“My mother really liked you. She was disappointed when Granger didn’t end up marrying you like he said he was going to do. She likes Ruth pretty well now, though. I think she had her heart set on you, Mazy. She couldn’t stop talking about you, after that first time you came to dinner.”
“Well I wasn’t marrying your mother and I hadn’t even planned to marry Granger either. That was all a big act to keep you and your brothers off my tail,” I tell him.
“It was? Now why would you want to go do that for?” he asks.
“Because I wasn’t ready to get married. And I didn’t really like the Snider brothers back then, seeing as how you caused my father’s death.”
“Not on purpose. It was just a prank. We wanted an excuse to go out there to see you. We were going to pretend like we wanted to ask your Pa about breeding his stallion to one of our mares and then someone bumped the latch. That horse was going kind of crazy, and the next thing we knew, it was tearing out of there. We didn’t want to get in trouble, so we hightailed it home.”
I lay silent because I don’t want to think about it, and Butch starts to stroke my hair.
“Honest, Mazy. We were more interested in you than anything else, and then you wouldn’t have anything to do with us. Only Granger just wouldn’t give up. He wasn’t even with us that night.”
“Let’s not talk about it,” I say softly. “Granger did give up, after all, but I was the one to blame. I was always trying to push him away.”
“Just like you are trying to push me away,” Butch states.
“I’m mixed up, Butch. I think I love Randolph, but I am never going to see him again. And when I was with Randolph, I thought I loved Granger, but didn’t think I was ever going to see him again either. Now I have lost them both.”
“When does his ship come back?”
“I’m not going to New York again,” I say flatly.
“That doesn’t answer my question,” he tells me.
“Probably about the same time we went to New York before. In the spring sometime.”
“Can you write him?” he asks.
“He said he would write me, but I can’t to write someone who is floating out on the ocean somewhere. I just wanted to know where he was, is all, so I asked him to write.”
“Then you will know when he is going to come back. I could take you out to meet him.”
“You would do that?” I ask.
“What are friends for?” he smiles.
“Well, I’m not going to meet him. I told you I couldn’t be a captain’s wife,” I mumble.
“Still, you love him, Mazy. Isn’t that all that matters?”
“Shhhh. Don’t talk. I don’t want to remember. As long as you are here holding me like this, I don’t want to think about it.”
“Could I kiss you, Mazy? I know you don’t love me, but I sure would like to kiss you.”
“Yeah, Granger told me about how you and your brothers like to be with loose women. You think I am loose, Butch?” I say.
“That was not what I was thinking. You are the kind of woman my mother wants for a daughter-in-law. I don’t think she is wanting any loose women as part of the family.”
“Only that’s what I am, Butch. I’ve done it with Granger, and Martin did it with me against my will, but then I let him continue. Later, I made love to Randolph, even when he didn’t want me to. That is not the kind of woman you would want for a wife.”
“Well, that doesn’t answer my question, Mazy. You gonna let me kiss you or not?”
“You trying to trick me, Butch?” I ask.
“I won’t do nothing but kiss you. I promise.”
“I haven’t kissed anyone for going on four months now. It would just be too painful…”
I don’t finish because Butch is covering my mouth with his.
“You talk too much, Mazy,” he says, and then places his mouth over mine again.
The kiss Butch gives me is a friendly kiss, and all he does is kiss me. Then I lay my head on his chest again, as he strokes his hands over my back.
“Thanks,” he whispers and holds me close to him. Eventually, we both go back to sleep.
I feel comfortable in Butch’s arms. It reminds me of how Randolph always held me at night. When I wake up, he is still holding me and the fire has gone out. I don’t want to move because the shack is cold and I snuggle closer to Butch to absorb his warmth. When he feels me moving, he pulls my body on top of him.
“You feel good, Mazy,” he whispers, as he snuggles me closer to him, with his hands against my rump.
“You don’t think I know what you’re doing?” I mumble.
“It’s cold. I’m just trying to get warm again,” he says, as crushes me closer to him.
“Well my backside is cold,” I tell him.
“Is that so?” he says and he pushes his hands under my shirt and starts to rub his hands against my back, and then slowly pushes them under the belt of my denims, so his hands are caressing my cold bottom. “You are cold,” he breathes, as he starts to move his hands against my skin.
“I don’t think you should be doing that,” I whisper.
“Why not? You want to get warm don’t you?”
“Not that warm,” I say,
“Can I kiss you again?” he asks, smiling up at me.
“I thought we were only supposed to be friends,” I respond.
“Friends can kiss,” he tells me.
I believe I want to forget Granger, and Randolph at the moment and maybe this is the way to do it, I think. I lower my lips to Butch and let him capture them with his lips. This time the kiss is not a soft friendly kiss, as I feel his tongue lick across my lips, trying to push for access.
“Butch,” I whimper. “Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“I know we shouldn’t be doing this,” he whispers back, “but it feels so damn good, I just can’t stop.”
His body moves against me and I can feel the hardness of him straining against me through our clothes. I feel sorry for Butch. He wants a wife and I am not wife material. I thought when I returned, that my life could get back to normal again, but I realize now, as I feel Butch rubbing his body against mine, that nothing is going to ever be the same again.
He seems to be lost in what he is doing, and my mind is far from what he is doing. I brace myself, in order to pull away and stop him from trying to live out a dream that is never going to come to fruition.
“You shouldn’t be doing this, Butch,” I say.
“I hadn’t meant to, Mazy. But the smell of you was driving me crazy. And we were so close like this, I was hoping you were enjoying it.”
“You Snider brothers sure have a way of tricking women into pleasing you,” I say.
“I didn’t trick you, Mazy. I was comforting you. I was distracting you. Don’t tell me you weren’t distracted. I know you love Randolph. That is why I wasn’t ripping your clothes off. And I won’t rip your clothes off either, but there is no reason why I can’t show you how interested I am in you and take a little pleasure in it myself.”
I am thinking how much he reminds me of Granger and I don’t know if it is a good thing or a bad thing?
“What kind of friendship are you looking for, Butch? You just want a woman you can use whenever you are thinking about that stallion you bred with that mare?”
“I don’t want to use you, Mazy. I thought we could share times together. I never would just use you, but if you really didn’t like what we were doing, you would have been pushing me off of this bed, and stomping my face, like you tried to do to Granger.”
Butch goes over to the hearth and starts a new fire.
“How long are you planning to stay out here?” he asks. “I’ll fix us something to eat if you want.”
“Yeah, why don’t you do that,” I say. “I’m going out to use the bushes,” I tell him, and leave the shack.
I am thinking of how Butch was trying to distract me. He was distracting me, but I had let Granger distract me, and look where i
t got me?
I come back into the shack and Butch is already making griddle cakes, so I sit down and watch him. He looks a little like Granger, I think. Maybe that is why I was letting him do that with me, I decide. Every once in awhile he looks up and grins at me.
“You look good in the morning with your hair tousled like that,” he whispers, as he hands me a tin plate with griddle cakes and honey on it.
I start to eat the griddle cake, as I watch him make one for himself, and then he sits across the table from me.
“I think the best way to get over Granger, and Granger to get over you is to let him see you with me. He’s never going to have you again, so he needs to stop mooning over you. You are never going to have him either, so I’m a good substitute and anytime you even think of how it was with him, I will just take his place until you get over it. Then come spring, we are going to look up that sailor of your’s and see how he is feeling about you and how you are feeling about him. Once that is all straight, either you go with him, or we become closer friends,” he grins.
“You have this all figured out, don’t you?” I say.
“We aren’t getting any younger, Mazy, and I am just itching to be with you, but I’m never going to get serious until I discover where your heart is. Right now, it is tangled around Granger and Randolph. If I can’t get it untangled, it’s not going to do me a bit of good. In the meantime, we can keep each other company.”
“Like this?” I ask.
“I won’t ever do anything like that cousin of your’s tried to do. So stop your worrying. What we have been doing here is just distraction, Mazy. If I can’t distract you completely, it won’t mean anything anyway.”
“That makes me a loose woman,” I tell him.
“Not if it is just me and you, trying to get by until you either go back to Randolph or stick with me. I know you can’t go back to Granger, but it might help to get over him.”
“What if I go back to Randolph?” I ask. “I don’t want to be breaking your heart, or feeling guilty for being with you, instead of Randolph, Butch. If I really do love Randolph, I need to be true to him.”
“I won’t let my heart get broken because I know you love Randolph. Only you keep saying you don’t want to be a captain’s wife. I am just going to discover if you are lying to me or lying to yourself.”
He pushes his empty plate aside.
“I’m going out to the bushes now, and then I’m coming back in here. If you are packing up your blanket, I’ll respect that. If you aren’t, we could stay longer,” he says and goes out the door.
I sit there, not knowing what to do. Butch wants to get me in the same place that Granger was working towards. I don’t think I love him any more than I had loved Granger at the time, but Granger grew on me. Butch is hoping he will do the same thing. Only I also fear I may never see Randolph again, even if Butch drags me out to see him in the spring, I don’t think I can be married to someone who lives on the sea so much of the time. Besides, like with Granger, things may have changed by the time he gets back.
When Butch comes back in, I am still sitting there thinking. When he sees I am not packing up my blanket, he just takes my hand and leads me over to the cot. Butch surprises me though. He doesn’t try to take my clothes off. He doesn’t even put his hands under my shirt. He just pulls me down on the bed and holds me against him.
“Just like this,” he whispers. “I want you, just like this,” and then he starts to stork my hair until I start to fall asleep again. I think Butch is starting to grow on me already.
CHAPTER TEN
“Come on,” Butch says, as he sits up, causing me to wake up. “We can’t sleep the day away.”
He gets up and starts rolling the blanket up, and cleaning up the dishes. Then he takes me outside.
“Get on your horse. We’re heading over to my place, and after everyone is all through being shocked, you are staying for dinner. Granger eats with us on a regular basis. He and his new wife are living in one of the cabins we have for hired help. I’ll invite your Ma as well if you want.”
“No. If you do that, she’ll think I’m getting ready to marry you, and that is what started everything last time.”
“Well, I want Granger to believe I’m thinking about asking you, so he can stop wishing he had waited for you to come back. He’s got his wife and they are already starting on a family, so he needs to buck up and accept the reality he made for himself, the same way you are going to have to. Eventually, when you finally make up your mind what you are going to do, we’ll make definite plans.”
“No playing games, Butch. I don’t want to do any pretending,” I tell him.
“We’re not. I am thinking about asking you, but not for at least until spring, if ever,” he grins. “In the meantime, I’m going to do as much distracting as you can stand,” he smiles, and then he takes me in his arms and kisses me.
Before I can even respond, he is mounting his horse, and I swing up on Rocket and follow behind him, as I start to laugh. I am actually starting to feel better already, I discover, and I look over at Butch. He catches my eye, and we both start laughing.
“Let’s stop by my house, so I can tell Ma not to worry about me. I disappeared on her for so long, I think she doesn’t trust me anymore,” I tell Butch, and he nods and heads down to our spread.
When we ride up to the Snider’s place, Mrs. Snider comes out on the porch and puts her hand over her eyes.
“Where have you been all night, Butch?” she asks. “And who is that you have with you?”
“Don’t you remember Mazy, Ma?” he asks.
“My goodness. Granger said you were back,” she says.
“Well, if you want to know where I was, I spent the night with her up at the old branding shack, and now she is coming to dinner. She may be coming to dinner a lot more times before spring gets here,” he says.
I am looking astonished at him, but his mother is laughing, and then his brothers, Sam, Elliot, and Patrick, come out onto the porch. They are all grinning at me, but they don’t say anything.
“I’m gonna take her out and show her the filly,” he says, as he swings down from his horse. I swing down as well. “It’s the one that mare threw that you watched getting bread,” he tells me. “She’s over six months old now, and the prettiest thing you are ever going to look at,” he promises.
Butch takes me out to the stables and opens the top of the stall gate. A sleek black head with large liquid eyes pokes over the top of the gate and gives a whinny.
“We named her Mazy,” he tells me, cause you were there watching her get conceived,” he says.
“Really?” I ask, as I stroke my hand over her nose, and give a laugh.
“Granger won’t even come out and look at her anymore. That’s another reason I know he is not over you yet, so you are going to come over and help me train Mazy here, and show him how much you are over him,” he informs me.
“He’ll hate me because he’ll think I never loved him,” I say.
“According to you it was all pretending, and he knew it,” Butch tells me. “You told me yourself you didn’t know if you loved him or not, so even if you did, you need to let him see you are over him. After all, you are not the one who ran out and got married the moment you were torn away from him.”
“But he thought I left him on purpose,” I insist.
“You told him you were going to marry him, and he just believes your cousin?”
“I don’t think he believed me, when I told him that because I had been fighting against it for so long. He probably thought I was just saying that to hold him off.”
“That is all water under the bridge. This is today and you and him both need to get on with your lives. Then when your captain comes back…well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he smiles.
“Ma told me you two were out here,” I hear Granger’s voice say behind us.
“Yep, we are out here,” Butch tells him with a grin. “So now what?”
/>
“I wanted to talk to Mazy,” he says.
“Start talking,” Butch says. “Mazy and I have no secrets.”
“You taking over her?” Granger asks as he steps closer.
“Sure thing, brother. You have a wife now, so if you need to tell Mazy anything, I’m going to be right here listening, since I have vested interest in her now.”
Granger looks from me to Butch.
“You don’t waste much time, do you?” Granger almost growls.
“Didn’t you tell me that Butch liked me?” I ask. “I thought you were offering him to me,” I say narrowing my eyes.
“I didn’t expect it to happen overnight,” Granger states.
“Hell, you knew I liked her a long time ago and told me to keep my hands off, so I did. Now I am telling you the same thing because you are in no position to be striking up anything with Mazy that can’t be done in front of me or anyone else.”
“I just wanted to say I am sorry for how things turned out,” Granger mumbles.
“Don’t you love your wife?” I ask.
“Of course I do,” he defends.
“Then why are you sorry? You should be happy you didn’t make the mistake of marrying me, or you would never have met her,” I say.
“You looked shocked when I told you she was my wife,” he explains.
“I was shocked. I hadn’t expected you to run out and get married so soon when all you ever talked about was how much you loved me, and that you had loved me for about forever. Only I’m over the shock now, Granger. Things changed while I was away. I lost the baby and spent several months with a sea Captain, but I didn’t marry him, even though he asked me to, cause I thought you were back here worrying about me, and waiting for me. I was starting to fall in love with him, but I came back. Only that is all behind me now. Just as you are behind me as well.”
“If you loved him, why’d you come back?” Granger looks astounded.
“Because I didn’t know if I loved you more. I wanted to find out. Now I know.”
“But Butch talks like he has you in his sights,” Granger accuses.
“I do, brother. I do. Only it is not just up to me, any more than it was just up to you when you wanted Mazy. Are we about through here? I’m getting hungry. Mazy and I didn’t eat any lunch today. We were too busy holding each other over at the branding shack,” he says, as he takes my hand and steps past Granger.
Spit and Grit Page 13