Tutor Me

by Hope Stillwater

  Lacey and I met up to work out at her gym after school. I had come along as her guest. The facilities were gorgeous and it was way cleaner than the school gym. On ellipticals next to each other, I was about to put in my earbuds when she brought up the incident in the cafeteria earlier. I wasn’t at all surprised. Lacey was intuitive enough to know I’d been pissed by the interrogation, and I’d observed that she always liked to patch things up, clear the air after even a minor disagreement. It was one of her more endearing traits.

  “So, I’m sorry if we- I – came across kind of harsh at lunch. It was just a surprise to see you so chummy with Theo.” She was keeping her pace deliberately slow while we talked. I held off turning my machine on.

  I nodded. “It’s alright. I know it must have seemed weird. And I get Bryce’s reaction cuz I wouldn’t have liked some girl serenading him in front of me either. But I’ve got to say that sitting in on their practice was like hanging out with brothers- the guys were so great. We had a blast.”

  Lacey was looking at me intently, like she wanted to say something but was seeking the right words. This was a rare situation for Lacey. Finally, she asked, “Were all the band members there?”

  “I guess. Aren’t there just four? Theo, Callum, Arjun, and Matt.”

  She said, “That’s right. So, they were nice guys?”

  “Lacey you wouldn’t believe it. They were so friendly right off the bat- friendlier than Callum is I might add- and Matt had me up singing with them even though I can’t carry a tune, and they played all these songs I love and made me feel so welcome. Arjun was kind of shy but with this great dry sense of humor, and Theo is like the classic charming lead singer, and Matt just exudes this kindness, like you could tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge. They were all so great.” I was gushing.

  “Callum too?”

  “Well, because we now know each other from the tutoring it wasn’t the same lovefest. But his friendship with his bandmates is really tight.” I wanted to avoid that discussion.

  “Yeh,” she said, and I was surprised to hear that her voice sounded bitter. Before I could probe further, she pushed a bunch of buttons on the elliptical and upped the pace dramatically. The conversation was over. I turned on my machine and put in my earbuds, wondering about Lacey’s reaction.

  On Friday I didn’t talk to Callum at all, and besides Calc, when we ignored each other, I only saw him across the cafeteria at lunchtime. He and Theo always sat with Noelle and a couple of similarly skanky girls. Meanwhile Bryce stepped up his game with a lot more texts and calls and plans for the weekend. My half-brother Ben was coming into town though and I wanted to hang out with him.

  We had an away game that evening. It was a short drive, and I drove myself so I could leave right after and head home to see Ben, whose flight had gotten in earlier that evening. I walked through the door in my cheerleading costume and Ben began chuckling.

  “What, do I look that ridiculous?” I said huffily, after we hugged.

  “No you look adorable, all high school hottie. What happened to ball-busting nerd?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Spare me the labels. I’m just trying something different this year.”

  He flopped down on the couch while grinning at me, not in the least put out by my pissiness. “So how’s this new look working out for you? Does it come with new friends too?”

  Bored, my dad drifted out of the living room to get more wine from the kitchen.

  “Yep. I have my own ringtone on the alpha girl’s phone, and I’m dating the quarterback.”

  Ben high-fived me. “Right on! You don’t do anything half-assed.”

  We talked for a couple hours, my dad coming in and out of the conversation before eventually going to bed. Ben and I stayed in the living room, him stretched out on the couch with a beer, me in the armchair. I asked about his girlfriend Tanya, whom I’d met last summer. They were buying an apartment together.

  “It’s going to need a lot of work, but we’re going to try to do some of it ourselves.”

  “What, in your free time?” Ben worked like 70 hours a week.

  “I don’t know, I think it’ll be a fun project.”

  “I can picture it now: screen falling off the door, door falling off the hinges.”

  “Oh dear. I was wondering when you would start this.”

  “You guys tearing up the walls, sleeping on couches.”

  “I’m picturing Tanya and me up against the wall in the West Mezzanine.”

  “You got the song!”

  He threw a cushion at me. “Of course I did! I taught you that game.”

  The conversation came back to me. “So does the quarterback have one of those monosyllabic names?”

  “Like Ben?”

  “I was thinking more like Holt.” Arrested Development was one of our favorite shows.

  “His name is Bryce.”

  “He sounds uptight.”

  “Says the Wall Street guy. I guess I’d describe him as preppy. He looks good in khaki. He’s a great player.”

  “That boring, huh? Does he like music at least?”

  “Well not really but he’s great, super cute and attentive. It’s just…” my voice trailed off.

  Ben was looking at me expectantly. “Spill it.”

  I decided to tell him. I really needed a guy’s perspective. “Well there’s this guy I’m tutoring in Calc who is not part of my new group of friends: quite the opposite, in fact, they all hate him. And he’s arrogant and this bad boy type, and yet I can’t stop thinking about him.”

  “Does Bad Boy know how you feel about him?”

  “I don’t know. Probably a bit. He kissed me as part of a bet.”

  Ben looked interested. “What bet?”

  “We bet on how he’d do on the first Calc quizz, kind of as incentive, and he asked for a kiss for his prize.”

  “And let me guess, the kiss was spectacular.”

  “Yeh it was pretty earth-shattering. But I’m dating Bryce.”

  “Are you guys exclusive?”

  “No, it’s casual.”

  “So what’s the problem then?”

  “Kissing one guy and dating another… not to mention that Bad Boy has several bad girl groupies following him around. I don’t know, someone’s going to get hurt and it’s probably gonna be me.”

  “That’s my sis: wise beyond her years.”

  I skipped another party on Saturday so that I could hang with Ben. He and my dad and I went out for Mexican food: he said he couldn’t find decent Sonoran food in New York. While we were at dinner my mom called me for the first time in weeks. That she called then was definitely not a coincidence: she was insecure about Ben’s visit, as always, and wanted to insert herself into it somehow. I almost didn’t answer but Ian gave me a rare look so I did, chatting with her outside though my food got cold.

  On Sunday I drove Ben to the airport before heading to the Y for the swim lessons. On the ride we were talking about music and swapping lyrics back and forth.

  “So, do you play this game with your friends?”

  I shrugged. “Only people I feel comfortable with. Tina of course, although she tires of it quickly.”

  “Head cheerleader?”

  “Nope. She would think I was crazy.”

  “Quarterback?”

  “No. He barely knows band names let alone lyrics.”

  “Tutee?”

  “Yes. But don’t read anything into that. He just happens to be into music.”

  “I’m reading everything into it, actually.”

  Monday morning at the lockers Alex broke it to me not so gently. “Bryce hooked up with a Dixon girl on Saturday.” Her glee was barely concealed. Dixon was our rival high school.

  Lacey responded before I could. “Geez Alex, you can be a real biatch, you know that?”

  “What? I just thought she should know. I’d want to know if I were in that situation.” She paused to sip her Starbucks frappucino, then tossed out a final dig: “Whic
h thank God I’m not.”

  I shrugged. “We’re not exclusive. He’s a free agent.” My lack of jealousy surprised even me. I walked off, leaving Alex looking at me appraisingly.

  Lacey cornered me in the hall just before lunch. “Nice poker face with Alex this morning. That’s the way to play her. If she smells blood she goes in for the kill, but your reaction threw her.”

  She leaned in conspiratorily. “You know, Bryce is almost ready to commit, with a little incentive on your part.”

  “What, sleep with him?”

  “Why not? You’ve already given up your V-card.”

  I wanted to shut this conversation down as we were entering the cafeteria. “We’re getting there. So what else did I miss this weekend?”

  I didn’t confront Bryce about his hook-up. It did kind of piss me off, maybe because it bruised my ego, but it seemed better to just let it go. If we did get exclusive there would be a zero-tolerance policy but we weren’t there yet, and the Epic Kiss meant that I wasn’t blameless myself.

  Apparently frustrated by the lack of contact with me, and in spite of falling into the arms of another, Bryce insisted on taking me out to dinner that Tuesday. Making out in his sumptuous living room afterward, I felt him on my neck.

  “Ow! Bryce did you just give me a hickey? Jesus!” I shoved him away.

  “I guess I got carried away.” He had the nerve to wink.

  Carried away? Yeh right. I jumped off the couch and stomped over to the mirror above the mantel. Looking at my reflection, I groaned. Sure enough, there was a big purple spot on my neck. Ugh.

  I rounded on him. “It’s going to be like 90 degrees tomorrow: I can’t wear a turtleneck. I’m not kidding Bryce, I’m seriously pissed about this. Please drive me home.”

  We drove to my house in silence. After he’d pulled up in front Bryce swiveled in my direction, looking pissed himself. “You need a chill pill. You’re being a bitch about this. It’s practically invisible.”

  I glared at him and got out without bothering to reply.

  The next morning I put half a tube of cover up on my neck and wore my hair down and the offending hickey seemed well hidden. None of my teachers appeared to notice, which I suppose was the most important thing.

  Bryce came up to me at my locker between classes, to patch things up. “I’m really sorry about the hickey, babe.” He made a mock pouty frown, then added, “What does it matter anyway? Everyone knows we’re going out, and many girls would be happy to have my hickey.”

  “I am in charge of my own body and the impression I make. I don’t want the teachers to see this and change their opinions of me,” I hissed.

  He looked surprised by the vehemence of my response. He grabbed my hand. “Please don’t stay mad. I promise it won’t happen again.” He made these puppy dog eyes and I softened. We hugged before heading to class.

  I showed Lacey the hickey at lunch, before the others joined us at the table. “Look what Bryce gave me last night.”

  She inspected it. “I heard. You’ve done a pretty good job of covering it up at least. Anyone said anything?”

  “No, I don’t think anyone’s noticed, thank God. How did you hear about it?”

  “From Kai. Bryce told him. He said you were pretty pissed.”

  “Furious, actually. I do not appreciate being branded like a steer.”

  Lacey shrugged. “I never thought of it like that. I don’t know, when I like a guy I’m sort of proud if he gives me love bites, even if they are kind of trashy looking.” She looked at me carefully. “Do you always hate hickeys or is this about Bryce?”

  “I don’t want anyone giving me a hickey,” I said firmly. I was definitely not prepared to go there with her. Just then Alex and Chloe arrived with their trays so we dropped the conversation, thankfully.

  After school was the final test: Callum. I touched up the makeup in the rearview mirror of my car before ringing his doorbell. I felt confident after successfully hiding the hickey from everyone, but then again we’d be sitting right next to each other. And it would be odd to sit on the other side of him after all this time. I tried to keep my hair over my neck.

  We’d made it through most of the session, going over the latest chapter, when Callum suddenly leaned closer to peer at my neck. Oh here we go.

  “A hickey, Jenny? Fucking classy.” He looked totally repulsed. I flinched, but decided to take the high road.

  “None of your business. Let’s get back to work,” I said crisply, not making eye contact, hoping that would be the end of it.

  But Callum wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily. “Gift from Bryce?” he sneered.

  I felt my temper rising. “Look, I’m not happy about it either, but it’s not a crime. Don’t tell me you’ve never given a girl a hickey before,” I snapped.

  “Yeh, when I was like, 13.”

  “Drop it, Callum.” I spoke through gritted teeth.

  We sat, silently seething next to each other for a moment, our eyes locked until I broke the stare to gaze down at the textbook. Just when I felt the tension calming down in the air, Callum spoke up again.

  “Have you fucked him?”

  “Geez! Pass, asshole. Anyway, what’s it to you?”

  “He’s an arrogant sexist meathead, just like all those guys, and the girls who hang around them are either pathetic or bitchy. I don’t have time for any of that crowd.” Callum spat the words out.

  “I’m in that crowd, so which am I, pathetic or bitchy?” My eyes had narrowed and I was so angry I felt like slapping him.

  “The verdict is still out since you’re new to the group. But guaranteed if you don’t come to your senses and drop them you will be one or the other.”

  “OK we’re done.” I sprang up from the chair, grabbed my book bag and headed out of the kitchen toward the front door.

  I had my handle on the doorknob when Callum called out, “Jenny, wait. I’m sorry.” His voice had lost its anger and he sounded genuinely contrite.

  I paused, not looking around, my hand still on the doorknob. I wasn’t storming out yet but I wasn’t letting him off that easy either.

  He was right behind me. “I was out of line, and none of that was any of my business, so let’s forget it.”

  I nodded, my back to him. Certainly my anger had evaporated but I had a few things to say. I turned around and he was standing right there, his hands over his head hanging from the doorframe above his head, showing off his arms to wonderful effect.

  My gaze was steady and my words came out more confident than I felt. “You are crazy judgmental, you know? And don’t you dare call me pathetic again. I might be bitchy sometimes but I am never pathetic.”

  I expected to see anger in his eyes but instead they softened as I spoke, making me melt. He opened his mouth to speak when the doorbell rang. As I had been leaning against it, I jumped forward, startled. Callum looked surprised too. I stepped away and he pulled the door open. Who should be standing there but Noelle and another roadie chick, Jessica. She had a similar pale look to her but with jet black hair instead of white blond. Their eyes flicked to me dismissively then zeroed in on Callum.

  “Lesson’s over, right? Send your tutor on her way and let’s party.” Noelle’s voice was low and sultry. She must have been relishing getting to dismiss me the way I’d dismissed her that first day. Now we all turned to Callum, who had the decency to look embarrassed.

  “Girls, give me a minute”- To what, make amends with me so he could enjoy God knows what with these two after I left? Hell no. I cut him off.

  “I’m outta here. I’ll see myself out.”

  Callum made some sound of protest but I ignored him and walked out the open door. I couldn’t resist leaning into the girls as I passed and pointing to my neck. “Watch out. He’s all about the hickeys today.”

  The girls’ eyes widened, not knowing what to make of my statement. Callum snorted. I called out, “you should see my back!” on the way to my car.

  C
hapter 12

  I repeated ‘manwhore’ under my breath the next day whenever I caught myself looking around for Callum. He made it to Calc, not that it mattered because he was a manwhore and I was going to stay away from him. He kept his hand off my desk and that didn’t bother me because he was a manwhore! Mr. Ferguson went over the format of Friday’s quiz. It had crossed my mind that in the tense tutoring session the day before we’d never talked about the quiz and if we were going to do any betting on this one. Well if it came up, and it probably would not, no way was there going to be a repeat of the last bet. No. Way.

  All this was going through my head as I left class. I collected my things at my locker. This afternoon I was planning to hole up and get some homework done- my social life was so active these days I was slightly nervous about my grade in AP Physics, a new experience for me. I was walking towards my car when Callum appeared next to me. He must have sprinted over.

  “Hi,” I said, glancing sideways at him, my heart speeding up.

  “Hey. You left class so fast I didn’t get a chance to talk to you.” He was walking next to me and we were at my car now.

  I turned toward him. “About what?” I was impressed at how chill I knew I sounded.

  “We haven’t set up a wager for the Calc quiz.” His hands were in his jean pockets and he had tilted his head to the side, a quirky smile on his face. His upper teeth were scraping over his lip ring. He looked both cocky and a little unsure of himself at the same moment. Adorable! Yeh right. Adorable manwhore.

  I straightened myself. “I don’t think we need to bet this time, do we? You’ll be fine.”

  He frowned. “If you’re too nervous about it, no worries.” Was that condescension I was detecting?

  “I’m not nervous, I just don’t think a bet is necessary.” My tone was clipped.

  “It’s ok, I get it, you can’t handle it, can’t handle me.” He was goading me, and of course I was rising to it like a fish to bait.