Ghost Time

by Courtney Eldridge

  So when Mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told her I wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want any lawyers, I didn’t want any videos, I didn’t want any reporters or awful phone calls or e-mails or missing boyfriends. I asked if we could have dinner the next night, and if I could just have the apartment to myself for a night? I told her I didn’t want her to buy me anything, I just wanted some space. It was mean of me—I don’t even know why I was being so mean to her, but I couldn’t stop, either.

  Anyhow, we made a plan. I offered to stay with Melody for a couple hours in between the time Knox had to go to work and Heather came home, and since it was our birthday, he talked Heather into letting me spend a few hours with her, alone. When I got there, we waited until he left, and then I called a cab. I’d never called a cab before, but I told them I had a friend in a chair, and they sent one of those little vans and even had a lift. I guess for all the old people in town.

  After I hung up, I got the strangest feeling. Well, probably because I knew we were going to get in trouble, but I’d been hauling my bag around all day. So, right before the cab came, I put it down and pulled out Hubble, and I said, Mel, do you think I could leave this here? She shot me this look, and she said, Are you sure? It was strange, I know, because I’ve never let our notebook out of my sight, but I just had this feeling I shouldn’t carry it around the mall with me.

  Hide it under my mattress, Mel said, and I said, You sure? Then she got the strange feeling, too, I could tell, because she changed her tune and said, Positive. Leave it here. What safer place could there be in this town than my bed? she said, and I just nodded, I’m not touching that. She goes, No, seriously, no one will ever find it if you hide it between the bottom mattress and the bedspring, she said. So I folded back her mattress, and I placed Hubble just under where her pillows were, then covered it back up, making sure her bed was perfectly tidy before we headed back out.

  The cabdriver got out to open the doors for us, and when we got in the cab, we just started giggling, Melody and I. She goes, We’re going to get in so much trouble, and I go, I know. Isn’t this great? Then I turned off my phone. I told the driver, I said, It’s our birthday, and he looked at me in the rearview, and he goes, Yeah? You two sisters? And I go, Twins—Mel said it at the same time, and I go, Jinx! And she said it, too, same exact time. Like I said, grinning, I was so happy. She made the guy nervous, Melody did, I could tell. Which is good, because he ignored us the whole way. I had to ask her again, I go, Are you sure about this? And she goes, I’m sure, and I used the money she had in her piggy bank, like she told me to, but I saved her a surprise.

  I waited until we got there, and then I saw this bench that was free, so I wheeled her there, and she goes, What are we doing? And I go, I got you something, and she goes, No! Thee, no—I thought this was our gift, she said, meaning our trip to the mall, right? I go, It is, but I got you a little something, and I pulled her gift out of my bag. It was small, soft, wrapped. I made the wrapping paper—I drew a picture of her on Kraft paper and I showed it to her. Thee, she whined, because she felt bad, and I go, You want me to open it or not? She just grinned at me, and then she goes, Open it! So I undid the piece of tape at the back, saving her drawing, and I opened her gift and showed it to her, holding it up.

  She goes, Ohmygod. Oh. My God. I go, You like it? It’s vintage, and I looked at it, holding it up. Took me eight days of hand-to-hand combat bidding on eBay, but I got her an original Meat Is Murder T-shirt. I even kept the envelope it was mailed in, I said, it came all the way from Manchester. She goes. No! I go, It’s true. I’ll show you, and she goes, I can’t believe it! I go, You want to wear it? And she goes, Yes, yes! I go, Over your shirt? And she goes, No, I hate this shirt! Burn it!

  So I took her to the bathroom and we changed her clothes, and I didn’t burn it, but I threw her shirt in the trash—I did—she told me to. Then Mel goes, I’m ready—let’s do this. I couldn’t help laughing, but I go, Let’s, and we went back to the mall, and she goes, Thee? I stopped and bent over her, looking at her upside down, and she goes, I didn’t get you anything, and she felt so bad. I go, You did, too—you got me my best friend forever, and then I leaned forward, giving her butterfly kisses. Then she goes, Ohmygod, Thea, that was so sweet, I think I gagged. All right, enough. Let’s do this already, I said, ignoring her, pushing her toward the front doors.

  When we got into the mall, the center of the ring, Mel freaked out. Just total sensory overload, you know, and she clenched her jaw, and she goes, Thee, people are staring at me. I go, Don’t flatter yourself: they’re staring at me, and Mel goes, You know, you’re very funny for a sixteen-year-old girl, and then it hit me. I was just like, Wow, I’m sixteen. I go, Mel, we’re sixteen, can you believe it? And she squealed, I know! Gave me the chills. I go, Seriously, it’s not you, it’s your shirt: they don’t get many vegetarians in this neck of the woods, Mel, and she started laughing. People were gawking, it’s true, but I was just like, What’s your problem? She’s in a wheelchair and you’ve got a fat ass, so what? Then, out of nowhere, Mel goes, Woo hoo! Sixteen in leather boots! I almost fell on the ground, laughing. I can’t even remember the last time I laughed like that. Honestly.

  Anyhow, we looked at the mall map, and I cruised her around to the three places, and she chose the one she liked, then we went in and waited our turn. When the stylist came over, the one handed our appointment, she had jet-black hair—sort of like that guy from Flock of Seagulls, except one side of her head was shaved and she had a nose ring, and seeing, like, eight piercings in the ear on the shaved side of her head, I was just like, I’ve done some really crazy things, but I don’t think I could ever do that, but Mel goes, She’s perfect.

  So the girl, the stylist, whatever, comes over and she looks at Mel, saying, Hello! All singsong like people do when they see this poor girl in a wheelchair, right? I mean, I know they don’t mean to condescend, but it annoys me. I go, My sister wants her hair cut in a bob, and she leaned over, smiling at Mel, and she goes, What kind of bob? I go, Like Siouxsie Sioux, and the girl goes, “Spellbound”? And I go: Snap! And Mel goes, Told you. I go, You ready? And Mel goes—smart-ass, Mel goes, I was born ready. So I wheeled her over to the girl’s chair, and the woman unfolded a cape, then she wrapped it around Mel’s neck. I told her we could skip the wash, because it would be too hard in the wheelchair, so after the girl wet down Mel’s hair, I took Mel’s hand and squeezed, watching the stylist make the first cut, five inches of hair, falling to the floor.

  It took forever with the blowout, but when she finished, I was just like, Ohmygod, Mel, look at you! She looked so incredible, I was just, like, speechless. Looking at herself in the mirror, Mel goes, I can’t believe it’s me, and I go, It’s you—it’s the new you. And she goes, Thee, for the first time, I feel sixteen, not six! You look so gorgeous, I told her, and she said, Thee, we aren’t done yet. And I said, Makeup? And she said, Yes. But first, I want my ears pierced, and I go, Mel, no—. And she goes, Thea, I’m not a child—you told me your mom let you get yours pierced when you were eight! And I go, I know, Mel, but, and she goes, It’s my birthday, and I have a right to choose, don’t I?

  So I took her to the piercing place at the end of the mall. It was a shop that sold earrings, and the woman had a piercing station at the back. When she saw us, of course she assumed it was for me, and I go, No, it’s for her, and before she could say anything, I took out the money to pay her. I mean, the place was dead, she couldn’t say no, really. So she sterilized Mel’s ears with alcohol, and I go, You’re so brave, and held her hand while the lady put the gun to her ear—I think it hurt me more than it hurt her when he shot the stud through her lobe, and her entire body spasmed. She goes: Fine, I’m fine, and I was like, Oh, shit, Mel, you sure? And she goes—get this—she goes, Thee, don’t worry, I have a very high pain threshold. And then she started singing, I am the daughter and the heir….

  An hour later, Melody had a new hair cut, pierced ears, and professional m
akeup. I don’t know why the mall makeup artists always plaster it on, but anyhow. I took pictures, showing her on my phone, and then Mel goes, Ohmygod, I look so retarded! And I said, You look like me, and she said, I repeat, and I said, Hey, hey, it’s my birthday: be nice, and she said, I know. Sorry, now I’m acting like you. I put my phone away, rolling my eyes at her, and she goes, It’s just that I can’t focus my face, I can’t—, but I cut her off. I said, Mel, I can’t listen to this today. And you know what? I said, leaning over the chair, looking at her upside down: You’re beautiful. She is—she’s so beautiful, and then I heard these voices—a voice in my head and a voice in my heart, saying, tell her, say it, and I opened my mouth to say, I love you, and then I heard this voice say, Girls. I knew before I turned around, but I still turned, and sure enough, this mall cop stepped up, and I knew we were busted. Mel knew, too, because she goes, Uh-oh, and the cop spoke into the walkie-talkie on his shoulder, and I go, Party’s over.

  He was one of those bland mall cops, a big guy, not quite overweight, with pink skin and pudgy fingers and a crew cut. He didn’t say anything, but you could tell by the way he tiptoed around us that we were in big trouble. And the whole time we were sitting there, waiting for Knox to show up, the guy was trying not to stare at Mel, but he wasn’t doing a very good job. So finally, Mel goes, Dude, look or don’t look—god, you’d think you’d never seen a palsied girl with a Siouxsie Sioux haircut and a Meat Is Murder shirt before, and I started laughing. And then Mel did, too, and I had a feeling it would be the last time we laughed together for a while.

  When I heard Knox’s footsteps, outside, Mel goes, You ready, Thee? I looked at her, smiling, and I go, Born ready, and I clasped her hand, standing up, watching the door open. When Knox saw us, Mel goes, Thee? And I go, Yeah? And I looked at her—she was Melody, my Melody—the real girl, holding my hand in hers, standing beside me, shoulder to shoulder. Mel said, No matter what happens, this is the best birthday I’ve ever had, and I had to swallow and roll my eyes—I kept it together, though, and I go, Me, too. And we knew this would happen—it was part of the plan—that’s what we planned all along. Not just no more lying, no more secrets, hiding from her mom. Mel always wanted to be a teenager—to break rules, get caught, to know how it feels—to live. She wanted to live, on the inside and outside, and we did. Still, ohmygod, we were in such trouble, I was really scared.

  Knox couldn’t even look at me, he was so angry, walking in, and then, when he saw Melody, his face turned beet red. I’ve never ever seen him so angry, and I thought he was about to explode, but he managed to get out of the office, and we got to the parking lot, and he got Mel situated in the back. The mall was closing; it was almost ten o’clock, and when I got in, I was about to apologize when Knox lost it. He said, Do you, do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Heather lost her shit when she found out I’d left Mel alone with you, and she called the cops—she reported Melody missing. Mel goes, Oh, Jesus Christ, Dad! And I raised my hand: Jesus Christ, Dad. And Knox shouted, I trusted you! How could you do this, Thea? How could you do this to my daughter! Then Mel started yelling back at him, Why are you yelling at her? I raised both my hands, Why are you yelling at me? Melody goes, This is what I wanted, this is what I wanted, and I have a right to be a girl like every other girl! I didn’t even realize for a moment I was yelling along with her, word for word, and Knox just stared, his mouth hanging open.

  I raised my hand and told him exactly what Mel said, word for word: Every day, all day, all night, you wish I was normal, a normal healthy girl, and then, when I act like a normal teenager, you wish I was a vegetable again! And he goes, Don’t say that—don’t ever say that! And she goes—I spoke for her: It’s true. It’s true, Dad! Every night, you drink. You drink and you feel sorry for yourself and you blame your family and blame the war—you always find someone or something to blame!

  Don’t you understand, Dad? she said, and I raised my hand, saying, Don’t you understand? She goes, Don’t you see? It’s nobody’s fault, what happened to me, Dad. Nothing could have been done to stop it—it’s a disease, and it’s just what happens in this world sometimes to some people and I know it’s not fair. I know, I do, and I try to accept that—every single day; I have to accept that the world’s just not fair, but you don’t want to accept that. You think I don’t know? You think I don’t I hear you at night, Daddy? I know the truth about you. And you aren’t protecting me from anything: Jesus, you’re so upset over, what? I cut my hair? God, it’s just hair, I said, raising my right hand, yelling at him, but he wasn’t listening.

  I can’t believe you, he said, speaking to me, and I go, Me? You’re the one, I said. You like controlling her, you like that she’s never going to grow up! Mel started yelling, and I started yelling for her: Quit feeling so sorry for yourself, quit blaming everyone and everything, quit drinking and pretending you don’t wish I’d never been born! Knox goes, Take it back, and she goes, and I raised my hand, No, I said. Because it’s true! You tell everyone I’ve taught you more about love than you ever knew was possible, but you wish that weren’t the case—you’d rather have a normal daughter than know anything about love! Knox swerved, pulling off the road, just before we reached our building.

  The car snapped, like a rubber band snapped the air, and no one said anything. He looked at Melody, and then he looked at me again: I said, take it back, he said. And then, I raised my hand, like I was taking an oath, and I told him exactly what she said: Fuck you. Knox’s mouth fell open, then he raised his hand and slapped me—he slapped me across the face. There was a sharp, cracking sound, and then Mel started screaming and flailing in the backseat, and Knox yelled: She’s having a seizure! I yelled back at him, She’s not! It’s not a seizure! And Mel was yelling in my ears: Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me, you bastard! Knox got in the back and held her down until she stopped kicking, and I just watched, waiting for her to calm down. She did—a few minutes later, Mel stopped, didn’t say a word, and then, when Knox sat back, tears started streaming down her cheek. Black tears, mascara.

  Knox hid his face in his hands for a minute, then we heard this roar. What’s going on? What’s happening? Thee, what’s going on? Mel was beginning to panic, and I was beginning to panic, and Knox said, Holy fuck, seeing the crowd of reporters in front of our building. Thea, what’s happening—tell me what’s going on, Mel said, twisting her head to see, and I said, Me. I’m happening. Just then, Knox got back in the front and he said, Get out, as someone in the crowd pointed, seeing us, and people started to turn. Some people started walking toward us, a few at a time, and then, almost the whole mass of them started moving straight for us. Get out! Now! Get out! Knox yelled at me, before leaning over and throwing open my door, unfastening my seat belt, almost shoving me out of the car. No! No, Dad, no! Mel screamed. I almost fell, and Knox closed the door, and I got up, pounding on the window, Please, I said, barely able to talk: please don’t leave me! I held my breath, waiting for him to turn around, but he didn’t. So I started screaming at him, down the highway: Come back! Don’t leave me! But they didn’t turn around. He just left me there, feeding me to the wolves.

  Trying not to cry, trying to hold on, I turned and I started walking back to our building. Steeling myself, I looked at the crowd, but the only person I recognized was Jenna Darnell, and she saw me right away, and she actually looked scared, just this look in her eyes, and then everyone started streaming around her, rushing toward me. All these reporters and cameramen, and all I could think was, Now what? Haven’t you people seen a sex tape before? I thought they would stop, let me through, but they didn’t. I made it to the middle of the parking lot, before they surrounded me, and it was like a storm hit, with lights flashing and flashing, voices shouting and shouting, Thea! Thea! Thea, over here! Thea, is it true… Blinding, deafening, couldn’t breathe. Let me go! Let me go! I said, trying to push my way through.

  I was crushed, literally crushed by people pushing against me, unable to breathe, starti
ng to panic. The thing is, when I saw them, I thought they’d stay back, because why would they push like that, why would anybody behave like that unless it’s an emergency? But it was not an emergency; it was just news. I’m the news, being swarmed by this crowd of reporters, all asking questions, and I kept trying to follow their words, but I couldn’t see who was talking, because they were shining lights in my face, and they all kept pushing, and I was trying not to trip or step on anybody, thinking, This isn’t really happening. You see it so many times on TV, you think you’d know how to deal with it, but you don’t, trust me. No one knows how to deal with a stampede.

  I couldn’t hear, couldn’t see, so I started shouting, I can’t breathe! Please, I can’t breathe! And then a hand grabbed my arm, and turning, I screamed, because it was Foley. Don’t touch me! Get your hands off of me! I yelled, but he wouldn’t let go, pulling me through the crowd, bulbs flashing everywhere, and Foley said, Theadora Denny, you’re under arrest. Arrest for what? I said, covering my eyes as more flashbulbs went off, and there were so many people shouting; I could barely hear Foley answer: You are under arrest for the kidnapping of Melody Knox. Her mother is pressing charges, and your mother is waiting for us at the police station, Foley said, and then he started reciting my rights, and I said, You’re joking—you must be joking, but he wasn’t. He led me to the black SUV and opened the back door, covering my head with his hand and pushing me inside. Once the door closed, it was silent, and it was dark, inside. I could open my eyes again, hearing Foley get in the cab, up front, and then, very carefully, the driver pulled out.

  We reached the highway, about to turn, and sitting on the side closest to our building, I looked up, at our empty doorway, remembering the last time I saw Cam. Then I closed my eyes, and I told him the truth, thinking, You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me. And I am the very best me when I’m with you. If we’d never met, I wouldn’t know what it is to love with all my heart, and I would never have met Melody, the best friend I’ve ever had, and I never would’ve seen how beautiful I am, through your eyes. But right now, at this moment, if I could do it all over again, if I had a choice and I could go back in time? Honestly, Cam, I love you more than anything in this world, but if I were God and I could do anything, if I could do it all over again, I would never meet you. No, we would never meet again.