by Clay, Verna
She heard movement behind her and ran faster. Panic attack…panic attack…breathe Sarah…breathe Sarah. She ran past the tree line just as arms encircled her. She opened her mouth to scream, but a hand clamped over it. Struggling against an immovable force, terror seized her and she fought like a wild cat.
* * *
Sage held Sarah in an iron grip. Something was wrong. She struggled like her life depended on it. He tried to gain her attention by speaking her name low, but she was either ignoring him or wasn't hearing him. He didn't dare take his hand off her mouth. If she screamed, the whole camp would be on them. She'd already suffered enough embarrassment. He held her against him with one hand over her mouth and the other immobilizing her. He tried talking in her ear again.
"Sarah…Sarah…it's Sage. Honey, what's wrong. Mims…Sarah…stop fighting me." She suddenly went still and he continued speaking. "Sarah, can you hear me?"
She nodded.
"Are you going to scream if I take my hand off your mouth?"
She shook her head.
Slowly, he lifted his hand and she slumped against him as if her legs could no longer hold her. He lowered her to a seated position. Her head hung forward. He laid her backwards on the ground and knelt over her. She was as limp as a rag doll.
Smoothing one hand down her cheek he gently lifted her head with his other. Her eyes were closed.
"Look at me, Sarah." She did not open her eyes.
More forcefully, he said, "Sarah, look at me!"
As if with great effort, she lifted her eyelids. Moonlight captured tears leaking from them.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
She spoke so low he had to lean closer to hear. "…panic attack." More tears streamed.
"Oh, sweetheart." He lay down beside her and turned her into his arms. Her body shook with quiet sobs while he held her close and whispered comforting words.
Finally, her shudders ceased and she reached to place her palms on his chest. He lifted his upper body and looked down at her. She said, "I'm so sorry. I…I haven't had an attack in years and I…I couldn't help…I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know a couple of people who suffer from panic attacks. They've told me how horrible they are."
"How did you know I was out here?"
"Julie woke me. She said she saw you running from the wagon."
"I'm so embarrassed. I've made a mess of everything today."
Sage traced her lips with his fingertip. "I don't like the way it happened, but I'm happy to be alone with you."
* * *
Sarah watched a shaft of moonlight touch Sage's hair and travel to his chiseled features when he tilted his head. She had never wanted anything more than she wanted Sage Tanner. A fire in her stomach burned away any lingering feelings of the panic attack. "Kiss me," she whispered. Sage lifted his eyes to the moon and she saw passion.
"If I kiss you, I won't stop there."
"I know."
"Sarah, you're on the ground. It can't be comfortable."
"I don't care."
"Sarah, don't do this."
"You said you wanted our first time to be special. How much more special is a beautiful night lit by a full moon?"
She watched a smile quirk at the corners of his mouth. He looked back at her. For a long time he studied her face in the moonlight and Sarah forgot to breathe. Slowly, he lowered his lips until they hovered above hers. His breath touched her face and she breathed again, mingling her breath with his. He said, "I want you, Sarah." His lips closed over hers.
Sarah tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him tight, allowing herself to just be. Her night of terror became a night of magic.
Chapter 16: Calm before the Storm
Sarah sat on the buckboard beside Ned while he guided their mules on the last leg of the wagon train adventure. "There's the Lazy M." He pointed.
She laughed. "I am so happy to be back. I can't wait to get out of pioneer clothes and soak in a tub. Never thought I'd be excited to wash my hair." Behind her, she heard Jill and Flo agree.
A rider on horseback pulled up beside them. Sarah looked at Sage and he tipped his hat.
Ned said, "Howdy, boss. Got any instructions?"
"Nope, you know the routine."
Sage grinned at Sarah. "And how are you today, Miss Sarah?"
Sarah turned scarlet. You're fetching when you blush. "Right as rain, Mr. Tanner."
Sage's grin turned wicked, "Sure was a beautiful moon last night. Beautiful moons make for special nights. Don't you agree, Miss Sarah?"
Sarah noticed Ned glancing back and forth between her and Sage. "I think every night should be special, Mr. Tanner."
Sage laughed so hard he almost fell off his horse. Julie, Jill, and Flo were now peeking around Sarah and watching the banter.
Ned shook his head. "I think I missed something in the conversation, but it's got me laughing anyway."
Sage winked at Sarah and tipped his hat at the ladies before urging Jackel to the next wagon. Flo whispered in Sarah's ear, "That man's got a thing for you." Sarah almost squealed with delight.
* * *
Sage rubbed Jackel and patted his flank. The last of the Triple T pioneers had been bused back to Tommy's ranch and his own pioneers were back at the dorm. They were a tired looking bunch and he knew from experience that tomorrow would be geared toward rest and recuperation for the dudes staying on. The M twins, the Tullys, and the Hackstetters were leaving. He knew Julie was sad about saying goodbye to Jacob. Unknown to his daughter, he had spied them kissing during the wagon train. He sighed. His little girl was growing up.
With a last pat on Jackel's hind quarter, he closed the stall and left the barn. He wanted to see Sarah, but he wasn't sure how to go about it without raising eyebrows. After showering, he knocked on Julie's door. "Hey, sweetie, you in there?"
"Yeah, Dad." She opened her door.
He handed her an envelope. "I want you to do something for me."
"Sure."
"Run over to the dorm and give this to Sarah, but don't let anyone see you give it to her."
"What is it?"
While Sage tried to think of something convincing, she laughed, "Just kidding, Dad. I don't want to know. I know you like her a lot."
"It's that obvious?"
"Well…yeah."
* * *
Julie ran across the yard toward the dorm. She was glad her father had asked her to deliver a note to Sarah. It would give her a chance to see Jacob again. When she thought about him leaving the next day, she wanted to cry.
She opened the door to the dorm. The great room was empty except for Jacob watching a sci-fi flick. He jumped up when she came in. "Hi Julie. I'm glad you're here. I almost walked over to ask if you wanted to watch a movie. But I figured you were probably too tired."
"I'd love to watch a movie. Give me a minute and I'll call my dad and let him know." She walked to the end of the hallway and knocked on Sarah's door. When Sarah opened it she looked really happy to see her, and when Julie handed her the envelope saying it was from her dad, she looked ecstatic. Yep, they definitely have the hots for each other.
After performing her errand, she returned to the great room and then entered the kitchen to call her dad and let him know she was watching movies with Jacob. Jacob came in and they made microwave popcorn. He asked what movie she wanted to watch and she said the one playing was fine. He started the movie over and when the opening credits rolled, he reached for her hand and entwined his fingers with hers.
* * *
Sarah read the note again.
Sarah,
I'd love for you to come to the house after you receive this. However, if you feel uncomfortable doing so, I certainly understand. Just so you know, tomorrow night I intend to take you to dinner, come hell or high water."
—Sage
Sarah's stomach did a somersault. He wanted her to come to the house. Quickly, she applied a little makeup, fluffed her hair, and changed into a c
alf length pink cotton skirt and pretty pink peasant blouse. She'd figured out that Sage was fond of her peasant tops.
After a last glance in the mirror, she opened the door and ran smack into one of the twins. Uh oh.
The woman didn't move.
"Excuse me," said Sarah.
The twin bent her knees until she was Sarah's height. "Don't think you're gonna keep him. You're just a distraction. Yeah, you're just a mercy fu…"
"Mandy!"
Sarah looked at the other twin down the hall and then back at Mandy. Ann was right about the girl having shifty eyes.
Mindy walked to stand next to Mandy. "I'm sorry for my sister's lack of manners, Sarah. She's just a sore loser."
"Loser to her!—chubby girl! No way!" Mandy stormed down the hall. Mindy gave Sarah an apologetic look and shook her head before following her sister.
Sarah waited until the twins had closed the door to their room before she walked to the great room. Julie and Jacob were absorbed in a movie and didn't notice her slip into the kitchen. The room was empty and she opened the back door, thankful for the cool night. She just started walking while her mind punched auto replay on the evil twin's hurtful words. Chubby girl…chubby girl…chubby girl. How many times had she heard those words, or close approximations, from her parents, her skinny sister, her ex-husband? She hated the words.
Mandy's meanness had put her in a funk and she couldn't decide whether to knock on Sage's door or go back to her room. She wanted to cry; something she'd been doing a lot of lately.
"Sarah." Sage called her name.
She jerked around. She'd walked almost to his house. He was leaning against the side of it, but straightened and strode toward her. Her heart tried to jackhammer through her ribs.
When he was in front of her, he said, "I was hoping you'd come."
She felt tongue-tied.
"Cat got your tongue?"
She nodded.
He reached for her hand. "Will you come to the house with me?"
She found her voice. "Okay." No power on earth could have made her say no.
She walked with him up the back porch steps and into the kitchen. "Can I get you some iced tea?" he asked.
"Yes, please."
"I like your top."
Sarah's heart did a triple somersault.
Sage moved away.
"Wait!"
He turned around.
"I don't want tea."
"What do you want, Sarah?"
"You."
His smile was slow and meaningful. "Just what I wanted to hear."
For the next two hours, if Sage had any misgivings about her weight, he didn't show it. When he urged her into the shower with him, any trepidation was soon dissolved in the steam coming from the water and from them.
He asked her to stay the entire night, but she refused. Instinctively, he knew the reason for her refusal and told her Julie was a big girl and could handle him being with a woman, but he respected her wishes. When he walked her back to the dorm shortly before midnight, Jacob and Julie approached.
"Hello Mr. Tanner," said Jacob. He sounded nervous.
"Hello Jacob. I guess you're leaving tomorrow."
"Yes, sir."
"Have you enjoyed your stay?"
"Yes, sir."
"You seem a little nervous. Is there something you want to say?"
"Yes, sir."
"Okay. You can say it."
"Well, sir."
Sage waited and finally said, "Jacob, just spit it out."
"Sir, I like Julie…a lot. And I want to call her on the phone and come to see her when I can. Maybe I could get a job here during the summer. You could teach me to be a ranch hand."
Julie added, "Yeah, Dad. Jacob would work really hard for you."
Sage asked, "Son, have you mentioned this to your parents?"
"Ah, not yet. I wanted to talk to you first."
"I'll tell you what, I don't have any openings this summer, but if you're still interested next summer, and your parents say okay, I'll hire you for a few weeks."
Jacob looked at Julie and grinned. "That'd be great!"
Julie hugged her father. "Thanks, Dad."
"You're welcome. Now you two should call it a night. We've had a long three days."
Sage and Sarah watched Jacob walk Julie toward the house. Sage chuckled. "We'll see if their long-distance budding romance lasts until next summer; if so, he's got a job."
At the door to the dorm, Sage lifted Sarah's hand and kissed it. "Remember, dinner tomorrow night." Sarah saw the promise of passion in his eyes. She wouldn't mind skipping dinner so she could spend more time in his arms.
"Should I dress fancy or casual?"
"Fancy."
Chapter 17: Sharing
Sarah felt Sage's hand on her elbow as he guided her to a table in a romantic, dimly lit corner of the upscale Italian restaurant, Sizzling Sicily. "Sizzling" described exactly how she felt. A smile tilted the corners of her mouth and when Sage pulled out her chair he bent and whispered, "Sarah, you keep smiling like that and we're not going to be here long." Sarah looked down and tried to make a straight face. She couldn't.
Sage chuckled and sat across from her. "Bet you didn't think this town had such a fancy restaurant."
"That's true. After experiencing Boot Bustin' Barn, I am a little surprised."
Their waiter handed them menus and took drink orders. Sage said, tongue-in-cheek, "Would you like an imported beer?"
Sarah blushed. "I think I'll keep all my faculties intact tonight."
The special look and quirky smile Sage flashed made her blood rush to her head.
"How about a glass of wine," he suggested.
"Okay."
He asked the waiter for recommendations and then selected a red wine grown in Temecula Valley in California. The waiter left and they perused their menus. "I've had the Tortellini Ricotta and Spinach and it's very good," he said.
I wonder how many women he's brought here.
He looked at her over the top of the tall menu. "Julie's favorite is Spaghetti Marinara."
So maybe he hasn't brought any dates here—yeah, right.
As an appetizer they decided on Porta Bella Mushrooms Smothered with Mozzarella. For her main dish, Sarah ordered Julie's favorite and Sage ordered Grilled Shrimp Caprese.
For the next hour, Sage captured her attention with funny stories of situations involving "dudes" and "dudettes." He laughed, "So, here's this greenhorn wanting to show off for his girlfriend. Only been on a horse twice and he thinks he's ready to ride Demon."
Sarah laughed. "Demon?"
"Yeah. A horse spawned by the devil himself. His eyes turn red when anyone comes near. We were boarding him for another rancher for a few weeks. Anyway, the dude actually climbs bareback on Demon and the horse doesn't do anything."
"What!"
"The poor man couldn't get the horse to move."
Sarah was hooked. "Why not?"
Sage leaned in. "What the man didn't know was Demon had just been tranquilized so the vet could get close. Needless to say, the girlfriend wasn't impressed. The man actually asked for a refund."
"No kidding?"
Sage sipped his wine. "No kidding. Hey, I've been talking for an hour about the ranch. I want to talk about you. Tell me about your writing. How did you get started? Have you always wanted to be a writer?"
Sarah sipped her wine, stalling for time. Setting her glass down, she twirled her finger around the lip. She looked up to see Sage watching her finger. His look sent goose flesh up her spine and she lost her train of thought. He looked up with smoldering eyes. Sarah chewed on her bottom lip.
Sage spoke over the top of his glass again. "Sarah, I swear everything you do sends me over the edge."
Her eyes rounded. "Um, er, I started writing about fifteen years ago. I'd never thought about it before then."
"What made you think of it then?"
She gave him a sad smile. "The need to do something
after divorcing a cheating husband."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to pry. You don't have to talk about it."
"Oh, it's okay. I was over him before our second anniversary. I just kept thinking he'd change if we had children. Stupid thinking on my part. But I was young and wanted a family." She lowered her eyes and stared at a drop of wine on the white tablecloth. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I also had a son. He was born premature and only lived a day. My panic attacks started after he died." She glanced up.
Sage was frowning. He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. "I'm so sorry, honey."
She gave him a little smile and looked back at the wine spot.
"Sarah..."
She lifted her eyes again and stared into sympathetic blue ones, waiting for him to finish his sentence.
"You fascinate me."
She hadn't expected that and wrinkled her brow. "I'm very ordinary and…plain."
"There's nothing plain or ordinary about you. When I first saw you at Imaginings Publishing, I felt a draw. Of course, I figured you were some uppity author and wouldn't waste your time with me."
"You've got to be kidding?"
"I kid you not."
"That's crazy."
"Well, when you got mad and left, that solidified it in my mind."
Sarah grinned and shyly looked away. "If it's any consolation, I find you just as fascinating."
Sage squeezed her hand. "Stay with me all night."
Sarah blinked rapidly at the sweetness in his voice. She nodded.
The waiter brought dessert menus and interrupted the intense moment. "What are your suggestions for dessert?" she asked. "Or maybe I should ask, 'what is Julie's favorite dessert'?"
"That's easy, anything with chocolate." They both ordered Chocolate Ricotta Pie with Hazelnuts. The waiter served their desserts with cinnamon coffees.
"You've done a wonderful job of raising Julie," Sarah said, while lifting her fork to savor her first bite. She closed her eyes.
Sage said, "Do that again."