by Emma Darcy
But he was a stranger to her and restraint was called for until she accepted him for who he was. He squatted down to speak to her at eye level. “I’m not just someone passing by,” he explained. “I’ve been away for a long time. All your life so far. But I aim to stay around for the rest of it.”
“Quin!” The grated protest from Nicole drew Zoe’s attention to her.
“That’s my name,” he quickly said, offering a smile that promised he was harmless. It persuaded their daughter into looking directly at him again. “My full name is Joaquin Luis Sola, but most people, like your mother, call me Quin for short. I’m very, very glad to meet you, Zoe.”
He offered his hand.
She glanced up at her mother for instruction but none was forthcoming. Quin could feel Nicole staring at him—huge tension emanating from her—but he kept his concentration focused on Zoe, willing her to respond to him.
Her gaze dropped to his hand. After a long, breathless moment, she tentatively offered hers. Quin couldn’t help grinning in happy triumph as he took it. Her sweetly curved mouth—Nicole’s mouth—returned a shy smile.
“Hello,” he said encouragingly, loving the soft warmth of her little hand in his.
“Hello,” she returned, her eyes locked onto his, wanting to know more of him.
And the words simply spilled out of Quin.
“I’m your daddy.”
CHAPTER TEN
NICOLE’S mind was jammed with so many conflicting thoughts it was impossible to produce any sensible response to Quin’s declaration. She listened dumbly as Zoe started her own childish interrogation, trying to understand where Quin was coming from, why he was here now.
“My daddy?” she queried wonderingly.
“Yes,” Quin confirmed, admitting no doubt whatsoever. “Look for yourself,” he invited. “We have the same eyes, the same hair, the same nose. I’m your father.”
Silence while she studied the face in front of her. Then she looked up at Nicole for assurance. “Is it true, Mummy?”
Nicole’s head ached from the terrible mental traffic racing through it. Her heart was squeezed by so many painful emotions, it struggled to keep beating. Her mouth was hopelessly dry. “Yes,” she croaked out, realising it would be futile to deny it.
Zoe returned her gaze to the father who had been missing all her life and with artless innocence asked, “Where have you been, Daddy? Why have you come now in the middle of the night?”
Quin didn’t even pause to think. He came straight out with, “I’ve been lost in another world to yours, Zoe. And I’ve only just found my way here. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to see you. I hope you don’t mind.”
Magnetic charm was pouring out of him.
And Nicole hated him for it.
Winning over their daughter when he hadn’t paid a moment’s pain for her wasn’t fair. Nowhere near fair.
“Will you be here tomorrow?” Zoe asked.
“That depends on whether your mother will let me stay,” he answered.
“Mummy?” A look of appeal from Zoe.
“We mustn’t count on it,” she warned her daughter before shooting a fuming look at Quin. “Your father might have to go back to his other world.”
“Do you have to, Daddy?” Zoe asked directly.
“Not if I can help it, but your mother and I need to talk about how we can be together. If I’m not here tomorrow, I promise I’ll be back very soon. Okay?”
He smiled at her.
She smiled back, believing him. “Okay.”
“Back to sleep now,” Nicole commanded, unable to bear any more togetherness between Quin and her daughter. She lifted Zoe into bed and tucked her up tightly, wanting to shield her precious child from the man who could make a terrible mess of their lives.
“Good night, darling,” she murmured, pressing a fervent kiss on her forehead—a kiss of love that spanned years, not a few minutes.
“’Night, Mummy. Is my Daddy going to kiss me goodnight, too?”
“Yes, he is,” Quin asserted before Nicole could reply, and she had to stand back and let him do it, fighting a mountain of fierce resentment at his assumption of a role he hadn’t earned.
She closed her ears to the all too intimate murmurs between them and walked to the door, impatient to usher Quin out, get him away from her daughter.
He came promptly enough not to stir her anger any higher, glancing at the butterfly tree before he passed out of the room. She switched off the light, closed the door, and led off to the kitchen which was far enough away from Zoe for a private conversation to be held without any risk of disturbing her.
The smell of newly made hot chocolate—a comfort drink—indicated that her mother was still up, anxiously waiting to be cued about what to do next. She burst into fearful speech the moment Nicole entered the kitchen.
“I didn’t tell him, Nicole. He guessed.”
“It’s not your fault, Mum. It’s mine for not agreeing to a postponement. He came to claim his night.” Acutely aware of the man just behind her, she turned to shoot him a derisive look. “Right, Quin?”
“Right!” he agreed ironically.
“But it is my fault!” her mother cried, looking hopelessly wretched about the situation. “If I hadn’t got so deeply in debt, you would never have gone to him, never…”
“Wrong, Mrs. Ellis,” Quin cut in strongly, moving up to stand beside Nicole. “The moment I saw Nicole again, I was determined to get her back in my life one way or another. Your debt was simply a means to the end I wanted.”
The ruthless purpose in his voice sent a convulsive shiver down Nicole’s spine. Would he now use Zoe to keep her sexually tied to him?
Her mother looked distractedly at Quin, not understanding the strict parameters attached to his idea of a relationship. “Why? It’s not fair!” she cried. “You didn’t want my daughter enough to marry her when it counted.”
“At the time, I didn’t know how much it counted, Mrs. Ellis,” he replied in a tone of quiet gravity.
Didn’t want to know, Nicole thought.
“You carry no blame for anything to do with me and Zoe, Mum,” she quickly asserted. “You’ve been wonderfully supportive all along. So please don’t fret over this. It’s up to me to sort it out with Quin. If you’ll just leave us alone…”
Her mother heaved a ragged sigh, rubbed her forehead in agitation, then picked up her mug of hot chocolate and moved to leave the kitchen, looking totally dispirited.
Quin spoke. “This probably won’t mean much to you, Mrs. Ellis, but I’m sorry I wasn’t here for Nicole and Zoe, and I thank you very sincerely for supporting them throughout my absence.”
She stopped beside him, looked sharply into his eyes, shook her head as though the situation was completely beyond her, then walked off without another word, heading for her bedroom.
Nicole moved briskly to the refrigerator, intending to get out the milk to make a hot comfort drink for herself and gain some fighting distance from Quin. When her mother’s bedroom door closed loudly enough to punctuate their privacy in the kitchen she turned on him, spitting mad.
“Sorry? You aren’t sorry about one damned thing, Quin! Nothing was ever going to stop you from doing what you wanted. Not back then. And not now, either. You just don’t care how what you want affects other people.”
He was still just inside the kitchen, his immobility radiating the air of a powerful animal, watching and waiting for the moment to move into attack. “I would have made adjustments if you’d told me you were pregnant, Nicole,” he stated unequivocally, his eyes burning that truth into hers.
She glared her own truth straight back at him. “You didn’t make any for me, Quin.”
“I did, actually.” His mouth twisted with irony. “It cost me quite a bit to set up an apartment so we could live together.”
“Money!” she retorted with blistering scorn.
“Money that wouldn’t have been spent, but for you.”
“Becau
se you wanted me.”
“And I would have wanted our daughter, too,” he returned as quick as a whip.
“Well, I chose for us not to be your possessions, Quin,” she flashed back at him. “That was all I was to you, and all our daughter would have been, too. Possessions you had to pay for.”
In a fury of resentment she jerked the refrigerator door open, removed the bottle of milk, slammed the door shut, turned to the sink, got a mug from the overhead cupboard and started spooning in chocolate powder from the tin her mother had left on the bench. Her hands were shaking.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that.”
She gritted her teeth. No way would she let the soft tone of his apology get to her. Empty words. All too easy to say when the past was the distant past. She willed her hands to be steady for pouring the milk over the chocolate powder.
“I thought we were two single adults, making careers for ourselves, and lucky enough to have something good and mutual going,” he added ruefully, then had the hide to say, “I was as much your possession as you were mine, Nicole.”
She swung around to shoot him down. “Only when we shared a bed! Out of it you had your own agenda, which possessed you far more strongly than I ever did.” Her eyes stabbed any possible protest from him. “Don’t deny it, Quin. I lived with how it was for you. And how it was for me. I know.”
His face visibly tightened at the hit.
He said nothing.
She turned back to shove the mug into the microwave and set the timer. The seconds on the digital clock started ticking down. It was a terribly slow countdown compared to the galloping beat of her heart, but she watched it obsessively, willing time away because she wasn’t ready to face what Quin’s knowledge of Zoe might mean to their lives.
“If you don’t want me in your life, Nicole,” he said slowly, quietly, “why did you risk coming to me that night in The Havana Club?”
“To make you pay,” she blurted out.
“Pay for what? I never did anything to you that you didn’t want.”
“It was what you didn’t do,” she muttered fiercely, then braced herself to swing around and directly argue her case. “I used the sex, which was all you wanted me for, to pay for this roof over our heads, to pay for the dance school to keep going so it could support us. So you’ve done your paternal duty, Quin. You don’t have to put yourself out to be a father to Zoe. We can manage just fine without you.”
The timer on the microwave beeped.
Quin’s gaze was locked on hers and she could feel him gearing up to use every atom of power he had to fight the position she’d just taken. It had better not be just pride driving him, she thought savagely. Zoe would be expecting more than that from her new daddy.
“I guess I deserve that,” he said, finally acknowledging he had put limitations on their relationship in the past.
Unaccountably a rush of tears blurred her eyes. Rather than let him see them, she swiftly turned to the microwave oven, taking out the mug of steaming hot chocolate and nursing it in her trembling hands.
“But the punishment for my crimes of omission stops here, Nicole.” The ruthless determination in his voice battered her frayed defences. “I didn’t come tonight to claim what you owe me. I came to prove that being with you was more important than anything else. To show that I didn’t want to miss any minute that you would grant me.” Then more softly, “To make it different for you this time.”
She shook her head, desperately trying to ignore the painful strike at her heart. “I don’t believe you’ve changed, Quin.”
“The circumstances have changed.”
A bubble of hysteria burst through her brain with the recognition of how drastically they had changed. “Yes, you’ve found out you have a daughter. And you’ve put your foot into fatherhood before thinking of what that might mean to a little girl who doesn’t know any better than to believe you.”
“I won’t give her any reason not to believe me,” he blasted back without a moment’s hesitation.
Anger spurted through her, stiffening her spine and putting a stop to her shakiness. She banged the mug down on the sink and spun to face him, flinging out a mocking gesture as she cried, “Oh sure! Daddy will be on hand whenever Zoe wants him, not just when Daddy finds it convenient to him.”
He cut straight through her blistering sarcasm to the heart of the issue. “She wants me on hand tomorrow. Are you prepared to let that happen, Nicole, or isn’t it convenient for you?”
The challenge blazing from his eyes allowed her no room to protest the arrangement. If she didn’t concede, she was the one keeping Daddy away. “It will have to be the morning then,” she said belligerently, knowing it would take time off his precious money-making. “Zoe comes with me to the dance school in the afternoon and we stay there until quite late.”
“Expect me at seven o’clock tomorrow morning. I presume our daughter is awake by then.” He gave her a curt nod and turned towards the hall.
“You’re not staying to take your pound of flesh tonight?” she hurled after him, stunned by his decision to leave her now and to return first thing in the morning for Zoe.
He paused in the kitchen doorway and subjected her to a long searing look. “I only ever took what you gave, Nicole,” he said quietly. “Perhaps you could start remembering that.”
She stared at the empty space he left, listening to him walking down the hall, letting himself out of the house, closing the front door behind him. Everything inside her was aching with a sense of emptiness.
Quin didn’t want her tonight.
But she still wanted him.
And it hurt—it really hurt—that he’d spurned the deal they had made.
She was not in control of anything anymore.
Had she ever been in control with Quin or had she simply been deceiving herself, using the deal as an excuse for taking what only he had ever given her?
Now, with their daughter known to him…was everything going to change?
Nicole pushed herself to walk down the hall and lock the front door. Tomorrow morning she would have to unlock it again and let Quin walk into Zoe’s life.
He’d better not break her daughter’s heart.
She could never forgive him that.
Never!
CHAPTER ELEVEN
QUIN arrived at the Burwood house ahead of time. The early morning traffic had not been as heavy as he had anticipated and he’d been lucky in getting green lights most of the way out of the city centre. Having parked his Audi at the kerb of the suburban street, he remained in the driver’s seat, waiting out the minutes before seven o’clock.
Being early would not endear him to Nicole. Given her bitter view of how he’d conducted himself with her in the past, Quin wasn’t sure anything was going to endear him to Nicole. Even so, no way would he give up the battle to win her over to his presence in her life, especially now with their daughter in the picture.
Zoe…
Four years he’d missed. And the pregnancy. All because the timing had been wrong for taking his relationship with Nicole beyond immediate needs. He hadn’t meant to belittle her place in his life, and he understood why she had felt no deep commitment coming from him, but having his child without his knowledge…that was so big a hit at the kind of man he was, Quin was still trying to come to terms with it.
First and foremost he was a man of honour.
He would have stood by Nicole.
But clearly she hadn’t wanted him to, preferring to be on her own, to raise their child without him at her side.
That had to change. He would make it change. The big question was…how best to do it?
He checked his watch. Almost seven o’clock. He picked up the bag containing the blue butterfly from the passenger seat, alighted from the car, locked it and headed for the house, determined on making a positive impact on his daughter’s life. Hopefully that might influence Nicole into viewing him with less hostility.
The front door opened ju
st as he reached the porch. Nicole quickly stepped outside, pulling the door closed behind her—an action which instantly signalled her reluctance to let him into the house. Quin halted, observing her keenly as he waited for her to state what this move meant.
Her lovely green eyes were dull with fatigue. Not much sleep, if any, Quin thought. Her long curly hair had been brushed and her general appearance—T-shirt, jeans, sandals—was neat and tidy, but her face was nude of make-up and her skin looked pale and drawn, the strain of having to confront him this morning all too visible.
She stared too long without saying a word and he knew she was seeing him as belonging to a different world in his grey business suit. He sensed it represented pain to her and she didn’t want to be anywhere near it again. The problem was they had obviously been at different places in their lives five years ago and she had nursed expectations of him which he hadn’t met.
“I’m not in that place anymore, Nicole,” he said impulsively, hoping to ease her stress. “I do have to go to work today. I have a business to run, just as you have a dance school to run with your mother. But I no longer have a pressing need to make as much money as I can in as little time as possible. I now have a different perspective on what I want in my life.”
She shook her head, a tired disbelief in her eyes. “I realise Zoe came as a shock to you, Quin. You reacted to it without thinking through how much a commitment fatherhood would be.” Her mouth moved stiffly into a wry grimace as she amended her words. “Should be.”
“I don’t have to think it through, Nicole. We’re not talking about a proposition here. Zoe is a reality.”
“She doesn’t have to be,” came the swift, anxious rejoinder. “I could explain last night away as a dream. She’s not awake yet. You could leave and let me handle all the parenting.”
“No!” Steel shot down his backbone. Every muscle tensed in fighting mode. “I won’t be wiped out of my daughter’s life.”
“That’s ego talking, Quin, not love.” Her eyes searched his in frantic concern. “I don’t think you know what love is, and it’s not fair to tug on a little girl’s heart, then leave it empty of what she’ll want from you.” Her hands lifted in urgent appeal. “Please…take the time to think about it. At least, leave the decision until I come to you on Friday night.”