by M. T. Pope
“I wouldn’t call it perverted, but I have my doubts about whether it will last. Right now, he’s probably thinking he’s a stud for getting the eye of a young girl. Was he sexually active?”
“Not to my knowledge, but hey, what do I know? When Mom died, I always hoped he would marry one of the ladies from church. In fact, I used to tease him about it, but he claimed he wasn’t ready.”
“Girl, your friend probably whipped some of that young-ass pussy on him and made him lose his damn mind.”
“Humph, she must have. He didn’t even ask how I was doing.” I felt like crying again but instead I drained another glass.
“Careful.”
The liquor made me bold and curious. “Have you ever been with a man?” I could tell she wasn’t expecting the question when she choked.
She emptied her glass and ordered another round. “Yeah, sure.”
I was surprised. “I haven’t. Hell, I’ve barely kissed a guy.”
“You make it sound like a bad thing. It’s actually rare to find a virgin these days. You should be proud.”
“I haven’t been with a woman, either.” She probably already knew that but I said it anyway.
“Okay, and you told me this for what reason?”
“No reason in particular, I just wanted you to know.” It was little warm in the bar and I regretted coming in my fatigues. “Is it hot in here to you?”
“A little bit, but it’s probably the alcohol that’s got you fired up.”
“You know my story, what’s yours?” Even after all the time we spent together, there was still so much I didn’t know about my buddy, and a lot I didn’t want to know.
“Not much to tell. I’m a military brat. Been all over the world with my dad. My mom couldn’t take it and left me and my two brothers with my dad. Haven’t seen her since I was about twelve.”
“That’s too bad. All girls need their mother.” I couldn’t help but wonder if not having her mother in her life was the reason she sought other women. However, I instantly realized the fallacy of that premise because I didn’t have a mother either and I wasn’t looking at girls in a sexual manner. We were on our fourth drink before I had the nerve to ask the question that was on my mind.
“What happened to you to make you like ... you are?”
“The way I am? What do you mean, gay?”
I nodded my head, suddenly afraid I’d said something wrong.
“Get the fuck out of here. What, you think I was molested or something?”
“I’m sorry if I offended you, but I don’t know anything about gay people. You’re the first person I’ve ever talked to about it.”
“Well sometimes if you don’t know what to say, you shouldn’t say anything.”
She was mad, but it wasn’t my intent to piss her off and since she basically told me if I didn’t know what to say I shouldn’t say anything, I sat there. She continued to glare at me but I was drunk so it was hard to maintain my stoic expression. I started laughing.
“So, you’re laughing at me now? I’m a joke to you?” She got up from the stool.
“Wait, please sit back down. Can’t you see I’m drunk? I’ve got to laugh to keep from crying. My life is so fucked up right about now.”
Reluctantly, she sat down but I could tell it wouldn’t take much for her to leave again, so I had to be careful not to piss her off any more than I’d already done. We ordered another round and silently sipped our drinks. It was going to be a long night and we were going to need each other just to get home safely.
“I’ve always related to men better than women because of my competitive nature. As the only girl in a family full of boys, I felt like I had to fight to get my father’s attention. He would make such a big deal over my brothers when they entered the army, I just knew he would love me more if I made it in too.”
“So that’s why you joined?”
“Yeah. My dad and I haven’t been speaking because he doesn’t approve of my lifestyle. I was living with my girlfriend and he hated it. I thought I could win back his love, but he still doesn’t want to have anything to do with me and it’s so unfair.”
“If you knew he wasn’t going to approve, why did you tell him?”
“I didn’t, my girl did. She would do stuff when she got mad.”
I watched helplessly as a few tears dropped from Lauren’s eyes. I wanted to hug her but I didn’t want her, or anybody else, to get the wrong impression.
“Please don’t cry. I’m such a sucker for tears.”
“It’s okay, I’m good. Tears are such a waste of time because they don’t change shit.”
“Excuse me, would you like to dance?”
A fine cup of tall coffee tapped me on the shoulder. When I turned around, I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room and I got dizzy. The scent of his cologne seared my nostrils and scorched my drawers.
“Damn.”
“Excuse me?”
“Hold my spot, I’ll be back.” I had no business standing let alone dancing, but my feet barely touched the floor. I melted into his strong arms and he held me up in a slow grind. I felt every muscle in his body pressed against mine.
“What’s your name?” I had to shout because his ear was so far from my face and the music was so loud.
“Patrick. What’s yours?”
“Anji, and that’s my friend Lauren.” I tried to swing around and point to her but I almost lost my balance.
“I saw y’all slugging ’em back. I thought you were celebrating, so I came over to join the party.”
“It wasn’t a party until you showed up.” I started laughing which did nothing for my balance.
“Careful or we’re both gonna be laid out on the floor. Do you want me to send over one of my boys to keep your friend company?”
“Uh.” I froze. How was I supposed to answer him? Surely it wasn’t my place to tell him of Lauren’s preferences.
“What? Is she shy?”
“Yeah, she’s shy. She’d kill me for trying to fix her up.”
“Oh, okay. I just wanted to get to know you a little better, that’s all.”
I was torn because I wanted to get to know him a little better too. “Let me talk to her.” I gently pulled away from his arms and two-stepped my way back to Lauren.
“Hey, girl, you okay?”
“I’m good. Where’s your friend?”
“I told him I’d be back. He wanted to know if you wanted to meet one of his boys but I told him you were shy.”
She looked at me real funny and I wondered if I messed up and said the wrong thing again.
“You didn’t have to lie for me.”
“I know, but that’s not why I came back. I want to fuck this guy.” I finished my drink and slapped the glass back on the bar.
“Are you serious? You don’t even know that nigga. Besides, he might be somebody’s husband.”
“I don’t want to marry him, I want to fuck him. He can go back to his life tomorrow. I felt his dick on my leg and it was big.” I started laughing. This was the first dick I’d ever felt and it had my panties feeling all gushy.
“You’ve had way too much to drink and there’s no way I’m going to let you make this type of mistake.”
If I weren’t drunk I might have appreciated her for looking out for me, but my mind was fuddled with booze. “I don’t need no haters.” I backed away from the bar, knocking over the stool.
“Fine, you want to be a big girl and play grown-up games, fine, but don’t come crying to me in the morning when you can’t remember his fucking name, let alone what he looks like.”
Lauren threw some money on the bar and left. She was weaving back and forth, but she was more steady on her feet than I was. I was out of my league and too stupid to know it. Patrick led me over to his group of friends and we started doing shots of tequila. They were good too.
“I think I need some air, it’s so hot in here.”
“My buddy’s car is outside. We could s
it for a while and talk—”
“Fine, just turn on the air... .”
I couldn’t feel my legs and Patrick led me out of the bar into the back seat of a car. He leaned between the seats, turned the car on, and adjusted the radio to a soft jazz station. I had this warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach and I was sure it had little to do with the drinks I’d consumed. Patrick was so nice.
“Is this better?” He ran his hand along the side of my face, causing tiny goose bumps to raise up on my arms.
“Yeah, much better.” Despite the cool air, I started to get sleepy. I wanted to go back to the barracks but I knew I couldn’t walk that far. I put my head on his shoulder as his hand slipped down to my neck.
“You’re so pretty.” He brushed my hair from my face and kissed me. It felt so good.
“That’s nice.”
I felt his fingers on my shirt, but I was so tired I couldn’t stop him if I wanted to. He fingered my nipples as I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 9
Lauren Burns
I knew I should have never left Anji drunk and alone in the bar, but I couldn’t sit there and watch her be with someone else. Even though there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that we’d ever be together, I’d be damned if I watched her give herself to another. If we got caught in a surprise inspection, we’d both get punished for breaking the rules, but I didn’t care. If I stayed in the bar, I was liable to make a fool of myself, and to me leaving was my only viable option.
On a practical note, finding a place to fuck on base would be next to impossible. It wasn’t like we were allowed to leave, and unless he was an officer, most soldiers slept in barracks just like we did. There was no way she was going to be able to smuggle a dick into our unit. As horny as those girls were, they would smell it before she could get it in the door. I laughed at the thought, but I was still worried. Anji was not used to drinking and she also claimed to be a virgin. Not a good combination, but she was also a big girl who claimed she didn’t need me watching over her. So, whatever happened, she was going to have to take it on the chin.
I slipped into a deep slumber and didn’t hear Anji when she made it back to her bunk. It wasn’t a perfect sleep but I was able to rest easier once I saw Anji was back. Part of me wanted to wake her to see if she was okay, but the other part of me had no desire to hear the gory details of her night out. I slapped my pillow trying to get comfortable, but I was stone-cold sober and wide awake.
“Fuck,” I mumbled under my breath. I couldn’t get the visual of Anji having sex out of my mind. I wondered where they did it and if he was gentle. I couldn’t imagine my first time having sex in something as common as a stall in the bathroom, and even though it wasn’t with me, I hoped it was at least memorable.
Getting up was not an option. The barracks were dark and the other ladies were trying to rest. I couldn’t turn on the light, so my only other option was to lay there feeling sorry for myself. This lasted all of maybe five minutes and I climbed out of my bunk and crept to the bathroom. I felt my way in the darkened room, thankful for the clear path, and eased the door closed behind me. I waited several seconds before I turned on the light. The first thing that caught my attention was a bloodied rag in the sink. Since we were subject to inspection at any time, it was really odd to see anything out of place.
“Nasty bitches.” I turned on the water and washed the rag the best I could with the military-issued soap. Whoever used the rag must have cut themselves pretty badly because there was a considerable amount of blood soaked in it. Curiosity made me search the stalls to see if I could see anything else out of place. In the last stall, I found another rag and a blood-encrusted razor blade. I felt my heart leap inside my chest as I began to put two and two together.
“Oh God.” This was no accident and someone in our unit was hurt. I followed the trail of blood into the barracks and turned on the light.
“Turn that damn light out.”
“Aw, man. This shit ain’t even funny.”
One by one I watched the ladies sit up and complain, all but one. My feet would not move as my eyes bucked with realization of who the wounded woman was.
“Anji, no!” I raced over to my friend, fearing the worst. I slipped in her blood but managed to stay on my feet. By this time, the other woman realized something was wrong and had formed a small circle around her bed. Anji was curled up in a fetal position with a sheet practically covering her face.
“Get some help,” I shouted. I reached for the sheet, scared what I was going to find. I couldn’t believe Anji would harm herself so I reasoned that something must have happened with the guy. But if he did something to her, why was she here, with us? Things were not making any sense.
“What the hell happened?”
“Fuck, are you stupid? Get some damn help! Somebody else get me some towels.” I was shouting orders to keep from breaking down even as the tears streamed from my eyes. I prayed, like I’d never prayed before, that it was all some big mistake. However, one look at her pale skin and the red-stained sheets told me it wasn’t. My hands were trembling as I tore the sheets into strips to use as bandages for her wrists. Oddly, Anji had taken the time to make four-inch cuffs on the arms of her shirt. She might not have gotten any blood on the cuffs but the rest of her shirt was soaked.
“Is she dead?”
The paramedics arrived and pushed me out of the way. “Does anybody know what happened here?”
“She slit her wrist.”
“We can see that, but do you know why?”
I could tell them about her frame of mind and how she was when I left her, but I couldn’t begin to tell them what made her do it and I certainly wasn’t going to say anything in front of a room full of noisy bitches. “Can we talk about this on the way to the hospital?”
“Save it for your cadre; this one is going to the morgue.”
I was pretty sure I didn’t faint, but I did zone out for a while. I could hear the other girls crying but I was so far removed from them, I couldn’t feel their pain. We lived like a family for eight weeks so it was hard on all of us. Anji’s death was so unexpected, I thought we were all in shock. She wasn’t one of the girls I thought would crack under pressure, so I couldn’t understand what went so terribly wrong.
I watched as they took my friend from the barracks. One of the officers packed up her things and took them as well. Her bed was marked off, much like the crimes scenes I saw on television. They didn’t speak to us as they went about their duties as if we weren’t even there. I thought back on all the pain and disappointments in my life but none of it compared to what I was feeling now. It was still dark outside so when the medics and the sergeants finished securing the area they turned out the light and left. With the exception of the crime tape, it was as if they’d never come.
Chapter 10
Lauren Burns
In the morning, I was summoned to the cadre’s office. Even though I was expecting the meeting, I felt like I wasn’t prepared for it. I hadn’t decided how much of Anji’s story I was willing to tell. As far as I was concerned, some things were better left untold and unless they pressed me, I was going to carry some of them to my grave.
“Come on in, private.”
I walked into the office and saluted the cadre and the two other officers present in the room.
“At ease. Why don’t you have a seat?”
I relaxed my stance but not my mind. This was my first interrogation and hopefully my last.
“We have contacted Private Foster’s father and he is coming to collect her remains but before he gets here, we were hoping you could fill us in on what happened here last night.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
“When was the last time you saw Private Foster alive?”
“She was alive when the paramedics got there, sir.”
“I think you know I was referring to prior to the incident.”
She was right, I knew exactly what she was talking about, but if she didn�
�t ask, I wasn’t going to tell.
“At approximately 2100, sir. We had a few drinks at the bar.” There was no point in lying about this because I was sure a lot of people saw us there.
“You and Foster were battle buddies, right?”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
“And how was that working out?”
I was confused as to where this line of questioning was going but I played along.
“Fine, sir.”
“Was there anything different about Foster last night that you can recall?”
Seriously? Does he really think there is anything about last night that I can’t recall? Hell, I’ve been replaying the entire night in my head ever since I found her.
“She was upset about a letter from home.”
“So she decided to drink it away?”
“I guess so, sir.”
“You were with her, so is that a yes or a no?”
“Sir, yes, sir.” I was trying so hard not to lose my temper but the cadre was pissing me off.
“Yes, she was drinking away her problems?”
“Yes, she was trying.”
“Were you drinking too?”
Right, I was going to go to a bar with my buddy and let her drink alone. “I had a few.”
“Did Foster say or do anything that let you know she was thinking about hurting herself?”
I didn’t have to think about my answer. “No.”
“Did you two argue?”
“When, last night or ever?”
“Confine your responses to the events of last night please.”
Sarcastic fucker. “We disagreed, but I wouldn’t call it an argument.”
“About what?”
“I’d rather not say, sir.”
One of the other officers said, “Did you two have a lovers’ quarrel?”
I had to bite my tongue before I answered because I knew my answer would’ve been punishable by a couple of nights in the brig.
“Foster wasn’t gay, sir.”
“What about you?”
“Whether I am or not is a non motherfucking factor. Now if you have some questions for me about Foster, fine, but my personal life is none of your damn business.”