by Nikki Ash
Bella stomps her foot and crosses her arms over her chest in full-blown temper tantrum mode. “Then I don’t want to go trick-or-treating. This is stupid. Can we go with Daddy and Auntie Kay where they’re going?”
“First of all, Bella,” I say in my mom voice that seems to just make her even more mad. “We don’t say stupid. That isn’t nice, and no, we can’t go away with them. They’re working and you have school. I’m sorry you’re upset, but that’s the answer. Would you like to go get your costume, or go home and take a nap? Because if you keep up this attitude, you will not be going trick-or-treating.”
She huffs and puffs but finally relents. “Okay, I guess I’ll go get my costume.” My poor baby looks so defeated, it breaks my heart.
I look over at Cooper and he looks just as defeated as our little girl. These two are going to be the death of me. I can’t have them ganging up on me.
When we get home from the costume shop, Bella takes her costume up to her room to put in her closet. Luckily once we got there her mood improved and after almost an hour of debating, she decided on the Elsa costume. Of course, Cooper bought her every matching accessory to go with the costume, most likely out of guilt, but I didn’t stop him. He tried to be upbeat for Bella, but I could still see the sadness in his eyes.
Glancing at the clock and seeing it’s almost time for my parents and brother to arrive, I do a sweep through of the house, making sure everything is clean. Because we don’t have any guestrooms, they’ll be staying at a hotel nearby, but they’ll be coming here after they check-in to have dinner with us and meet Cooper.
I look around for Cooper and notice he’s disappeared. I search the house for him and find him in the office.
“Hey, handsome. What are you up to?”
He looks up and with sadness in his eyes. “Nothing, just looking at a couple of work emails. What time will your family be here?”
Wanting to speak to him about his sour mood, but knowing we don’t have time since my family is due to arrive any minute, I move in front of him to sit on the desk, wrapping my legs around his body and my arms around his neck. I pull his face toward mine. He knows what I’m after, and as always, he doesn’t disappoint.
His lips meet mine in a punishing kiss as his hands move to my ass. He pulls me closer to him until my body is almost one with his. We kiss for several minutes, our tongues swirling around one another until Cooper backs up.
“Fuck, baby girl, I needed that. I’m sorry I’m being a cranky ass. I’ll try to shake it off before your parents get here. I don’t want them to think I’m an ogre.”
Laughing at his comment, I lean in for another kiss, my tongue swiping across his lips, seeking entrance. When my tongue enters, he sucks on it before backing away leaving me unsatisfied and frowning.
“Hey, now who’s the one pouting? We both can’t be cranky.” He runs his thumb along my lips to straighten out the frown on my face.
“Cooper, there’s no reason to feel guilty. You have to work. There’ll be plenty of holidays in the future. Don’t let this get to you and ruin your day.”
“Liz, did you see how upset Bella was? Of course I’m going to be upset and feel guilty. I don’t want to miss important shit in her life. This is exactly why I said…”
I cut him off, knowing exactly where he is going, refusing to let him go there.
“Oh no, you don’t. Don’t start. Missing a holiday doesn’t make you a crappy dad or boyfriend and it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have us in your life. So just get those thoughts out of your head. You hear me?”
“Yeah, baby,” he says, the sad undertone still residing in his voice. I’m going to need to come up with a way to make this right. I can’t have him beating himself up every time he has to go away for work.
I hear a knock on the front door as Bella starts yelling my parents are here.
Letting her open the door, she squeals in glee as my mom and dad both take her in their arms for a hug and then move on to me. My brother lifts Bella into his arms and gives her a huge hug as he carries her into the living room.
“Mom, Dad, Mathew, this is my boyfriend, Cooper. Cooper, this is my mom, Macy, my dad, Randy, and my brother, Mathew.”
Cooper shakes everyone’s hands and says it’s nice to meet them. Bella watches the entire exchange and then has to join in the conversation.
“Umm, you forgot to tell them the best news ever. Cooper is also my daddy! And the bestest daddy ever.”
Everybody laughs. My family might live long distance, but we talk almost every day and they know all about Cooper. Bella runs right into Cooper and latches on to his legs, giving him the cutest leg hug.
My mom looks at me, her eyes glossy like she’s about to cry from the sweet exchange. I understand completely. We agree on Chinese food to keep it easy, and Bella drags everyone upstairs to show off her room. She spends the entire time explaining every toy and movie her dad has bought her until the food arrives.
I nudge Cooper and nod toward our daughter. “See, one holiday isn’t going to change how she feels about you. She loves you.”
The weekend passes by way too fast. On Saturday, Kayla, Hayley, my mom, and I all spend a wonderfully relaxing day at the spa. I invite Ashley to go as well, but she’s heading out with Tristan to visit her parents. When we get there, it’s clear Kayla has booked us for everything. An hour massage, facial, mud wrap, and of course manis and pedis. I didn’t realize how much I really needed this kind of pampering. Saturday night we all go out to dinner at a yummy Italian place, and Sunday everybody comes over for a backyard barbeque. I’ve noticed that while Bentley joins us for dinner and the barbeque, he and Kayla are completely avoiding each other. I really need to ask her how her living arrangements are working out.
Now it’s Monday, and Cooper is dropping Bella off at school on his way to the gym, so I can see my parents and brother off on their flight back home.
I pull my parents into a loving embrace, sad their trip is already over. I love where I live, but I also wish I could be close to my family. “Oh, Mom, Dad. I’m so glad you guys came. I miss you so much.”
“Sweetheart, I’m going to miss you, too. But I’m so happy for the love that Bella and you have found. Cooper is a great man and father, and I feel so much better leaving, knowing he’s here taking care of my girls,” my dad says through glossy eyes.
Next, I give Mathew a hug goodbye. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“You never know. Maybe after I finish my two years, I’ll decide to transfer to ULV,” he says with a wink.
“Don’t even tease me!” I shout, and people walking by stare at me. We get to the security entrance, and since I don’t have a ticket, I can’t go any further. We exchange a few more hugs and then they’re gone.
Twenty-Eight
Liz
After seeing my family off, I head straight to the gym to get caught up on some bookkeeping. Cooper is already there, training with Kaden, and when he catches my eye, he gives me a wink. God, I love that man.
I’m not even in my chair yet when Kayla comes bounding into my office, her face red and hands in the air.
“Aghhh!!! I swear that man is trying to drive me insane!”
I have a feeling I am about to hear all about Bentley. “Who?”
“Oh, give me a break, Liz. You know who I’m talking about... Bentley!”
And as if she’s beckoned him over, the man of the hour comes walking into my office. So much for getting any work done.
“Hey, Liz.” Bentley addresses me when he walks in, and it doesn’t go unnoticed he just completely ignored Kayla. I look over at her and she’s shooting daggers at the poor man.
“Hey Bentley, what can I do for you?”
Kayla huffs, and when nobody acknowledges her, she does it again louder.
“I just wanted to see if there’s anything else I need to do before the fight next week.” I do everything in my power to contain my laughter. It’s blatantly obvious he’s going out of his
way to ignore Kayla, yet he looks so uneasy doing it. I just want to hide him under my desk to get him out of her line of attack. It’s only a matter of time until Kayla boils over, burning everyone in her line of sight.
“Let me check for you.” I pull up his file, but before I can get another word in, Kayla loses her shit.
“Excuse me, mister. I know you think the world revolves around you, but Liz and I were talking first. So, you’re going to need to get in line. As a matter of fact, you can go wait outside.” She’s practically shouting by the time she makes it to the end of her sentence, and then she’s up, out of her seat, and pushing him out the door.
Bentley looks terrified. Seriously? This is a grown ass man and a fighter. What the hell is he afraid of Kayla for? She weighs like one twenty dripping wet.
Before the door shuts, I yell, “It’s all covered, Bentley. I handled everything.”
And he may have responded, but the door slams shut, blocking out all outside noise. Kayla sits back down and takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself.
“Care to explain why you just lost it on your roommate?”
“Liz, he is so maddening. I seriously need to find a new place to live. The problem is I actually like living there. Caleb is awesome. He’s barely home and when he is, he’s totally chill. Bentley on the other hand is driving me up a damn wall.”
“Driving you up a wall because you like him?”
Kayla sputters out a, “No!” But her face turns a deep shade of pink, telling me she’s full of crap.
“Anyway,” she continues. I’m here, not to talk about Bentley, but to tell you we were supposed to go get our shot almost two weeks ago. You always make the appointment. Can you make it for us, please?”
“Yeah, I’ll call tomorrow. I completely forgot. Ever since the fire, it’s been crazy.”
“Yes, it’s definitely been crazy lately. I better get back to work. Don’t want the boss to fire me,” she says with laughter in her voice as she gets up and walks to the door.
“You know, eventually, you’ll talk to me about Bentley.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She waves me off before leaving my office.
Two o’clock rolls around and I head out to get Bella. Cooper texts me he’ll be working late at the gym and to please save him dinner. I smile at that. Before I moved in with Cooper, I didn’t do a whole lot of cooking and it definitely wasn’t healthy. Because Cooper’s a fighter, he’s a health freak and has to eat a certain way. He’s been teaching me about eating healthy and we’ve been cooking together. With him at the gym so often, I’ve started to find recipes and surprise him with dinner when he gets home. He seems to really love my cooking and it makes me want to cook for him more often. It also doesn’t hurt that I’m shedding the few pounds left after having Bella.
Eight o’clock comes around and I’m tucking Bella in bed after I finish up reading her a bedtime story. She’s eaten, completed her daily reading, watched some television, and is freshly bathed, in her pajamas.
“Mommy, can I please stay up and wait for Daddy? Please!” She begs like she does most nights when Cooper isn’t here to tuck her in. We’re lucky he has a flexible schedule, so if needed, he can be home any time. With the fight coming up and him the owner of the gym, he’s been staying late to help with Bentley’s training and such. Bella and I both miss him, but I try to bring her by the gym as much as possible to see him if I know he’ll be working late.
However, today Bella had a playdate so we weren’t able to stop by. I want to let her stay up, knowing it’s important to her to say goodnight to him, but Cooper can be there extremely late and she needs to get her rest. Plus, if I say yes once, she’ll continue to ask, so I never let her wait up. The problem is my consistency doesn’t deter her from continuing to ask every single time Cooper isn’t home on time. I make it a point not to tell Cooper since he has this crazy notion he must spend every waking moment making up for lost time or he’ll receive the award for worst father of the year. If he knew Bella begs for him on the nights he’s not here he’d feel even worse.
“No, Angel. We’re not going to discuss this again. When Daddy isn’t home you go to bed on time. You’ll see him in the morning.”
And cue my four-year-old’s tantrum. Tears pour down her face instantly—I swear they’re crocodile tears because really? How does one produce real tears that quickly? But she still looks absolutely heartbroken and pitiful, and as a mother, that’s hard to deal with, especially when it’s because of how much she adores her father and not over something materialistic.
“Mommy, it’s not fair! I miss him when he’s not home and he misses me. I have to go to school all day. I want to drop out of school and be a fighter like Daddy.”
And now I’m about to cry right along with her.
Twenty-Nine
Cooper
I try so hard to get home by eight on the nights I don’t see Bella at the gym, never wanting to go a day without spending time with my little princess. Our time together is so precious and I never want to take it for granted.
Tonight, Bentley and I were working on some grappling techniques for his upcoming fight and I completely lost track of time. When I realized how late it was, I ran out the door without even showering and rushed home determined to kiss my sweet little girl goodnight.
Growing up, my dad barely ever made it home, nor did he care to. My mom was the only one who tucked me in at night and the unhappier she became, and the more she went out, the more often a babysitter tucked me in. I don’t ever want to become my dad and I never want to drive Liz to become my mom.
There are moments in life when one small thing happens that shouldn’t be a big deal but it is, and it changes everything. It changes the way you see yourself, it changes the way you see those around you, and it changes the way you view the situation. I would define this moment as just that, a life-changing moment.
I run up the stairs to Bella’s room, hoping to catch her still awake, and hear my princess sobbing. I’m about to enter the room when I hear her hiccup out, “Mommy, it’s not fair! I miss him when he’s not home and he misses me. I have to go to school all day. I want to drop out of school and be a fighter like Daddy.”
Remember when I said my heart shattered the day she was in the hospital for smoke inhalation? I take that back. It must have been a mere fracture. What’s the difference? A fracture isn’t broken. It hurts like a bitch, but it’s still intact. A shatter on the other hand is a full-on break. Pieces are everywhere and there’s no way they’re ever being put back together again. I clutch my chest and try to stop the pain from radiating inside of me. If I never hear my daughter sobbing and crying out like that again, it’ll be too soon.
And what’s worse is that I’m the cause. I listen for a second to hear Liz’s reply. “Bella Faith, you need to calm down. I can’t continue to do this with you several times a week. I understand you miss Daddy, and I miss him too, but you are not dropping out of preschool. If you want to work with Daddy one day then you’ll go to school and graduate and get a job when you’re older. Your job right now is to go to school. Becoming a fighter like your dad is a great goal, but you still have to go to school.”
Liz sounds completely exhausted and aggravated. Judging by her response, this isn’t the first or even third time Bella has thrown a fit about missing me at night. If Bella is upset then there’s a good chance so is Liz. She gave me this second chance and I can’t screw it up. If she isn’t happy, she’ll leave, which means Bella and Liz won’t be living under my roof anymore. I can’t imagine having to live without these two girls. They’ve turned this house into a home with just their presence alone.
I’ve heard guys complain about the messes their kids leave all over the house, or that their wife or girlfriend bought new furniture that’s too girly. I don’t know why they’re complaining. Seeing the pictures Liz has put up, or the new pillows she bought to add color to the living room, or when I walk in and almost trip on Bella’s cute princess shoe
s, it all makes my day. It’s evidence that I’m living with the two most precious girls, and the day I don’t see any of that is the day my life will no longer have meaning.
I hear Bella sobbing still, but she doesn’t respond, which means she must be giving up. When she knows she’s going to lose the battle, she shuts down. I absolutely love how bright her passion burns, and I hope it never burns out.
I knock softly on the door to let them know of my arrival then walk in. Bella tries to quickly wipe her tears and Liz freezes in place, probably wondering how much I heard.
I pretend like I didn’t hear anything and ignore Bella’s tears. “Hey princess, I was hoping you weren’t asleep. Has Mommy read you a book yet?” I can see it in her eyes that her mom already read her a book and she doesn’t want to lie, but she wants this time with me, shit, she needs this time with me, and I need it with her.
“I read her The Giving Tree,” Liz replies softly, trying to gage my reaction to Bella’s tears, but I make sure not to give anything away.
“Nice. Is it too late to pick one more book to read to Bella before she goes to bed?” I direct the question to Liz to make sure it’s okay. I know it’s after Bella’s bedtime, so I don’t want to step on her toes, but I really don’t want her to tell me no. Bella waits for Liz’s answer and when she says okay, Bella jumps out of bed to grab a book.
I mouth “thank you” to Liz and she gives me a small smile before walking out to give Bella and me some alone time.
“How’s it going, Princess?” My daughter is a smart girl so she knows exactly what I’m asking, but she just lifts her shoulders up like she’s not sure what I’m asking about.
“Are you giving your mom a hard time?”
The tears well back up in her eyes and she leans over to hug me tightly, sniffling back the cry that’s threatening to breaking out. “I just wanted to see you before I went to bed, but she said I had to go to sleep. I just miss you so much sometimes. I’m sorry. It’s just not fair. Bedtimes are dumb.”