by S. M. Bowles
"Oh, Ares," I cried out and threw my arms around him not really knowing what to say or what to do. Then Ares gently pulled away. We heard someone approaching us but other than a soft grumble Ares completely ignored the stranger.
"Emily," I felt paralyzed by the voice. "I'm so sorry. I won't let this happen again," the stranger assured me.
"A...Av..." I started to speak. Then I felt a cool hand resting on my shoulder. There seemed to be a sudden rustling and adjusting of my thoughts and everything but the pleasantness of a morning run was swept away. The next thing I knew Ares and I were making our way up the driveway and letting ourselves into the house where we were welcomed by Evan, the smell of bacon and aroma of coffee.
"Hey!" he called from the kitchen. "Thanks for waiting!"
"Sorry," I stepped through the doorway, "it looked like it might rain and I didn't want to miss my chance."
"Yeah, yeah...sure...sure..." he frowned at me. “Are you hungry?"
"I could eat," I grinned.
"Wash up and I'll fix you a plate."
When I was done I poured two cups of coffee for us and sat down across from Evan. As we got started on our meal my dad swung through the kitchen on his way to work. He said good morning to each of us, snagged a slice of our toast and a swig of my coffee then ran out the door.
"I'm late," he chuckled an apology. "See you tonight."
When he was gone Evan struck up a conversation. "Just a few more days Em and I'm off. What do you think you'll do while I'm gone?"
"Ugh!" I moaned. "Nothing if Mom has her way!"
"Now don't go getting soft on me! I've got plans for us when I get back."
"Oh, you do, do you?"
"Yep. This list of yours it's like that commercial - it just keeps going and going," he smiled over the rim of his mug. I tried to smile back. "I know you won't get to do much but make the most of what you can do and in the meantime you should think about studying for your driver's test. I'm sure there's something you can go over online. If you get your license you can come see me on the weekends. It's a bit of a drive but..."
"Really?" I asked surprised that he would want me to visit when he could be out with his friends and girlfriends doing whatever it was that college students did.
"Yeah, of course I want you to visit! I haven't had this much fun over a summer since you left."
"I didn't leave Evan!"
"Aww, crap," he said, "I didn't mean it like that. You know what I meant. Damn, Em! It just wasn't the same without you, that's all I was trying to say."
"I know. I'm sorry. I wish I had an explanation. I wish I could tell you."
"It's OK, Em. It wasn't your fault. I know it wasn't. Whatever happened, it happened for a reason and I'm just happy you're back! I was a shitty little brother," he laughed at some distant memory. "I got you in trouble more times than I can count! That much, at least, I'm glad you don't remember. You would hate me so much if you knew! This is going to sound crazy, but at first I thought it was my fault. I thought you left because of me. I thought you hated me and ran away so you wouldn't have to be my sister anymore," Evan's voice cracked as he made the confession.
I got up and moved around the table and hugged him, "You're my family, Evan. No matter how horrible you were I would never have willing left you." I kissed the top of his head.
"I know. I was just a kid and that's just the way kids think. I'll really miss you, Em. Promise me you'll get your license and come visit."
"I will. I promise."
Evan left at the end of the week. It was a somber day for us all, my mother, father, Ares and I. We stood in the driveway trying not to cry and watched him back out. He made a silly motion to me and held his hand out the window then made it look as though he was turning a key. I knew what it meant and had every intention of keeping my promise. When the car dipped from view we all turned and headed back inside and from there we each went our separate ways so we could privately mourn his loss.
I spent a good portion of my morning looking over our summer photos but that only made me feel Evan's absence even more acutely. So I tried distracting myself by studying for my driver's test and catching up on my laundry and so forth. By mid-afternoon I had run out of diversions and decided it might be a good day to give Ares a bath. I hadn't seen him for a few hours and wondered where he had gotten off to. He was too big to overlook so after a quick check of the downstairs I wandered back up and eventually found him in Evan's room lying beside his bed and gazing longingly toward the doorway.
He looked so mournful that it brought a few tears to my eyes, "Yeah, we all feel about the same buddy."
Ares picked his head up and wagged his tail, happy I guess, just to have someone talking to him. I sighed and rather than tormenting him by following through with my plan for a bath I sat down beside him and absently stroked his belly. I had never really spent much time in Evan's room and just now seemed to notice how many things he had kept from his youth.
Most of it was standard stuff you would expect to find in a guy's room; a baseball and glove, trophies, pictures of sports heroes and so forth. There was a picture of him and I together on his nightstand that I picked-up and took a cursory glance at. We were so young and I guessed it must have been taken close to around the time when I...
"I what?" I wondered. "Did I run away? Did someone take me? If someone did why did they send me back? Or did I escape?"
They were all questions I thought about from time to time, never with much persistence, though. Sometimes it seemed like I shouldn't remember, that if I tried to remember or if I did actually learn the truth that it would have been much more painful than the not remembering. While I was having these thoughts I stopped petting Ares and he soon decided that my break had been long enough. He wiggled out from behind me and stood up while shaking and stretching himself.
He went to the door and glancing over his shoulder he looked at me imploringly.
"Outside?" I asked.
Funny how one word can have such an effect on a dog. He bounded back to where I was still sitting and urged me to get up. As I did something in Evan's closet caught my eye. It was an odd little, hand painted box latched closed with a tiny, luggage style lock. I don't know why but seeing it made me smile and instead of taking Ares out like I planned I went to the closet and brought the box down.
I searched all the places I thought Evan might have hidden the key and after several minutes with no success decided to go ahead and pick it. I knew it was wrong but I was absolutely determined to know what was in the box. I went downstairs and after searching through my father's junk drawer went back to Evan's room with a miniature screwdriver and forced it into the lock.
Ares seemed to know that I was up to no good, either that or he was just determined to get me to follow through with my promise to take him out. I shooed him from the room and closed the door. He took a strong exception to the snub and started scratching at the door.
"Emily? Are you in there?" I heard the doorknob turning and guilty tucked the box back into the closet. "What are you doing?" my mom asked as she poked her head in.
"Just missing Evan," I nervously replied.
"Well, somebody is missing you it seems," she ruffled Ares ears. "I think he wants to go outside."
Ares spun around excitedly and raced down the hallway to the top of the stairs and back.
"Yep," I smiled, "I think you're right."
I took one last, quick glance at the box and suddenly felt all the shame for what I had been about to do. It seemed very wrong and very disrespectful.
"It's not like I can't just ask him about it!" I scolded myself as I left the room. "He'll call and when he does I can just mention it somehow in passing. I bet I won't even have to ask and he'll just go ahead and tell me."
I forgot all about it until the day of my driver's test. I was so nervous that I couldn't eat. My mother drove me to the DMV and when it was finally my turn I was sent to one of the computer stations where I logged on and took the
written exam. It would have gone by or should have gone by a lot quicker but I was so determined to pass that I went over every question multiple times to make sure I absolutely got it right.
Since there was no sense in taking the road test without first passing the written, the results came back right away. I was thrilled when I saw that all my studying had paid off and that I had gotten every single answer correct. I went back to the waiting area where my mother congratulated me then we sat and chatted together until one of the testers was available to take me on the road exam.
After about 15 minutes or so I was summoned to the counter and told where to go to meet the person who would give me the actual driving test. He was very gruff and spoke without bothering to look at me or anything really, other than his clipboard. I did everything by the book - took the driver's seat, checked all the mirrors, etc. then started the car.
As we went the tester gave me step by step instructions for everything he wanted me to do; merge into traffic, change lanes, left turn, right turn and so forth and so on. Everything he asked I did confidently and correctly until it came time to parallel park. My mom had a fairly small car and I had practiced parking dozens of times so it should have been quite easy. I don't know what came over me but I didn't get it on the first try, or the second. By then I was so nervous and ashamed that I barely managed to accomplish the feat on the third try but the tester seemed satisfied.
"Good enough," he grumbled. "Take this left and head back to the building."
I thought for certain that he would fail me but apparently my inability to park didn't make me a hazardous driver. My examiner handed me a form at the end of the test which I took to the counter. After waiting in line for another handful of minutes I found myself standing in front of the camera with a tremendously giddy grin. A snap and a flash, another short wait then I was called up to the counter one last time and handed my license.
I triumphantly held it up for my mother to see.
"Just like that," she smiled.
"Just like that," I snapped my fingers in emphasis.
When we got home I immediately phoned Evan to let him know. My call went straight through to his voicemail so I left a brief message and asked him to call me back when he had a chance. Midway through dinner he returned my call and apologized for not getting back to me sooner. He told me he had his phone in airplane mode so it wouldn't distract him during class then he never remembered to switch it back.
"Anyway!" I could hear the excitement in his voice. "You did it, huh? Got your license and now you can come visit me."
"Yep!"
"Well, let's make some plans then. How about this weekend? I'm not sure what's going on but I am sure that something will come up...something always does!"
"Sounds great!"
"Good. There's a decent hotel nearby, I'll give you the address."
"Oh, but I thought..."
"Trust me, you don't want to stay with me in the dorms. You probably wouldn't even want to come anywhere near them, at least I wouldn't if I were you. You can just tell Mum that I'll be staying with you so she won't worry."
"I will but you're welcome to stay, you know, if you like."
"We'll see," he sounded uncomfortable with the suggestion.
We made our plans and though I had forgotten to ask the first few times we talked since he went back to school I finally remembered the box.
"Hey, Ares was in your room the other day and when I found him there I saw something in your closet and couldn't help wondering what it was."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Some kind of box with a lock."
Evan laughed a little, "My treasure chest! I haven't looked in that for years. Why don't you go get it and have a look?"
"No..." I quickly refused even though I was thrilled at the prospect.
"Yeah, go ahead. I doubt there's anything worthwhile in it. Probably some old coins or my," he coughed suggestively, "my magazine collection."
"Eww!"
"Hey, what's a boy to do, you know?"
"OK, you've said more than enough now."
"Actually...you know what, I think there might be something of yours in there."
"Really? What?"
"I don't know. Some necklace or charm or something. I found it in your room the day we realized you were missing. I took it and hid it before the police came and...wow...I guess I just didn't want them to take it. I can't believe I remember all that!"
"Well, maybe I'll have a look before I go to bed tonight."
"You should. It was actually quite pretty whatever it was," I thought I heard a girl's voice calling to Evan in the background. "Listen, I've got to get going. Call me before you leave and I'll meet you at the hotel and help you get settled."
"Will do."
We said goodbye and afterwards I just sat there for a while thinking about what he had said. Now that I had his permission and he had told me what I could expect to find I wasn't so sure I wanted to look in the box. It was one of those strange reactions you get when you're suddenly given exactly what you want only to find out that it wasn't what you wanted at all. I decided to put it off. The box wasn't going anywhere and neither was I, at least not until the weekend. It could wait.
Over dinner I told my parents about my conversation with Evan and my plans to visit him. My dad was very open to the idea but my mother had a million and one questions. She didn't seem satisfied with any of my answers and towards the end of dinner I thought she would either ask me not to go or simply tell me that I couldn't. I just looked at her and shook my head.
"Mum," I began. My dad tried to interrupt sensing that whatever I had to say would lead to either an argument or at the very least a very unpleasant disagreement between my mother and I. I gave him a long look then turned back to my mother. I tried to sound understanding and apologetic but determined, too. "I am going to visit Evan. I am going to stay at a hotel near the campus and if he doesn't have plans Evan is going to stay with me but I doubt very much that that will be the case. I am sorry if that worries or upsets you but it's my decision and it has already been made."
I nodded to both my parents, collected my plate to put in the dishwasher and headed upstairs to my room. I went back down an hour or so before bedtime and though I could tell my mom was still angry with me I sat down beside her. Together we watched a show she had recorded the day before. I knew it wasn't a very poignant effort but I hoped it would at least serve as a first step towards breaking the ice between us.
When the show was over I said goodnight and called to Ares. After a quick walk we went upstairs and got ready for bed. I felt terrible for upsetting my mother and knew I would have a hard time falling asleep. Though I said I wouldn't and still felt like I shouldn't I decided to get Evan's box down and open it up like he suggested. After collecting the chest from Evan's closet I brought it to my room and using my dad's mini-screwdriver I jimmied the lock open.
Much to my surprise it was virtually empty. Just a few scraps of trash as far as I could tell and not much more.
"Well, that was anticlimactic!" I thought and wondered if he had made the whole thing up just to see if I would actually fall for it.
I decided I had better not mention opening it to Evan just in case. Then full of disappointment I slammed the lid closed and started towards my door so I could put it back where I had found it. When I did though I heard a strange noise come from inside the box, like something had fallen from the lid to the floor of the case. Frowning I opened it back up and there was the necklace he had told me about resting on the bottom of the box.
The lid had a hidden door built into it with a ½ inch thick secret compartment behind it. I realized that it must have gotten jarred open when I slammed the chest closed.
"Huh," I cautiously picked up the intricate chain and held it in front of my eyes while I watched the strange charm sway and spin for a moment.
I couldn't imagine ever wearing anything like it. It didn't seem like me, or what I knew of me, at all. I l
ooped it over my head and beneath my hair then went to the mirror to see how it looked. It was actually kind of cute I decided and tucked my hair up on top of my head to get a different perspective. The jewel-like orb centered in the middle of the charm was very odd and its vibrant red color seemed to shift and change like some kind of liquid when it caught the light. I decided it must be some strange illusion made by the gem itself as I tentatively ran my fingers over it.
"Interesting," I mumbled.
When I was done with my inspection I took it off and hung it on one of the bedposts. I laid down and rolled to the side and watched it dangle while I tried to fall asleep. Looking at it made me feel a little sad for some reason and I reached out once or twice to touch it or to run my fingers over the strange smooth, orb again. It was rather soothing, almost hypnotic and despite all the tension I was feeling I fell asleep not long afterwards.
The conversations between my mother and I were terse and to the point for the rest of the week but when Friday afternoon finally came and it was time for me to leave she broke down and apologized. She gave me a dozen or more different precautions and made my father do a thorough inspection of the car before I left. I smiled at and patronized all that she had to say and do before she finally hugged me goodbye. My dad was much less dramatic and simply shook my hand, pulled me closed and urged me to be sensible and cautious.
"I will," I kissed his cheek.
Ares was beside himself that I was leaving without him and after I hugged and kissed him he whined and strained so hard against his leash that both my parents had to hold him while I got in the car and drove away. I watched the three of them in the mirror for as long as I safely could then sped up and rounded the bend that would take me out of the cul-de-sac and onto the main road.
I started smiling. I was alone. My mother wasn't popping her head in to check on me wherever I happened to be. Ares wasn't trying to get my attention so I would take him outside or for a run or to give him something to eat. My father wasn't playing mediator between me and my mom whenever we disagreed about how much or how little I should be allowed to wander on my own. The drive to Evan's campus was absolutely liberating. I felt like my entire life, even the parts I didn't remember were under surveillance and that I was finally free from the suffocating sense that I was constantly being watched.