by M. T. Pope
“Calm down, private. We’re just trying to understand what happened. We’re the ones who are going to have to explain to her family so we need to know.”
“There is nothing to understand. It’s inexplicable. She was not a threat to herself or anybody else.”
“Well obviously, something was wrong with her,” the same smart-ass sergeant said.
“Sir, request permission to leave, sir. I don’t want to say something that I can’t take back.”
I felt like he was trying to provoke me into saying something that would incriminate me or discredit Foster and I didn’t plan on doing either of those things.
“Negative, private. We’re not finished yet.”
He might not have been finished but I was about done. I waited for the next question for several more seconds while they shared notes. If it was their intention to make me uncomfortable, it was working. I couldn’t imagine what information they had on the chart they were not sharing with me.
“Why did you join the reserves, private?”
“To serve my country, sir.”
“I see you’re from a military family.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
“Did Foster say why she joined the army?”
“Sir, no, sir. But I assume she wanted to serve her country as well.”
“Private, I’m sure you are aware what happens when you assume.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
“Then stop fucking around. That girl’s father is going to be here before you know it and we don’t know what the fuck we’re going to say to him. Private Burns, why did you leave your battle buddy alone in the bar last night?”
Things might not have gotten ugly if the cadre had been allowed to do the questioning but her authority was overruled by the sergeant.
“She wasn’t alone, sir.” I started to sweat. Either way you looked at it I was fucked.
“Is that so? Tell us about it.” The sergeant winked at the cadre like they were boys.
“She met another solider. When I left, she was dancing with him.”
“Do you happen to know the soldier’s name?”
“Sir, no, sir. She didn’t introduce him to me.”
“And did that piss you off?”
“I was her buddy, not her mother.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
“Why do I feel like I’m a suspect or something?”
“I don’t know, you got something to hide?”
I had enough. I was leaving and I didn’t care what the consequences were. I stood up and marched to the door.
“We’re not done, private,” the sergeant shouted.
“Oh yes, we are. My best friend is dead. Protecting my battle buddy was the first assignment y’all gave me and I failed. Ain’t nothing I can say that will change that.”
I fully expected to be detained when I walked out of the cadre’s office but for whatever reason, it didn’t happen.
I didn’t want to go back to the barracks. I knew the other women had questions, but I didn’t feel like talking to them. We were cool and they were like family, but they weren’t my sisters. Part of me wanted to go find the nigga Anji hooked up with, but it would be like finding a needle in a haystack, since there were so many people who came through the base. I didn’t know anything about the guy and probably couldn’t pick him out of a line-up if I had to. Fort Leonard Wood was a hub for the National Guard, army, navy, and reservists.
I stopped at the chaplain’s office because I literally had no place else to go. I was angry, confused, and hurt, and once I explained to the clerk who I was, I was given an immediate appointment.
“Private Burns, I’m sorry to hear about your loss.”
The chaplain was the first person to realize that I’d lost something very valuable. It started the waterworks that I had been fighting so hard to keep away.
“I don’t understand. How can this happen? She was fine.” I was bent over with my face in my hands.
“Foster had some issues.”
I drew back, surprised. He acted as if he knew her personally.
“You knew her?”
“She came to see me recently.”
I was shocked. “How?”
We went everywhere together so how was this possible? But then I remembered she’d called out the morning before. Instead of going to sickbay she must have come there instead.
“Yesterday, right?”
“Yes. Normally I wouldn’t tell you this, but under the circumstances I think it’s appropriate.”
“Did she seem like she was a danger to herself to you?”
“No, if she were, I would have referred her to medical. When she left here, she had some decisions to make, but she appeared to be fine.”
“Decisions? What do you mean?”
If it were possible to drop a wall around one’s face, this man did it. It was a scary look.
“Let’s just say she was having doubts about her enlistment.”
“Are you serious? Why? She never said anything to me about it.” If he weren’t the chaplain, I would’ve called him a liar.
“She didn’t agree with the direction of the new army.”
“New army” was a term straight from the slide show we watched about homosexuals. It was all starting to make sense. If this wasn’t a personal affront, I don’t know what was. Knowing Anji was considering a dishonorable discharge to get away from me hurt, and it also explained why she ultimately did what she did. When she got the letter from her dad she must have felt like she had no other options.
“I see.” I no longer felt like talking. I stood up.
“The autopsy suggests she was sexually active prior to her death ... multiple partners... . ”
“Please tell me that you are not going to tell her father that! Is it necessary to even bring it up? I mean, come on, she’s dead.”
“We have to know what happened. What if she were raped, wouldn’t you want the people responsible for it punished?”
“Yes, but we don’t know. I have no idea who that guy was and the only person who can shed some light on the situation isn’t here. Please don’t ruin what is left of her reputation by telling this to her father. She wasn’t a whore so anything else is irrelevant.”
“No, I’m not saying that at all. I was merely making a statement... .”
He continued to stare at me as if he expected me to explain her behavior but I couldn’t. I was too hurt to even think about it.
“Please don’t do that to her, she doesn’t deserve it.” I walked to the door.
“Private Burns, we should continue to talk about this.”
“For what? Not only do I have to carry around my shame for who I am, I now have to carry hers, too? Fuck out of here. I can’t do it, I won’t do it.”
“I’m sending you to medical.”
“What if I won’t go?” I was feeling froggy and about to leap.
“You’ll go.”
Two armed soldiers waited behind the door to escort me to medical. It could have gone down two ways but I chose the easy one. I didn’t have the will for the fight. I was done.
Chapter 11
Lauren Burns
“Private Burns, you are the best recruit I’ve had in years, are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’m sure, sir. I don’t have what it takes. I failed on the biggest mission of my life and I can’t go through it again. It’s been three months and I still can’t get past those twenty-four hours.”
“If you continue with the therapy there is a good chance—”
“No disrespect, sir, but a good chance of what? Will it bring Foster back? Will it change the mindsets of other people when it comes to gays in the service? At the end of the day, will I feel better about myself? I’m not willing to take that chance.”
“Quitting might have an adverse effect. Have you thought about how this will look? If the army were to prove gay soldiers adversely affect military readiness this law could be repealed. ”
“I can’t fight that battle. I know this about me now. As long as the army tries to force acceptance down the throat of its soldiers you’re gonna have this problem. Gays can be great soldiers. We bleed just like everyone else and we’re perfectionists. I can’t stand to do anything half-assed and I’m so screwed up right now, I don’t have anything left to give you.”
“I can respect that. Foster’s father has been asking about you. When you’re up to it, he would really like to speak with you.”
“For what? I don’t need anyone else pointing a finger at me.”
“He doesn’t blame you. If anything, I think he blames himself. He’s called every week.”
“What does he want from me? Absolution? I can’t make him feel better. I can’t even make myself feel better.”
“Think about it.” He slid the number across the table and I folded it and put it in my pocket. I was ready to sign my medical discharge papers and go. I had no other friends there, so I didn’t have to worry about some long good-byes.
“I will.” I picked up the pen from the table and signed on the dotted line. Instead of the elation I felt the first time I signed my name, I felt relief. I was finally going home.
“There’s one more person who wants to see you before you go.”
I tried to hide my irritation, but I couldn’t. I felt like I was being used as a case study and I resented it. I just wanted to go home. I stood up as the door opened.
My dad was the last person in the world I expected to see. My whole body went cold. Why was he here? Hadn’t I been through enough? I searched his face for answers but could see nothing through my tears. I thought I was all cried out, but I was wrong. He hesitated for only a second before he came and wrapped me in his arms. I had dreamed of this moment but it was all wrong. In my dreams he hugged me because he was proud of me and what I’d accomplished. I pulled away.
“Why are you here?”
His face turned bright red, but he didn’t let me go. He was crying. I never saw him cry even when my mother left. There had to be a reason and the only thing I could think of was that something had happened to one of my brothers.
“Oh God, is it James?” My breath caught in my throat. I’d been so consumed with myself, I hardly thought about my brother at all.
“Sweetheart, no, he’s fine. I’m here for you. I’ve been acting like a big-ass fool and I’m sorry. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”
Blindsided, I tried to sit back down but he wouldn’t let me go.
“But I failed.”
“No, honey, I failed. You didn’t have to prove anything to me, I should have been proving myself to you. You’re my child and I love you ... just the way you are.”
“You do?” This was too much for me to take in. I prayed for this. All my life I felt like I had to compete for my father’s affection and approval.
“Yes.” He was slinging snot and tears as he vigorously nodded his head in affirmation.
“And you’re not mad at me for quitting?”
“No, I’m proud of you, babe, I really am.”
It wasn’t a picture-perfect ending but it was good start on a beginning. I was going home to pick up the pieces of my life. I shook hands with my cadre and the doctors who assisted me through my darkest hours.
I deposited my gear at the door. “Thank you, I won’t be needing these anymore.”
“Not so fast, solider, you earned them. Hand it here.” My dad slung the bag over his shoulder and escorted me out the door. I had no idea what I would do with the rest of my life, but thankfully, my medical discharge wouldn’t haunt me. I had nothing to prove to anyone but me. Now that the pressure was off, I was going to take my time and see what happened.
About the Author
Tina Brooks McKinney began her writing career in 2004, with the publication of her first novel, All That Drama. Since that time, she has written: Lawd, Mo’ Drama, Fool, Stop Trippin’, Dubious, Deep Deception, Snapped, Got Me Twisted, Deep Deception 2. She is currently working on the sequel to Snapped. She enjoys reading and communicating with her readers. To learn more about Tina, visit her Web site at www.tinamckinney.com or www.faceback.com/tinamck-inney.You can also reach out to her by e-mail at [email protected].
Other Books by Tina Brooks McKinney
Snapped
Deep Deception
Around the Way Girls 8
Deep Deception 2
HUSH
By Brenda Hampton
Chapter 1
Like always, Aaron was late picking me up for an event that he, himself, said it was imperative to be on time for. I’d gotten pretty used to his tardiness, and for a man who was pursuing a political career, being late didn’t look good to his constituents who awaited him. He knew that all eyes would be on him, if not for being late, definitely for how handsome he was. I had to admit that my fiancé was one of the sexiest men I had ever laid eyes on. Throw a black tailored suit on him and you got a taste of Djimon Hounsou with a hint of more swagger. A true professional Aaron was, and he was determined to make East St. Louis a better place to live.
After all, he had been born and raised in one of the more poverty-stricken neighborhoods there was. As a kid, he had witnessed plenty of people being murdered right outside of his bedroom window and had seen many gunned down by the police for no apparent reason. Schools had been vacated because money had been inappropriately used and the dropout rate had skyrocketed. Aaron grew up insisting that he wanted to somehow or someway make a difference. He was on the right path to doing so, and pursuing a political career where he was able to make the difference pleased him in many ways. I was proud of the man I would someday call my husband and he seemed to be everything I had always envisioned. I guess my only complaint was his hectic schedule, but deep in my heart, I knew that the impact his efforts made for East St. Louis was more than worth it. In knowing so, I kept my mouth shut and didn’t dare complain about the loneliness I felt at times. I knew he loved me and that’s what truly mattered.
I turned the watch on my wrist, looking at the time that now revealed 7:25 P.M. It was getting even later, and if we didn’t make it to the community center by eight ... eight-thirty, we may as well forget it. The invitation stated that dinner would be served at 7:30, and I thought it would be extremely rude to stroll in when everyone was in the midst of eating. I sighed from the thought, then glanced at the phone, debating if I should call Aaron’s cell phone.
After standing in front of the tall glass windows that viewed the Gateway Arch in downtown St. Louis, I stepped away. My hand touched the phone, but before I picked up, it started to ring. I quickly answered.
“Sky,” I heard Aaron say.
“Yes. Where are you?”
“I’m downstairs in the limousine. I’m sorry for being late, and I guess you know that I don’t have much time to come upstairs to get you.”
“No problem. I’m on my way downstairs. See you in a bit.”
I hung up, then looked around the spacious penthouse for my silk black clutch purse that matched my strapless slimming dress that cut across my chest. A burgundy silk flower adorned my shoulder, matching the high-heeled stilettos I wore. My hair was in a sleek ponytail that was neatly wrapped into a bun. Long diamond earrings hung from my earlobes and the two-karat diamond engagement ring really set me off. Seeing my purse on the granite-topped kitchen island, I picked up my purse, tucking it underneath my arm. I checked the oval-shaped mirror on my way out, highly approving of everything I saw. I smiled and headed toward the elevator to enjoy the evening in support of my man.
As I exited the elevator to the lobby, I could see Aaron’s stretch Lincoln limousine parked outside the revolving doors. The chauffeur saw me coming and quickly opened the back door so I could get in. I thanked him before entering the limousine.
He shut the door behind me, and all I could do was blush at Aaron, who was holding up one finger. He was on his cell phone, smiling at me with teeth as white as snow. The suit
on him was what I had expected and his bald head was completed with a shine. A hint of gray peeked out of his goatee that was shaved to perfection on his chin. At forty-two years old, he was a man on a mission. I couldn’t wait to compliment him on how much I admired him, and as soon as he ended his phone call, I did.
“I guess I don’t have to tell you how proud of you I am, and how fabulous you look tonight, do I?” I said.
“Not before I say the same to you,” he complimented. He leaned in for a quick kiss, then squeezed my hand together with his. “You looked striking, Brown Sugar, or would I be even more correct by saying you look damn good?”
I loved the fact that Aaron often referred to me as Brown Sugar. That made me even more comfortable in my own skin, especially since some people always seemed to rave about lighter-skinned black women. I had a lot of confidence in myself, but even more so because Aaron was good at paying me one compliment after another.
“Since it’s just you and me in here, I’ll settle for damn good. Striking may work at another time, but either way, I’m flattered.”
“And you should be,” he said, leaning in again to give me another peck on the lips.
“Soooo,” I said, crossing my legs. “You know we’re late, and would you like to tell me, again, what this event is all about?”
He looked at his watch. “Only a little late, but it’s no big deal. A few other politicians and I put together this event to give praises, as well as thanks, to some of our men and women in the armed services. They do so much for our country and I don’t think they get the true recognition that many of them deserve. Dinner will be served at five hundred dollars a plate and all of the funds will be donated to help veterans. I’d say it’s a very good cause and we’re expecting a packed house tonight. We invited many soldiers from Scott Air Force Base, along with their families. I’m excited about you getting an opportunity to meet some of them, especially the ones who will be honored tonight.”