Anything, Any Time, Any Place

by Gordon, Lucy

  The mirror showed her the image of a gorgeous bride, decked out in costly silk and lace, on the “happiest day of her life.” Behind her was the huge bed where she would achieve supreme happiness in the arms of her new husband.

  Suddenly Kaye couldn’t bear that caricature in the mirror. She ripped off the veil and began to tear feverishly at her dress. Her fingers fumbled over the tiny buttons, but she wrenched until they spilled over the floor. She hauled madly at the dress, never caring if it tore in her urgency to get rid of it. But when it was gone, a sense of futility overtook her, and she sank onto the bed, burying her face in her hands.

  Bertie had begged Jack’s help, and he’d probably frowned, trying to bring her to mind. Instead of remembering her, he’d had to be reminded of her existence. His good nature had made him agree to help out, then her whole family, including herself, had taken advantage of his chivalry to batten on him, just as Elsie had said.

  She would gladly have died of shame. All she wanted now was to get far away from here, away from the situation she’d walked into blindly, away from her own stupidity and disillusion.

  She couldn’t bear the sight of her beautiful nightgown. Its low-cut neck and filmy beauty belonged to the imaginary bride, the one whose husband loved her. But it was all she had to wear, and at last she slipped it over her head. To her despairing eyes it seemed shockingly revealing, and she covered her bosom with her arms.

  Tonight she could have claimed Jack and given herself to him in return. Now it was all a heartbreaking mockery.

  Chapter Five

  A noise outside told her that Jack was coming in, and she quickly turned out the light. As long as he couldn’t see her eyes she felt she might be able to face him.

  Jack saw her standing in the moonlight by the tall window, and smiled at the pretty sight she made. He was carrying a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

  “I thought we’d never get rid of them,” he said, coming closer to her. He was wearing a silk dressing gown, loosely tied at the front, revealing his chest, lightly covered with hair. She remembered the other time, on Singleton, when he’d been bare chested, holding her close, and she’d thrilled to be making love with him.

  But joy had been snatched away, and tonight it seemed to be happening again.

  “Poor Kaye,” he said. “It wasn’t too much for you, was it?”

  “No, I—I’m fine.”

  “I’m really sorry you had to meet Elsie like that. I’ll make sure she doesn’t bother you again. Still, now you know why I need you so badly.”

  “Do you really need me, Jack?” she asked wistfully.

  “Can you doubt it? I don’t know what I’d have done if I hadn’t remembered that you owed me.”

  “You could have called in that debt at any time,” she said in a voice that sounded a little strange to him. “You didn’t need to leave it so long.”

  He hesitated, and she thought she could sense him choosing his words with care. “Things happen when the time is right,” he said vaguely. “It was a crisis. I came to you for help.”

  She wanted to cry out that it wasn’t true, that his kindness and chivalry filled her with humiliation. But this would only make things worse. Jack mustn’t know that she’d learned the truth. She couldn’t bear it.

  She should have left it there, but some perverse imp drove her to torment herself. “What made you do it, Jack? After all, that promise was a long time ago.”

  “Are you saying you didn’t mean it?” he asked with a quizzical smile, half turning her by pressing her shoulder.

  “No, I meant it. But I don’t think it was so important to you that you sought me out all these years later.”

  “Hey, what is this?” He touched her face. “Honey, you picked the wrong guy for all this soul-searching. I hate analyzing things. Always have. We’re here, together. You’re beautiful and it’s our wedding night. What else matters?”

  If only she could feel like that, casting all thoughts aside to live in the moment. But just as his mind rejected analysis, hers insisted on it. “It matters why you asked me,” she said desperately. “You never thought of marriage until the last minute.”

  “Oh, that! What the heck! All my best decisions have been made on the spur of the moment. Here.” He handed her a full champagne glass. “To us,” he said, holding up his own glass and touching hers with it.

  “To us,” she replied brightly.

  After a moment he lowered his glass. “You don’t sound so keen. What’s wrong, Kaye?”

  “Nothing. It’s been a beautiful wedding. You’ve saved Paul, you’ve saved me, you’ve dealt with Elsie—”

  “You dealt with Elsie,” he interrupted in a strange voice. He was looking at her, puzzled.

  “Yes, I did. That’s my job, isn’t it?”

  “Don’t say it like that.”

  “But I like to believe I’m giving full value for—for—”

  “Don’t you dare say ‘for money,’” Jack broke in, suddenly tense. “That isn’t what this marriage is about.”

  “I wish I knew what it is about,” she blurted out.

  “I thought we settled that. We need each other.”

  “Do we?” she murmured wistfully.

  “It can be a good marriage if we let it, Kaye. Don’t you feel that, too?”

  What she felt was beyond words. She wanted him with her whole heart and soul. She wanted him with her body, and never more so than now when he was standing close to her, his chest rising and falling with some emotion that might have been mounting desire. She was suddenly certain that beneath the robe he was naked, and despite her mental anguish the thought caused a stir deep in her flesh. The temptation to forget everything but her love was overwhelming.

  Jack reached out and brushed her cheek with a fingertip. It was a touch almost too light to feel, yet it burned her, she craved it so much. A soft sigh escaped her. She wasn’t sure whether she’d whispered Jack’s name or not, but she thought she had.

  The butterfly touch continued down her cheek and across her lips, where it lingered, teasing her, turning her bones to water. A thousand lovings had made Jack a skillful operator who knew how to go carefully, tempting a woman into his arms with subtlety and finesse. The generosity that was the bedrock of his nature made him see things about Kaye that another man might have missed. He saw her shyness and anxiety at this moment, and his tenderest feelings reached out to her. He wasn’t in love with her, but he was grateful to her, and her vulnerability touched his heart. In fact, he saw everything about her except what was most important—her love for himself, and her shame at what she’d discovered.

  She was beautiful, he realized; her beauty was not blatant, but charming and delicate. The warm silk of her skin was a pleasure, making him want to explore her, enticed further by the elusive perfume that wafted up from between her breasts. He trailed his fingers down farther, along the line of her jaw, her neck, to the hollow of her throat.

  Kaye stood quite still, shaken to her roots by what was happening to her. She’d thought she was prepared to face him, but nothing could arm her against the onslaught of feeling that his lightest touch could evoke.

  The years fell away. She was eighteen again, hopelessly in love with Jack Masefield, yielding to the sensations he was evoking. This mattered, only this, to be in Jack’s arms, feeling his fingers moving gently at the straps of her nightgown, easing them down from her shoulders, following them with kisses.

  “I’ve been thinking of this since that night in the garden,” he murmured, his breath scorching her skin. “I couldn’t keep my mind on the service this morning, because I was imagining how I was going to undress you—wondering how you’d like it. You do like it—don’t you?”

  “Yes,” she gasped, “yes...”

  “And this?”

  Her nightgown slipped to the floor, leaving her naked. She heard the soft rustle of silk as he threw aside his dressing gown. Now he was as naked as herself. His whole magnificent body was taut, conc
entrated on the sensations that possessed him. His touch was still gentle, but growing more insistent, and when he gathered her into his arms to kiss her deeply Kaye’s lips parted in readiness.

  But in the very same moment she knew she couldn’t bear this caricature of love.

  “I can’t do this.”

  She didn’t know the words had broken from her until she felt Jack stiffen with shock. A moment ago she’d been aflame with passion, but now it had all drained away, leaving her body cold.

  “P-please, Jack,” she stammered. “I’d like to talk first.”

  “All I want to talk about,” he said with a groan, “is how lovely you are, and how much I want you. Say you want me, too, Kaye....”

  But the world seemed covered in a lurid light, distorting perspectives, turning everything back to front. His impassioned words were only kindly lies, mocking her.

  “Jack, wait.”

  With an effort he forced himself to be still. Kaye could hear his ragged breathing and feel the trembling in his flesh. “Was I going too fast for you?” he asked gently. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yes, too fast. Not for me, but for you.”

  “For me?” he echoed quizzically. “Believe me, I know exactly how fast I want to go. I want everything, like we nearly had before—do you remember?” He began kissing her softly again as he spoke.

  “Yes,” she said raggedly, “but you weren’t ill then. Remember your accident. You broke your ribs....”

  “I only cracked them, and it was weeks ago,” he said, frowning as he began to realize that she was serious. “Kaye, what is this?”

  “I—I’m just worried about you—in case you’re not really well yet.”

  He released her. “I see,” he said in a strange voice. “How thoughtful of you.”

  “It’s n-not just that,” she stammered. “There are things—things we must talk about first.” She flinched under the strange, cynical light in his eyes. “Jack, please go away,” she blurted out. “Just for now. I can’t explain, not just yet. I need to get my head together—then I’ll try to make you understand—”

  “I think I do understand,” he said coolly. “In fact, the whole thing looks very clear. Don’t worry, Kaye. I won’t bother you. Good night.”

  “Jack—wait—”

  But the door had closed behind him. Kaye sat staring at it, shivering with shock.

  Her wedding night should have been the happiest of her life, and it had been the worst. A hundred times she relived the sight of Jack’s face as he said, “The whole thing looks very clear.” He thought she’d frozen him off as soon as she’d got what she wanted. She’d never seen him look so coldly ironic, so close to outright contempt. And how could she blame him?

  She would have to give him some explanation the next day. It couldn’t be the truth. That would be too dangerously revealing, but she must think of something. She dozed fitfully and awoke in the early hours, lying awake after that to work out what she would say. By the time she had her speech carefully rehearsed it was time to get up.

  She found Sam and Bertie already at breakfast, in a sun-filled room overlooking the garden. There was nobody else there, but after a moment Georgy bounced in and greeted her.

  “Poor Dad,” she said. “He’s had Alex on the phone. Alex is the designer of the boat, and he’s in a terrible state, sure that everything’s going to go wrong. Dad calmed him down, but when Alex got here he was in a state again, so Dad’s calming him down all over again.”

  “Who calms Jack down?” Bertie asked between mouthfuls of ham.

  “Nobody needs to,” Sam declared. “Nothing gets to Jack. Nerves of steel. Gets it from me.”

  Georgy hooted with laughter. “What about that time you bought those luxury exercise bikes, and put too many zeros on the order, and it blew a hole in the budget and nobody could move for bikes, and you panicked—”

  “I did no such thing,” Sam asserted. “I rose loftily above the whole affair.”

  “Only because Dad sorted it out for you,” Georgy said, tucking in. “Like he always does.”

  “Hey, a bit of respect, young lady.”

  The conversation became an amiable slanging match. Kaye had no appetite, but she forced herself to take some grapefruit and coffee, glad that nobody was looking at her. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or sorry that today’s commotion would prevent any intimate talk between her and Jack.

  At last she heard his study door open. Jack appeared, his arm around a small, thin man with a worried expression.

  “That’s enough talking,” he was saying. “Come to breakfast and meet my wife.”

  He reached out a hand to Kaye. Now she could see his eyes. And they gave her a shock.

  There was nothing there: no anger, no question, no awareness, even. Jack was smiling and friendly, but it was the general goodwill he would have shown a stranger. An outsider, watching him make the introductions, would have said that here was a man who had an affectionate, untroubled relationship with his wife. Only his eyes revealed that he was keeping her at an emotional distance.

  It was like that for the rest of the day, with no time for any awkwardness between the bride and groom. The race was taking up everyone’s time and attention, and the hours were packed with preparations. When night came, Jack stayed up working until the early hours.

  At one in the morning Kaye slipped downstairs and into the study. Jack was just putting down the phone.

  “Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep?” she ventured. “You’ll be in no state to race a boat.”

  “I can do without sleep,” he said, leaning back in his chair and stretching.

  “But are you well enough to be doing this?” she asked worriedly. “You came out of hospital so recently, and it was much sooner than the doctors wanted you to go.”

  “Doctors,” he said witheringly. “What do they know?”

  “They knew you had a concussion and two cracked ribs.”

  “From which I’ve completely recovered, as I told you once before.” Jack’s voice held a faint, ironic edge that made her flinch.

  “Can’t you wait a little longer before you get back into that boat?” she pleaded.

  “No. Time’s running out. I have an option that expires in a few days and there are other people interested. Before I can decide, I have to know why I crashed. Was it my fault, or the boat’s?”

  “So what are you going to do? Crash again, in order to find out?” she demanded indignantly.

  “If that’s what it takes,” he said, getting up and strolling across the floor.

  “Jack, please—”

  “Hey, have I married a nag?” He slipped an arm around her shoulder.

  “Of course not, but—”

  “Good, I was getting worried.”

  His tone was amiable, but the arm around her was firmly urging her out the door. His friendly smile gave nothing away. Kaye found herself outside the study, with Jack blocking the way in.

  “Go and get some beauty sleep,” he said. “There’ll be cameras on you tomorrow. Night.”

  “Good night,” she said to the closed door.

  She shivered. Jack couldn’t have spelled out the terms of their relationship more clearly if he’d said it in words. She was his wife. She could share his home, walk beside him and smile in the face of the world. But she had no influence with him. None at all.

  Next morning saw an early start for Dover, by helicopter. Georgy was in high spirits. Her father’s villainy in separating her from Henri and forcing her to wear the school uniform was forgotten in the excitement of the occasion.

  “I love it when Dad does things like this,” she confided to Kaye. “There’ll be reporters and television crews there, and they always trot out a model or two to give him a big kiss—” She checked herself, adding hastily, “I expect they’ll skip that bit this time.”

  “They’d better,” Jack said with a laugh. “I’ve gone off being kissed by models ever since one of them turned out to be a p
rivate detective serving me with a summons. I’d evaded it really well until then, but they got me.”

  “A summons?” Kaye echoed.

  “Nothing serious. I was only a witness, but I didn’t want to be. It would have involved admitting whose company I’d been in at the time....” He cleared his throat. “It was a question of a lady’s reputation, and let’s talk about something else.”

  At last they saw the gleam of the sea, and Dover was in sight. Soon after, they landed, to be met by Charlie Daker, Jack’s director of publicity. He was a middle-aged man with rapidly thinning sandy hair, clearly a wizard at his job.

  A fleet of cars was ready on the tarmac to carry everyone the short distance to the shore, where a band was playing, flags were flying and stands had been set up for spectators. There were also two enormous screens to receive pictures by satellite when the boats were out of sight.

  “Stick close by me,” Jack said to Kaye, putting an arm around her waist and riveting her to his side. “Defend me from marauding women.”

  She smiled, determined to put her own concerns aside and do nothing that might spoil his day. It was clear that Jack was in his element, enjoying the spotlight, caught up in the thrill of the danger that was meat and drink to him.

  The two powerboats were already in the water, each long and sleek, built for speed. The sight of them gave Kaye a slight shock. “Jack, it’s dangerous,” she whispered.

  “No way! Piece of cake,” he said cheerfully. “Don’t worry. I’ve driven that thing a hundred times and I’m still here. I’ve got to go now. Charlie will look after you.”

  “Be careful,” she said, holding on to him impulsively.

  “Hey, c’mon! I’m indestructible.” He gave her his most mischievous grin. “Either that or you’ll be a rich widow.”