His to Bind

by Charlotte Byrd

  Azelia stares at me with an appalled look on her face.

  “We have dresses here that cost one hundred and seven thousand,” she says. “And if you can afford them, they are worth every penny.”

  Now, it’s my turn to be appalled. My mouth actually drops open like I’m in some sort of cartoon.

  “Here, come here,” she says. “Follow me.”

  She leads me out of the room, down a long hallway, and into another large room. This is a room of wedding dresses. There are hundreds of them, each one hanging in its own see-through zipped up garment bag. I don’t know how anyone can find anything in here. There are tags on the top, but other than that it’s just a sea of different shades of white.

  Azelia pulls out one dress and shows me the material. “You see the stitching here and the beading here. It’s gorgeous, right?”

  I nod. I’ve never seen something so delicate before. The pictures in the bridal magazines don’t do it justice.

  “It’s all done by hand, of course,” she explains. “Well, this dress is only twelve thousand. Now, follow me, and I’ll show you one that costs eighty-nine.”

  She takes me into a smaller room. Here the dresses are hanging a bit apart from each other. The lighting is more soothing as well. Not as bright.

  “All the dresses here, cost over thirty,” she explains. “Now, look at the beading here.”

  She pulls out a dress at the far corner. Up close, the difference is like night and day. The beading is exquisite. It covers nearly the entire corset and goes down the sides. The stitching is even more precise, if that’s the right word. It’s hard to explain exactly except to say this looks like a dress that belongs in a museum.

  “You see, the dresses that cost this much, they are basically works of art. They come with their own people who will make the dress fit you just right. They can be altered in many different ways. Everything about them is hand-made with only the best fabrics.”

  I nod. Now, I understand. Maybe not fully understand, but I have an idea.

  “And these dresses?” I ask when we get back to my dressing room. “The ones you picked out? Are they fancy or works of art?”

  She smiles. “Your fiancé also told me to not tell you how much it is. He wants you to pick it because you love it.”

  “Was he seriously worried that I would pick the most expensive dress there is just because?” I ask, furrowing my brows. That doesn’t sound like Aiden. Not at all.

  “No, he thought that you would pick a dress that was the cheapest just because it was,” she explains. I laugh.

  “Don’t worry. I brought a selection here. Different types and styles of empire waists. We can also try other ones as well, if you like.”

  Chapter 19 - Ellie

  When I get a second opinion…

  After three hours of trying on dresses, my head is starting to swim. When I tried on the first one, I was certain that that was the one I had to have, but Azelia insisted that I try on another one and then things got more complicated. They are all gorgeous, of course. But some are just not my style.

  “I think I might call it a day,” I say after a moment. “I might have to come back.”

  “Why don’t you take a little break?” she says. “I can have some lunch brought in.”

  “Oh, no, that’s not necessary. Not at all,” I say. It will just be too weird to have lunch brought in for me. I mean, I’m not this fancy person at all, despite the fact that I’m shopping here of all places.

  She gets a serious expression on her face. “Ellie, please don’t leave. Aiden arranged for a surprise for you. I don’t want to ruin it, but it’s not going to happen for another twenty minutes.”

  “O-kay,” I say slowly.

  “So, how about that lunch?”

  While Azelia goes to put in the order for an avocado toast and a greens smoothie, I am left all alone with all of my options. Much to my surprise, my mind doesn’t immediately go to worrying about the surprise that Aiden has arranged. Instead, I close my eyes and imagine myself walking down the aisle in one of these dresses.

  I clear my mind. I breathe in and out. And then I see myself walking toward Aiden. Suddenly, the decision disappears completely. It’s no longer a decision. There’s only one way to go. One right dress for the occasion. All the other ones aren’t even contenders.

  “Azelia!” I yell down the hall. “I’d like to try the first dress on again.”

  She helps me into it. As soon as I feel it against my body, I know that it’s the right one. It has a whimsical neckline which Azelia refers to as ‘illusion’ and a high empire waist. It’s floor length and has a long sweeping train. The white silk Chantilly lace gown comes with embroidery overlay and a silk white embroidered overskirt. This time, when I look at my reflection in the mirror, tears start to flow down my face.

  “This is the one,” I say.

  Azelia covers her mouth with her hand, also overcome with emotion. “You look absolutely beautiful,” she whispers before excusing herself.

  I enjoy the one-on-one time I have with my dress. I stand here, admiring it from every direction. A few minutes pass and then another few. I don’t actually want to take it off. Suddenly, I wish I could do everything in this dress.

  When Azelia comes back, she asks me to come outside of the room with her. It will be nice to see the dress in a different setting, I think, excited to have it on for a little bit longer.

  “Oh my God.” I hear my mom’s distinct voice gasp. All three of them crowd around me, wanting to give me a hug, but not wanting to do anything to damage the dress. Eventually, we settle with air kisses and distant hugs where only our arms intertwine without our bodies touching.

  “You look absolutely gorgeous,” Brie says.

  “You do,” Mom says.

  “Ellie, you are breathtaking,” Arlene, Aiden’s mother, says. Whatever tension might have existed between me and either my mom and me and Arlene doesn’t in this moment. Right now, everything is perfect. I can see how happy they are for me and how much they all love me.

  I twirl around. I can’t help myself. Once I stand on my tiptoes and give my body a little spin, everything starts to move on its own. It’s almost as if the dress has a life of its own.

  “You look amazing,” Brie says, colliding into me once I get a bit dizzy and slow down. She grabs me by my shoulders and gives me a big warm hug. When she pulls away, I can see tears in the corners of her eyes.

  Wow, Brie, of all people. She is not one to give in to her emotions easily. I’m actually shocked.

  “Is this the dress?” she asks. I nod.

  As I gaze into my reflection in the mirror, I hear Arlene turn to my mom and say, “She is the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

  After close to a half an hour of admiring myself, even I’ve had enough. Azelia follows me back to the dressing room to help me get out of the dress.

  “Your family seems pleased,” she says.

  I nod. “I’m actually surprised.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “Well, besides my sister, things haven’t exactly been smooth sailing with Arlene and me. Or my mom and me.”

  “Weddings have a way of bringing people together,” Azelia says.

  “I guess. Still, I’m surprised they came at all.”

  “Mr. Black arranged for it.”

  “Yeah, I figured,” I say as she pulls the dress off me. Once I’m out, I’m left standing in just a slip, which is also quite nice. In a different decade, like the 90s, this would be a dress all on its own.

  “Hey, can I ask you something?”

  “Anything,” Azelia says.

  “I got the feeling that you knew which dress I was going to pick.”

  Azelia nods.

  “You did? How did you know?”

  “I always know,” she says with a shrug. "You can always see it on the bride’s face when she’s found her dress.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “All anxiety and nervousne
ss seem to vanish immediately. They get this placid, almost sedate look on their faces. You did as well. And then when I take them out into the main room to look at themselves in the large mirror, they often burst out in tears.”

  “Wow, what a clinical explanation of what I just experienced in there,” I joke.

  “Just because an experience is not unique doesn’t mean that it’s not special,” she says. “Everyone falls in love. The broad strokes of the story are pretty similar if you don’t account for the details. But it’s the details that make each individual love story unique and special in a way that no other one can ever be. It’s unique to each individual couple and that specific time and place in history when they fell in love.”

  Her words touch my heart. She’s right. Of course, she’s right. Almost everyone falls in love in their life, at least I hope so. It’s one of the most commonplace things that has ever happened and will ever happen to a person on earth. And yet, each story is unique. I would say utterly unique, but there are no degrees of uniqueness. That’s why love stories are so fascinating. The ebbs and flows of romance is what keeps the world turning because what greater motivation is there in this universe than love. What’s the point of anything without love?

  Chapter 20 - Ellie

  When I get ready…

  The next few weeks pass quickly even though I don’t do any of the wedding planning. To make sure that I’m not too pregnant for our wedding, Aiden and I decided to have the ceremony on the twenty-ninth week of my pregnancy. Seven months. Ideally, I wouldn’t have been pregnant at all because the thought of being a bride is nauseating enough, but being this far along was definitely better than earlier in my pregnancy. It was better, even though I was much bigger and rather unwieldy.

  Ever since I picked up my dress, I try on my dress every other day. I want to make sure that it still fits. It does, and every time I try it on, I feel beautiful. I don’t know what it is about a particular piece of clothing, especially just the right dress, but it somehow has the power to change how you feel about yourself. I woke up tired and hungover, even though I haven’t had a drink since I found out I was pregnant, and sick to my stomach. As soon as I brush my teeth, wash my face, and put on some makeup, I head to the closet and put on the dress. It’s silly really, but I figure that I’m only going to officially wear this dress once, so why not wear it a bunch of times unofficially.

  Finally, it’s the day of my wedding. Aiden and I spend the night before apart, just to make the next night a little more special. He got another suite at our hotel and he will be waiting for me at the venue at four o’clock. I’m a little bummed that we can’t have our wedding at the place where we had our first real date, but I try not to think about it. Whatever Aiden and the wedding planner put together is probably ten times better.

  Brie arrives around eleven to help me get ready. She’s my maid of honor, though that’s not the title that either of us have used. Brie is still going through a lot. We haven’t talked about it much, but she is still going through a bit of a transition. She is no longer interested in being called a ‘she’, but she isn’t quite ready to be referred to as a ‘he’ either. I’m supposed to use the pronoun ‘they,’ it’s non-gender binary. It’s the right thing to say, but I keep forgetting. Well, not in real life. Just when I think about her in my own personal thoughts. For now, she is still a ‘she’ to me.

  As the makeup artist cleanses my face, I turn to Brie and say, “I know that we haven’t talked about this for a while, but how is everything going with your…changes.”

  “Fine, I guess,” she says.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, suddenly realizing that the makeup artist is here. “I forgot. We don’t have to talk about this now.”

  “No, it’s nothing like that,” Brie says, examining her face in the mirror. “In case you were wondering, I’m transitioning.”

  “Oh, to a man?” the makeup artist asks nonchalantly.

  “Yes,” Brie nods.

  “Wow, how exciting.”

  Hmm, maybe she does have a point. Maybe this transition thing doesn’t have to be scary at all. I mean, I was feeling weird about it, but why do I have to? I mean, Brie is still Brie. So, what if I had a sister for a while? Now, I’ll have a brother. But they’ll still be Brie.

  “I’m here for you, Brie, you know that, right?” I say. “If you want to talk about this.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that. But you probably don’t want to talk about this on your wedding day.”

  “Actually, this is the exact thing I want to talk about,” I say. “You know how uncomfortable I am with all eyes on me. It’s kind of nice to have someone else’s drama to focus on.”

  “You mean, you don’t want to have your big day?”

  “I am having a big day. A huge party. But we’re also just sitting here, hanging out, talking. I want to talk about you. It will take my mind off all the scary parts that are coming up, like walking down the aisle with everyone’s eyes on me.”

  Brie smiles and shakes her head. “You’re unbelievable, Ellie. Here you are marrying a billionaire, seven months pregnant, getting ready for your wedding, and all you want to talk about is me and my stupid problems.”

  “It’s not as selfless as you think,” I say. “I like gossip.”

  Everything I say in that moment is true. I do like gossip. And I do want to take my mind off this wedding, which is just making my stomach turn in knots.

  “I’ve decided that I would like to transition,” Brie says. “I definitely don’t identify as as a woman anymore. I’m not sure if I want to go all the way and become a full man, biologically speaking, but for now my gender is non-binary.”

  “So, the pronoun ‘they’ is appropriate?” I ask.

  “Yes.” She nods. “And before you ask, I’m into men and women.”

  “I’m glad,” I say.

  “Really?”

  “Yep. I mean, this way you have a better chance of finding someone who can put up with you,” I joke.

  Brie rolls her eyes.

  Just as my makeup is ready, Mom walks in without a knock.

  Chapter 21 - Ellie

  When we get ready…

  Mom comes in carrying four cups of coffee with her - for her, us, and Arlene - and I can feel anxiety emanating from her.

  “Oh my God, there’s still so much to do,” she says, handing us our cups. “Arlene’s not here yet? Where is she?”

  “Mom, calm down,” I say, even though I know that that’s the last thing that’s going to make her calm.

  “I can’t! It’s my daughter’s wedding day!”

  “What is it that you have to do?” Brie asks. “Isn’t the wedding planner taking care of everything?”

  “Yes, but I still have to get my makeup done and put on my dress,” she says quickly.

  “So, that’s like two things,” Brie says. “You can do that in twenty minutes and you have four hours.”

  “And my hair!” Mom says. “Besides, there are a lot of details to worry about. I mean, what if—“

  “Mom, calm down,” I say in my most stern voice. “You don’t have to worry. That’s what the wedding planner is here for. She will worry about the details.”

  I swear to God, worrying is like my mom’s primary job. It’s no wonder she can’t get much else done. It’s practically all she does.

  “Don’t tell me not to worry. I’m a mother. Once you become one, you’ll know what it’s like.”

  We’ll see about that. My mom has the tendency to say stuff like that. You’ll know when you get older. You’ll know when you get to college. You’ll know when you get married. The typical cliché kind of stuff, which is only sometimes true. But the truth is that I’m a bit of a worrier and a fretter, but not at all like her. And when I do let my thoughts get away from me, I always try to pull myself back. Yes, crazy things happen all the time. But worrying about things you don’t have control of isn’t going to really make everything much better.

  The ir
ony of these thoughts isn’t lost on me, of course. Don’t think that. I have spent more than a few restless nights worrying about possibly going away for life for killing a man in self-defense. But that seems like an actually legit thing to worry about, unlike this wedding.

  “Mom, how about this?” Brie says. “How about I give you something else to think about?”

  I glance over at her. She’s waiting for my okay. I smile and nod.

  “Mom, I no longer identify as a woman,” she says firmly. There is wavering in her words this time, unlike the time when she said this to me.

  Mom stares at her dumbfounded just as Arlene comes in. My smile just gets wider. This is the most perfect thing that could happen on my wedding day, and I’m saying that without a tinge of sarcasm.

  “If you talk about me, I’d like you to refer to me by my name or the pronoun ‘they.’ I am in transition, but I’m not sure if I want to become a man. I will not answer any questions about sexual re-assignment surgery, so don’t even ask. And I’ve had relationships with both men and women so I consider myself queer.”

  A photographer comes in right after Arlene and takes a few pictures of us. I have a wide toothy grin on my face mostly as a result of the pride that I feel for my sister right now. Some of it can also be contributed to the shocked expression on my mom’s face. I’m glad that the photographer is here to capture the moment. It’s not one that I’m going to forget any time soon.

  “Why are you telling me this? Why are you ruining your sister’s big day?” Mom finally gasps after she regains her ability to speak.

  “Because I haven’t in a long time. Ellie knows already. She’s okay with it.”

  “But you didn’t have to ruin her day!”

  “Brie’s not ruining my day, Mom. Not at all. Brie has been wanting to tell you this for quite some time, and I’m glad that it finally happened today.”