by Claire Adams
“Definitely not,” Kylie said. “Anyway, I don't really want to do the trip on my own. I need to be surrounded by friends right now.”
I stared at her. “Are you asking me to go with you?” I asked slowly.
Kylie picked at her napkin. “If you don't have anything else to do,” she said. She glanced up at me and then quickly back down at her lap. “The other night got me reminiscing about college. We had so much fun. Remember all those road trips that we went on? Up to San Francisco and Seattle, down to Mexico on spring break, and everywhere in between?”
“We're not in college anymore,” I reminded her, trying to be as gentle as I could. She must really be upset about the Andrew thing, if she was proposing something so crazy. I shook my head. “I have a better idea,” I told her. “You need to get out; I get that. It just so happens that I haven't bought your Christmas gift yet. Why don't I pay for you to go to some meditation retreat in Thailand? Or a turtle conservation site in the Galapagos? It'd be warm there, and I'm sure it would do wonders for your art.”
Kylie smiled at me. “Thanks,” she said. “But I really want to get home to see my parents for Christmas. It's only fair since they've been coming out here year after year.”
“But a road trip?” I asked dubiously.
“It's been a mild winter,” Kylie said stubbornly.
“In LA it's been a mild winter,” I agreed. “But you're talking about driving clear across the country to New York. It's going to be a lot colder there.”
“And I'm sure that your car has been tricked out with heated seats and all sorts of state-of-the-art features,” Kylie said. “We won't get cold in there. I'm not suggesting we sleep in there. We'll stay at hotels along the way.”
“Whoa, we're taking my car?”
“Well, we just agreed that my car wouldn't make it,” Kylie said matter-of-factly. But her eyes were pleading. “Come on, Josh, it'll be fun. I've already gotten Mandy to agree to come. It would be the three of us, and you know it would be fun.” She paused, but when I still looked uncertain, she quietly added, “I really need this.”
I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair. Maybe I could just let her borrow the car and leave it at that. But I didn't particularly want her or Mandy driving the car. Plus, I didn't think Kylie was going to let it go.
“What am I going to do about work?” I asked, a last excuse. “I still have a lot of work to do before I close out the year. And even when other companies are on holiday, that's the perfect time for me to get ahead and figure out my plan going into the new year.”
“Don't you do most of your work online and over the phone?” Kylie asked. “You can do that from the road.”
It had been a feeble excuse to begin with, and the ease with which she dismissed it only proved that.
But it wasn't like I could tell her the real thing that was holding me back, beyond the weather and the work. I wasn't sure that it was such a good idea to spend so much time around Kylie when she was still in such a vulnerable, post-breakup state. It had been hard enough trying to keep my hands off her the other night, and I hadn't even had that much to drink.
Mandy would be there as a buffer on the road trip, but I had a feeling that she was more likely to encourage Kylie and I rather than discourage us. I had never told her that I had feelings for Kylie, but she had figured it out somewhere along the way. Her thumbs up the other night had only sealed my suspicions about that.
Still, Kylie said she needed this. To be a good friend, I had to at least let her borrow the car. And if I wasn't going to let her drive my baby, that meant I needed to go along with her. Especially since, what else was I going to do? Hadn't I been saying that I should cut back on work? This could be as good for me as it was for her.
And something inside me insisted that I had a chance with Kylie. It was the things that she'd said the other night. She'd been drunk, but didn't that make a person more likely to show their true feelings? She wasn't just spewing nonsense when she said I was smart and sexy. Not that I was getting my hopes up over those drunken and probably confused words.
I just had to know, once and for all, if making a move on Kylie was the right decision. And spending more time with her, going on this trip, would give me the perfect opportunity to explore that.
“When was the last time you took a vacation, even?” Kylie asked, breaking into my thoughts. “I know you've been to a couple business conferences in San Francisco, but I can't even think of the last time you left the state.”
I chuckled. “It's been a while,” I admitted.
“So maybe you need this as much as I do,” Kylie said.
“Maybe I do,” I agreed, smiling slowly at her.
Kylie squealed and immediately pulled an old atlas out of her bag so we could start planning the route.
Chapter Ten
Kylie
I watched Josh drum his fingers against the steering wheel. He glanced in his rearview mirror and then switched lanes, despite the fact that the next lane wasn't moving any faster than the one that we'd already been in. The thrill of being on a road trip was already wearing off, and we hadn't even made it to the state line yet.
“LA traffic is the worst,” Mandy groaned from the back seat of Josh's Lamborghini.
“It's technically not LA traffic anymore,” I said brightly, trying to lighten the mood. “We've made it out of the city.”
“Along with every other person who's going home for the holidays,” Josh grumbled.
“I really didn't expect it to be this busy already,” Kylie said. “It's only the 14th. And it's a Thursday, to boot. I thought most people would start leaving the city this weekend.”
“I think everyone probably had the same thought,” Josh said.
We inched along in silence for another mile.
“At least your Lamborghini isn't going to run out of gas suddenly,” I said. “If we were in my car, we'd be those guys over there, pulling off to the side and stranded while we waited for a new tank.”
Mandy laughed from the back seat, no doubt remembering the time a few years ago where she and I had been stranded for just that reason. My old car was trusty as anything, but the fuel gauge only sometimes chose to work.
“We're probably more comfortable in here than we would have been in your car, too,” Josh said.
He wasn't bragging, but I could tell how proud he was of his car. Boys.
He had started out the trip letting Mandy and I “gently” know that neither of us was ever going to be allowed to drive his “baby.” Mandy and I hadn't been able to quit laughing about it for the next 10 minutes.
“Could be worse than your car, Kylie,” Mandy said. “It could be the ugly blue truck behind us. That doesn't look even remotely roadworthy.”
I glanced back and laughed. “That thing is really ugly,” I agreed. But there was something about the truck that seemed vaguely familiar. I frowned.
“What's wrong?” Josh asked, glancing over at me.
I shook my head. “There's just something about that truck that seemed familiar. I was trying to place it.”
“Blue trucks aren't exactly rare,” Mandy pointed out.
“No, of course not,” I agreed distractedly. I forced a laugh. “Andrew's neighbor had an ugly blue truck, actually.”
I frowned, thinking about Andrew. As much as I'd been thinking about Josh over the last couple weeks, it seemed as though now that I was sitting next to him, I couldn't stop thinking about Andrew. He'd been on my mind all morning, and I was starting to wonder if this whole trip was a mistake.
Not that I was having regrets about breaking up with Andrew. I never truly loved my ex; I knew that for a fact. We were all wrong for one another. But maybe diving into this trip was a mistake. Our breakup hadn't been that long ago, as evidenced by the fact that I couldn't get Andrew off my brain, and although I'd thought it would help to be here with my friends, cruising down the road, there was still that last argument with Andrew, replaying over and over again in my
mind.
I glanced guiltily over at Josh, wondering what he would make of it. Not that I could tell him about it. I hadn't even told Mandy about the content of that final argument.
I hadn't even told either of them that Andrew had proposed to me.
I could still picture the scene so clearly. Andrew had always been the kind of guy who liked to show me off, as though I was some sort of prized possession of his. He'd taken me out to a nice, new Italian restaurant, and I'd expected that it was another night of just that. We'd dress up fancy, have a good dinner, and then probably go to another gallery opening. Instead, we lingered over dessert, and Andrew had suddenly popped the question.
“Will you marry me?” He was down on one knee and everything, and from the knowing looks of the waiter, this whole thing had been very planned. Yet I still felt blindsided. How had I not seen this coming? Maybe because we'd only been dating for six months. Maybe because we had fun together but mostly seemed to be friends with benefits, rather than equals. He was mercurial, and I had a tendency to ignore all else in favor of my work when I had a big project going.
Maybe because I hadn't wanted for him to propose.
The ring was gorgeous, vintage-style with a large diamond set in the middle and smaller diamonds around the sides. It flickered coldly despite the candlelight around the room.
“Oh, Andrew,” I said softly, my hand coming up to cover my mouth. I shook my head, unable to get the words out. Could I spend the rest of my life with this man? For some reason, I didn't think so. I just didn't love him, and his proposal only crystallized that feeling inside of me. “I'm sorry.”
I watched his face grow stormy as he got to his feet. As he started yelling at me, he didn't seem to remember that we were in public, in the middle of a restaurant full of other diners. The world narrowed to just the two of us.
“Are you okay?” Josh asked, drawing me out of my memories.
I gave him a tight smile. “Yeah, I'm fine,” I told him.
And I was fine. Uncertain about this trip, maybe. Not sure that I should be here with Josh, of all people. But my uncertainty was probably stemming from the fact that we were hardly “cruising down the road” at the moment. Once we got going, maybe it would ease off.
“Where are we stopping tonight, by the way?” Mandy asked as she looked at something on her phone.
“Why, trying to score some hot dates along the way?” Josh teased.
“No,” Mandy said, rolling her eyes. “I'm chatting with one of my cousins, and she was just curious. Remember, I have family that lives in Vegas. I haven't seen them in ages.”
“Wouldn't you know, but we're actually stopping in Vegas for the night,” Josh told her. He grinned at Mandy in the rearview mirror. “We should get there early enough to do a little gambling, if you want to invite your cousin or cousins along. Maybe the two of you will walk out of there richer than me.”
“Fat chance,” I said, laughing.
“Why would we want to get richer than you anyway?” Mandy asked, her eyes teasing. “Once we surpass your riches, we're going to have to start paying for our own hotel rooms and everything, aren't we?”
Josh laughed. “That is the way it goes,” he agreed. “I was all for really living out this road trip like another one of our college trips, but I think camping out in the middle of winter would be a little chilly.”
“We could have stayed at cheap motels along the way,” I told him, feeling guilty. Again, I was reminded of the fact that he hadn't really wanted to go on this trip with us. I'd basically bullied him into joining, and then he'd been the one splurging for nice hotel rooms along the way.
Josh grinned easily over at me. “I'm just teasing,” he said. “What's the point of getting out of college and going on to be successful if we're not going to enjoy the creature comforts that all my material success can bring us? Just think of it as your Christmas gift.”
“So, you'll be spotting us gambling money in Vegas, too?” Mandy asked jokingly.
Josh laughed. “You're both on your own with that one,” he said. “I remember how much you guys spent the last time we went to Vegas together.”
Mandy scoffed. “That was all drink money,” she said. “Or mostly, anyway. Remember, I won at the Michael Jackson machine. The thing serenaded us for a good half hour.”
Josh laughed again. “I'd forgotten about that,” he said.
I grinned, remembering it, but I was still feeling distracted, remembering that last time that we'd been in Vegas together. It must have been seven or eight years ago now, I mused. Josh had been a millionaire even then, but we'd all been a lot more relaxed.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Josh said, glancing over at me again. There was something in his expression; I wasn't sure if it was concern or something deeper.
Whatever it was, I shook my head. “I'm just thinking,” I said, as though that wasn't already obvious. “Where did we stay last time we were in Vegas?”
“Remember, there was that hostel at the top of The Strip?” Mandy chimed in.
Josh groaned. “With that absolutely lethal vodka orange concoction that they put out in the common room every night,” he said. He shook his head and looked over at me. “It's no wonder you don't remember where we stayed. Remember that night you got falling down drunk when we were at the club in, which casino was it?”
I laughed, in spite of myself. “Yeah!” I said. “I still don't know how I lost you guys in that club.”
“You said you needed air, and the next thing we knew, you were gone,” Mandy said, rolling her eyes. “It's not like it was the only time that that happened, but I don't think we realized how drunk you were that night.”
“I don't think it had quite hit me yet,” I said. I laughed. “God, I thought I was never going to get home from there. I remember just sitting on the floor and bawling my eyes out, and then suddenly, Josh and Benny were there, and you brought me home in a taxi.”
I blushed a little, remembering that night. Josh had stripped me down and put me to bed, and it was the first time that I'd kissed him, reaching out to catch his collar and pull him down towards me while I lay there in bed. First and only time.
We'd never talked about that kiss, and I had the feeling he thought I had been too drunk to remember it the next day. But I definitely remembered it. I still couldn't believe I'd been so audacious. I didn't know where the feelings behind the kiss had come from either. At the time, I'd been dating this Swedish guy, Viktor, and I had felt horrible about kissing Josh. I couldn't seem to remember the feel of his lips against mine, though.
By the time I'd broken up with Viktor, a couple months later, Josh had been in a relationship with this girl named Cindy, so there had been no chance to figure out if the thing with Josh could have been anything more. And when Josh and Cindy broke up not too long after that, I'd been dating someone else.
The timing had just never worked out between us.
I didn't like the direction that my thoughts were going, and I struggled to find some way to change the subject. “Can you believe that we are where we are in our lives now?” I asked, shaking my head. “If you had told College Kylie that she was going to be a well-paid artist one day, I don't think she would have believed you.”
“College Josh definitely didn't expect to become a multi-millionaire by the age of 30,” Josh agreed, shaking his head.
“And College Mandy, well, she wasn't thinking about the future at all,” Mandy joked.
“And now here you are, a model for some of the top brands based out of LA,” I said, shaking my head. “We're all doing pretty damn well for ourselves.”
“And you still haven't bought a better car,” Josh teased.
I giggled and then grabbed the handle above the door as Josh swerved suddenly back into the lane that we'd been in, trying to avoid a car whose driver clearly wasn't paying attention.
Chapter Eleven
Josh
I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I'd been driving in
California for years now, but I still couldn't get used to how close others were willing to drive to other cars on the highway. It felt like a near-death experience to me every time.
I carefully checked my mirrors again and then merged in behind the car that had almost just hit us.
We still weren't going very fast; just inch-worming along the highway through traffic. But that didn't mean that I wanted to get into an accident.
“This is why I prefer to fly,” I complained. “Despite what your father apparently believes these days, it's so much safer. Especially in California. And New York, come to think of it.”
“Sorry,” Kylie said, sounding meek. She shook her head. “I didn't think about how bad things would be, since it's the holiday season. Like I said, I expected more people would be waiting until at least this weekend before they started their trips.” She looked around at the other cars. “I actually feel claustrophobic out here. All these other cars on the highway and everyone's just rushing, rushing, rushing.”
“We'll get there,” I said firmly, wondering if that was the cause of her concern. I knew she wanted to be home in time for Christmas, but we had plenty of time still to get there. “Las Vegas isn't that far away; we have plenty of time. Plus, it's only the 14th. If we need to, I can change the hotel reservations and give us an extra night in Vegas, if we're not done with it after tonight. It's no big deal.”
“It's not that,” Kylie told me, shaking her head again. She sighed. “You know all those metaphors about the highway as a metaphor for life? Everyone just rushing along, not really seeing where they're going. There are so many things that we're missing.”
“Whoa,” I said, glancing over at her with a frown on my face. I wondered where this was coming from. But then again, there was her recent breakup. That was probably enough to put her in an existential mood. I tried to think of some way to respond.
The best way was probably to humor her, to seriously think it over. I frowned. “I don't feel like I've missed much,” I told her. “We're only in our 30s. We still have plenty of time left to do things. I enjoy my hobbies, I enjoy the travel that I've gotten to do, and I enjoy my friends.”