Our Little Secret

by Rachael Stewart

  Diego calls for our attention and we all look to him as he starts to go through the next wine. I fixate on him. I don’t let my eyes stray. I don’t look at Dante unless he speaks to me and I don’t look at Rafael even when he does speak.

  It doesn’t stop us accidentally brushing against one another, be it our fingers reaching for our glasses, a movement on our stool or a graze of the knee. Every slight contact sets my body alight, making me want, making me need, making me wish we were anywhere but here.

  And alone. Very much alone.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘SIGNOR PEREZ, are you joining us?’

  I turn from the view to see Diego looking at me, his eyes narrowed. And I can’t blame him. It seems I’ve zoned out long enough for the rest of the party to be halfway across the courtyard on their way to the rear of the castle where there is to be a hands-on, or rather feet-on, demonstration of the traditional grape-stomping. Something Dani insisted she wanted to experience, and the team were more than happy to oblige in their desire to please me, their new employer.

  I know I look less than pleased now and, though my scowl is directed wholly at myself, poor Diego won’t know that.

  ‘Si.’ I force a grin as I gesture for him to lead the way.

  I should be happy. Dani is happy. My mother and aunt are getting along well—a miracle in itself—and Giovanni, technically Aunt Netta’s plus-one, seems to be more than happy entertaining the two of them. Everyone’s smiling and laughing and I want to be too. I want to feel at ease but, every time I’ve felt at ease this week, I’ve let Faye in or exposed a part of me I’ve long kept buried...

  Up ahead, Dante trails behind the rest of the group, and as I near he turns to me, his grin alive with teasing.

  ‘So, come on, tell me all...’ he urges, his swift Italian for my ears only.

  I look back to the wedding party, to my niece and nephew chattering excitedly as they race through the vineyard, their faces aglow with the bronze of the sun bouncing off the vines and the earth.

  ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

  ‘No?’ He tosses his jacket over his shoulder, the same jacket that warmed Faye’s shoulders in the wine cellar, and I feel the same weirdly possessive surge. It’s ridiculous, but my body doesn’t seem to care. I wanted to be the one to warm her, to caress her gooseflesh until it returned to silk, to murmur all the things I wanted to do when that wine trailed down her chin.

  ‘Anyone ever tell you you’re a rubbish liar, cousin?’

  My laugh is tight. ‘Si. You. Just now.’

  ‘If you’re trying to keep it subtle you need to rethink all this...’

  He waves a hand up and down my length and I frown. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

  He cocks his head to the side and bats his lashes. ‘This.’

  Heat courses through me. Another damn blush! ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Dante.’

  ‘Hey, don’t get worked up about it. It’s obvious she feels the same way.’

  ‘You don’t...’

  His raised brows cut me off.

  ‘Be careful, though.’ He turns all serious on me. ‘Dani is all for encouraging me to show her friend a good time off the back of her failed marriage, but I’m not so sure she’d take too kindly to it being you Faye has her rebound fun with.’

  Wait, what? Rebound? Marriage?

  ‘You didn’t know,’ he says, spying my confusion. ‘She hasn’t mentioned it?’

  I think over our conversations, but I know she hasn’t. I’d remember something as big as that.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Yeah, well, it seems Dani feels she needs a bit of fun before she finds “The One”.’ He rolls his eyes at the label. ‘Why does there have to be a “One”? Why can’t there just be many and many?’

  My laugh is more of a grunt. ‘I think you’re missing the point if you have to ask.’

  ‘Not at all.’ He shudders. ‘I don’t ever plan on being all pazzo d’amore.’

  Crazy in love... Diavolo, no.

  ‘You and me both.’

  We join the guests just as the folk accordionist I hired as a surprise appears, his traditional music piping through the air, and Dani gives out an excited whoop, her beaming face finding me across the cobbled ground.

  ‘Thank you,’ she mouths, and I acknowledge it with a nod.

  Tyler scoops her up into a jig on the spot and they laugh, carefree and happy.

  ‘I have to say, though,’ Dante murmurs around the wine glass he’s managed to bring with him, ‘being all pazzo d’amore sure suits them.’

  Another nod. I can’t deny it. We watch as Tyler swings Dani in the air and places her down in the giant wooden container which houses the pressing floor, covered in grapes. She gives a squeal as her feet sink into the fruit and Tyler’s grin widens. His eyes are fixed on his wife-to-be, alive with his love for her. I feel a strange pang deep inside, a confused mass that I don’t understand or want to examine.

  ‘They’re happy enough,’ I murmur, ‘for now.’

  I pick up my stride as the memories threaten, memories from before my father died and after. When my parents couldn’t live together, and couldn’t live without each other, and then the choice was taken away. His death changed everything. My mother...

  I remember how she looked last night at dinner, talking of him for the first time in so long, and the chill sets in.

  It’s not to say it will happen to Dani and Tyler, I try to reason. God willing, they’ll live a long and happy life together.

  God willing? Now I sound like Nonna.

  I watch the pleasure building through the group, watch Dani and Tyler and feel their happiness permeating the air, and it eases some of the chill.

  Yes, I can be happy for my sister, for them both.

  But I can never go there.

  ‘Come on, Dante, come and join in!’ Dani beckons as Tyler climbs in, his parents too.

  Harry and Lisa scoot off to the sidelines as she pulls a face at the very idea of crushing grapes with her feet. Lorenzo and Sienna help their kids in and back away to join Nonna, who is happy watching with Marianna and Antonietta at her side, each with a glass of a wine in hand, content to drink and spectate. Giovanni too.

  Dante shakes his head. ‘You’re all right! I prefer grapes in my glass, not between my toes.’

  ‘Spoil sport.’ Dani looks to Faye. ‘You’re going to come in, aren’t you?’

  My eyes follow Dani’s to Faye. Her smile lights up her face and takes my breath away. Beautiful. Così bella.

  ‘Absolutely!’

  ‘Just make sure you tuck your... Yes, you’ve got it.’

  I watch as Faye raises the skirt of her dress, hooking it into the line of her underwear, and I feel the heat of the sun inside and out.

  Then her eyes lift to mine, her face flushed with colour. ‘Would you mind giving me a hand?’

  And in that moment I know, if I were that way inclined, if I were to be all pazzo d’amore, she would be ‘The One’.

  ‘Si.’ My reply is gruff and my stride rigid as I approach her. I sense Dani watching. I also sense Dani wondering at her friend’s choice of aid. Me rather than Dante. But it’s too late to stop myself, and I don’t want to.

  Faye climbs onto the bottom rung of the ladder that leads into the wooden vat, but my hands are already on her hips, and I feel her little gasp through my fingers. She turns in my hold to look down at me, her eyes glowing, her fingers soft as her hands fall to my wrists. A moment passes between us, a moment that feels far more intimate because the audience around us has no idea what we’ve shared. It’s our little secret. Our little bit of fun...

  ‘Ready?’ I ignore the way my head is travelling, my heart with it, and she gives a breathless nod.

  I swing her round, her scent washing over me, invading me and making me crav
e. Crave more than I ever have before.

  And crave what, exactly? More fun, more sex?

  I lift her over the edge, letting my hands ease up her sides as she lowers herself into the grapes.

  ‘Dante, come on, this is a blast!’ Dani comes stomping up behind her, her presence forcing me to release Faye before I’m ready...before she’s ready too, judging by the look in her eye. ‘Tell him, Faye!’

  ‘Dani won’t be happy until you do, Dante.’ Her smile is one-sided as she looks to my cousin and I sense her attention is still very much on me.

  ‘I’m quite all right spectating, grazie.’

  She looks at me, her smile turning soft. ‘Are you not coming in?’

  Dani laughs. ‘As if...’

  Her light-hearted tease cuts deeper than it should. She’s right, this isn’t me. I don’t get involved in silly pursuits that serve no purpose. Just as I didn’t get involved at the pool...

  ‘It is kinda fun,’ Faye says, not ready to give up. She looks down at her feet and I imagine her toes curling into the grapes as she tests out the sensation. Her nose wrinkles. ‘A bit icky, but fun.’

  ‘A bit icky?’

  Amusement bubbles up inside my chest. Amusement and something else. The same flicker that came to life when I cleaned the trail of wine on her skin, when I held her seconds ago. It’s there beneath the desire, the lust that I know of old...

  ‘You sell it so well.’

  Her laugh is enough to see off my hesitation and I’m already bending forward to strip off my footwear and roll back my chinos.

  ‘He’s not...’ I hear Dani say.

  ‘He is.’

  I shake my head at their little interchange and straighten up. Ignoring the inner voice telling me I won’t be wearing these chinos again, I vault over the edge of the vat, and my feet slide as they hit the mix at its base, launching me towards Faye.

  She palms my chest to steady me, her eyes dancing into mine. ‘Too macho to use the ladder?’

  I straighten. ‘Of course.’

  She only laughs harder and shakes her head at me.

  Dani whoops. ‘Let’s dance!’

  The accordionist starts to play a fresh tune that has the spectators clapping along. Dani directs Leo and Isabella to hook arms in the middle of the vat and dance as the adults hold hands in a circle around them.

  ‘We’re going to can-can!’ Dani declares, taking up Tyler’s hand and turning to offer me the other. She grins up at me and I know she’s as surprised as I am that I’m doing this. I take her hand and give my other to Faye. The circle is complete and we’re off, our feet squelching through the grapes, the sensation between my toes the strangest I’ve ever experienced.

  Not as strange as the lightness in my chest, though...

  The tempo picks up, the noise, the laughter, the fun, and it’s not just in the air now. It’s rising up inside me, taking over, and I feel almost drunk with it.

  ‘Brother!’

  ‘Si?’ I call down to my sister.

  ‘Grazie mille!’

  I give her a nod, my grin too big for my face, and lose myself in the music. The more we dance, the faster the tempo, the further the grapes fly, until we are all covered, head to toe. Even the spectators take a showering...including my mother. There’s a second’s displeasure on her face and then Giovanni is there, wiping it from her dress and from her cheek, and even with the chaos going on around me I see the expression in his eyes, the softness. I see the exact same look in my mother’s face too.

  What the...?

  I look to Aunt Netta and she too is watching. Not with surprise, but with pleasure, as if it was meant to be. And then Giovanni takes my mother’s hand and draws her towards the vat... She won’t... She wouldn’t...

  She is.

  They’re climbing in and Dani is breaking away from me to make space for them. My mother laughs as her feet hit the grapes, her eyes lifting to find mine. Tentatively, she offers out her hand and I take it. Take it and feel my head shake.

  ‘Couldn’t leave all the fun to you,’ she says, but I hear the emotion that catches in her voice, that shows in her over-bright eyes, and then we’re moving again. Giovanni is in between her and Dani, the circle once more complete and alive with laughter.

  I feel Faye squeeze my hand encouragingly and I look at her. Her eyes are so blue, so bright, and I see all the happiness and joy reflecting back at me, pushing out the questions, the overthinking...

  I’m living for the moment, lost in it, happy. It’s where I want to stay for as long as I can.

  * * *

  ‘Hey, Faye, you coming?’

  I look up to see Dani beckoning me from the middle of the wedding party as they make their way back inside the castle to get cleaned up. I’m the only one left by the well-crushed vat of grapes and I can’t find my sandals.

  ‘Of course. Just finding my shoes!’

  She laughs. ‘Only you could lose your shoes so quickly.’

  She’s right. Only me. I resume my hunt as the sounds of the party disappear into the castle.

  ‘Looking for these?’

  I spin on my heel, and there he is. Rafael. Leaning on the stone archway that leads off into the kitchen garden. Grape-stained, hair ruffled, shirt unbuttoned and sexier than I’ve ever seen him. I wet my lips and look at the pair of sandals hooked in his outstretched hand.

  ‘So that’s where you snuck off to?’

  ‘I may have had an ulterior motive.’

  ‘What motive is that?’

  ‘To ensure you were the last guest standing.’

  My laugh flutters up. Excitement, desire, nerves. I turn to see the last of the guests disappear.

  ‘They’re gone,’ he says.

  But I’m rooted to the spot, breathing in the sight of him, his eyes dancing with the happiness of the afternoon, his smile teasing and seductive. Gone is the quiet, aloof Rafael from the tour. This is the man who danced in grapes with his family.

  This is the man I’ve come to know, and now his family have witnessed it too. There’s a shift underway in him, in his relationship with his family, his mother especially. It is a shift I know everyone can sense and it warms my heart. It reminds me of just how much I care. Of just how deeply I am falling, and I’m helpless to prevent it. My stomach twists with a spark of fear, knowing there can be no future and hoping for it all the same.

  But if he can change with his family...is there a chance for us?

  ‘Do you want your shoes, or am I keeping them?’ His grin sees off my fear and I’m already closing the distance between us.

  ‘I don’t think they’ll suit you.’

  And then my hands are in his hair, our lips melding in perfect time as he lifts me, sandals and all, and swings me back into the garden, tucking us away, just him and me. It’s heated and crazed after a day of abstinence and it’s all coming out in the desperation of our kiss.

  ‘I’ve wanted to do this all day,’ he rasps against my lips, his breath as ragged as my own. ‘Wishing my family away so I can have you to myself.’

  I whimper over his fierce declaration, wishing it meant more, wishing things were different. ‘And now you can.’

  He lifts his head, his eyes burning into mine. ‘Not for long enough.’

  I still, my fingers frozen in his hair, my lungs unable to draw breath. Time passes. Long enough for...what? For sex? For here and now? Or for a future?

  And then he shakes his head, his groan trapped in his throat as his lips crush mine.

  ‘I need you, Faye.’

  My sandals hit the deck and his palms smooth up my thighs, beneath my dress, and the heat in my lower belly swells. The carnal ache, acute, incessant.

  ‘I need you too.’

  And I do. More than I need my next breath.

  I fumble over his belt, his tro
users, and I shove them down his thighs to free him for my eager grasp as he palms my heat, seeking out my wetness, my clit. I clamp down on my bottom lip as I try to keep my cries contained. I stare up unto his hooded eyes that burn and glaze with the thrill of the climax building between us.

  ‘You’re so beautiful, so fucking beautiful, Faye.’

  It’s the first time I’ve heard him swear in English and it shouldn’t tip me over the edge like it is. But it’s so raw, so impassioned, and I... I can’t... I can’t think any more.

  ‘Raf, Raf, I’m going to, I’m going to...’

  His pre-cum slips inside my fist, his cock swelling thick and fast, and I realise I’m not alone; I’m tipping him over the edge too, and it’s so fucking sexy.

  ‘Faye...fuck, Faye.’ He grinds inside my grasp, pulses, and I feel the hot spurts of his release in my hands, on my dress, on him. And I’m gone, crying out into the fresh air, unable to trap it inside as I fall against him, shuddering with it all. The truth of what I feel. The truth that just sex, no matter how great, will never be enough, that I’ll still want more.

  He clutches me to him, his heartbeat wild against my ear, his breathing unsteady as he presses a kiss to my hair.

  A kiss that is so tender, I could believe it meant more.

  I want it to mean more...

  CHAPTER TEN

  Danielle and Tyler’s Wedding Week

  Tuesday: Dine to Offset the Wine.

  Terrace, eight-thirty p.m.

  I DON’T JUST need the food to offset the wine, I need it to distract from the chaos within. I can’t get a handle on anything. The afternoon with my family, the dancing, the laughter, the fun. The joy with Faye. The insane passion. The heat that never ebbs.

  I can’t remember the last time I let a woman take control like that, made me climax in her hands, so out of control that I didn’t want to stop myself from coming in her grip. And to witness the pleasure she took from it too... Even now the heat pulses through my body, and I drag in a breath. I release it slowly and force my body to calm as my knee brushes against hers under the table.