Tutor Me

by Hope Stillwater

  My eyes flicked to Callum’s table on the other side of the cafeteria, where he was sitting with Theo and a couple of their groupies. Callum’s eyes were like steel drills boring into me. I looked away. I knew he was disgusted that I’d forgiven Bryce but the way I saw it, Bryce had acted immaturely, not meanly, and now he was really and truly groveling. Then I started to get annoyed. Callum had no right to judge me in that way. I didn’t interfere in his personal life. I snapped my head up and glared back at him while Bryce held my hand as we walked out of the cafeteria.

  Callum ignored me in class, which was fine because I was pissed at his attitude anyway. After school Bryce was walking me to my car when Callum and Theo passed us across the parking lot. Theo waved at me but Callum didn’t even look over.

  Bryce’s eyes narrowed when he saw them and he called over, “Hey Caldwell. Thanks for taking care of my girl on Saturday.” Callum stared at him icily. I held my breath because it was clear this wasn’t going to end well.

  Callum spat out, “Someone had to since you weren’t man enough.”

  I grabbed Bryce’s arm to pull him along.

  Bryce cut to the chase. “Now stay the fuck away from her.”

  Callum strode over until he was nose to nose with Bryce. “You want to say that again?”

  And then they lunged at each other. Theo tried to pull Callum back and I grabbed Bryce to do the same, but he was too strong for me to budge him at all. I then tried to insert myself in between them as they wrestled, getting an elbow to the cheek in the process.

  “Stop it,” I screamed, to no avail. Just then the school security guard blew a whistle and ran over, and both boys fell back, panting. Neither wanted detention so they denied that they were engaged in anything more than a friendly tussle. The guard, unconvinced, waited until everyone got in their cars before leaving. Theo and Callum drove off in Theo’s car, and I got into Bryce’s.

  I knew I had to diffuse this situation or there was going to be ongoing trouble.

  “Are you coming home with me?” he asked hopefully. “I have football practice in half an hour but”-

  OK here goes. I climbed onto his lap (somewhat awkwardly but oh well) and put my finger to his lips. “Bryce,” I said firmly, “you need to back off Callum. I’m his tutor, that’s all, and he did me a solid on Saturday. There is nothing more to it than that. I know for a fact he’s dating one of those roadie chicks, and I’m with you. But if you bait him he will rise to the occasion, just cuz. Not because of me, but because of the whole alpha thing you guys have going on. So drop it. If you or your buddies touch him or incite him I will be very very pissed.” My voice turned soft and I saw Bryce swallow. I ran my hand down his chest. My voice dropped lower. “And I don’t want to be pissed with you. I really don’t.” I leaned forward and kissed him on the neck just as he had done to me earlier, and then nibbled gently on his left earlobe. “OK?” I asked between nuzzles.

  “K” said Bryce, his voice strangled. He then pulled my head up and began kissing me hard on the mouth. I knew that at some point soon I was going to have to put out more than I had been if I was going to really keep Callum out of the line of fire of the football team, but for the moment Bryce seemed satisfied.

  After all the drama, Wednesday’s tutoring session was surprisingly calm. Somehow after Saturday I felt more comfortable with Callum, like he wasn’t just this mysterious rocker guy but actually a pal. We joked a bit and chatted during the lesson and it felt good. Neither of us brought up the incident in the parking lot or anything else sensitive.

  Towards the end of the lesson I felt so relieved by how we were getting on that I couldn’t help but say, “I’m glad we’re becoming friends, Callum.”

  He gave me a quizzical look and didn’t say anything. What, we weren’t friends? That hurt. I had apparently exaggerated our rapport on Saturday.

  I was mulling this over as I put my textbook away in my book bag and pushed the chair back to stand when Callum abruptly asked, “do you like Talking Heads?”

  “David Byrne?” I asked, somewhat surprised. This had come out of the blue. “I don’t know their music that well. ‘Burning Down the House’, right? Why do you ask?”

  Callum and I were both standing by our chairs in the kitchen.

  “Back in the ‘80s they made this concert movie, “Stop Making Sense”, and it’s the bomb. I watch it every few months. I’m planning to put it on right now. Want to stay and see it with me? I think you’ll be blown away.”

  I was supposed to go hang out by Lacey’s pool right then so I hesitated. Callum must have seen my hesitation and quickly said, “No big deal. Just mentioning it. You should try to see it at some point.”

  Was that disappointment in his face? Oh Callum, as if I would say no to this!

  “I’d like to watch it with you,” I hastened to say, before he rescinded the invitation completely. “Let me just send a text and then I can stay.” Callum’s face lit up. Go Jenny, go Jenny!

  I texted Lacey to say I wasn’t going to make it and of course she called immediately. I quickly turned off my phone rather than answer and have to explain what was going on.

  Callum, who was setting up the streaming with the remote, noticed and grinned. “Getting shit for changing your plans, huh?”

  “Mind your own business.”

  He snickered and turned back to the remote.

  I sat down on the couch and the movie started. Callum closed the curtains to block the glare of sunlight on the screen and plopped down next to me, keeping a good foot between us. There were no lights on in the living room but the sun flickered in through the curtains, casting the room in a sepia shade. At first I was only thinking about Callum sitting next to me but from David Byrne’s opening line to the crowd I was riveted to the movie. Within a minute I was on the edge of the couch and soon after that I was standing up dancing. I kicked off my rather uncomfortable peep toe wedges to be barefoot. At one point I looked down to see Callum watching me and I grabbed his hand, pulling him up. “You dance too so I don’t feel like I’m making a fool of myself.”

  Unsurprisingly he had terrific moves, like a guy in a rock band should. We danced near each other without touching, facing the screen like two concertgoers. Sunlight peeked through the gaps in the curtains, occasionally crossing our bodies as we danced around the room. For the slow songs he’d flop back down on the couch but I stayed standing, swaying.

  The movie ends with the finale of the concert, the song ‘Take Me to the River’, and we danced hard. Afterward I stood there, suddenly conscious of how sweaty I was. I’d worn my hair down but now the back of my neck was soaking wet from dancing. Yuck. I grabbed an elastic hairband from my jean pocket and pulled my hair into a ponytail, then looped it again into a bun. Callum had been shutting down the TV and I’d turned away as I pulled my hair up. I suddenly felt a stillness in the room, and he was right behind me. I swung around, practically bumping into him. He was watching me.

  “What? My neck is totally sweaty, sorry. It’s gross.” I was embarrassed.

  But his eyes were smoldering. He didn’t look like he thought it was gross. Something caught in my throat. He leaned forward, tilted his head, and licked me from my collar bone to just below my ear. Wow.

  He pulled back, looking at me with burning eyes. “Your damp neck drives. Me. Wild.” He said it quietly. There was a pause, in which we just stood there while I stopped breathing.

  He spoke up first. “You know how earlier you said you were glad we were becoming friends?”

  I nodded, wondering where this was going.

  “Don’t ever try to put me in the friend zone again, ok?” His voice had that quiet, firm tone that he only used once in a while, to great effect.

  I took a ragged breath, defeated. Who was I kidding? He was right. My feelings for him went way beyond friendship and it was hypocritical to call it otherwise. As I looked at him, with our new honesty, I saw how wet with sweat his own hair was, and how the smooth brown skin of his ne
ck glistened. Without overthinking it I stood on my tippy toes and leaned forward, placing my lips on the side of his neck. His skin was salty and wet and all him. I nipped gently, then gave a little lick with my tongue. He gasped and started to move into me but I made myself pull away. That’s all I could handle right then.

  “I’ve got to go. Thanks for the movie.” I grabbed my book bag and flung open the door. As I turned away I threw out there, “I get it now. About the neck.” Then I left.

  Chapter 15

  “Nice work again, Caldwell.” Mr. Ferguson was handing the quizzes back and from the sound of it, Callum had gotten an A. I felt myself blush, knowing what that meant. I didn’t dare look around at him but I felt his hot eyes on the back of my neck. Who knew Calc quizzes could be so sexy? As I waited for my own quiz, a shadow fell across my desk. Callum placed the quiz in front of me on the desk so I could see the ‘A’ on it in Mr. Ferguson’s scrawl. I looked down at the paper instead of risking a look at Callum, worried I would show too much – what? -anticipation?- in my eyes.

  I nodded. “Sweet!”

  “I’ll text you later,” he said quietly, his voice grave.

  At his words I glanced up, meeting his eyes with what I hoped was a relaxed look that didn’t reveal my excitement. His gaze was intense.

  “OK.” I said equally quietly, my attempt at a cool demeanor failing when I swallowed loudly. He smiled at that, picked up his quiz and was gone.

  On the previous Thursday, the night before the quiz, Callum had texted me. Quiz bet?

  I was facetiming with Tina at the time, who started squealing when I read her the text.

  After consulting with her, I wrote back Less than an A gets me an oil change

  Callum texted back a moment later. A= third base

  I groaned. Tina looked concerned. “Don’t you want this? You knew where this was going.”

  She was right, and I did really want this because I was so hot for this guy I couldn’t even see straight, but this situation seemed fucked up.

  “I feel like the deeper we go with this game the bigger the slut I must seem.”

  She snorted. “That’s ridiculous. To whom? You’ve only slept with one guy in your life and he was your serious boyfriend. You are by no definition a slut. Anyway, stop worrying about what other people think. Do what feels right.”

  “That’s just it. When I’m with Callum doing these crazy things it all feels right but then I get away and I think what the hell am I doing? I’ve got this great guy begging to be my boyfriend and I’m stalling with him while I fool around with someone else who promises nothing. Not to mention that it’s not just Bryce on the line here. If Lacey and the others find out I’ll lose all those friends.”

  “Look, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. If you text Callum and say take it down a notch, he’ll accept that.”

  I thought about that for a moment. It was true, I had a choice. I felt better, more in control of my decision. I would own it. So I texted Callum back. ok

  After the quizzes were returned, the rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. Mr. Ferguson had handed back the quizzes on Tuesday rather than the usual Monday, so I had cheerleading practice right after school. I was on autopilot in practice, so much so that the coach barked at one point, “Jenny, where’s your head today? Focus please.” Lacey glanced at me sharply but didn’t say anything.

  After practice, as we walked from the gym to our cars, Lacey asked, “So what’s up? You seem very dreamy today. Fun date with Bryce last night?” Her eyes twinkled. She knew that Bryce and I had gone to the movies the night before.

  “What? No.” When Lacey looked astonished at my rather vehement reply, I hurriedly corrected myself. “I mean, the date was fine, terrific, but I wasn’t thinking about that. I’m just tired and kind of spacy is all.”

  She looked unconvinced but didn’t push it. “OK well get some sleep.”

  As I drove home my mind immediately went back to Callum and our bet. The other times he’d collected pretty quickly. As I was pulling into my driveway I got a text. It was from Callum. My heart started beating wildly.

  I want to go for a drive. Pick you up at 8?

  A drive? What did that mean? Third base in his car, in some parking lot? Visions of the night before with Bryce popped into my head. Oh well I could definitely handle this if it was a repeat of Bryce’s uninspired groping.

  It was 5 o’clock. I had three hours to eat dinner, get my homework done and have a shower, but I had to facetime with Tina first to tell her the news. She was thrilled, told me it was going to be awesome.

  I shrugged. “I’m not expecting anything major. He’s hot but three guys have been down my pants and so far it has been about as sexy as a trip to the Ob-Gyn.”

  “But this is Callum we’re talking about here, Jenny. I know he’s going to rock your world.” Her parting words were, “Wear a skirt.”

  I ate some left-over pasta, thankful for once that tonight my dad was out so I didn’t have to spend time cooking or chatting. I did homework till 7:15 and then gave myself 45 minutes to get ready. I normally didn’t take that long but getting really clean and looking good made me feel more in control of this bizarre situation. My goal was to be as clinical about the bet as possible. Whatever honesty we had showed each other last week about our mutual attraction was a distant memory.

  As I was brushing my hair, Bryce texted. What are you up to, beautiful?

  I wrote back, Homework, the casual lie slipping off my fingers.

  Bryce’s reply gave me a pang of guilt. See you tomorrow. Sleep well. What was I doing messing around pointlessly with Callum when I had Bryce? Last night Bryce had been hinting hard at wanting to get serious, and I couldn’t commit. What was my problem?

  I was still feeling guilty about Bryce when the doorbell rang. I had put on a soft white t-shirt and a floral pouf skirt that came to a couple inches above my knees. Most important, underneath I had on some white lace panties, bikini cut, that I’d only worn once. Leather flip flops completed the outfit, and I brought along a fuchsia cardigan in case it got cool. I kept makeup to a minimum, just a little pale gloss and my standard dark eyeliner. I wore my hair down. I looked like a very good girl, except for maybe the shortness of the skirt. It seemed slightly slutty to be driving to a parking lot and letting this guy feel me, and so I was trying to minimize that impression, at least in my own mind.

  I opened the door, my pulse racing, and Callum stood there in a long sleeved black crew shirt with New Politics on it, and jeans, his hair messed up adorably. “Hi” he said, his head tilted slightly to the side, a smile evident at the corners of his mouth.

  “Hi” I said in a small voice.

  “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yes.” I had texted my dad already to say I was going out with a friend for a little while. He’d not replied and I knew he wouldn’t be concerned.

  Callum opened the car door for me and I climbed in, loving the smell of the old leather seats. Once he was in his seat and we were pulling out, he glanced over, saying, “I thought we could take a drive out of town a ways.”

  “Sounds good.” I was both wary and excited by this suggestion.

  Callum had plugged his phone in so he could stream music through the car’s speakers. We sat silently, listening to the music, the windows down. The songs were on shuffle play, so it was an eclectic mix. I didn’t know a lot of the songs but did recognize Lamb of God and Kongos. There was a touch of coolness in the night air now. As we headed east out of the Phoenix sprawl, the lights grew dimmer until it was pitch black in front of us, the orange glow of the city visible in the side view mirror. Callum drove fast but with complete control. We didn’t talk but the silence was a comfortable one. The wind was strong in the car with the windows down, and my hair was getting whipped around my face. I could smell the desert, the creosote and mesquite, and I realized there was nowhere else I wanted to be at that moment.

  After 20 minutes or so Callum pulled off dow
n a dirt road to the right. I hadn’t seen any signs but he seemed to know where he was. We drove along the road for a couple minutes, slowly because his car had low clearance. He finally stopped the car and killed the lights. It was dark all around us, but as my eyes adjusted, I saw that it was not entirely black as I expected. We sat there for a moment.

  “You’re not going to murder me out here, are you?” I was joking but Callum responded seriously.

  “If I was, it would be a little late to ask that question, wouldn’t it? In fact, I really hope you wouldn’t let some guy just drive you out into the middle of nowhere unless you knew him very very well.” He sounded stern.

  “I don’t know you ‘very very well’, but I trust you,” I said, looking at him, his face in shadows.

  He didn’t respond and I couldn’t see his eyes very well in the dark, but I felt his gaze.

  He abruptly said, “Come out, I want to show you something.” I was opening the door when he came around and pulled it wider, giving me a hand to climb out of his low car. He kept his hand in mine as he led me around to the front of the car.

  “Look up.” I did and drew in a breath. In Phoenix the city lights blocked out all but the brightest stars, but here the sky was like a dense carpet of them.

  “This is stunning.”

  “Isn’t it? I come out here once in a while to remind myself of how big the universe actually is.” We were standing side by side, the backs of our legs against the warm grill of the car, gazing upward.

  “It makes me realize how small and unimportant I am in the scheme of things,” I said.

  “Does that bother you?”