Sasha's Dilemma (The Dilemma Series)

by Smith, T. L

  “What did I tell you?”

  I poke my bottom lip out and give him my best ‘I’m sorry’ face. He just laughs and tells me to put my hands back up. He gives me two orgasms with just his hands and mouth. I’m shaking when he lifts me and carries me into his house and straight to the shower. Slowly, he undresses me and joins me in the shower. My legs feel like jelly and I’m afraid to stand on my own, so I lean on him. Effortlessly, he supports my weight and washes me from head to toe, making sure to be extra gentle when he gets to my sex area. I’m breathing heavy just from his ministrations and I know I haven’t had my fill of him.

  Slowly, I kiss up his beautifully tattooed, toned stomach. Just being able to touch such beauty has me instantly wet again. I can feel him getting harder when I’m kissing his neck. I climb up his body and instantly he knows what I want. He grabs me and wraps my legs around him. I can feel him near my entrance, and I’m craving him like a bad drug that I need now or I might explode. I never seem to have to tell him what I need. It’s like he can read my mind and just does it. He grabs my hips and slams into me over and over again until we’re both spent and breathing heavy.

  He turns the shower off and helps dry me off before grabbing the shirt he had on tonight and putting it on me so all I have on are his clothes. He goes to the kitchen, grabs me a glass of water and Panadol so I won’t feel sore in the morning, and then lays in bed next to me. Josh never sleeps in anything. He makes me laugh because he likes to say that he wants his boys to be happy. I always feel him pressed into my back when I wake up, and he is always happy.

  “What do you want in the future, beauty? Do you want to get married and have kids?” he asks me while wrapping my body around his so my head is on his chest. I freeze at that question. I am so not ready for any of that.

  “To be honest, I’ve never wanted to be married or have kids. I figured I would be okay being an aunty and godmother when the day comes,” I tell him.

  “Really? I would never have guessed. Because of your line of work, I figured you would want kids one day.”

  Everyone thinks that.

  “No, I love kids. I just don’t want any and marriages are just a waste of time and money, if you ask me. If you love each other, why do you need a piece of paper to prove it, or a ring for that matter?” I say to him.

  “You surprise me every day, you know that? I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth,” he says with a kiss to my head. I’m not sure if I should ask him if that’s what he wants, but I don’t want to ruin the moment. I just drift off to sleep, happy on his chest. I figure I’ll ask another day.

  Chapter 13

  I wake up alone and look at the clock, it’s midday. Wow, I haven’t slept like this in a long time and I feel great. I hop out of bed, figuring I’ll find Josh in there, but all I find is a note.

  Had to go to work, couldn’t wake you. You looked like an angel sleeping. Give me a call when you’re awake, my beautiful xx

  I give him a call and let him know I’m awake. He tells me to stop in so we can have lunch together. I get to the shop and find Pixie at the counter.

  “Well, hello there, long time no see. How you been?” she says to me.

  “I’ve been good. Just here to have lunch with Josh. How’s your day been?”

  “Oh, you know, the usual busy. So when you going to brand that beautiful body with some ink?”

  “Never really planned on getting one. I love tattoos, but I don’t know how you pick something that is going to stay on my body for life,” I tell her.

  “Well, Josh is getting one now. I wonder if you will like it, hmmm,” she says smirking up at me. Now I’m curious. He has a lot, and I don’t know where he could possibly fit more.

  “I’ll let him know you’re here. He should be done by now.” With that, she walks out the back and I get a chance to look around. Most of the drawings are by Josh. He really is talented with his hands in all aspects. A set of arms wrap around my waist and I turn into him.

  “How did you sleep?” he says into my neck.

  “Best sleep ever, thank you very much.”

  “How about we head out for lunch? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” His voice is filled with excitement.

  I nod against him and we wave goodbye to Pixie. She’s standing at the counter watching us, smirking.

  We end up at a little restaurant not far from the shop, and I ask him what he wants to talk to me about.

  “Well, I was wondering if you would consider moving in with me. You practically live there anyway, and this way you won’t have to work two jobs because my apartment is already paid off. But I will expect rent in sexual favours,” he winks at me.

  I’m too shocked to answer.

  “Beauty, you’re looking like I killed your cat. Is this not something you want?”

  “Umm… I’m not sure. I have to talk to Lola. I can’t just leave her by herself,” I tell him.

  “Well, how about you go home and discuss it with her? And then you can let me know.”

  “Yeah, sure. So what tattoo did you get today?” I try to change the subject. I’ve never lived with a guy before, and it’s not like I don’t practically live there anyway, but I just like knowing I can go back to something that is mine.

  “How did you know I got one?”

  “Pixie mentioned while I was waiting. Why? What is it?” Now my interest is piqued. He usually has no problem telling me what he gets done.

  “Don’t freak out, but I was going to show you later.”

  Now, I’m freaked. What the hell is it? He lifts up his shirt and shows me the fresh tattoo after removing the bandage. It’s in nice cursive writing on his ribs and it says, “My Beauty. My Heart. My Soul.” I’m speechless. I’m waiting for him to tell me it’s not what I think, but I have a feeling it is by the way he is looking at me. When I don’t say anything at first, his smile drops and I can tell I’m upsetting him. It takes me a moment, but I finally find my voice.

  “It’s beautiful.” That’s all I can say because it is, but it’s not something I was expecting. I knew his feelings for me were strong, but I didn’t know how much. I’ve tried to steer away from the heavy stuff. I’m not ready for anything like that, and I love how our relationship is at the moment. I just didn’t think he was thinking so serious. Maybe I should start talking to him about it instead of just going with the flow.

  ”I wanted to show you tonight, but somehow it’s all gone to shit,” he says while laughing.

  I can tell he is upset, but I don’t know how to comfort him. I do think I’m in love with him, but then again, I’ve never been in love, so I’m not quite sure. And I really don’t want to hurt him. Despite what people say about him, he has never done anything to hurt my feelings, and he always puts me first.

  He suggests we have dinner at his place before I go home and talk to Lola and I agree. He kisses me goodbye and heads back to the shop. I decide I need to talk to someone so I call Brit to see if she is home and tell her I’m on my way over.

  I get to Brit’s and the first word out of her mouth is “Men.” We sit down and talk for ages. I tell her my dilemma with Josh and that I don’t know what to do or how I’m meant to feel. She is very understanding and helps with her opinion as much as she can without intruding. When I notice the time, I get up to leave.

  “Sasha, you know I love you, but I think you are holding yourself back. This guy is crazy about you, and you are crazy about him, so you need to work out what you really want.”

  I sigh at her.

  “I know, but it is easier said than done, Brit. It’s a really big move, and I’m still studying and working myself out. Do I really want to take that chance? What if it blows up in my face?”

  She leans in and gives me a hug. When she pulls back, she looks me in the eyes and says, “Those are excuses. They don’t affect your relationship at all. And you can’t know if it will blow up in your face, but by what you have told me, I don’t see him planning on st
uffing this up. So, you need to either choose him or let him go. But you have to know, if you let him go, there are going to be other women waiting for that chance because he is a lovely, smart-ass guy, but he is also a damn fine specimen of a man,” she says with the biggest smirk on her face.

  I’m driving to Josh’s and I can’t make up mind what I want to do. I don’t want to let him go, but I’m still young. Do I want a heavy relationship at my age? He still gives me butterflies every time I look at him and his touch drives me wild. I can never get enough of him, and I know he is the same way with me because he tells me constantly.

  I think back to my past flings and none of them have ever made me feel this way before. I see Dylan at work every now and then, but I suspect he tries to avoid me. I still have feelings for him, and I think they would have progressed if I stayed with him. But he doesn’t make my heart flutter like Josh does. And he doesn’t give me the crazy butterflies when he smirks at me. With Dylan, he is just very pleasant to be around, that and easy, comfortable, and safe.

  I think that’s my problem. I don’t feel one hundred percent safe around Josh. It’s like I have my heart guarded because I’m scared that sooner or later he will rip it to shreds if I give it to him. Right now, he only has pieces of it.

  When I arrive at Josh’s apartment, I notice all the lights are off. I make my way inside and find there are candles lit in the kitchen. Actually, the kitchen is filled with them and there is a pathway of candles leading to his bedroom. I follow the candles, open the bedroom door, and find Josh standing there looking at me.

  “I know you freaked out today, and that wasn’t my intention,” he says first off. “I just thought it would be nicer if you moved in instead of going from one place to the next. I even cleared out half the closet for you. But if you’re not ready, I understand. Just don’t leave me, beautiful.”

  I can hear the desperation in his voice when he says this. I can tell he thought I was scared shitless and wanted to run, which in a way I did, but I’m glad I didn’t because he makes me crazy in a very good way. I take a step towards him, run my hands down his cheeks, lean in, and kiss him. Closing my eyes as if it was our first kiss, my lips touch his and time slows. Breathing heavily, we taste each other like we can’t get enough.

  I slowly pull away and look into his eyes. I place his hands on my chest over my heart. “This is why I’m here, Josh. Can you feel how crazy you make me? I know I freaked out, and I’m sorry I scared you. Yes, I will move in with you, but I still need to talk to my sister. I can’t just pack up and leave her.” I say, hoping he will understand.

  “Beautiful, you just made me the happiest man ever. I will give you a chance to talk to your sister, but I can’t wait to wake up to you every morning and to watch you fall asleep every night. I love you, Sash. I think I have since I first saw you at the bar.” With that, he picks me up, carries me to the bed and slowly starts undressing me, leaving feathery kisses everywhere he exposes.

  “So beautiful,” he whispers after every kiss. And he does me make me feel beautiful.

  He always acts as if I’m the only girl in the world and he wants to devour me. I am truly lucky to have this gorgeous guy in bed with me, telling me he loves me. He is every woman’s dream; he’s successful, a great kisser, a smooth talker, and has a banging body to match. Oh, and that V on his body sets me off the edge every time he takes his shirt off.

  Plus, he can make me have multiple orgasms in one night. No other man I’ve ever been with has been able to do that. They all seem to want to please themselves. Once they’re done, usually they don’t worry if I got off or not. But Josh always makes sure I’m first to come and the last to come as well. He knows my body so well. Sometimes I think he can hear my thoughts when he is touching me.

  Chapter 14

  I feel someone staring at me and I open my eyes to find Josh lying next to me smirking.

  “Have you been watching me sleep?” I ask him, rolling on top of him for cuddles.

  “Yes, I love to watch you sleep.”

  I feel him between my thighs. I look down and then back up at him with a knowing look. I start to rub myself on him and trail soft kisses up his neck and on his chest. I see the tattoo and pause. I actually forgot about it yesterday when I came here to talk to him. He realises my hesitation and looks down at the tattoo, and then back at me.

  “I wanted you to know I’ve never taken relationships seriously until I was with you. You stole my heart that night and have never given it back to me. And I never want it back. If this is what love feels like, I want to shout it from the rooftops because you, beautiful, make me feel so lucky and so alive. I am madly in love with you,” he says, kissing me. I melt into the kiss and just feel lucky as well. He really does love me for just me and nothing else.

  I get to work just in the nick of time, no thanks to Josh who wanted me to stay in bed to celebrate with him all day. But I can’t miss my shifts at the hospital, no matter how much I would rather stay in bed and let him ravish me. As tempting as that is, I need to work.

  I see Rose and she calls me over. “Hey, Sasha, what’s been happening? How’s life treating you and that man of yours? I feel like we haven’t caught up all week.”

  I fill her in on how I agreed to move in and about the tattoo. Rose doesn’t respond, and her eyes are glued to something behind me. I turn around and realise Dylan just heard my story. I blush and look up at him to see him scowling.

  “Hey, Dylan,” I say very softly and he finally looks me in the eyes.

  “Hi, Sasha. Can we talk in private?”

  I look back at Rose and she looks at me sympathetically. I turn back to Dylan and nod my head. He walks off and I follow him. We walk into a supply area and he shuts the door and turns around to me.

  “Are you sure this is what you want, Sasha? Do you want him, I mean?”

  I know he is hurting, but he has to know that even though I have feelings for him, I can’t go there with Josh in the picture.

  “Yes,” I say in a small voice, but he doesn’t look convinced.

  “I don’t know Josh that well, but what I have heard of him, he is quite the ladies’ man. The last thing I want to do is see you get hurt. Even though it didn’t work out for us, I still care for you.”

  I look up to him and say what I have been telling myself, “Thanks, Dylan, but you don’t have to worry. Josh treats me well and he would never hurt me,” I say with the hope that it’s true.

  “Okay, Sasha, but when he does, come find me.” With that, he walks out the door, leaving me with my mouth hanging open. I’m wondering what he meant by “when he does” like it’s going to happen.

  I finish my shift at the hospital and head back to my apartment to see Lola. I walk in and notice she isn’t here, so I start to pack a small bag to take over to Josh’s. I just pack the everyday stuff I will need until I work out what is happening with Lola. I hear the front door shut and walk in the kitchen to find Lola looking in the fridge. She see me and turns around.

  “Well, baby sister, haven’t seen you at home in a while. You decided to grace me with your presence?” she says with a bit of bitch in it.

  “Yes, I wanted to talk to you. How you been?”

  “Spill it. Tell me what you wanted to talk about?” she says, cutting through the small talk.

  “Well…” I begin hesitantly. “I agreed to move in with Josh. But I told him I needed to make sure you were gonna be fine here without me.” I look up to see her shocked face.

  “What? What? You’re really moving in with him?”

  “Yes, Lola, I am. What’s wrong with that? I know you don’t like him, but if you gave him a chance, you would see he really loves me and is good for me,” I say defensively.

  “Yeah right, the only thing that man loves is pussy and more pussy. He will get sick of yours and leave you all broken for me to fix.”

  I can’t believe she just said that. She doesn’t even know him.

  “Seriously, what is your
bloody problem?” I scream at her.

  “Can’t you see it, Sash? He is a male whore, who jumps from one bed to another. I don’t want to see you get hurt because of him.”

  I know she means well, but she doesn’t understand.

  “Well, at the moment, you’re the only one hurting me. Not him. I don’t call you a whore when you sleep around. No, I love you just the same. Josh would never hurt me. He loves me. All you have to do is see us together to see that.”

  “I can’t believe your comparing me to him, Sasha. That’s a low blow, even from you.”

  With that, she storms out, goes to her bedroom, and slams the door shut. I don’t know what to do about these two anymore. I really don’t know what the problem is. Yes, Josh was a whore, but people can change. Stuff this! I go to her door and open it to find her on the bed texting away on her phone. She looks at me and scowls.

  “Lola, will you come over for dinner tonight at Josh’s to see what I’m talking about? Please give him a chance. I think I’m falling in love with him, and if you don’t like him, that’s just going to hurt me.”

  She looks up from her phone and I can tell she wants to tell me no, but she sees how much I want this to work.

  “Fine, I’ll come, but I’m bringing Blake. I don’t want to be around you two all by myself.”

  “Thank you! Thank you!” I jump on her, give her a big cuddle, and then run back to my room to text Josh.

  Me:

  Sister and Blake are coming over

  for dinner tonight.

  Josh:

  OK… did the talk go well?

  Me: