, where she couldn’t get to him.

  Steph gave the audience a wide-eyed look and gazed at where the feature act had disappeared. “Wow. That was like watching the Titanic sink, wasn’t it?”

  In the beginning, Rae had been stunned by the way comedians seemed to bad-mouth their colleagues. On the force, cops always stuck up for each other—even for the ones you didn’t like. But in her nearly two months at the comedy club, she had learned that it had nothing to do with bad-mouthing. If Steph didn’t address her colleague’s bombing in some way, the show would become inauthentic—or, worse, the audience would start to expect that this was normal and the following comics would be just as bad.

  “Including watching Leonardo die because Kate was hogging the damn door,” Steph added.

  The audience chuckled.

  “Yeah, like you are hogging the microphone,” the heckler shouted. “Give it to someone who’s funny and original!”

  Rae clenched her hand around the walkie-talkie and tried to make out his exact position in the dim light. “Hey, Brandon,” she said into the walkie-talkie. “Did you fall asleep? Kick that piece of shit out!”

  “And have Steph kill me after the show?” Brandon’s voice came through her earpiece. “Cool your jets, and give her a chance to handle him.”

  Rae knew he was right, but standing back and letting other people handle a problem wasn’t her strong suit. She was used to taking control. Under the pretense of getting out of the way of a waitress with a tray, she positioned herself closer to the heckler and watched Steph for any signs that she wanted them to intervene.

  But Steph didn’t seem intimidated at all. She gazed down at the guy like a preschool teacher talking to an unruly toddler. “Oh, let me guess. You mean someone like you?”

  “Hell, yes!”

  “I’d invite you to join me up on stage since you clearly need the attention, but honestly, I think therapy might be a better solution for you,” Steph said. “If you come see me after the show, I can recommend someone.”

  The guy let out a roar. “Fuck you!”

  “Now who’s unoriginal?”

  Steph’s quick-witted response made laughter ripple through the room. The audience was clearly on her side, and when the heckler realized that there was no glory to gain, he finally shut up.

  Rae kept a close watch on him during the rest of the show, but he didn’t interrupt again, and Rae even caught him laughing at a joke Steph made. Not funny, my ass!

  Finally, the late show ended, and the audience filed out.

  The guy took his time getting up and wandering to the exit, so Rae hung back too and followed him out into the lobby.

  Steph was posing for a photo with the two other comics and a woman from the audience, and the guy headed straight for her.

  Adrenaline pounded through Rae’s veins. She lengthened her stride to catch up with him and firmly closed her hand around his arm. “The exit is this way, sir.”

  He swayed a little as he whirled around and tried to jerk his arm from her grip, but Rae held tight. “What the fuck?” From up close, Rae could smell the booze on his breath. “Let go!”

  “Just preventing you from slipping and falling on the way out, sir.” Rae gave him a grin that she knew resembled a snarl more than a friendly smile.

  “I wasn’t on my way out. I want a photo with her too.” He stabbed his finger in Steph’s direction.

  Over my dead body. Rae was tempted to grab the offending finger. “Sorry. All out of photos.”

  Brandon and Carlos walked over and took up positions on either side of Rae. Even though she normally didn’t like having someone to her left, it felt good to have backup.

  The guy cursed all the way to the front door, but with the three of them towering over him, he didn’t have a chance. Within a minute, they had him outside, where the cool night air would hopefully help sober him up.

  When Rae went back inside, Steph had finished taking photos and came over to her. “What was that?”

  Rae gave her a blank look. “What was what?”

  “You’re not fooling me for a second.” Steph lightly put her hand on Rae’s arm, then withdrew as if only now becoming aware of the touch. “Thank you.”

  “Just doing my job.”

  Steph looked around the now nearly empty lobby. “I think we can get out of here in a minute. Wanna get something to eat?”

  Rae hesitated. She hadn’t planned on socializing with her roommate that often, and after Steph had found out about her eye, being around her f
elt a little awkward, but if she accompanied Steph wherever she wanted to go, at least she could make sure the heckler wasn’t waiting for her somewhere. “Yeah, sure.”

  With her shitty night vision and the potholes in the asphalt, Rae had gotten used to crossing the club’s parking lot with care, but Steph grabbed her sleeve and dragged her toward the Mini Cooper convertible. “Come on, come on! We have to hurry.”

  “Whoa!” Rae wasn’t willing to admit that she could barely see a thing, so she tried to keep up with her roommate. “Is whatever place you’re dragging me to going to run out of food?”

  “No, but they close at one.” Steph unlocked the car and had the key in the ignition before Rae had managed to fold herself into the passenger side.

  In the interior light of the car, Rae glanced at her wristwatch. “Um, it’s a quarter to one.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ll make it. I have this down to an art form.” Steph started the car and navigated east on Melrose.

  Rae had always hated being in the passenger seat. After a dozen years of riding together, Mike had all but given up his attempts to convince her to let him drive every now and then. Now she hated it even more because being in the passenger seat put the driver in her blind spot. But she didn’t have a choice right now. She didn’t have her car, and even if she had it, driving after dark was stressful at best and dangerous at worst. She slid her seat back and turned as much as possible so she could see Steph. Her hands were pressed to her thighs in an attempt not to grab hold of the door handle.

  Steph flicked her gaze over at her. “I’m not speeding, officer.”

  “I know.”

  “Then relax. I swear I’m a good driver. I won’t kill you in my quest for a Double-Double.”

  Rae didn’t want to focus on how uncomfortable she felt, so she chose to focus on something else. “Of all the places in LA, you’re taking me to In-N-Out?”

  “Of course. I’m a Californian, so I’m culturally indoctrinated to love them.” Steph made a left onto La Brea. “Don’t tell me you don’t?”

  Rae shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had their burgers.”

  “What?” Steph stared at her as if she had confessed to never having had sex. “We definitely have to remedy that.” Within another minute, she pulled into the drive-through lane of the fast-food restaurant and rolled down her window. “Do you trust me to order for you?”

  “Um…” Rae knew it was just burgers, not a life-or-death decision, but letting someone else have control, even that little bit, made her uncomfortable.

  Steph laughed and held up her hands. “Jeez, okay, order your own. What do you want?”

  Rae craned her neck to make out the menu board that was posted in her blind spot. “Guess I’ll take a Double-Double and some fries.”

  “You need a milkshake too,” Steph said.

  “I do?”

  Steph nodded decisively. “Can’t have a burger without a milkshake. Try the Neapolitan. That’s what I’ll be having.”

  “Neapolitan? What’s that?”

  “Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate shake all mixed together.” Steph licked her lips. “It’s the best.”

  A shiver went through Rae. She shook herself. “Ugh, no, thanks. I’ll stick with vanilla.” Before Steph could open her mouth to make the obvious joke about her choice of milkshake, Rae shot her a warning glance. “Don’t even think about it.”

  “About what?” Steph looked back at her with the innocent expression of a choir girl.

  “Welcome to In-N-Out,” a male voice came through the drive-through speaker. “What can I get you tonight?”

  Steph rattled off her order so fast that Rae could barely follow, but the guy didn’t seem to have a problem catching everything.

  Since they were about to close, it didn’t take long before a bag of food was passed through the drive-through window. Steph handed it to Rae and put the two milkshakes into the cup holders between their seats.

  When Rae pulled out her wallet to pay, Steph waved her away. “I’ve got this. You can get it next time.”

  Rae gave her a quizzical look. “Who said there’ll be a next time?”

  “Wait until you try the burger.”

  Rae hadn’t referred only to eating at In-N-Out again but also to having dinner with Steph. How had it suddenly become a given that they’d hang out again?

  Instead of driving home, as Rae had expected, Steph navigated the car across the parking lot and parked at the far end, away from the two or three other cars. She slid her seat back as if preparing for a big feast. “The fries will get cold if we don’t eat them right away.”

  Rae bit back a sigh. By the time they got home, she would either have a permanent indentation in her thigh from where the middle console pressed into her leg when she turned in her seat, or she’d have a cramp in her neck from craning it so she could see Steph.

  “Something wrong?” Steph asked. “Would you rather eat at home?”

  “Here is fine.” Rae hesitated. But suffering in silence was silly, especially since Steph had realized how uncomfortable she was. “Um, could we switch seats while we eat?”

  “Why would you…? Oh!” Steph slapped her forehead. “I’m so sorry. I should have realized.” She scrambled out of the car and circled around to the passenger side.

  “Thanks,” Rae said as they passed each other. She settled into the driver’s seat and exhaled quietly. Yes, that felt a lot better.

  “No thanks necessary. Next time I don’t realize something like this, please tell me.” Steph took the paper bag from Rae and opened it.

  The scent of sizzling meat drifted up, and Rae’s stomach responded with a loud grumble.

  Steph laughed and pressed a wrapped burger into Rae’s hands. “Here, before you start nibbling on me.”

  “I don’t nibble.”

  Steph grinned. “Ooh, so you’re more of a biter?”

  Rae threw her a look but didn’t grace her shameless flirting with a reply. She unwrapped her burger, lifted up the top bun, and studied the slice of tomato and the grilled onions for a moment before taking a careful bite. The aroma of juicy meat, the tang of pickles, and the sweetness of ketchup mingled on her tongue. She couldn’t help letting out a low moan as she chewed.

  Steph paused with her own burger halfway to her mouth. “Good?”

  “I’ve had worse,” Rae said as soon as she had swallowed.

  “Oh, come on.” Steph reached across the middle console and lightly slapped her shoulder.

  At least now that Steph sat on her right side, Rae could see it coming and wasn’t startled by the sudden touch.

  “It’s great,” Steph said. “Admit it.”

  Instead of a reply, Rae took a big bite of her burger. It was certainly better than the microwaved piece of cardboard that Mike had sometimes gotten them when it was his turn to pick where they’d have lunch.

  Paper rustled as Steph pulled her box of fries from the bag.

  Rae lowered her burger and stared over at Steph’s food. The French fries were covered in gooey cheese, caramelized onions, and some kind of sauce. “What on earth is this?”

  “They call it animal style,” Steph said around a mouthful of fries. With a devilish grin, she added, “Not to be confused with doggy style.”

  Good thing Rae hadn’t taken another bite of her burger, because now she would have probably choked on it. Jesus, her roommate was dangerous.

  “Want to try?” Steph held out the box of fries.

  “No, thanks. I have my own, and I hope they’re without all that animal crap on top.”

  Steph pulled a second box of fries from the bag and handed them over.

  They were the plain ones, so Rae dug in.

  For a few minutes, they ate in silence. Rae glanced over at Steph while she ate her burger. Wow. For someone so slender, she su
re could put it away. Well, Rae had always appreciated women who enjoyed their food without counting every single calorie.

  Steph finished her meal first and then reached over and stole a handful of Rae’s fries. “What?” she said at Rae’s look. “I’ve had a tough night.”

  Rae slid the rest of her fries across the middle console. “Yeah, the late show seems to attract assholes like that.”

  Steph took a noisy slurp of milkshake. “You can say that again. Some nights, I don’t know why I do this to myself.”

  “Why do you?” Rae asked before she could censor herself. Usually, she avoided asking any personal questions because most people took it as an invitation to ask questions in return. But she had to admit that she was curious about her roommate. “I mean, you’re intelligent, and your family…um…”

  “Is stinking rich?” Steph finished the sentence for her.

  “Um, yeah. I bet you could have your pick of jobs.”

  “Oh, and I did.” Steph chuckled. “There’s not much I haven’t done. I’ve waited tables, I worked at the zoo and in customer service, I starred in commercials, and I was a bartender, and I still sometimes pick up a few extra dollars as an Uber driver…although the last time didn’t end so well.”

  Rae wiped her hands on a napkin. “Traffic accident?”

  “No, nothing like that. I always practice my comedy routine while I’m driving alone. Last time, I forgot I had a customer.” Steph chuckled. “Pretty embarrassing. Oh, and I was fired as a bartender for doing an impression of the boss. I’m really not cut out for a normal job. Guess I’m destined to be a comic. The first time I tried it, my sophomore year, I was hooked. Dropped out of college to do it full-time a couple of months later.”

  “What did you major in?”

  “Animal science,” Steph answered. “When I finished high school, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I just knew I didn’t want to become a therapist, like the rest of my family. Since I’ve always loved animals, I thought why not become a vet?”

  “And you gave that up to become a comedian?” Rae tried to keep her voice free of judgment. She knew how it felt to have people disapprove of her job. Her own parents had never liked her joining the force.