Always Mine (All American Alpha Book 1)

by Paige Parish

  Spencer

  The thought of this man, anyone, treating my Janine with unkindness made my stomach clench, and a fit of familiar anger started to boil in my gut. And when exactly had I started thinking of this woman as mine? Because that's what I had decided even before that moment on the couch—She would be mine. I wanted nothing more than to shelter her from the world, make her see how beautiful she was, and fuck her until it wore us both out. The sudden, vivid thought made my cock rub hard against my zipper.

  I still wanted to be careful with her. Of course, we’d just met, but I already felt as if we’d known each other forever. I was that certain of us. This was absolutely insane. We’d know each other less than two hours. It was mind-boggling where she had my thoughts going. I was already picturing her as she woke up in my arms every morning. The idea gave me goosebumps.

  But she seemed open to the possibility, but I needed to know just how open. It was evident to me that her ex had done a number on her psyche, but it looked like she had started taking back herself. She seemed determined, though I could still see a little doubt in her eyes.

  She had agreed to our bonfire date the next night, so I would hold back until then, to be sure. Right now, our relationship was dictated by our business agreement. Tomorrow night, though, we’d be off duty, and then we’d see. Or at least she would see. I already knew what I wanted, and I wanted her.

  I decided to swallow my desire for the moment but make it hard for her to mistake what I was wanting. She had to know how she had affected me.

  We sat in silence for just a moment, my hands still on hers, our eyes searching the others. I sighed and pulled my hands back. "I must admit, I'm more excited about this project than any before. Unfortunately, I do have a commitment tomorrow that I can't get out of, but I'll be here tomorrow night with blueprints, and then I'm hoping we can enjoy the bonfire and see what happens."

  Her eyes widened, and she stuttered, "I . . . what happens? Do you mean... .?"

  I chuckled and leaned in to give her a soft kiss on her surprised mouth — just a quick peck. I needed her to have some time to think about this before I went any further. But I intended to make her mine the next evening unless she put on the brakes. I would watch for a green light, and then I would waste no time getting my mouth on her naked body.

  “I mean, I want you so badly I can’t see straight right now, Janine. I think you want me too, but I want to give you a day to be sure. And tomorrow night, if you say yes, I’m going to devour every inch of you.”

  She bit her bottom lip. “And if I say no?”

  I shrugged. “I will still build you the prettiest tiny house you could ever imagine. But I hope you don't say no."

  She smiled, and the ache in my stiff cock caused my breath to catch in my throat. Before she could say anything that might make it impossible for me to leave, I stood and grabbed my notebook, "I'll see you tomorrow night, six o'clock. I’ll see myself out.”

  Janine

  I couldn't move for a solid half-hour after Spencer walked out of my house. I was in shock not only with how quickly he'd made a move but also with how apparent his desire had been.

  Most importantly, I had never felt so wanted. I thought I might have to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I finally stood, the moistness between my legs enough of an indicator that this was indeed happening to me. Gabby was still sitting by the front door waiting on Spencer to return. I considered pulling up a chair and joining her. Instead, I decided to take a shower, throw my clothes in the washer, and settle down in my pajamas to eat some leftover spaghetti and watch Law & Order. Sadly, it was Gabby's and my regular nightly routine.

  I took a longer shower than usual because I couldn't stop fantasizing about Spencer joining me and allowing his hands to explore every inch of my body. I had a feeling I was in for a surprise if Spencer's thinly veiled promises for tomorrow evening were true and he wasn't just toying with me.

  I froze for a moment. What if he was making fun of me or using me to build his ego? I’d had enough of male egos for a lifetime. I suddenly felt myself shrinking; a fear replaced my desire.

  I didn’t even know what to call everything down there. I had never felt attractive enough to explore myself and was sure I didn't have anything a man would want. That was why I let Declan into my life in the first place. I wished I could say that he started out showering me with love and then just suddenly changed. I would have liked to tell you that he'd had me fooled or that I'd seen a different person than he was.

  None of those things was true.

  The truth was that I believed with all my heart everything Declan ever told me: that I was fat and unattractive and no man but he would ever desire me. That he was doing me a big favor in life and I'd never had it better.

  His desires in the sack were never tender or passionate. He never made me feel like I wanted to be there, and especially like he wanted me—only me—to be there. But he knew I'd never stray, he'd said. So he could trust that I would be appreciative of his love and be grateful that he wanted to touch me.

  I now knew that this was how he maintained his self-esteem, by keeping me under his thumb, fantasizing that I was starry-eyed for him, that I would beg for any scraps of love he would throw my way.

  So why had I finally woken up and kicked his ass to the curb? Gabby. I found her one morning just a little over a year ago. She was covered in dirt and fleas and looked like she had never had a decent meal in her life. And the way she looked at me when I first knelt before her, well I suddenly knew what it felt like to be truly loved by another being who wasn't my parents or my best friend, Lacy. And it was at that moment that I knew I deserved better. Gabby showed me I deserved to be loved.

  Declan never liked her and threw a tantrum when I brought her home. The feeling was mutual. Gabby wanted to search out things that belonged to him and chew them up and leave them on the floor next to his side of the bed. There was a time or two I could have sworn I heard her growl when I mentioned his name.

  Declan demanded that I get rid of her. It was the only time I had ever stood up to him. I told him in no uncertain terms that she wasn't going anywhere. He was shocked at the realization that I might have an ounce of self-esteem. He didn't speak to me for several days, and I realized I was happier during his silent treatment than I had been at any point in our relationship. Finally, when he lost his temper with my Gabby and threatened to kick her, I took her and left.

  And it just got worse from there. For Declan, at least. For me, on the other hand, I knew I deserved better than Declan, and with incredible support from my mom and Lacy, I was able to demand that he move out and serve him with divorce papers.

  You'd think that would be when I saw myself as genuinely deserving of a man who loved me, who was passionate about me. Sadly, I believed that was the end of the road for me. There would not be another man in my life, but at least I wouldn’t have to stoop so low as to put up with Declan forever.

  And then Spencer . . . in one afternoon made me feel something I’d never felt before. And frankly, that scared the shit out of me.

  Feeling a little more dejected than I had just after Spencer left, I crawled into bed, where Gabby joined me, circled a few times on top of the comforter, then curled up and was snoring within a matter of seconds. I reached out to her and rubbed her soft fur for a few moments. She raised her eyelids only slightly in response.

  I turned on the tv and lay back on the bed. I couldn’t help it. I was unable to control my uninvited tears and cried myself to sleep.

  Spencer

  I nearly smashed my thumb with my hammer while working on the roof of another project that was almost complete. I had committed to be there for the roofing, but after meeting Janine I couldn’t get her out of my head, I decided that after today I’d let my crew complete this project without me. I wanted to get started immediately on Janine’s job.

  That’s what I was thinking about when the hammer came down on the edge of the nail, knocking it
sideways. I got my thumb out of the way just in time.

  “Fuck!” I yelled. Grant and Joe looked up from the other side of the roof. I waved them off. That woman was going to be the death of me, but I was more than willing to breathe my last breath while wrapped in her arms. I’d have welcomed that death. These intrusive (sort of) thoughts didn’t surprise me in the slightest. The woman made me lose complete control of my senses.

  What did surprise me was how much those thoughts continued to dance inside my mind. I'd had plenty of fantasies involving having women in a variety of ways, positions, and locations and had made most of those fantasies a reality. But this was different, and I had never felt more excitement at the thought of a woman. The craziest part was that the sex, which I knew would be explosive, wasn't the end of my unexpected fantasies. I was as turned on with the idea of her carrying my baby, the two of us making a home.

  My hammer slipped again and this time found its mark on the thin skin between my thumb and forefinger.

  “God-fucking-dammit,” I yelled, throwing the hammer over the side of the roof, no thought as to where it might land. My boys stopped hammering and stared at me, but neither said a word. My anger began to transform into fear. But I let out two long breaths and decided to congratulate myself on how quickly I had moved out of fury. It was something I’d been working on for the past ten years. My temper had gotten me into enough trouble when I was twenty-one to last me a lifetime. I couldn’t . . . wouldn’t go back to being that man, especially now that I was pretty damn sure I was in love with Janine. As crazy as it seemed since I’d know her for less than twenty-four hours, I was still confident of how I felt and planned on spending all evening showing her just how fucking sexy she was.

  I frowned and made my way to the ladder and off the roof to find my hammer, saying a silent prayer that I hadn't hurt any living being or damaged anything in my flareup. Grant and Joe went back to hammering, knowing it was better to let me fight my demons in silence.

  Thankfully, the hammer had fallen into some bushes. I picked it up and closed my eyes, drawing in a long, deep breath. I had to keep even these short outbursts from happening. I may no longer be the man who would beat another man just for murmuring something unkind to a woman, but these moments could easily cause another to be accidentally injured. And that would destroy me.

  And I for sure didn’t want to let anything scare away Janine. I had never even come close to allowing my anger to be directed at a woman or anyone I cared about, but place that woman in danger, and I was capable of really hurting someone. I hadn’t laid hands on another person after I beat the shit out of my baby sister’s ex-boyfriend. I never liked the bastard and wished terrible things would happen to him, but when Betsy finally came to us and showed us the bruises, you better believe I tracked that fucking asshole down and made sure the bruises I gave him would be a hundred times what he’d done.

  Six months behind bars and two years checking in with a parole officer hadn't made me grow a conscience about it. I still thought he was a worthless piece of shit this world would be better off without. But the last thing I wanted now was to bring that kind of pain to anyone else. I would be damned if I ever made the people I love fear me.

  Finally, I heard Grant’s voice above me. “Y’okay, man?”

  “Yeah,” I called up to him. “But I think I need to take a break.”

  Joe's head appeared over the side of the roof. "Sounds like a good idea. You've been working hard all morning; it's like you were trying to finish this house by this afternoon."

  I chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I was trying to do just that. Got somewhere else I want to be.”

  Grant’s head appeared next to Joe’s. I laughed at the sight of the two disembodied faces staring at me.

  “You got a hot date tonight?” Grant asked, ignoring my laughter.

  “The hottest,” I said, turning away from them. Not wanting to share any more about my sweet Janine before I’d had a chance to win her heart, I ignored further questions being lobbed off the roof and made my way to my truck.

  I cranked my truck and turned the cold air on my face, as high as it could go. Next best thing to a cold shower, I had to get myself together and get ready for tonight.

  Janine

  Remember that color wheel of emotions I said I had? Well, it worked overtime today, anticipating—fearing—wanting the night I believed—doubted—hoped was in store for me. I tried to keep my mind on the present, to focus on everything at hand. I did have a list of things to do to get my business started with or without my new backyard shop.

  But every time I tried to focus on paperwork or internet research, my mind would start to wander to Spencer's face, his strong shoulders, his sexy hips and ass, and that bulge that reminded me I hadn't just imagined he might be attracted to me. It had utterly betrayed his feelings. But what all that would entail, I wasn't sure.

  What if I started expecting him to stay with me longer, and he’d only wanted a one-night stand? And if it ended up being a one-night stand, how was I going to handle seeing him after that? Maybe I wouldn’t see him at all. Maybe he’d send a crew and never step foot here again.

  Ahhhhhh! I wanted to scream in frustration. I thought a short shopping trip would get my mind off him, but I only ended up shopping for a firepit and fantasized about the evening ahead.

  I had also tried to clear my head by taking Gabby for walks—several of them. The fifth time I went toward her leash, I could have sworn she rolled her eyes and looked at me as if to say, Again? What the hell, Mom? I didn't think it was possible, but you've made me NOT want to go for a W-A-L-K.

  My phone rang just as I was thinking about taking Gabby for yet another walk. Since the divorce, I never answered my phone without making sure I knew who it was. I was delighted to see it was Lacy, my best friend since middle school. Lacy had been out of the country for two weeks taking her mother on a cruise. Her mother had just gotten the all-clear after her fight with breast cancer, and Lacy had taken her for an extended vacation. Both Lacy and her mother, Doris, deserved it after the last three years of chemo and radiation and worry.

  “Hey, world traveler,” I said, answering.

  “Hey right back!”

  “I kept up with your Instagram. It looked like you and your mom were having the time of your lives!”

  "We were." I heard Lacy fall back into a seat and let out a long sigh. "We just got back a few minutes ago. I am so beat."

  “I bet,” I agreed.

  "It was a wonderful time, but I'm happy to get back into my routine, and I sure missed you. So has Declan fallen off a cliff yet?”

  I laughed. “No, but there is something new in my life.”

  “Oh, do tell.”

  I described meeting Spencer the evening before and how he'd sat with me and held my hand and left with a kiss. I had to pull the phone back from my ear as Lacy screamed into it.

  "Oh, my God. I miss everything!" she yelled.

  “Nothing to miss . . . yet, Lace. He’s coming over tonight. We’re ordering Chinese food and having a bonfire.”

  “Bonfire? Is that code for something I don’t know?”

  I laughed. “No, we’re gonna light up that dead peach tree Declan planted when we moved in.”

  “Doesn’t sound like that’s all he’s gonna be lighting up.”

  I blushed, and that rush of desire shot down my belly. “We’ll see,” was all I said. We chatted for a moment and made plans to get together in a few days. She had to get her mom settled and spend some time with her boyfriend. They’d only been dating three months, so being apart for two weeks so soon into their relationship had been difficult.

  After promising to tell her everything the next day, she finally let me go, and I resumed my cycle of worry, anticipation, and fear.

  I looked at my phone for the one hundred billion and twelfth time: 4:30. I decided I might as well give up and go ahead and get a shower. Lucky thing I did, because my doorbell rang at 5:15. I had barely finished
dressing. I hadn't yet put on makeup. But at least I wasn't in my towel. I checked the peephole and was surprised to see Spencer on my porch. I opened the door, and Spencer smiled so full, I could almost see a spark light up in his eyes. My stomach fluttered. God, the effect this man has on me.

  He was holding a bunch of beautiful sunflowers and quickly said, “I know, I know. I’m terribly and rudely early.”

  I cocked my head and raised my eyebrows. "You think?" I asked. I made sure to smile to show him I was not annoyed.

  "To tell you the truth," he said a little sheepishly, "I couldn't wait. Is that okay?" He narrowed his eyes, questioningly.

  I nodded. “Of course. The only problem is that I’m not quite ready. I’m sorry. I need just five more minutes to finish fixing my hair and put on makeup.” I opened the door wider and stepped back, inviting him in.

  He put his free hand on my cheek as he stepped into the house. “I don’t want you to do anything else,” he said very calmly. “You are beautiful right now. There’s not a thing you can add to make you more so, I promise.” He leaned in and kissed my cheeks, then my nose, and finally my lips.

  If I’d been a Christmas tree, every bulb on my branches would have lit up and started flashing.

  Spencer

  My brain, filled with thoughts of her image for the past twenty-four hours, had not done her justice. After I kissed her, I handed her the sunflowers and motioned her to head-on into the house while I followed. Earlier today, she had texted and said we hadn’t mentioned anything about dinner. I didn’t tell her that I was planning on eating her—well, I almost told her, and then I erased it—and I typed it again, and erased it again.

  I wondered what she had thought after watching the dancing ellipses on her screen, indicating I was typing, for several minutes, before I finally responded with the shorter, How about Chinese takeout?