Anything, Any Time, Any Place

by Gordon, Lucy

  I wonder sometimes if giving people things isn’t really a way of giving them nothing.

  Jack had been speaking about himself, but she hadn’t believed him. Until now.

  “Why don’t you go and try out the car?” he asked. And if he’d said, “Run away and play with your toys,” he couldn’t have made his meaning plainer.

  She spent the afternoon getting the feel of the vehicle. It was perfect, and if there had been anything personal about the gift she would have been completely happy.

  Jack didn’t join the family for supper, and Sam explained that he was spending the evening on the phone to foreign contacts. When it was time for bed she went in to say good-night, and Jack blew her a kiss from a great distance.

  “Come and have a nightcap,” Sam called as she went out of the study.

  He was alone in the front room. As he pressed her favorite sherry into her hand, Kaye thanked him and joined him on the sofa. She was reluctant to go upstairs to her lonely room, and it was pleasant to sit here with Sam. By now she was almost as fond of him as of Bertie.

  “He’s doing too much,” Sam said with a sigh.

  “I know. But I can’t stop him. Can you?”

  “Me? Jack hasn’t listened to me since he took over our first shop years ago and stopped it going under—that is, when I took him into partnership and showed him the secrets of... Oh, what the hell! You know what I mean.”

  “Yes,” she said with a fond smile.

  “He’s always gone his own way, no matter what anybody thought. Oh, he’ll do it nicely. He’s got the charm of the devil—”

  “I think that’s in the genes, too,” Kaye said, raising her glass to him.

  “That’s one thing I did show him,” Sam said brightly. “How to sugarcoat it, so’s you don’t see what’s really happening until it’s too late. ’Course, he does it to me now.” He made a face. “I wonder sometimes what would have happened if Jack’s mother was still with us.”

  “Did she die long ago?”

  “She ain’t dead. Leastways, I don’t think so. She left when he was twelve. Never heard from her again.”

  “His mother abandoned him when he was that young?” Kaye echoed, horrified.

  “That’s right. Not a backward glance for either of us. Her new man didn’t want to be bothered with a child.”

  “Poor Jack, that must have devastated him.”

  “It did, but you wouldn’t have known it. On the surface he coped wonderfully, always cheerful and smiling. But I used to hear him crying at night when he was in bed. I’d go in to him, and we’d talk, and sometimes he’d let me get close. Other times he’d swear he hadn’t been crying, and everything was fine. Then he’d make a joke to turn the subject. Or he’d try to comfort me.

  “When he met Elsie I could see trouble coming from the start. He was only twenty-one and she’s eight years older, but he was infatuated with her. He’d already made his first fortune, and she set out to get him. She was an actress in those days, and she sure put on the right act.

  “When she got pregnant Jack didn’t think twice. Marriage. I tried to warn him against her, but once Jack’s made up his mind, people tend to do what he says.”

  “Yes,” Kaye agreed with a little smile.

  “Well, I guess you’ve discovered that. Of course, the marriage was a disaster. She was his mother all over again, walked out for a new man.”

  “But she didn’t abandon her child.”

  Sam snorted. “She would have done if it had suited her. But Jack loved that little girl. He used to rush home to play with her before she went to bed, and he was always buying her silly presents—all that sentimental stuff, you know.

  “So taking Georgy gave Elsie a hold over Jack. She was a weapon, that’s all. He made Elsie a generous settlement—far more than she deserved after the way she acted—and she’s gone on screwing money out of him ever since.”

  “However did he manage not to become bitter?” Kaye wondered.

  “He drew back into himself instead,” Sam said seriously. “You might not think it, the way he laughs and charms everyone, but that’s partly a way of keeping people off his pitch. He’s got it to a fine art now. Inside, even I’m not sure who he is anymore, except that he doesn’t trust anyone, especially women. He expects folk to disappoint him, and when they do he doesn’t get mad, he just shrugs and moves on.”

  He might have added that it was all part of a pattern that Jack should have married in the way he did. Choosing a woman who was almost a stranger, hustling her to the altar with no words of love asked or given, left him feeling in control, and therefore safe.

  But Sam said none of this because, like his son, he wasn’t strong on analysis. What he’d managed to tell Kaye so far represented an heroic effort.

  “I’ve disappointed him,” Kaye said slowly.

  “I don’t believe that. I don’t know what’s wrong between you two, and I’m not prying. But if ever I saw the right woman for Jack, you’re the one. By ‘right’ I mean someone who can understand the way he is, and make allowances for it, and keep holding on until it works.

  “Mostly that’ll be down to you. You mustn’t expect Jack to know what you’re thinking. He’s not the most subtle of men, and in some ways he ain’t clever.”

  “Not clever?” Kaye echoed in astonishment.

  “Oh, he’s brilliant about things. He can juggle figures like balls in the air, and he’s only got to lay his hand on an engine to know what it can do to the thousandth rev. But people—” Sam shook his head despairingly. “He’s just dumb about what makes them tick. Guess he gets that from me,” he added after a moment.

  “I think you understand plenty,” Kaye said.

  “Mostly what I find out from Bertie,” Sam said significantly.

  “Grandpa’s got a big mouth.” Kaye sighed.

  “True. And he’s a fool. But not such a fool as my son.”

  “Sam, you won’t—”

  “What do you take me for? There’s things Jack’s got to find out for himself. But don’t let him take too long. Kick him in the rear now and then. Do him a power of good.”

  They went upstairs together, and at her door Sam kissed her cheek warmly. “Don’t give up, darling,” he said. “You’re Jack’s last chance.”

  Jack listened to the murmur of Sam’s and Kaye’s voices in the hall, then their footsteps going upstairs, and then the house growing quiet around him. Soon everyone would be asleep—everyone except himself.

  All his life he’d needed little sleep, but these days he hardly had any. The couch was comfortable enough, but it couldn’t stop his thoughts following Kaye into her room. His mind would persist in seeing her remove her clothes, gradually revealing the slender body that had twice so nearly been his. There was an abyss between them that he couldn’t cross, yet he could clearly see every beautiful, tormenting detail.

  For years he’d cheerfully passed his time with a succession of well-endowed beauties who gave and took on an equal basis, knowing his limited needs, happy to satisfy them in return for a good time. Jack was a man who knew how to give a woman a good time, and until now he’d had no complaints.

  Kaye was entirely different from these women, both spiritually and physically, but therein lay her very attraction. Her delicate loveliness was a teasing incitement. It wasn’t merely the soft roundness of her body and the grace of her movements. It was the way she turned her head, and the light in her eyes. He envied those on whom that light fell. Once it had fallen on him, but on his wedding night the light had been switched off, and he still didn’t know why.

  It was misery to want her so fiercely and know that she didn’t want him. But the greater pain was feeling that he’d been deceived in her. This woman, whom his instincts had told him was better than all the others, had proved herself worse, cheating on their bargain by rejecting him as soon as the ring was on her finger. As behavior it was devious and dishonest. And Jack prized honesty. Some of his business dealings might sail close
to the wind, but only with others like himself, who knew the risks. In his personal relationships he was straighter than most men.

  His pride revolted from the thought of demanding an explanation from Kaye. He’d never yet begged for a place in a woman’s bed, and he wasn’t going to start with his own wife.

  Sometimes, tossing and turning in the small hours, he was sure he knew the answer. There was another man who held her heart, and the thought of him had put up a barrier against her husband.

  Then he would awake and in the light of day he would recognize this theory for the nonsense that it was. Kaye was incapable of such deceit.

  That was almost the worst pain of all: that in the midst of everything, his original belief in her flowered untouched.

  After a few more days he moved back upstairs to his own room. Even his ingenuity couldn’t stretch his sojourn on the couch beyond this point, and he was aware that the household was beginning to regard him curiously.

  All except Kaye. Gradually it was borne in on Jack that Kaye didn’t look at him at all if she could help it. She grew more distant from him by the hour, and the more remote she was the more she tormented him.

  He tried not to let this show. He couldn’t go near her without wanting to touch her, so he avoided going near at all. He was afraid of the temptation to caress her cheek or lay his hand over hers. He was even more afraid of the fierce physical longing that would possess him without warning. It was a weakness, and one that he couldn’t risk.

  He was well enough, now, to leave the house. He began spending long hours in his London office, returning as late as possible.

  It was time for Georgy to return to school. She complained about this, but in a halfhearted manner that suggested she’d already sized up the strength of the opposition. Aylesbury Lodge was an excellent establishment with an enviable academic record, but it insisted on dressing its pupils alike. The summer uniform was a cotton dress of white-and-mauve check, designed on the principle that its wearers were sexless children. It naturally found no favor with Georgy.

  “If Henri sees me in this I’ll die. I’ll just die,” she moaned.

  “Then we’ll have to hope that he doesn’t show up,” Kaye replied briskly. “Luckily there’s no sign of him.”

  Georgy flung her a look of loathing, which Kaye pretended not to see. She was more aware of Jack, hiding his grins behind his newspaper. He didn’t hide them well enough.

  “And you’re no help,” Georgy informed him. “You don’t care if Kaye ruins my life.”

  “That’s right, I don’t,” he agreed affably. “I’m even going to help her ruin it by driving you to school and making sure you get there.”

  Georgy fulminated in silence, while attacking her breakfast with youthful heartiness. “Henri’s not the only pebble on the beach,” she said stormily at last.

  “I’ll tell him that, if I see him,” Kaye observed cheerfully.

  “What about Paul? Suppose he calls and sees me in this?”

  “I hope he does,” Kaye said firmly. “It’ll remind him that you’re only fourteen.”

  Kaye had heard nothing from Paul for a few weeks. When she called, Rhoda answered to say that “poor Paul” was taking a little vacation in Italy to recover from the strain he’d been under.

  He telephoned her at last, sounding more cheerful than he had since before his trouble with Lewis. “Hi, sis! Long time, no see!”

  “How was Italy?”

  “Fantastico! I’ll tell you all about it when we meet.”

  “All right, I’ll buy you lunch. You choose where.” He named an expensive Italian restaurant in central London, explaining his choice with, “My heart’s still in Italy.”

  Kaye set out, looking forward to the meeting with the brother who, despite everything, retained a hold on her heart.

  Paul was late arriving, but then he swaggered in like a lord of creation, fully knowing the attention he was attracting. Not many young men were as beautiful as Paul. His clothes were stylish and looked brand-new.

  “Not late, am I?” he asked, kissing her cheek.

  “Not more than I expected,” she said cheerfully.

  The wine waiter appeared. Kaye left the choice to Paul, meaning to drink nothing but mineral water.

  “White with the pasta, I think,” he said with the air of an expert, “and red to follow.”

  He made a great performance over the selection of food, peppering his words with Italian phrases. Finally he chose the most expensive dishes on the menu and returned it with a confident air that made the waiter bow low.

  “How long have you been back?” Kaye asked.

  “A week, and I wish I’d stayed away. You should hear the way Mom goes on. The house is very empty without you. It makes me realize how you used to keep her off my back. I never appreciated you enough, sis.”

  There was a warm note in his voice that told her he was angling for something. Strangely, it didn’t affect her as much as it once had. She saw him a little more clearly now. Or perhaps she’d always seen him clearly, but had still clung to him as someone to love. Now her love for Jack filled her life, even if it wasn’t returned.

  “You shouldn’t criticize Mom,” she said. “I expect she paid for those clothes you’re wearing.”

  “There you’re wrong. I’ve got a new credit card,” he said loftily. “Actually, I needed some new clothes for my new job. I had a chance to do some modeling. I wanted to make a good impression, so I kitted myself out.”

  “Modeling,” Kaye exclaimed in delight. “But that’s wonderful. Did they offer you anything?”

  “Yes, a couple of days’ work.”

  For a moment she basked in a vision of Paul doing the only work for which he was really qualified, looking pretty. He could make decent money and be a success in spite of everything. But his next words smashed the illusion.

  “It didn’t work out. So I told them to chuck it.”

  “You what? Oh, Paul...”

  “Don’t start sounding like Mom,” he said petulantly.

  “But why?”

  “Artistic differences.”

  “What really happened?”

  “That’s right, show you trust me. Look, I was only five minutes late, okay? It wasn’t my fault. Anyway, it’s no big deal. Something will turn up.”

  Despite his claims of destitution, Paul ate and drank like a prince, doing everything with a flourish and conducting a rattling monologue. Kaye laughed despite herself, for Paul was delightful in this mood.

  “I’m so glad things worked out well for you,” he said warmly. “If ever anyone deserved to land on her feet, it’s you.”

  “Thank you, darling.”

  “Jack’s a great guy, and I’ll bet he doesn’t keep you short.”

  “Are you angling for a loan?”

  “Not a loan exactly,” he said with his sweetest smile. “It’s just that—well, there’s this.”

  He took out a paper that she recognized as a credit card statement, and slid it across the table toward her. Kaye’s eyes widened. The bill was over two thousand pounds, all run up in Italy.

  “Please, Kaye, just this month’s payment. I’m not asking you to pay it all—although if you felt you could, that would be wonderful—but just one month...”

  Kaye steeled herself. “No, Paul. I can’t ask Jack for any more. He gives me so much—and he got you off Lewis Vane’s hook.”

  “But need you tell him? I don’t suppose he asks how you spend every penny?”

  Paul’s instinct was spot on. Jack made her a large allowance and asked no questions. But she found this largesse more crushing than pleasant, as it implied indifference. “I can’t spend his money like this without telling him,” she said, trying to sound firm.

  “But surely it’s your money too, now, isn’t it? I’ll bet that’s what he’d say.”

  “Yes, he would, and it’s just because he trusts me that I won’t do this.” She pushed the statement back across the table. “I’m sorry, Paul.
”

  He scowled for a moment, then took it back with a shrug. After that they made small talk in a halfhearted way until it was time to go.

  Paul raised his eyes at her sleek new car, but Kaye was too busy opening the door to notice the wry twist of his lips. She offered him a lift home and he sat in thoughtful silence until she pulled in to a gas station.

  “I’d better fill up here,” she said, switching off the engine and taking her purse out of her bag. “I won’t be a moment.”

  Left alone, Paul regarded the bag she’d left on the floor. It had a gold clasp and smelled deliciously of real leather. He reckoned it had probably cost at least enough to pay this month’s installment on his card. Life just wasn’t fair!

  Kaye was paying for the gas, standing with her back to him. Moving quickly, Paul took the statement out of his jacket and slipped it into her bag, pushing it right down out of sight. When Kaye returned he was leaning out of the car window, awaiting her with an expectant smile.

  She dropped him off and drove home, brooding about a plan she was hatching. For once Jack was at home, and she found him alone.

  “Are you busy?” she asked. “Or can we talk?”

  She thought a slight look of alarm flickered over his face, but it was replaced instantly by an amiable smile that gave nothing away. “Of course. Been out socializing?”

  “Only with Paul.”

  “How is he?”

  “Same old Paul.”

  “You’re not letting him leech off you, are you, Kaye?”

  “Of course not,” she said quickly. For a moment she almost confided in him about Paul’s request and her refusal, but decided against it. She had no idea that her mobile face registered every thought, and that her indecision was obvious to Jack.

  “Did you want to talk to me about Paul?” he asked.

  “No, something else. Now Georgy’s gone back to school, I need something to do during the day.”

  “Get a job, you mean?” he asked, frowning.

  “Sort of. Not a paid job. There’s a little nursery school near Aylesbury Lodge. It’s for children with disabilities, and they need volunteers. I’ve talked to them, and when they heard I was a trained infant teacher they nearly fell on me. I could make my own hours, go there while Georgy’s at school, and still be ready to collect her. When the summer vacation comes, I can take a break.”