All For Anna

by Deese, Nicole

  I rounded the corner past the crews of construction workers eating lunch under their makeshift shade. They gawked at me as I ran by. Perhaps they were wondering why anyone would be out running in this heat today.

  I was starting to ask myself the same thing.

  I became more purposeful with each stride, pushing myself to go on. I had never been one who cared much about the time or distance of my runs. That was not why I had started in the first place. I never had a goal to achieve some physical greatness, or a long distance record.

  Running was just a way to deal.

  I’m sure there were lots of other ways to cope. Alcohol, for instance, which was good at numbing, seemed too easy and never lasted long enough. It also required more each time I drank, in order to get me to a place of forgetfulness. And was that really what I wanted, to forget Anna? No.

  Some people in my position with access to pharmaceutical drugs might become pill-poppers, but I had seen how that ended up and I knew that it would only jeopardize my career, and ability to work. There was no room for mistakes in trauma. So, that left me with physical outlets only.

  I chose what I hated most: running.

  Fighting emotional pain with physical pain made sense to me when not much else had, so I stuck with it. I imagined I had run as far as ten miles on a single jaunt before, and most likely averaged closer to around four or five now. I wiped at my forehead and fanned my shirt in vain trying to vent myself, but to no avail. The sun bore down on me and for a second I thought of the Australian desert.

  Had Jack seen it?

  I bet it feels just like this…dry, hot, and no mercy for anything living in it.

  I pushed on.

  Only five blocks to go. You can do this Tori, PUSH!

  I ran diagonally through the tall grassy field. I had to get back on the main path which led to Stacie’s block. It was then, while I was in the grass, that the ground started to shift.

  Right to left.

  Left to right.

  I shook my head to clear my vision, but it was unrelenting. Everything was distorting. The ground kept moving beneath my feet.

  Is this an earthquake?

  I tried to run toward the cement sidewalk, but my legs were like rubber and trembled under my weight. My head felt as if it were being pulled down by some invisible rope. It no longer seemed attached to the rest of me.

  Regaining balance was impossible.

  The ground was coming fast.

  Right before I hit, I heard myself utter, “Oh, crap.”

  **********

  I heard it long before I could see it, the loud obnoxious sound of a siren. It wasn’t too long before I felt myself being lifted up off the ground. The surface I laid on actually seemed harder, if that were possible. I couldn’t open my eyes or respond, yet I could still hear in this foggy black world that engulfed me. My head ached, as did my left hip.

  I must have fallen on my left side.

  Why? Did I trip?

  I could hear two distinct voices talking—both male. I felt a tight grip on my upper left arm that was growing more intense with each passing second.

  Blood pressure.

  Someone is taking my blood pressure.

  I tried to lift my head, but it was pushed down.

  I tried again, but it was pushed back down. This time I worked to open my heavy eyelids, slowly. Fuzzy shapes were swirling around, dancing before my eyes. If I weren’t so desperate to understand what was happening, I would have tried to reach out for them. It was a like a freaky side-show. It was then that I felt a prick in my left wrist.

  “Ow!”

  I swung my right arm in front of me trying to hit whatever or whoever it was that was holding me down. This time, I heard the voice that was attached to my wrist yell, “Okay Mike. Let’s take her in to Dallas Northwest.”

  No...No Please! Stop!

  I forced my eyes to focus. I was blinking rapidly when I saw him.

  “Tree Man?” I asked, completely confused as my head was pushed down yet another time.

  “Please relax, Victoria. You have heat exhaustion from running in a hundred degree weather. Did you just call me ‘Tree Man’?” he asked, sounding almost as confused as I was.

  I felt the ambulance lurch to life and then remembered what was happening.

  “Please, no! Don’t take me in. I’ll be fine, I promise. No more running today. Just take me home, I can rest there!”

  “You are dehydrated, overheated and need more fluids than what I have on hand. There were other…geniuses like you out there today, believe it or not,” he said.

  Hey…is he mocking me, again? What’s with this guy?

  “Please, I can’t go there. I just…can’t. I’m a Trauma Nurse and just started work there yesterday. I can’t let them see me like this. Please! I’ll do anything!”

  My voice was high and squeaky, very out of character for me, but it came out that way nonetheless. I was desperate. This was not the impression I needed to make at my new place of work. This kind of thing could stick with me for the duration of my nursing career. I could just imagine the nicknames I’d be called…and I just got rid of “Green”.

  He looked down at me, “Is that a promise?” he asked grinning widely, raising his perfectly groomed eyebrows at me in question.

  “Uh, will you take me home?” I asked again, still desperate, but nodding in response.

  “Okay. Mike, turn left in two blocks on Baker Ave. It’s the third house on the right,” he said to the driver.

  “How did…who are-”

  My head started to pound again before I could finish my question.

  “Shhh…just rest. Lay your head back. The home remedy won’t be nearly as enjoyable for you, though,” he said, chuckling lightly to himself.

  We pulled up to Stacie’s house.

  If being carried in by an EMT while sweaty, hot and delirious wasn’t embarrassing enough, seeing my sister in a full-blown panic attack on the sidewalk was.

  “Oh. My. Gosh! What happened? I told you not to go running, Tori! It’s heat stroke isn’t it, Kai? Oh. My. Gosh!” she said again, sounding like a teenager caught up in a MTV drama.

  Kai? So, he has a name.

  “It’s just heat exhaustion for now, but she does need to get cooled off quickly. Where’s your nearest shower, Stacie?” he asked, carrying me through the doorway and heading down the hall.

  What? He can’t possibly mean-

  “Sure, of course. Right this way,” Stacie said, leading us both to the nearest bathroom.

  “Take her shoes off and turn the water to cold,” Kai said.

  I was the one in a full panic now, “Is this really necessary?”

  “Yes!” They both said in unison.

  The next thing I knew I was lying in a bathtub, fully clothed, with freezing water sheeting down on me. I gasped and cried out for air, flailing my body around the tub like an octopus on the loose. No one seemed to care though, and no one offered me any help. In just a matter of seconds, I was fully alert and angry as ever.

  “Get me out of here!”

  Kai turned the water off. I sat shivering in the bath, looking at them both with what I hoped were eyes of pure fury. Realistically, I’m sure I just looked pathetic. Stacie moved quickly, handing Kai a towel. Then she left to get me some dry clothes. He just stared at me, lips pursed, as if calculating his next move.

  “Just give it to me…please,” I said, pointing to the towel while avoiding his gaze.

  He took my wet arm and pulled me up in one smooth motion, steadying me cautiously. He wrapped the towel around my shoulders.

  “I did tell you this way was less pleasant,” he said.

  Stacie walked in with shorts and a t-shirt for me before I could respond. Kai excused himself momentarily while I changed. I was still shaking when I emerged in the hallway. Kai placed one hand on my back and the other on my arm, leading me to the couch. I felt an unfamiliar warmth surge through me. Stacie busily worked to re-arrange the
millions of throw pillows she had accumulated, making room for me to lie down. Kai propped my feet up and gave Stacie instructions for my fluid intake.

  I was humiliated.

  “I’ll make sure she stays down. Thank you, Kai. I’m so glad you were the one who responded,” Stacie said.

  He knelt down in front of me then, just inches from my face. I startled back a bit, surprised by his lack of personal bubble…and mine.

  “Now Victoria, I’m gonna take you up on our deal, but first I need to make sure you’re gonna be a good patient. Listen to your sister, drink lots of fluids and I will be back to check on you when my shift is over tonight.”

  He winked at me once and then stood.

  What is happening here?

  Who is this guy?

  Everything I thought to say was stuck somewhere between my head and my mouth. I didn’t quite know how to feel. Flattered? Upset? Angry? Grateful? Who knew heat exhaustion came with so many mixed and conflicting emotions.

  I watched him turn toward Stacie.

  “Her blood pressure is fine, but if you notice anything unusual at all call me immediately, okay? I’ll come back and check her again for signs of a concussion,” Kai said.

  “Okay, thanks again, Kai. I’ll tell Jack you stopped by. He’s really missing home, but he loves the sights of Australia. I’m a little jealous…”

  Jack? Kai knows our Jack?

  The door clicked shut and Stacie was back in the room with me in two seconds flat. Her look was one of a mom who had already counted to three and was now ready to dish out the punishment. I winced a tad and her face broke. Her soft demeanor returned, leaving just a hint of disappointment.

  She will make a great mother.

  “Victoria Grace Sales, you already know what I’m about to say. No more running in this heat, okay? Find a treadmill if you must, but please don’t be dropping on the sidewalk anymore…the baby and I just can’t take it,” she said. She sat halfway on the couch, close to my mid-section.

  “I’m sorry Stace; I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “I know. I’m just glad someone saw you and called.”

  “Yeah…who is that guy anyway? Why was he at Mom and Dad’s the other night…and how does he know you and Jack?” I asked, still dazed by the recent events.

  “Oh, Kai? I forgot you don’t know him. You must have moved before we could introduce you. He’s pretty good friends with Jack now, actually. They met a little over a year ago,” she said, “There was an incident at Jack’s company softball game.”

  “Incident?”

  “Let’s just say computer nerds aren’t always the best at sports coordination.”

  She laughed and rolled her eyes. I laughed too. It felt good—strange—but good. Stacie left the room to get me some water.

  “Ya know, Tori...Kai is a great guy. Like a really great guy,” she said, from the kitchen.

  Oh no.

  “I don’t know why I never thought about that before. Maybe because he’s Jack’s age…but surely that’s not a big deal now. Tori, you should-”

  “No Stacie. Don’t even start. You’re not playing match-maker with me. I didn’t move all the way back here for you to play house with my life.”

  But the twinkle in her eye remained, “Fine, whatever you want, Sis.”

  SIX

  By the time Kai came back, I felt completely restored. When I heard the knock at the door I contemplated pretending to be asleep, but I knew Stacie would give me away, which would only mean more humiliation for me in the end. He was in shorts and a t-shirt now, and looked freshly showered. I wondered how long this last shift was for him today, but then remembered...I wasn’t supposed to care.

  “Well, someone's looking better now,” he said, strolling over to me on the couch.

  “Yes, thank you. I feel just fine now,” I said, hoping to make the exchange as quick and painless as possible.

  “Kai, can I get you something? Ice water? Or maybe a Coke? Please feel free to sit down,” Stacie said, glancing at me and smiling.

  Urgh...this is going to end poorly for me.

  “Thanks Stacie, I can’t stay long, but I would love a Coke,” Kai said.

  I sat watching him silently. I refused to be the one to speak first. This wasn’t a social occasion after all. It was just a simple medical checkup by an EMT who knew everyone in my family but me. As I assessed him, he seemed unfazed by the strangeness of the day.

  Maybe this was all normal for him?

  Picking up his friend’s sisters and throwing them in a cold shower before a proper introduction had been made.

  I always knew EMTs had to be a tad quirky in order to deal with the crazies they saw during their day—before those same crazies were brought to me in the ER, of course.

  Wait…was I one of those crazies now, too?

  Stacie handed him a large glass of Coke with an abundance of ice and walked into the next room, too far to be in a conversation, but close enough to still be within earshot.

  “So, you’re a runner, huh?” Kai asked, his bright white teeth standing out from his naturally tanned brown skin.

  I tried to place what nationality he was. As I thought about the South Pacific, I flipped through maps in my head like an old Rolodex: Guam, Papua New Guinea, Tonga, Samoa? Dallas had a large mixture of Islanders who had settled within the city. Vast diversity was everywhere here.

  “Uh, something like that,” I said, swallowing hard.

  “Well, I could recommend a good gym down the road from here. Might be a better alternative for the hot days that are left in September,” he offered.

  “Thanks, I’ll probably just wait it out. I prefer to run outdoors.”

  “Alright, I just don’t want to get another call about you lying in a field somewhere passed out—not that I mind picking up pretty girls—but still, there are other ways to get a workout in.”

  He laughed lightly and took a gulp from his drink.

  ‘Pretty girls?’ He thinks I’m-

  No, don’t even go there.

  “Yeah, you won’t. I promise.”

  I snapped my mouth shut after my last word, remembering. Promise. I was delirious when I had begged him to take me home. There was no way he would actually take a stranger up on any promise while she was strapped down to a gurney, right?

  He smiled wide. It was that same smile I remembered seeing in the ambulance.

  Maybe I’m wrong.

  “I believe that’s the second promise you have made to me today,” Kai said. “How am I to know if you’re even trustworthy enough to keep just one of those promises unless I take you up on your offer?”

  “I don’t recall making an offer..." I said, shaking my head slightly in denial.

  “Oh, I do...and since I’m the one who wasn’t suffering from heat exhaustion, I think it’s safe to say I’m a little more reliable in the memory department…at least for today.”

  My mouth gaped open a tad at his bluntness.

  Guess he’s not exactly a beat-around-the-bush type.

  “Well then, please enlighten me with my exact words?”

  “Let’s see, I wanted to take you to the hospital and you wanted to come here. Your exact words were, ‘please, I’ll do anything’, and I do believe I kept my end of the bargain.”

  His eyes glimmered at me in a way that sucked the breath right out of my lungs. I wanted him to be ugly and repulsive in that moment, but he was definitely not either one of those things. He just might have been the most attractive man I had ever conversed with, and that was saying something. I had talked to a lot of good looking men in the medical world.

  Kai trumped them all—easily.

  “What did you have in mind?” I forced the question out, dread filling me.

  “Let me take you out. I’m a pretty resourceful guy, and I can promise you we’ll have fun. How does this Saturday sound? I can confirm a time with you later in the week.”

  He beamed as he put his empty glass down on the side tab
le and walked toward me. I swallowed hard as he got closer. My programmed response had always been to say no, but…

  “Okay,” I said.

  He leaned down over me then, taking my face in his hands. I exhaled sharply as he stared deeply into my eyes. If I could have been sucked into a giant sink hole in the earth, I would have been far more comfortable than I was in that moment. I was quite sure I was no longer breathing at all. My body surged with electric jolts and I was actively telling myself to calm down. He let go in a matter of seconds, but held my gaze.

  “No concussion, just like I thought. I’ll see you on Saturday, Victoria…until then stay out of the sun, okay?”

  He winked again and walked out of the living room, saying goodbye to Stacie.

  And just like that he was gone.

  I could hear Stacie laughing to herself after she shut the door. I waited for her teasing to start, but it never came. That, was a far worse fate I was sure.

  **********

  I arrived early at work Wednesday, grateful to start a shift without a probing therapy session first. My mind was clear, or mostly anyway, and ready to take on whatever challenges would to come my way—or so I thought. After checking in with Meg Holt, the charge nurse, I was immediately handed a chart by an elderly nurse.

  She looked like she had started her career in an era long past. The name on the chart read “Henry Albert, Jr.” and he was waiting to be seen in pod three. I thought I saw a smirk on the nurse’s face as she passed me.

  I pulled back the curtain to the third pod and saw Mr. Albert. I understood immediately why I was given his chart. Mr. Albert was most certainly homeless, and his aroma could not be missed. I breathed through my mouth as I entered.

  “Ooh, I get a young pretty nurse today, huh? You must be new!” Mr. Albert said.

  “Hello, Mr. Albert?” I asked.

  “That’d be me little missy, but you can call me Henry.”

  His smile was almost toothless, but there was something sweet and genuine about it.

  “It looks like the doctor has already seen you Henry. You are here for...immersion foot, is that right?” I asked, knowing this was going to be difficult to stomach, no matter how trained or immune I had become.