The Stork Club

by Maureen Freely

  ‘But Charlotte, I didn’t… I mean … you need …’

  ‘Don’t worry about me. I can take care of this end for the time being. Honest.’

  41

  When I got to Ophelia’s some time after nine that night, I found her lighting up a pipe. I told her this came as a surprise after her lectures about smoking.

  ‘What I do is my business,’ was her slurred response.

  I asked her if she had been drinking.

  She said, ‘Yes, and while you’re up, get me a Grant.’

  I asked her what her problem was.

  She explained she was on call even though she didn’t want to be on ‘fucking call’ ever again in her life and was thinking of becoming a beachcomber in Hawaii.

  I asked where Kiki was.

  She laughed. ‘You want to know what I think or do you want to know his alibi?’

  ‘I guess what you think.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, right. So I’ll tell you what I think. I think you’ve taken this game as far as it can go.’

  ‘What game?’

  She snorted, took another toke, knocked back the rest of her drink. ‘You really are the pits, aren’t you? What does it take for you to drop your mask?’

  ‘What mask?’ I asked.

  ‘God!’ she yelled. She knocked her head on the table. ‘God! You are driving me insane! I mean, do I have to write it on the wall or what? It’s bad enough to be putting me through this hell, but then to deny it’s even happening!’

  ‘Deny what is happening?’

  ‘Our relationship.’

  ‘What relationship?’

  She gazed heavenwards. ‘See? That’s what I mean. See?’ She hobbled into the kitchen, took a swig from an open bottle of Scotch.

  ‘Are you sure you should be drinking that if you’re on call?’ I said.

  ‘That is typical. Typical! First you drive me haywire, then you go high and mighty on me.’

  ‘Ophelia. I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  I reached out to remove the bottle from her hands.

  ‘You stay away from me. I’ve had it with you. If you’re going to insist on denying what’s going on, then you know what? I’m going to start denying it, too.’

  ‘Ophelia, you’re not making sense. Don’t you think you …’

  ‘Just shut the fuck up!’ she yelled. She picked up the bottle, smashed the neck off, and held it at me.

  That was when her bleeper went off.

  She didn’t answer it.

  ‘Didn’t you say you were on call?’

  No answer.

  ‘Don’t you think you should answer it?’

  No answer.

  ‘Better yet, seeing as you’re in no shape to do anything but go to bed, don’t you think you should get someone else to answer it?’

  No answer.

  ‘How about if I try and track down Kiki and …’

  ‘Don’t you dare breathe the name of my husband, he’s not my goddamn keeper – how dare you.’

  ‘Ophelia,’ I said, as she backed me into a corner. ‘I am beginning to be annoyed.’

  ‘You’re annoyed. What a joke!’ She glared at me. ‘You think you can have things all your way, don’t you. You just think it’s play, play, play. Is that your idea of adulthood? Do you honestly think you can go through life without paying the piper? Well, guess what. You can’t. Maybe you can have your way now, maybe you can just take take take without ever offering let alone giving anything in return, but let me tell you. One day, you’ll wake up. Hah! And find out that all your playmates are gone.’

  ‘I still don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Then you tell me what a woman is supposed to do these days. Meet you at the door with a bimbo smile and a sign on her panties that says “My brain is down here”? Is this what feminism has come to? To a society of men so cowed by real women that they refuse to co-operate unless a woman totally degrades herself?’

  I took a step backwards.

  ‘If this is your idea of a come-on, Ophelia, it is not very funny.’

  ‘It is not a come-on! It is an urgent request for you to get the hell out of here!’

  She brandished her broken bottle at me. ‘I am not going to stand for your teasing any more!’ She smashed the bottle against the counter, breaking the rest of the neck off. ‘I have had it with men! I am switching to women!’

  ‘Just like that, huh?’

  ‘Right. Just like that. I can pick up the phone and call up just about any woman I know and say let’s do it, let’s explore that option. Let’s not waste our time waiting for men who can’t get it up anyway.’

  ‘You watch what you say,’ I said.

  ‘So is that what your problem is?’

  ‘I am not going to dignify that question with an answer,’ I said. ‘I am going to put you to bed, get someone to cover for you because you’re in no shape to drive, let alone deliver a baby, and then we’ll meet tomorrow when you’ve calmed down.’

  I picked up the phone. ‘Where can I find Kiki?’

  ‘Don’t you dare pick up that phone!’

  ‘Will your answering service bleep him?’

  She threw the bottle at me. It missed. She came at me, but I was ready with a karate lock. When I had her pinned to the floor, I called up the office, and left a message for Kiki to call home, and, as I did so, Ophelia tried to bite my foot.

  I dragged her into her bedroom. ‘I hate you! I hate you!’ she yelled. ‘Take your hands off me!’

  I got her into bed. I told her I was going to wait to talk to Kiki and that then I was going to split.

  She looked up at me and said, ‘You’re just afraid of me, aren’t you?’

  ‘I am not afraid of you. I am just pissed off.’

  ‘You’re afraid of my power,’ she said.

  I said, ‘Don’t make me laugh.’

  ‘Does this make you laugh? Does it?’ she said. She unzipped her jeans and put her hand down them. She began to gyrate. ‘Is this what you’ve wanted all along? To watch?’

  ‘Cut it out,’ I said. ‘Seb might wake up.’

  ‘Or maybe I should call up Becky and have her come over and you can watch us explore that option. Huh? Or maybe you want to see what colour pubic hair I have. Maybe you can’t leave anything to your imagination. Maybe you can’t get hard unless you see me take my pants off and utterly degrade myself.’

  She took off her jeans. I turned away so as not to look. It was from the far corner of my eye that I saw her reach under her bed. I buried my head in my arms. Now there was a vibrating sound.

  I looked, and to my horror, it was what I thought it would be. ‘Ophelia,’ I said. ‘This is not fair. Your husband is going to be calling at any minute. Your child is in the next room.’

  ‘And you want it bad,’ she said. ‘I can tell from your voice. You want it bad but you can’t get it up.’

  ‘This isn’t fair,’ I said. ‘This should be against the law. This is female rape.’

  ‘Oh it is, is it? Well then, how about this? I dare you to look at me.’ I didn’t. ‘I dare you.’ I did. She was rubbing herself with that horrifying vibrator with one hand and rubbing her breasts with the other. ‘See?’ she said. ‘I don’t need you. I’m doing fine without you. I can’t tell you how good I feel. And I can tell you’re dying for it. But you know, if you make one move in my direction, I’ll call the police and accuse you of rape.’

  ‘Like hell you will.’ She reached for the phone. I lunged over to stop her. At that moment, the phone began to ring. She struggled to answer it. I threw myself on top of her to block her, and after that it was no contest. I gave her what she had convinced me she wanted. I wish I could say that I was in control of my actions but I wasn’t. All I felt was anger, all I wanted was to shut her up.

  I succeeded: Ophelia was already asleep by the time the phone rang, so I answered it. It was Kiki. I told him Ophelia was in a state and that I had put her to bed. There was a long pause before he th
anked me. I suggested putting someone else on call. He said he would.

  ‘I guess she told you things have been strained lately,’ he said.

  ‘Well,’ I said, ‘I’ve seen you two at it with my own two eyes.’

  He said, ‘Well, thanks for filling in for me. I have my hands full as it is.’

  His choice of words left me feeling unreal.

  I began to pick up my clothes. As I was buttoning my shirt, the phone rang again. It was Becky. ‘What are you doing there?’ she asked. ‘I thought you were sitting at Charlotte’s.’

  I told her it was a long story.

  ‘To do with what?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh, some worries she has about Trey’s sanity.’

  ‘Oh, that’s encouraging,’ said Becky.

  ‘So don’t mention to Charlotte that I was here,’ I said. ‘In fact – you wouldn’t mind pretending you’d been to the movies with me, would you? That’s what I told Charlotte I was going to do.’

  ‘That sounds highly irregular,’ she said. ‘But I suppose I’ve asked you to do worse?’ That was how it all started.

  42

  I was surprised at the ease with which I walked through the breakfast routine the next day. After my first night with Charlotte, I had been afraid that the smallest gesture might give me away. But now I had learned that all I had to do to play my part well was to believe in it. I was a family man, I was wearing my robe and slippers, I was sitting at the table with my wife and children, I was reading the paper. There was nothing more to me than met the eye.

  Except… I was beginning to miss my cues.

  ‘So tell me again how it happened,’ you said to me. You were still in your nightdress.

  What?’ I had to ask.

  ‘When Charlotte brought out the Tell-tale Disc.’

  ‘I already told you,’ I said. ‘Charlotte found it in Trey’s office, identified it as Mitchell’s, and so gave it back to Becky, and that was that.’

  ‘But what would Trey be doing wanting to look at Mitchell’s records in the first place?’

  ‘Probably he forgot to give them back after we stopped using him,’ I said.

  ‘Mitchell thinks he’s planning to turn us in to the IRS.’

  ‘Well, that’s just Mitchell being paranoid. According to Charlotte, these were records from two years ago.’

  ‘Then why did she speak to me so coldly?’ you asked.

  ‘Who?’ I had to ask. ‘When?’

  ‘On the phone just now. You know, when I called her up to ask her.’ I nodded, although I had no idea if she meant Becky or Charlotte or even Ophelia. ‘She is acting so strange. It’s as if there was a third person on the line. As if she knew everything I was telling her already. You haven’t been talking to her about this, have you?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ I said, still not sure which friend she meant. On the way to school, one sentence kept coming back to me. ‘She was the only one I still felt comfortable with.’ Which one was that?

  Becky was waiting for me at the Creative Learning Centre. ‘So what’s this about Trey?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh,’ I said, ‘nothing you didn’t already know.’

  ‘So why do you think he stole Mitchell’s disc?’

  ‘Well, obviously, he has some grudge against him. But you can tell Mitchell from me that if they were records from two years ago like Charlotte said, I can vouch for them.’

  ‘So what did Ophelia say to you about it?’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘About putting him away or getting him checked. Wasn’t that what you were there talking to her about last night?’

  I realized my mistake. ‘Oh right,’ I said. ‘Well, we decided to keep a close eye on him as Charlotte doesn’t seem to realize how bad he is.’

  ‘How serious is it? Is he having paranoid delusions? Was Kiki there too? What did he think?’ I was just about to make up some lie about what Kiki thought when he himself appeared at my side.

  My first worry was that he would ruin my alibi. That was why I asked to talk to him in his car. When Becky called after me, ‘I’ll wait here so we can decide which movie we went to,’ I had no idea what she was talking about. I gave her an ambiguous wave. Then I was in Kiki’s car. And sorry to be there.

  Suddenly he seemed very big.

  ‘I guess I should thank you for filling in for me,’ he said. He gave me a creepy smile. I felt my lower lip begin to tremble.

  ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘It was nothing.’

  ‘It’s all my fault. I should never have left her like that, I mean in that shape. But as you may know, I have a lot on my hands right now.’ He gave me a knowing look.

  ‘I don’t know how much she’s told you. But as you have gathered probably from what you’ve witnessed, we’re sort of on the rocks.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ I said insincerely.

  ‘Have you ever been to counselling?’ he asked.

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘Not that kind.’

  ‘Well, let me tell you. There are some things people don’t say. Some things I have to take care of myself. But the strain is killing me. So sometimes I just have to go outside and, you know? take a walk.’

  I tried for a nod that might indicate sympathy without a request for more information. Fortunately, at this point Becky beckoned for me. I said I had to go.

  ‘OK,’ he said. ‘But in the meantime, Listen. I owe you one.’

  ‘Right!’ I said. Squeaked.

  ‘One of these nights maybe you and I should go out for a beer or something.’

  ‘That sounds great,’ I said.

  ‘So it’s that bad, is it?’ Becky said after he had driven off.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You know, Trey. So how bad is it? Are they thinking of committing him?’

  I shrugged my shoulders. ‘I guess we’ll know by tomorrow.’ Wouldn’t Trey find this moment to arrive with his kids. I felt terrible when I thought of the things I had been saying about him, just to provide myself with a cover story.

  Becky wanted to talk about it over a coffee. But I wasn’t up to it: every time I opened my mouth I seemed to incriminate someone. So instead I went home and just sat there. I remember that when the bell rang I considered not answering it. But then stupidly I did.

  It was Charlotte.

  Just the sight of her made me want to crawl under the bed. ‘Caught you!’ she said. She sat herself down. ‘So. I hear you had a nice night out.’

  ‘Who told you that?’ I almost screamed.

  ‘Who do you think?’ She put her grocery bag on the table and began to take out lunch. ‘I thought that would turn out to be a movie worth seeing.’

  My mind ran through the clues. Then I got it. She had talked to Becky, who had said I had gone out to the movies with her, and who when pressed had given a name. So long as I didn’t refer to the wrong name, I was OK.

  Except…

  I didn’t have the energy to keep the conversation away from forbidden topics. There were so many of them! I told Charlotte I had to lie down. Unfortunately, she read this to mean I needed a massage.

  ‘I can tell you’re tense about something. Well, this ought to make it better.’ Except that with each touch, I felt…

  ‘Why don’t you let me take the kids this afternoon?’ she said. ‘I have to go to the office but they can come with me.’

  The idea of her adding another favour to the mountain I already owed her was so terrifying I jumped out of bed and buttoned up my shirt again. I insisted on our going to school together – a move I regretted when I saw Becky and Ophelia sitting together.

  Becky looked puzzled. Ophelia looked bruised. Charlotte, sensing tension, tried to introduce what she had to think was a safe topic. Hadn’t the children enjoyed that Valentine party yesterday, she said, hoping to please Ophelia, but Ophelia bristled and left our group as soon as her son emerged from school. I thought I was going to die when Becky and Charlotte said she looked like she had been gangbanged.

  I died ag
ain not long after the kids and I got home, when Ophelia’s nurse called to remind me that Maria was expected in for a check-up. I considered asking someone else to take her for me, but just then Mitchell turned up to talk to me about the disc.

  I really didn’t want to talk to him, so I told him I was on my way to the doctor’s office. He gave us a lift. As we drove across town, he shared with me his worries about Trey. I assured Mitchell that Trey was unhinged but that he couldn’t do anything to us with the records he had stolen because we had nothing to hide. I don’t remember making any date to see him later that day, although it is possible that I did promise to meet him and promptly forgot about it.

  Ophelia was nothing but correct during Maria’s check-up. She was going to pretend it had never happened! We never had to talk about it ever again!

  Now all I had to do was find out what movie I was supposed to have gone to with Becky the night before. When I called her up, she told me which one it was, and suggested that we really go to it tonight. ‘I’m sure Laura won’t mind,’ said Becky.

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘But what if she tells Charlotte?’

  ‘Just say you’re going to the movies by yourself, for God’s sake! Why do you have to make everything so complicated?’

  That thought carried me through the evening routine. Becky was right. Things were simpler than I pretended. I was a family man, at home with my kids, supervising their bath while watching the local news on TV. There was nothing more to it than that. But as the evening progressed, I began to remember how bad Ophelia looked, and to wonder if she was OK. So while you were in your shower, I called her. I was alarmed when she didn’t answer.

  I decided to stop by her house on my way to the movies, just to rid myself of my anxieties. When I saw there were no lights on in her apartment, I flipped. I ran the four blocks to her office. I found her sitting outside it in her car.

  Why I was suddenly swamped by affection and tenderness for her, I do not exactly know. I am just reporting the sequence of events as I remember them. When she said, ‘It’s just so hard to watch a marriage crumble,’ and I replied, ‘Well, I’ll be there for you,’ I meant it.

  When it got too cold to sit outside, and we went into the office and began to grope each other in the dark, and I told her that she was beautiful and I loved her – I meant that too.