by Claire Adams
“But you're a billionaire, and you still spend most of your days working,” Kylie pointed out, as though she didn't understand me. “If I had the kind of money that you do, I'd run. I'd leave everything behind and go travel. You could live the rest of your life on the money that you have, without ever having to work again. And you're not stupid; you know that. So why do you stick around in LA? Why are you so focused on making your money grow?”
There was something anxious to her voice, but as much as I wanted to soothe her, I also resented what she was saying. “You make it sound like I'm just a mindless slave to my riches,” I told her. “I'm doing good things. I'm investing in things that I think could change the world. Take my most recent investment, for Biogen Tech. They're working on genetic engineering technology, stuff that could really make a difference in people's lives. There's no point to hoarding my money and using it selfishly for the rest of my life. I want to make a difference.”
“But why not donate your money, then?” Kylie persisted. “Or at least agree to invest in something that might never pay out. You agonize over every investment opportunity, trying to cut the best deal for yourself each time. You could spend half the amount of time that you spend working and still make a difference in the world.”
“But if I just gave away all my money, I wouldn't be able to continue making donations to different projects,” I pointed out impatiently. “Money doesn't grow on trees.”
“What's the point of changing the world, anyway?” Kylie challenged. “If you're not really enjoying your time, then what, are you just playing at being God? You've got all this power and all this wealth, and you want to make sure that people realize it? That's what it comes down to, isn't it?”
“No,” I snapped, wondering where all of this was coming from. “First of all, I am enjoying my time; I said that. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. And I'm building a legacy. I don't care about having people realize it. Sure, the creature comforts that come along with having money, that's great. I like having stability in my life and knowing that I can retire whenever I want to, to wherever I want to. I like knowing that if I decide to have a family one day, I can do that, without having to worry about how my kids are going to go to college or what extracurricular activities they can take part in or anything like that. I have security. And I have the feeling like I'm doing what I want to do in the world. If that doesn't make sense to you, I'm sorry, but stop making it sound like I'm such a bad guy for wanting to do my job.”
“I'm not trying to make you out to be a bad guy,” Kylie mumbled, slouching down in her seat. “I just don't understand you.”
“You work just as much as I do,” I pointed out. “Do you feel like you're missing out on things in life? You see your family every year at Christmas, you go out with your friends when you want to, and you go on nice weekend trips for inspiration. You date guys who take you out to nice restaurants. If you can do all that and still hold down a job, why can't I?”
“I didn't mean it that way,” Kylie insisted. “Just, doesn't it feel like you could be doing more of the fun stuff with your life and less of the grueling paperwork and research and all the other things that you have to do before you're investing in a company? I mean, we're on vacation right now, as far as I'm concerned, but I know that you've got stacks of information in that briefcase of yours and that you actually intend to get work done. We're on holiday. It's Christmastime. You can't even take a break over the holidays?”
I was silent, trying to think of something that I could say in response to that. I knew I should take a break, that was the thing. Like we'd talked about, it had been a while since I'd been on vacation. But at the same time, I didn't feel the need to take a vacation. It wasn't just that my investments were changing the world. It wasn't just that if I didn't make those investments in a timely manner, new companies and new ideas could flounder before they even started. It was something else.
But it was something that I didn't really know how to explain to her.
Fortunately, Mandy finally piped up from the back seat, after listening silently for this whole exchange. “Josh, you like what you do, don't you?” she asked.
“Of course I do!” I said. “I can't believe you're even questioning that. I wanted to go into business. I can't believe the luck that I've had, and one day, I might actually open a business, rather than just invest in them, but I really enjoy what I do, from the research and the paperwork to dealing with prospective clients to seeing how those investments turn out. It gives me a good feeling every time one of my investments allows a company to do exactly what they were trying to do. And to think that what those companies are doing is only part of the success, to think that there are people out there actually benefitting from the products that were produced? I don't know how to describe that feeling to you, but I'm happy with what I do.”
Mandy turned toward Kylie, leaning forward in her seat so that she could see our friend better. “Kylie, don't you think that what keeps you doing your art is the same thing that keeps Josh doing his work?” she asked, and I had to admit, it was a shrewd point. “You do your art because you like what you do. If you didn't like it, I know you’d do something else. You'd pick up a more permanent position as a secretary, or you'd go back to school, or you'd become a teacher, or something. But you love your art.”
“Of course I do,” Kylie said slowly, and when I glanced over, I could see that she was beginning to connect the dots.
“You're not exactly destitute either,” Mandy continued. “You don't have billions, and you probably couldn't live the rest of your life on your savings, not comfortably anyway. But you could definitely afford to take off to Latin America for a year or to Asia for a year or someplace else. Why do you stay in LA?”
“Because it's home,” Kylie said simply. “I like it there. Plus, if I wanted to get back into my art after taking off for a year, it'd be a hassle.”
“So don't you think the same might be true for Josh?” Mandy finished. “He likes what he does, in the same way that you do. What he does is just as rewarding as what you do. So why is it that strange to you that he would want to keep working?”
Kylie was quiet for a long moment. “I don't know.” She ran her hand back through her hair. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a big deal about it. I guess I'm just more rattled from the near-accident than I expected to be.” She bit her lower lip. “I don't like the idea of wasting time.”
“Then we should have flown,” Mandy teased. “But I'm enjoying having the time to see things along the way. And you will, too, I'm sure, as soon as we get out of this stupid traffic. Okay?”
“Okay,” Kylie said, sighing.
There was something more to it than that. I could tell, but I didn't know how to ask. I was still a little angry about her seeming insistence that I was wasting my life with the work that I was doing.
I could never hold it against her, especially not when she said it was just because she was so upset about the almost-collision, but it wasn't fair for her to make those sorts of comments about my life when she didn't even know my thoughts on my work.
I liked what I did. Just as much as she did.
And I knew that it all tied back to her breakup, somehow. Kylie had always been the introspective sort; it was part of what made her such a great artist. But this was something else. I had sensed it even before that driver almost hit us. She was distracted by something.
I wondered if maybe she was more hurt by her breakup than she was letting on. Neither Mandy nor I had gotten the full story out of her yet about why she'd decided to break up with Andrew. Despite the fact that, as far as anyone knew, things had been going really well for them.
Maybe that should be my goal for this trip: to coax the full story out of her.
But when I glanced over at Kylie and saw her studying me with an almost speculative look on her face, a hidden sadness in her eyes, I knew better than to pry. Instead, I'd focus on making this trip as much fun as she'd hoped it w
ould be. The rest would come out sooner or later. It always did.
Chapter Twelve
Kylie
I sighed with relief as the neon lights of Las Vegas finally came into view. “I thought we'd never make it,” I said.
Josh laughed. “Actually, we made pretty good time once we got out of the mess that was LA,” he said. He glanced at the dashboard clock. “It's still pretty early. We have plenty of time to enjoy our evening.”
“Still,” I said. “It should have taken, what, four hours? Maybe five. Instead, it took us eight.”
“Relax,” Mandy said from the back seat. “Isn't the whole point of a road trip to drive?”
I fell silent at that, tugging at one of my bracelets. The trip had been more fun once we'd gotten off the topic of work. But things still felt off-kilter between the three of us. It didn't feel like one of our college trips, the way that I'd hoped it would.
And it definitely wasn't going to feel like one of our college trips here.
I blinked as Josh parked out in front of one of the ritziest casinos on the strip and got out of the car. Josh and I had planned the itinerary, but he'd ultimately booked all the hotel rooms, and I didn't know where we were staying. But surely, we weren't staying here.
I belatedly followed Josh and Mandy out of the car, watching as Josh handed his keys over to the valet. “Have our things brought up to our suite,” he instructed.
“Of course, Mr. Green,” the valet said, nodding his head to a young man standing by the door, who hurried down toward us, almost tripping over his feet as he did so.
“This definitely isn't some worn-down highway motel,” Mandy commented, looking impressed.
“I didn't realize that when you said you'd be booking the hotels, you'd be booking places like this,” I added, looking up at the enormous building in front of us.
Josh raised an eyebrow at me. “Remember that talk we had about enjoying the creature comforts that come along with having money?” he said. “Come to think of it, it also goes along with what we were saying about not missing out on anything in life. Everyone should get to stay in a place like this at least once.”
Mandy laughed and did a little spin on the sidewalk. “This is going to be the best trip ever,” she said.
Josh smiled over at her and then frowned at me. “You don't like it?” Josh asked, noting my expression.
I bit my lower lip. “I just thought we were going to do it more like we did in college, that's all,” I said. “I thought that was the whole point of this trip.”
“I thought the point of this trip was to make it to New York in time for Christmas,” Josh said. “In comfort. And since you nixed the yacht plan and the private jet plan, I had to make do with this.”
He was teasing, but his joking words did nothing to assuage the feeling of guilt inside of me. I didn't mean to just drag him along on this trip with me. I didn't mean to make him feel like he had to splurge like this. I would have been perfectly happy in some grungy motel room, all three of us, just like we used to do. We could have stayed in the same hostel that we'd stayed in last time we'd been to Vegas, if the place was still operating. Or, well, it could have just been different. It didn't have to be like this.
“Come on, let's go get checked in,” Josh suggested. “We probably have time for a nap before we head out on the town for the night.”
Mandy and I trailed after him. Inside the fancy place, I felt totally underdressed in my jeans and button-down flannel. There were even paint specks on my flannel, for crying out loud! And when I thought about it, there was nothing in my suitcase that was even remotely fancy enough for a night out at a nice casino in Vegas. At least, not a nice one.
I had a couple skirts in there, but I'd been expecting we'd have a pretty relaxed, chilled out night at one of the cheaper casinos. I definitely hadn't expected this.
“Ah, Mr. Green, lovely to see you,” the man at the desk greeted, and I wondered if the valet had somehow signaled our arrival to him or if the guy somehow recognized Josh.
Mandy apparently was wondering the same thing, because she raised an eyebrow at Josh. “Do you come here a lot?”
Josh rolled his eyes. “Of course not,” he said. “While you two were gawking, I just handed him my credit card so he could look up the reservation.”
“Oh,” Mandy said, looking like she felt as foolish as I did. But she easily shrugged it off.
I stood there looking around, still feeling shocked and uncomfortable by this whole thing. It was as though all my feelings from earlier in the day had coalesced into this. There was a small voice in the back of my head that snidely reminded me that I shouldn't have come on this trip to begin with. I should have just flown.
There was no going back to what we'd had in college. I knew that.
Instead of the innocence of our youth, instead of those simpler times that I had thought Josh wanted as much as I did, we had this: posh hotels with people waiting on us hand and foot. I had a feeling it wasn't just in Vegas, either. It would be like this for the rest of the trip. Each new place would be luxurious, the best that money could buy.
But I didn't want that luxury. That wasn't what this trip was about.
I watched Mandy and Josh as they got us checked in to our suite. Josh the billionaire and Mandy the model. I felt out of place next to them. They could be a couple, actually. They were roughly the same height, and they'd be one of those great power couples who went out and got everything that they wanted in life.
Not that either of them had ever given any sign of liking the other in that way, but I suddenly wondered if they might actually. Neither of them had seriously dated anyone in a long time. Maybe they were secretly dating, and I just didn't know about it. Watching them right then, they could be checking in for their honeymoon.
“Are you all right?” Josh asked, giving me a quizzical look.
I shook those thoughts out of my head and forced myself to smile. “Yeah, I'm fine,” I said.
Josh put a hand on my shoulder as Mandy headed toward the elevators. “Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “You seem distracted today.”
“I'm fine,” I said, wondering what he expected me to say.
I followed the two of them up to our room. Or rooms, I should say. Josh had booked us into the presidential suite, which had a separate room for each of us, a hot tub, and incredible views of the city.
“Oh wow,” I said, moving toward the balcony, my fingers itching for a paintbrush. I wouldn't have time to paint the view that night, but I made a mental note to take some pictures so that I could get back to it later. I was sure the sunset would be beautiful from up here.
“Are we meeting some foreign diplomat here, so that you can sell us to our new husbands?” Mandy teased. “Holy shit, this place is fancy.”
Josh laughed. “Well, only the best for my two favorite women,” he said.
“I can't wait to take a shower,” Mandy said, already grabbing her bag from where the bellhop had left it and heading into one of the bedrooms. “I bet the water pressure is insane.” She paused, looking back at me as she headed in there. “Get yourself all dressed up, and I'll do your hair and makeup,” she told me. “We're going to look like movie stars tonight.” She winked at me.
Josh laughed. “See you in a little while.”
He joined me at the full windows when Mandy disappeared, not quite close enough to touch me, but close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating off him. “This place is pretty great, isn't it?” he murmured.
“It's not quite what I had in mind for the trip,” I admitted.
“I know,” Josh said. “But you and I both said that we needed to relax. For me, I've been working too hard lately. And you, given your personal situation, you wanted some time to think. Where better to do that than in places where you have every comfort you could ever want? The food here is supposed to be superb, and if we decide we don't even want to leave the hotel, we don't have to.”
He studied my face for a
moment. “If you don't want to be here, it's a little late for tonight, but I can change the rest of the places that we're booked into along the way. This is one of the fanciest places, though, since a lot of the places that we'll be stopping in are more out in the middle of nowhere.”
I sighed and shook my head. I didn't want to make him cancel all the bookings and redo them. Not only would that make more work for him, but I had a feeling that this close to the holidays, each different place would have some sort of cancellation fee. I'd just have to accept it.
At least it wasn't all for my benefit. I guessed that if this was Josh's one big vacation that he was allowing himself for the year, he had the right to book us into whatever kind of hotels he wanted. If he thought it would help him relax, then so be it.
I just wished I could relax as well. I eyed the suite warily. It was huge, having way too much space for just the three of us. And what was that about not having to leave the hotel if we didn't want to? We were in Vegas. I didn't want to spend the whole road trip cooped up in the car and then cooped up in hotel rooms.
I forced a smile on my face, hoping that I could reassure him. “This is great,” I told him. “I'm just surprised, that's all. And it's been a long day. Maybe I should take a nap before we go out tonight.”
Josh laughed. “It sounds like if you want to do that, you should hurry up,” he said. “Mandy's already getting in the shower, and you know that she's going to want to do your makeup as soon as hers is done.”
I laughed as well, even though I knew the sound wasn't particularly merry. “You're right,” I said. “I'll get right on that.” I grabbed my bag and retreated into another of the bedrooms, leaving the room with the nicest views for him.
Inside my room for the night, I leaned back against the door, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Why couldn't I just accept that Josh was being nice?
Because you're feeling guilty, my subconscious reminded me.