Dying to Love

by Reese Rivers

  Linc leans across the space between us and takes my hand. “We screwed up. We all know you can fight, Kells, but seeing that many dead at once near you, well, it messed with our heads and made us stop thinking about anything other than getting to you to keep you safe.” His beautiful, strong face crumples for a second and then firms back up as he pulls me from my seat and into his lap where he buries his face in my hair. “I love you. I’m in love with you and the thought of losing you so soon after I found you made me freeze.” He holds me away from him so he can cup my face. “I’m not going to apologize for wanting to keep you safe and to protect you. I will try harder to not let it consume me to the point of distraction and danger again, though.”

  I lean in and brush my lips across his. “Thank you, Linc.” I pull back and breathe out, “I’m in love with you too.” He crushes me against his broad chest and holds me tightly until Grayson pulls me across the couch to be wrapped up in his arms. His mouth slams down on mine and the kiss is a soul-scorching testament of just how strongly he feels about me. When he finally breaks it I’m breathless.

  “Kells, I never thought I would have a chance to find someone like you, to love someone the way I’ve fallen in love with you. I agree with Linc. I’ll work on being not so overbearing but you just have to know that the thought of losing this, of losing you … The four of us might have been together since this all started but we were alone too. You filled our broken cracks, Kells. I don’t want to keep living this life without you in it.”

  I close my eyes as love swamps me and feel a few more of my own cracks start to fill in as I wrap my arms around his neck.

  “I promise to do my very best not to let that happen. I love you, Grayson.”

  We sit quietly holding on to each other until Oliver sets a fresh mug of coffee on the low table in front of us. Just as I start to reach for it, Devin pushes to his feet. I can’t read what he’s thinking from the expression on his face but his words are clipped and abrupt.

  “Right, you’re a super badass ninja and I promise not to get in your way as you take on all the dead single-handedly. Oh, and we don’t want you to die and you don’t want us to die. Got it. Good talk!” He says sarcastically with a touch of bitterness and then walks away, leaving me open-mouthed in shocked surprise at his callousness.

  “Dev! What the fuck, man?” Grayson spits out as Linc gets to his feet to go after him but Oliver waves him back down as he stares at his friend's back in a disappointed way.

  “Leave him. You won’t get through to him when he’s like this.” He turns and looks at me and nods. “That was about more than you know. I’m sorry I can’t tell you. It’s not my story to tell. All I can say is that after the dead rose Dev went through something pretty dark and traumatic before we found him. He’s got a steel wall wrapped around him to hold it all at bay.” He picks up my coffee and hands it to me with a sad expression. “If anyone can break through it, it’ll be you, Kelsey. Don’t give up on him, please.”

  I take the coffee but my eyes go back to Devin’s retreating back as he disappears deeper into the gardens.

  Devin

  Ineed to walk off the simmering anger that lives inside me before it bubbles over and scalds everyone around me. I want her so fucking bad it’s a constant ache but smashing two broken people together will not make a whole one. It’s not just about protecting her, it’s about protecting me too. Kelsey’s so wrapped up in what happened with her friend and how she can’t have another person she cares about die on her that she never once thinks about what it would do to us if she’s the one to die. How am I supposed to let myself love someone the way I’m falling for her if I can’t trust her to stay alive. How am I supposed to live with her ghost haunting me the way Tara haunts her. I already have too many ghosts surrounding me as it is.

  She carries Tara with her like a security blanket. I know she sees and talks to her. What if she never lets her go? What if one day it just becomes too much and Kelsey finally decides to give up and be with her best friend? That whole thing about shooting someone in the head? I know she had to do that to her friend. Something went wrong and maybe she blames herself for it but Tara got bit and Kelsey had to put her down when she turned. I just know it, just like I’m almost positive at some point during her time alone, Kelsey held a gun to her own head to try and join her. I know because I did the same damn thing after … after.

  So how can I trust her with my heart if she’s still holding on so tight to Tara and might one day follow through to be with her? Even worse, how do I let her love me if I might finally give in and end it all to lay my own ghosts to rest? I shouldn’t even be here. I should never have survived those first few days when I couldn’t save all the ones I was responsible for.

  I climb up onto one of the guard platforms and sit for hours looking out at the forest, looking for answers, looking for a way forward with her but I can’t stop circling around my damage and hers as the wind whips at my hair. I finally stand and stretch the stiffness from sitting in one spot for so long and spot her cherry hair further down the fence line as she moves in and out of the swaying corn. I clench my fists at how frustrating it is to want someone so badly. There’s so much I love about this woman but I don’t know how to break free from our baggage so I can finally have her. I’m so close to just caving in and letting the cards fall where they will so I can snatch a tiny slice of the happy pie she and my brothers are making. Isn’t some happiness better than having none at all?

  Before I have a chance to make that leap the alarm on my phone goes off and I pull it from my back pocket and thumb open the security app. It shows me the pressure sensors have been triggered on a section a few hundred feet past where I last saw Kelsey. I lift my eyes from the phone and sure enough, she’s already out of the corn and jogging that way. Jogging toward danger without even trying to wait for one of us to back her up. I grind my teeth and quickly flip the wooden box open, pull out a knife and one of the silenced handguns and slide down the ladder and start running. I bite out a curse when I see her disappear through one of the gates in the distance and pick up the pace. I don’t give a shit how good a fighter she is. It’s just fucking reckless to go out there without someone watching her back.

  The closer I get to the gate she went through the easier it is for me to hear the sounds of at least two zombies moaning as they call their friends to the party. I also start picking up the sound of something flapping. It kind of sounds like a flag snapping in the wind except it’s making a more crinkly noise. I’m steps away from the gate when I spot my brothers running in my direction but they’re still a good distance away so I don’t wait, not while she’s out there alone. I yank open the gate and step through, expecting Kelsey to be somewhere close by taking out the dead through the outer fence but all I see is empty space as the long grass sways undisturbed. Fuck! She’s gone through the outside fence! I race down in between the fences until I find the outline of an exterior gate where the ivy has been torn away, rip it open, and step out.

  I spot her right away about twenty feet to my left. There are three bodies at her feet as she stretches up against the fence to pull a white plastic garbage bag that’s snagged on it, flapping and snapping in the wind. It’s exactly the kind of movement and noise that would attract the dead. She manages to snag it and pull it off and I watch her turn away from the fence in my direction and as she stuffs the balled-up bag in her pocket her eyes meet mine. I want to throttle her. I want to throw her over my knee and spank her luscious ass until she promises she won’t ever put herself in danger again but I know she won’t agree to that so I say nothing and just glare as I wait for her to come back inside. I see her set her shoulders and her lips press together like she’s holding herself back too but then I feel all the blood drain from my face when a large, grey, clawed hand clamps down on her shoulder.

  I’m frozen to the spot unable to move or call out as my worst fear blooms right in front of my eyes. She moves so fast I have to blink to keep up as her han
d comes up and grabs the zombie’s hand on her shoulder. She twists to the side and juts her hip toward it and flips it over to land on its back in front of her on the ground. One quick swipe has her knife sliding out of its sheath and then she stabs - burying it to the hilt in the monster’s eye and deep into its brain. She stands back up, glances behind her to check for more and then strolls over past me through the gate. Without pausing, almost as if it was an afterthought – she tosses over her shoulder, “Make sure you lock this back up.”

  When she moves further away, I let the breath I’ve been holding gush out of me in a harsh exhale. I grab my head with both hands and squeeze to try and silence the loud pounding of my heart that’s throbbing through it and then slowly step back through the gate and secure the lock.

  Kelsey

  “Hey! What was it? Are you okay?” Linc asks as he, Oliver, and Grayson slow their sprint towards me.

  I pull out the plastic bag and hold it up so they can see.

  “It got caught on the top of the fence and was flapping in the wind. Perfect zombie attraction. I had to put a few down but it wasn’t a big deal.” I tell them.

  “Nope, no big deal at all for someone with a death wish. Skated through again but don’t worry, Princess, I’m sure your men will mourn long and hard when you finally get your wish.” Dev spits harshly at me as he passes me without a glance and heads back toward the campers.

  I swear my hand only drops to my holstered gun to check and make sure it's secured and not because I’m tempted to shoot him in the ass that his head is so clearly stuck up. I grind my teeth at his back but Oliver’s hard tone has me snapping my head toward him.

  “You went out there alone?”

  I roll my eyes. “I was perfectly fine! Dev’s just being an ass.”

  “Did you go out there alone?” He asks again with a little bit more force. I slide my gaze away from his and chew on my lip as I see Linc and Grayson’s expressions harden.

  “We have to trust you to make good decisions and take care of yourself but you don’t have to take the basic precaution of waiting literally one minute so someone can go with you to watch your back? Is that how this is going to work?”

  Oliver waits me out but now I’m feeling like an idiot because he’s right. I’m a hypocrite. I didn’t even stop to think about waiting for any of them.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have waited.” I say in a small embarrassed voice.

  Linc steps up and brushes some of the hair from my face. “Kells, if you don’t want us to cage you in, don’t give us a reason to feel like we need to. Okay?”

  I give a tiny nod and look to all three of them and say, “I don’t have a death wish.”

  The three of them pull me into a group hug and then set me back but it’s Oliver that pins me with a look that has me dropping my eyes.

  “If that’s true, then you need to go tell him that. You need to sort this with him, Kelsey, or it’s just going to get worse between you two.”

  I groan in frustration. “Ugh, couldn’t you guys just ground me or punish me in some way instead?”

  I meant it as a joke but Gray’s and Linc’s expressions shift to heated and hungry, causing me to try and step back and I almost trip over my own feet. Oliver steadies me with a hand that slides down my body and cups my ass, making me jerk. His eyes travel down my body and I feel an answering pulse in my core when his tone deepens.

  “Let’s do both. You deal with Dev and we’ll reward you by punishing you in a way that will make you lose your mind in pleasure.”

  The three of them crowd even closer to me and Grayson tugs on a piece of my hair. “Three mouths on your body, Kells.”

  I swallow hard as my pussy dampens.

  “Three times the pleasure,” Linc promises as he runs one of his large fingers down my chest, in between my breasts.

  My breathing is jagged as I stumble away from them and stutter, “I … I’ll … me talk Dev now.” I almost face plant over some potato plants when I throw one last look over my shoulder at them and spot the hard prominent bulges in their pants. Fuck me, these men have turned me into a thirsty, thirsty, bitch!

  I hurry to catch up with Dev, pushing all thoughts of sex from my mind. Oliver’s right. We need to sort this out somehow or we will constantly be butting heads. I just wish I knew why he has to be such an asshole to me. I never did anything to him to make him be so harsh with me all the time. The others shared their concerns with me in a calm way so why does he get to talk to me the way he does. It’s one thing when he’s just taunting me in a casual fun-ish way but an altogether different thing for him to be such a jerk when he’s serious. I don’t deserve it and I’m fucking done with it!

  By the time I catch up to him I’m back to steaming mad and I shoulder check him from behind.

  “Cavern, right now!” I bark at him.

  He snaps out a harsh laugh and changes directions, matching my pace.

  “This should be good. Are you going to give me another piece of your mind, Princess? Bitch slap me for daring to worry about you?”

  I grind my teeth to keep the nasty retort in my mouth until we walk into the cavern and then keep going to the gym. It might be best to have this out in a soundproofed room. When he slams the door behind us I whirl on him.

  “I should have waited before I went out. I’m sorry.”

  He jerks back not expecting that but then goes right back to glaring at me.

  “Good! You should be fucking sorry but I highly doubt it will be the last time you do something reckless.”

  I let out a strangled cry of frustration. He can’t even accept a damn apology without being a dick. I stomp right up to him and yell, “You are such a fucking asshole!”

  He smirks and then jerks me against him and fists my hair to drag my head back. His mouth is less than an inch from mine and I see the fury in his eyes that matches mine as he grits out, “Never said I wasn’t.”

  And then our mouths crash and we kiss like savages. Hot and brutal is a fucking understatement as our tongues duel against each other and our lips mash so hard our teeth clash but neither of us gives an inch as we pour all the anger, fear, and desperation into each other. Our hands rip at our clothes until his hot skin is against mine and his mouth slides away to suck and bite at my neck.

  “I don’t have a death wish!” I rage at him even as my hands slide down his body pawing at every hard ridge of him.

  He does that hard laugh again as he moves lower to my breast. “You can’t hide from me. Like recognizes like, Princess. Now shut up.”

  Two hard fingers slide deep inside me just as he bites down on my nipple. That’s all it takes for me to cum and I buck hard against his hand as he laughs. I’m still being rocked by the sudden orgasm when he takes me to the wall and pins me to it. My legs go around his waist and he’s thrusting up inside of me. His cock is thicker than the others and it stretches me with a bite of pain that just adds to the waves of pleasure that are picking up again with every hard stroke.

  As he pounds me against the wall I rock my hips to meet his every thrust. His teeth are bared and his hard fingers dig into my hips enough that I know I’ll have bruises tomorrow and it just makes me want to take him deeper inside me. I claw my nails into his back as the second wave of climax overtakes me and as my pussy clamps down on his cock in spasms I let my head fall back against the wall. His head falls forward and he leans back enough that he can look down at his cock sliding into me so I arch my back harder on his next thrust and feel him jerk and push deeper as his cock explodes inside me.

  We’re both breathing hard and he keeps me pinned against the wall for a few minutes but when my head clears enough for me to think again, I shove against his chest and he lets my legs drop back down to the floor. His hands hit the wall, caging me in as he stares into my eyes. I can see some of the fury has left them but when he smirks in amusement, I feel mine ratchet back up. Dev pushes away from the wall with a cocky nod and walks away.

 
; “Nothing like good hate sex to clear up an argument.”

  I glare daggers at his naked back as I find my shirt and pull it on.

  “That didn’t clear up shit!”

  He turns and tosses me a towel from near the weight bench. “No, but you have to admit, a couple of screaming orgasms sure takes some of the edge off.”

  There’s so much satisfaction in his voice that I want to punch him right in the dick. Instead, I turn my back on him while I clean myself off and pull on my shorts. When I turn back around he’s getting dressed so I look past him but the bank of mirrors gives me a great view of a superbly formed ass. I sigh as he pulls his jeans over it and find myself wishing things could be different between us.

  “Like I said, I’m sorry I went out there without one of you. I’m still adjusting to not doing everything myself.” I tell him. “I promise to be more aware of how my actions affect all of you. But Dev, I’m not the princess you keep calling me. You can’t stick me in a tower and expect me to be content to live there for the rest of my life.”

  He gives me one of those annoying looks with raised eyebrows that says everything I just said was a load of bullshit.

  “Christ sakes! Why do you have to be like this? Why can’t you just be like …” I snap my mouth shut without finishing the ridiculous sentence I almost said but he pounces on it.

  “Like the others? Is that what you were going to say? Why can’t I be like the others and just … love you?”

  I squeeze my eyes shut so he won’t see the truth and close my hands into fists so I don’t pull my hair out in frustration.

  “I can’t let myself feel that for you, Kelsey, because I can’t trust you with it and I can’t trust me either.” For the first time, there’s no anger or bitterness in his tone, just sadness. My eyes fly open in surprise and I step closer.