Ravage and Surrender

by Cali MacKay

  Jake’s timing might not be great, nor highly appropriate, but at this point, he didn’t care. He’d held back from kissing her, pursuing her, for eight goddamned years, and in that moment, he could no longer stay away. Not after her confession. After hearing the way Will had treated her, Jake didn’t give a fuck if his friend’s feelings were hurt, or if Will felt betrayed.

  Knowing she was still dealing with so many emotions, he resisted the urge to haul her to him for a replay of that kiss, letting out a sigh of frustration as his stubborn streak kicked in. “I know you’re worried about Will—and I swear we’ll do all we can to find him—but this thing between us is far from over, Hannah. I’ll give you whatever time you need, but I’m not letting you go. I made that mistake once already, and I won’t be repeating it. Am I making myself clear?”

  “Jake…” She let out a ragged breath, looking away from him. “I don’t even know what to think…”

  Fuck it. “If you don’t know what to think, then I’m going to make damn sure I give you something to contemplate.”

  He was on her like a wolf taking down its prey, pulling her into his arms as his mouth claimed hers in a hungry kiss, hauling her body to him as his cock went rock hard, desperate to take her right there, bent over the arm of her sofa. His tongue found hers—teasing, tasting, promising—as she went soft and willing, her curves molding to his body, giving in to what was between them—but only for a moment more.

  She turned away from him, even if she didn’t pull out of her arms. “Jake…you know I care for you. But I’m just not sure I can do this right now. I’m sorry.”

  He pulled a deep breath into his lungs to steady himself, his head bent to hers as he breathed in her scent. “Don’t be sorry, love. I’ll still be here waiting for you when you’re ready.”

  ***

  Jake hated that Hannah had to go through this, but if they had any hope of finding Will, then they had to go through his home and figure out if anything was missing or seemed off, now that the police had given them the okay to go through there.

  “This is horrible…you’d think they’d have cleaned the blood or something.” Hannah turned away from the red stains, squeezing her eyes shut as Jake pulled her into his arms, though her body still remained tense, making him worry about her.

  Truth was, it was bad, especially when she’d been the one who had found her brother murdered. Those sorts of memories never went away, always waiting to spring back to life and remind you of your nightmare. And now that they knew this was Will’s blood, it only made this harder for her, removing any hope that he wasn’t injured in the altercation. “I’ll make a few phone calls and have a company come in to clean this all up. I don’t want you worrying about it, okay? But if we have any hope of finding Will, then we need to figure out who was after him or at the very least, where he might have gone.”

  “I’ll look for the keys to the cabin. He always left them hanging in the mudroom.” She headed towards the back of the house past the kitchen, leaving him to follow.

  Wandering through Will’s home, it was hard for Jake not to think about all the times they’d all hung out together during happier times. He tried to recall if there had been any signs he might have missed that Hannah was unhappy or that her marriage to Will had been in trouble, but couldn’t remember anything standing out. More recently, they’d seemed a bit distant with each other, but he thought it was due to Ryan’s death. And Hannah had always been so happy to see him when he visited that he hadn’t ever noticed things weren’t well between her and Will.

  “The key…it’s not here. Do you think that means he took it and headed up there?” Though her brow was still creased with worry, her eyes looked so hopeful—and fuck, but that sparked his jealous streak to life.

  “I suppose we should head up there. Make sure he’s actually there, and he doesn’t need medical help.” Though if Will was there, and had left Hannah worrying about him, without so much as a call or email, Jake was going to be fucking pissed off that Will had put her through that. “While we’re here, though, you should have a look around on the off chance you notice something else that could lead us to him.”

  She nodded and did just that, moving from one room to the next, though she was still careful not to touch anything unless she had to. “Other than his computer and laptop, which the cops took, nothing seems glaringly obvious.”

  “Then let’s head to the cabin, yeah? At the very least we’ll be able to check that off our list.” Jake was worried about her—not just because of Will, but because of that kiss earlier.

  She hadn’t pushed him away afterwards, but he could tell that she was overthinking things, and knew it was hard for her not to feel guilty, given the circumstances. And he’d feel guilty too—if it hadn’t been for the way Will had made her feel when they’d still been married. He understood people growing apart and wanting different things from life, but what he couldn’t understand was making Hannah feel like she wasn’t enough. That was inexcusable, and it pissed him off.

  “You don’t have to come with me, Jake. It’s a bit of a haul and it’s already getting late. And if the key’s missing, then Will is likely the one who took it, which means there’s a good chance he’s up there.” She bit her bottom lip and shifted towards the door when he grabbed her hand, not ready to let her put any distance between them, though he did pull her out of the house and towards his car.

  “Look, I know this is hard on you—but I’m not letting you run off and deal with this on your own, especially when there’s likely someone dangerous still on the loose.” There was no way he was letting her walk into a risky situation like that. No fucking way. “I’m coming with you, and it’s not up for debate. We’ll drive up now, and if it gets to be too late to drive back, I’m sure we can get a room nearby.”

  “Jake… With everything that’s going on, and given our past…I don’t want you getting the wrong idea. I just can’t deal with yet another uncertainty—and whatever’s between us is exactly that.” Her eyes shimmered with a storm of emotions, but when she started to turn away, Jake tightened his hold on her hand.

  “Listen to me, Hannah. There is no uncertainty about the way I feel about you. There never was, even when I made a mistake by ending things. And I know our timing could be better, love. But I don’t regret that kiss—and there’s no way I’m giving you up.” Not after so many years of wanting her, after so many regrets. It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to move on. And he had to an extent. But seeing her again—especially when she was no longer with Will—had only served to remind him of why he’d fallen for her to begin with. “I’ve always wanted you, always cared for you—always loved you. And though I want to find Will and hope with all my heart that he’s okay, it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I respected your marriage, but that’s over now, so if you think I’m going to feel guilty for wanting you, you can guess again.”

  “Jake…I’m just not in a good place right now. And the last thing I want to do is hurt you—or get my heart broken again.” And yet, when he pulled her into his arms, she didn’t fight him.

  “You have my word, Hannah. I swear it on my life, I won’t hurt you again. Not ever. And I’m a patient man. I’m happy to let you set the pace. Because I’m not going anywhere.” Now that he’d been with her once more, he couldn’t bear the thought of a life without her. She was his everything. Of that, there was no doubt.

  Chapter Five

  They were already heading north to Will’s cabin, with Jake in the driver’s seat, as Hannah tried to un-jumble her mix of emotions. She just couldn’t get her thoughts or her heart to slow. Not from the moment Jake first kissed her. She should have put a stop to it right then and there. But she hadn’t. And now her body, heart, and mind were all at war with each other, wanting more—so much more.

  It was hard to ignore the effect he had on her, as if her body recalled with perfect clarity what it was like to be on the receiving end of Jake’s attentions. She knew all too well what it w
as like, and knew it would be…well, it would be nothing short of mind-blowing, especially when she hadn’t had sex in close to a year and a half—and who knows how long it was before that.

  And now? There was an intensity in Jake that felt all-consuming, as if she alone could sustain him and he’d never wanted anything more. After years of feeling like she wasn’t good enough, after being starved of affection, she was finding it damn hard not to give in to her feelings for Jake.

  Jake was nothing like Will. Though they were both sweet and considerate lovers, Will lacked any real passion. And then once she and Will fell into the rut of being together, what little passion had existed at the start of their relationship had fizzled to nonexistence, no matter how hard she tried to keep it going.

  It was her marriage to Will—and the lack of any love life—that made her realize that she liked sex. She liked having that physical and emotional connection to someone she cared about deeply. And it wasn’t until Will started to push her away and deny her any sort of physical relationship that she realized just how important sex was. Without it, she felt alone, unattractive, and unwanted. Coupled with him being emotionally distant, and she found it downright soul crushing.

  But hooking up with Jake… She knew it’d be amazing, and the emotional connection she felt to him fed her soul after being starved of that sort of affection. Yet he’d already broken her heart once. Could she really trust him not to repeat it all again?

  And crap…but she felt so incredibly guilty for wanting Jake, even though her marriage was over. Because she did want him, despite everything. Despite Will missing. She wanted him desperately, even if that might not be the wisest idea.

  “You’re awfully quiet, Hannah.” Jake reached out and gave her hand a squeeze, tossing her a quick look before focusing on the road again. “And I know you well enough to say with certainty that you’re overthinking things.”

  She wanted to groan. “How can I not? It’s not that I don’t want you, Jake. And though I’d trust you with my life, the truth is, I’m not sure I can trust you with my heart.”

  “Hannah…I was young and stupid, and I didn’t think I’d be any good for you. It’s why I walked away from you—from us. I thought you deserved better—and you still do.” His brow furrowed as he frowned, his eyes still on the road ahead, and damn but it made her want to reach over and smooth his brow and ease some of his pain. “It’s just that I now know what it’s like to live without you, and it’s not something I can bear any more.”

  She and Jake had been together for six months, and those months together had been amazing. Which was exactly the reason why it caught her off guard when they got back from winter break and things completely dissolved between them.

  She’d often wondered if something had happened to him while he was back at home with his family, though he’d never wanted to discuss their breakup. Which only made matters worse, leaving her to wonder if it was her or something she’d done—or if he’d met someone else.

  “You blindsided me, Jake. How could you think I’d be happier without you, when our time together was the happiest I’d ever been? I just don’t get it.” And it wasn’t as though he’d given her anything but some lame excuse.

  “I truly am sorry. But I made you happy once, and I know I can make you happy again. And sweetheart…I won’t let you push me away. I’m not taking no for an answer.” Tossing her a smoldering look that had her squirming in her seat, he let his hand slip along her thigh. It was all she could do to resist arching her hips towards his touch and letting her legs fall open to give him access to whatever he wanted. “You’ve been through a lot these last few years, but this thing between us doesn’t need to be complicated, Hannah. I just want to make you happy—and I want to make you forget your problems, your pain. Are you really going to deny me, when I just want to give you pleasure? And sweetheart…if it’s been as long as you said, then let me do this for you. Let me remind you what it’s like to be worshipped.”

  His words danced around her head. Between her overactive imagination and his hand still on her thigh, he was making it impossible for her not to want him, especially when his touch was making her clit throb, swollen and heavy with need. He was frying her brain cells, so she could do nothing but wish his hand would keep wandering, on the off chance he’d give her one of the mind-blowing orgasms she knew he was capable of.

  Because he was right. So right. The last few years had left her miserable and broken, feeling nothing like the woman she’d once been. Towards the end of her marriage, things had been so incredibly difficult—but the truth was, she knew it hadn’t been any easier for Will.

  She knew Will felt guilty about not wanting her, despite the fact that he still loved her. He’d tried to get over whatever issues he was having, but in the end, how could he force something that was no longer there for him?

  Will…she was still so worried about him. And their marriage might be over, but along with Jake, he was still one of her dearest friends.

  “Let me be here for you. Let me give you everything that you’ve been missing. I want to make you happy, keep you safe. Because you’re my everything.” And she believed him. In her heart, she knew he’d always be there for her, and he’d keep her safe. He’d do all he could to see her through this mess—and anything else life threw her way. When Jake cupped her cheek, she couldn’t resist turning in to his touch. “I still love you, Hannah.”

  “I know you do.” And the truth was she loved him too. With a weary sigh, she nestled herself against him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, dividing his attention between her and the road. “You know you’ve always meant the world to me, Jake. But…I don’t know. I suppose I don’t want to overthink what’s between us. Can you do that for me?”

  He kissed her forehead, and held her tightly to him. “Whatever it takes to make you happy, love.”

  Chapter Six

  By the time Jake pulled down the drive to the small woodland cottage, it was already dark, and the flurries they’d run into as their elevation increased had now turned into a steady snow that was falling faster than he was comfortable with. It might be a late season storm, but it didn’t make it any less dangerous, if it continued accumulating at this rate.

  Luckily, Hannah’s mood seemed to have turned around to an extent, and though she still looked worried about Will, he felt like she’d managed to push back some of the hurt she was carrying in her heart. He’d kept the conversation light, but he’d also kept her close, refusing to let go of her, the physical contact between them so desperately needed.

  Though the headlights on his SUV only illuminated part of the driveway, Will’s car wasn’t parked anywhere obvious. And it was clear that Jake wasn’t the only one who noticed it. “Maybe he parked in the garage over there.”

  “Yeah. Maybe.” The worry in her voice killed him. Hannah unbuckled her seatbelt, ready to storm the place when he put his hand on her arm.

  “Wait, Hannah. It might not be safe. Stay here. I’ll come back for you once it’s all clear. Okay?” It was likely fine, but he refused to take chances with her life.

  “I’m coming with you. Besides, it’s not like you know where the spare key is kept.” She kissed him quickly before pushing the car door open and stepping out into the night, not even bothering to wait for him.

  Cursing out loud, Jake followed after her, the snow whipping around him and crunching underfoot as he joined her, trying to see if there was any evidence of someone inside, while she dug into one of the planters on the front porch. From what he could see, there weren’t any other tracks in the snow, so if someone was in the house, they’d have had to arrive before the snow started to fall.

  She held up a key and gave him a victorious smile. “Got it.”

  With a scolding glare, he put out his hand for the key, closing his fingers around it once she gave it up. “I swear I’m going to paddle that fine ass of yours, Hannah.”

  “Such promises, Jake…” She flicked her eyebrows up a
t him teasingly, and though she was being flirty, he knew it was just another way for her to mask her worry.

  He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. “It’ll be okay, love. Even if he’s not here, we’ll find him. We’ll do all we can to get to Will before it’s too late. I swear it.”

  She nodded, her bravado and good humor melting away in the face of her fears. “I really hope so, Jake.”

  With a gentle hand, he tucked her behind him, and then unlocked the door, stepping into the home. It seemed abandoned, and when Hannah flicked on the lights, he didn’t protest. He handed her his car keys. “Stay here. If anything happens, if I tell you to run, you do it—without hesitation. Get to my car, and get the hell out of here. Am I clear?”

  “Just be careful, okay?” And then she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, her lips lingering on his in her worry.

  Finally… Hope filled his chest, as he held her close, desperate to let his lips linger on hers. It took all he had to turn away from her to do a walk-through, though small as the cabin was, it didn’t take him long. In the end, it was just the two of them. “I’m sorry, love. Will’s not here.”

  The disappointment in her face and the worry in her eyes left him wanting to protect her—and had him fighting back his jealous streak. Which was ridiculous, given the circumstances. He was a total asshole for even thinking of Will as a threat to what he had with Hannah when Will could be dead.

  When her eyes shimmered with tears, he felt like an even bigger ass. “Where is he, Jake? He hasn’t called, hasn’t shown up or left me any sort of note…I just can’t stop thinking the worst has happened.”