Anything, Any Time, Any Place

by Gordon, Lucy

  “Well, it isn’t—hey! What are you doing with this? Kaye never lets it out of her sight.”

  “What’s that?” Jack regarded something Georgy was holding up.

  “It’s Kaye’s little wooden horse. Does she know you’ve got it?”

  “That’s not Kaye’s. It’s mine.”

  “Are you sure? It looks like hers.”

  “They’re identical. We bought them together.”

  “When? Last week? Last month?”

  “Six years ago, on Singleton. I took her to dinner to thank her for coping with the little horror that you were then—”

  “As opposed to the big horror that I am now,” Georgy said, much entertained.

  Jack tweaked her nose fondly. “As you say. A souvenir seller came to our table and I bought Kaye one of these little horses. So she bought me one just like it.”

  “And you’ve cherished it all these years,” Georgy said dramatically. “And to think I had you down as a dreary old stick-in-the-mud.”

  “Any more out of you and you can forget that scarf,” Jack said, sounding harassed.

  “Oh, Dad, don’t be a spoilsport. You’ve both kept them. That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “You mean Kaye’s still got hers?” Jack asked casually.

  “I know she has. I’ve seen it. Only for a moment, because she snatched it out of sight and hid it away.” A flash of insight made her say, “She didn’t forget she still had it.”

  “I didn’t exactly forget—at least, I did for some time. I found it recently. Do me a favor, Georgy—you never saw this. Not a word to Kaye.”

  “But she’d really like to know.”

  “I’m not so sure.” He had a sudden impulse to confide in her. Despite her youth she had the female point of view, and possibly understood Kaye better than he did himself. “I never really know what she’s thinking,” he admitted.

  “What does that matter, as long as you know what she’s feeling?”

  “I’m not sure about that, either. When people marry as we did—on the spur of the moment, not really knowing each other, each with their own agenda—”

  “Own agenda?” she echoed, frowning.

  “I married her for your sake, she married me for Paul’s sake.”

  “Oh, Dad!” she said with youthful scorn. “Kaye married you because she was nuts about you. I saw it from the start, and even if I hadn’t, I’d have known when you had your boating accident.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “She was devastated. When your boat turned over I thought she was going to faint. She was crying as much as I was, and when they brought you on board, she knelt beside you saying your name over and over—she was in a terrible state, Dad. Honest. Dad?”

  “Er, yes—” he said, startled.

  “You were miles away.”

  “Keep this under your hat, Georgy,” he said with an effort. “Things don’t always mean what we hope—that is, what they seem.”

  Georgy became very worldly-wise. “I can tell when a woman’s in love, Dad. Even if you can’t.”

  “That’s enough out of you, cheeky. And remember what I said.”

  “My lips are sealed.” She darted out, clutching the scarf.

  Left alone. Jack picked up the little horse and held it in his palm. For a moment he was back on Singleton, looking at Kaye across the table, seeing her glow with adoration. He should have heeded the warning and never come so close to making love with her, but she’d charmed him out of his mind.

  Thank God he’d been able to stop himself in time. Even so, he knew he’d hurt her feelings cruelly. She’d loved him. He could still hear her sobbing words, I’ll never love anyone but you.

  He’d dismissed it as the delusion of a child. But now another memory came to stand beside it. As he lay semiconscious on the deck after the boat crash, her voice had whispered to him out of the darkness. I love you. I’ve always loved you.

  He hadn’t been certain he heard the words. And when she hadn’t come to the hospital in the ambulance with him, he knew he’d only imagined them. Now he wasn’t so sure.

  He saw her again as she’d been that night in the Caribbean, radiant. Everything about her was shining—her innocence, her warmth, her honesty. He’d known then that she was the most honest person in the world. How had he come to forget what she was really like?

  All this time, since their marriage, he’d held off from her. Even when they’d found ecstatic passion in each other’s arms he’d kept some part of himself aloof, waiting for the moment of disillusionment, almost willing it to happen, because that way he was still in control. He’d suspected her of double motives on the flimsiest of evidence, because to believe in her was to take a risk, and he’d told himself that as long as he treated her well, his cynical thoughts couldn’t hurt her. It had seemed like common sense at the time, but now it looked like the action of a coward.

  Jack had been called many things, from an intrepid hero to a reckless fool. But this was the first time he’d been called a coward, and the fact that he was his own accuser didn’t make it any more pleasant.

  It seemed impossible for one young girl to pack for a vacation without turning the whole house upside down. To Jack’s relief, the turmoil prevented anyone noticing that he was preoccupied with his own thoughts. Even Kaye didn’t seem to notice, which surprised him, because usually she noticed everything. But Kaye, too, was preoccupied these days. Sometimes it almost seemed that she was eager not to be alone with him. On the night before Georgy’s departure Kaye arrived home late, when the others had almost finished eating.

  “You’ve been visiting your mother again, haven’t you?” Jack asked as he helped her off with her coat.

  “Yes, I’m sorry I’m late. She kept making excuses to keep me there, and I couldn’t bear to walk out and leave her alone in that empty house.”

  “All the charm of novelty, in fact. Kaye, I don’t mean to be unkind, but you know, don’t you, that if Paul came back tomorrow—”

  “He isn’t going to.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact that she’s making use of you.”

  “I know, but what can I do? She’s so lonely it’s scary, and she needs me at last.”

  “Sorry to sound like a curmudgeon.”

  “You’re not a curmudgeon. I noticed a large deposit had suddenly arrived in my bank account—”

  “Well, I guess Paul left debts, and Rhoda can’t afford to pay them. So you’ll do it for her.”

  “Thank you, anyway. It’ll be for the last time.”

  “Yes, now he’ll be Elsie’s responsibility. Good luck to them both!”

  Sam and Bertie came out of the dining room, and Bertie swept her off to supper. Sam looked at his son curiously.

  “All right, son?”

  “Yes, I suppose so,” he said wryly. “It’s just that I thought perhaps my turn had come. Well, I’m the fool! Come on, Sam, let’s go and finish eating.”

  Next morning Jack and Georgy set off for the airport, where she would catch the plane for Norway. Kaye had chosen to stay behind. Georgy said goodbye to her with a warm hug that would have seemed impossible only a short time ago. Kaye and her two elderly cavaliers stood on the step, waving until the car was out of sight.

  They watched her without seeming to, noticing how the smile faded from her face when her husband was gone, and the sad look that was left behind.

  “See that?” Sam asked when Kaye had walked away.

  “I saw it.”

  “Things aren’t right.”

  “She thinks he doesn’t need her anymore.”

  Sam made a sound perilously close to a snort. “I’ve given up waiting for those two to sort themselves out. It’s time for action.”

  “But I don’t want Kaye to think me an interfering old fool.”

  “I’ve never been afraid to be called an interfering old fool,” Sam said robustly. “Been one all my life. Too late to stop now.”

  “B
ut what can we do?” Bertie asked.

  Sam told him.

  It was one of Kaye’s favorite tasks to feed the goldfish in the huge ornamental pond in the garden. They were fat and greedy and came eagerly to the side to greet her.

  Bertie was there, sitting on a stone bench, staring into the water. Kaye gave him a kiss and knelt on the flagstones.

  “It’s nice to see Georgy getting on so well with Jack,” she mused. “They seem so at ease with each other now, don’t you think, Grandpa? Grandpa?”

  “I’m sorry, darling,” Bertie said, apparently coming out of a dream. “What did you say?”

  “Grandpa, are you all right?”

  “Of course I am.” He gave her a smile that was slightly too bright to be convincing.

  “You’d tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

  “Nothing’s wrong, darling. Don’t you worry yourself.”

  “But of course I worry. Grandpa, tell me, please.”

  “It’s just a mood. It doesn’t mean anything. When a fellow gets to my age he starts having strange thoughts.”

  “What kind of thoughts?” Kaye asked in dismay. The mention of Bertie’s age had brought old fears flooding back to her.

  “I’ve been remembering Kedmore,” Bertie said wistfully. “It’s nothing special, just a little village in the north. You won’t even find it on most maps. But I was born and grew up there, and I’d kind of like to see it one more time—before it’s too late.”

  He finished with a small melancholy sigh. Sam, shamelessly eavesdropping behind a tree, made urgent signals to his partner-in-crime not to overdo it.

  “Grandpa, what are you talking about?” Kaye asked. “It’s not going to be ‘too late’ for a long time yet.

  “Of course it isn’t,” Bertie said bravely. “Don’t give it another thought.”

  “I must think of it, if it’s important to you. If you really want to see Kedmore again, why don’t we take a little trip?”

  “Oh, no, darling, I don’t want to be a nuisance.”

  “Don’t say that. How could you ever be a nuisance to me? We’ll go tomorrow.”

  “Couldn’t we go today?” Bertie asked in a faint voice.

  “But Jack will expect me here when he comes back—oh, yes, of course. Right now. I’ll go and get ready.”

  “Yes, hurry up. There’s lots to get organized—packing, airline tickets—”

  “Airline tickets?” she echoed, puzzled. “For Kedmore?”

  “Oh, yes, right. Don’t take any notice, darling. I’m just a bit distracted.”

  Kaye hurried upstairs and hurriedly packed for herself and Bertie. The two old men were standing in the hall when she went downstairs.

  “All ready to go?” Bertie said eagerly. Kaye smiled at him, touched by his childlike delight.

  “I just need a moment to leave Jack a note,” she said.

  “It’ll soon be too late to start today,” Bertie said. “And I did so want to go at once.”

  “No need to write to Jack,” Sam said. “I’ll explain what happened. Go on, you two.”

  As they were getting into the car, Sam asked, “Any idea when you’ll be back?”

  “Well...” Kaye looked at Bertie.

  “Hard to say,” he said vaguely. “You know how these things—see how it goes, eh?”

  “I really don’t know when we’ll be back,” Kaye said, laughing. “You’ll explain to Jack, won’t you?”

  Sam’s face was bland and innocent. “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll tell Jack everything he needs to know.”

  “I feel bad about leaving when he’s coming home, but I’ve neglected Grandpa recently. Maybe the time has come to put him first. I’m sure Jack will understand.”

  “I’ll see he does,” Sam promised.

  The last mile home seemed an eternity to Jack. He checked the huge bouquet of red roses on the passenger seat, his gift to Kaye to signal their new beginning. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, but with any luck there would be no need for words. The flowers carried their own message, and perhaps he could leave the rest to her.

  He wondered now whether his proposal really had been a spur-of-the-moment decision? Hadn’t question and answer been given all those years ago in the Caribbean?

  His own voice came to him out of the past. You’ll find a man who knows how to treat you, and you’ll love him. He’ll be the luckiest man alive. He’d said those words to her as she wept in anguish at his refusal to make love to her. They sounded like a conventional disclaimer. It was only now that he knew he’d meant them all along.

  He stepped on the gas a little, eager to get back to her. She’d probably be waiting for him on the front step. She often watched for him from the window and hurried down to greet him. Strange how a little loving gesture like that could come to mean so much, and how long it could take a man to understand.

  He was several hours behind schedule, owing to a delay with Georgy’s plane, and it was late evening when he reached home. He strode into the house, bouquet in hand, calling, “Kaye!” in the eager voice that had always brought her running down to him before. But this time there was only silence, and something in the echoing quality of the house made him uneasy.

  “Kaye!” he called again.

  When there was no response he ran through the house, still calling. He stopped in the back room overlooking the garden. It was a room Kaye had made her own, and now it seemed ominously quiet.

  “I’m glad you’ve come back, son.”

  Jack turned quickly to find Sam in the doorway, his face troubled.

  “Sam, where’s Kaye?”

  “I don’t know,” Sam said heavily. “I wish I did.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “She left hours ago.”

  “What do you mean, ‘left’?”

  “She and Bertie just piled their stuff into the car and drove off.”

  “But where were they going?”

  Sam crossed his fingers behind his back. “They were a bit cagey about that.”

  “Sam, what’s going on here?”

  “There’s a lot going on that I don’t understand,” Sam said. “I thought you might know. Kaye’s your wife. Don’t you ever talk to her?”

  “Of course we talk,” Jack said, a tad defensively. “It’s just that recently—she’s been in a funny mood.”

  “I’ve noticed that, too,” Sam said, adding significantly, “And now she’s gone.”

  Jack tried to fight down his growing alarm. “When is she coming back?”

  “I asked her that. She said she really couldn’t say.”

  Jack’s fingers tensed on the stems of the roses. “Didn’t she leave me a note?”

  Sam shook his head. “Not even that,” he said heavily. “But she said you’d understand that the time had come.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” Jack demanded, raising his voice to drown out the sound of his own dread.

  “I know she’s been very depressed now that you don’t want her anymore.”

  “Who says I don’t want her?” Jack roared.

  “You did—good as.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Let’s face it, she’s served her purpose,” Sam said belligerently. “Got rid of Elsie for you. Now you don’t need her anymore. Leastways, that’s what she thinks.”

  “How could she think...?” Jack’s voice trailed off, leaving him staring into space. A cold hand was gripping his stomach and he had the feeling of moving through a nightmare.

  He forced his limbs into life and bounded up the stairs. In Kaye’s room he pulled open closets and drawers. Most of her things were still there, but this didn’t reassure him. He knew his wife well enough by now to understand that possessions meant very little to her. If she’d left him, she was more likely to have abandoned everything than to have stripped the place.

  “She must have given you some idea,” he said fiercely to Sam, who’d followed him.

  “
All I know is, I heard them talking about airline tickets,” Sam said truthfully.

  Jack went pale and walked out. He needed to be alone to cope with his thoughts. Kaye had always been completely his, there when he wanted her, wanting nothing for herself, only to make him happy. Now she was no longer there, and suddenly he was shaking.

  In the kitchen Sam was staring at the phone on the wall, silently willing it to ring. When it did he snatched it up.

  “Where in thunder have you been?” he demanded without preamble.

  “Kedmore,” came Bertie’s voice. “Cornfield Guest House.”

  “Well, you took your time calling.”

  “I had to wait until Kaye went upstairs. She’s asleep now.”

  “You don’t know what you’ve put me through. I’ve got him all fevered up and I don’t know where to send him.”

  “Well, you know now, so quit yakking and get up here,” Bertie told him. “And hurry. Kaye’s set on starting for home tomorrow.”

  “Don’t let her leave till we get there,” Sam yelped.

  “I’m doing my best. Get moving!”

  “Heck, I think I can hear Jack coming.”

  “Then I’m off. He’s the last person I want to talk to.” Bertie hung up.

  Sam replaced the receiver just as Jack looked in.

  “Who was that?”

  “That old idiot Bertie!”

  “Why didn’t you call me?” Jack demanded.

  “Didn’t have the chance. He said you were the last person he wanted to talk to.”

  “What about Kaye?”

  “She’s asleep. But I found out where they are.” Sam gave the name and location of the guest house, adding, “He used to live in Kedmore. Must have wanted to see his old home again before leaving the country.”

  “He said that?” Jack demanded.

  “Not in so many words,” Sam said truthfully. “But that was the impression I got.”

  “Get a map, quickly.”

  “It’s four hundred miles north. Bertie’s mentioned that place before.”

  “Can we do it by morning?”

  “We can if we share the driving. Let’s get going.”

  “I’m going to talk to her first.”