All For Anna
Page 14
I could feel Briggs looking at me for a reaction, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Kai. He walked toward me, looking like a superstar. Dozens of people were patting him on the back and praising his talent, but he never once diverted his eyes. He hit Briggs on the shoulder, as if indicating his approval for standing by me, and then took my hand.
“You ready to get out of here?” he asked me.
“But...don’t you want to see if you won?”
“Nah. That’s not why I did it. Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”
The valet brought Kai’s truck around and we headed in the direction of Stacie’s house, although I knew that wasn’t our destination. It was already past ten, but I didn’t want the night to end. We parked at a playground and walked together on a paved path, our hands brushing as we strolled.
There were several street lights that illuminated the old wooden play structure and swings, but beyond that it was pitch black. I slowed my steps, thinking we would stop somewhere in the light, but he kept walking. I followed.
When the path ended, I paused. Stacie’s heels would not be fond of walking though the grass. Hitching my dress up a few inches, I took one careful step forward up on the balls of my feet. My foot never made contact with the ground however, Kai lifted me up into his arms before it could.
How does he do that so easily?
“I’m very capable of walking Kai,” I said, embarrassed.
“I know, but that takes all the fun out of it for me,” he said, laughing.
After just a few yards of walking he set me down. A large tree with a trunk as wide as four men stood before us. I touched it, making sure I was seeing it correctly in the darkness of night.
“This is my spot,” he said.
“Your spot?”
“Yes. I teased you the first night we met at your parent’s house, about finding the bridge in the dark, remember? You’d gone there to get away from your party, I’m guessing to think and re-group, but I also have a spot I could easily find in the dark,” he said, touching the tree.
I remembered that night well. It was the first time I had seen him, which now felt like ages ago. So much had happened since those first days in Dallas.
“Why do you come here?” I asked softly.
“To think, pray...talk to my dad,” he said, reflecting.
“When did you find it?” I asked.
“A few years ago, after a bad call at work. I needed to process, spend some time alone—pray,” he admitted.
I knew I should have felt uncomfortable or awkward by his statement of faith, but I felt neither. I knew he meant it. I also knew he really believed he could talk to and hear from God. Who was I to judge that?
“It’s a great spot, Kai.”
I walked around the base of the trunk, careful not to trip on the large exposed roots that rose above ground.
“Well, it’s not just mine anymore...I want to share it with you. It’s much closer to Stacie’s than your parent’s bridge, and I know how important it is to have a place to get away to and think, in quiet.”
I looked up at his face in the moonlight.
“That’s incredibly thoughtful. Thank you,” I said.
“It’s only two miles from Stacie’s—an easy distance for you to run,” he said, smiling.
I laughed. He knew I hadn’t intended to stop running after my brush with heat exhaustion. He picked me up again, and carried me to the path.
Once at Stacie’s he turned off the engine and walked me to the door. I hated that this night had ended.
He held out his hand to me, I took it willingly.
“Tori, may I ask your dad for his blessing to date you, officially?” he asked.
When will this man stop surprising me?
It took me a few seconds to process his words, but when I did there was nothing but clarity that remained.
“Yes,” I said.
Kai leaned in and kissed me tenderly.
“Good-night, Pele”.
I walked inside the house and closed the door. Peeking through the fogged glass I watched him drive away. The second he was gone from view, I let the giddy squeal that had built up inside me escape. It was then that I realized I was not alone.
My squeal was not a solo, but a duet.
Stacie was right behind me in the dark entryway.
EIGHTEEN
After hitting snooze several times, I opted to skip my morning run. Chatting with Stacie until the wee hours of the morning had been my undoing. Girl talk was still alive and well between us.
I told her everything I could remember: the decor, the lighting, the food, the entertainment, the kiss, the dance, the song. Stacie “oohed” and “aahed” like I was the best storyteller in the world, though in reality, I was a terrible one. Good story tellers didn’t need the continuous prompting of questions in order to keep talking…I did.
I hesitated only once during the course of our conversation.
Deciding if I would tell Stacie about seeing Johanna was an internal battle, to say the least. However, without that information, the climax of my evening with Kai never would have happened. Honestly, I still wasn’t sure why it had happened, but I wouldn’t trade that kiss for anything—well, almost anything.
In the end, I told her, although I deflected her immediate sympathetic responses. I didn’t want to go back to those feelings. Two conversations with Johanna in one lifetime were enough. Her words haunted me.
I had quickly forwarded the conversation on to what I knew Stacie would classify as “the good stuff”. That was indeed what she had called it. She was a sucker for romance. Hallmark had nothing on her.
Stacie covered her mouth with one hand, letting her tears fall freely as I retold the scene on the deck. It had been a magical moment, a dream. Kai knew the ugliest part of me—who I was, what I’d done, yet instead of running from me, he pulled me closer.
He was a walking conundrum.
**********
The wait in the Obstetrician’s office was relatively short. Once Stacie fulfilled her duty to donate a urine sample, we were escorted back to the ultrasound room. Stacie’s nervous chatter ended when the wand began roaming over her belly. I held her hand.
Once Stacie was comfortable, I started the recoding for Jack. The baby was full of energy. We laughed several times as we watched this little gymnast perform.
The tech went over each measurement with quick precision and clocked Stacie at exactly twenty weeks. She was half way, which meant Jack would be home in just over three months. Sometime in early February, a baby would be welcomed home as well.
As Stacie cleaned herself up and got dressed, the tech took me into the hall and whispered in my ear. My smile was automatic when she told me the gender. I’d never had a preference of course, neither had Stacie, but there was something about this knowledge that made it even more real. The naming, planning, and nursery colors would all fall into place with that one bit of information.
I made Stacie drop me off at Target on our way back home, telling her to stay in the car while I ran inside. My plan had developed into a mini masterpiece. I would find an appropriately gendered outfit, wrap it, and let Stacie unwrap it with Jack on the video call. It was their moment to uncover. I was happy just to have played a part in it.
I purchased the outfit and took a minute to arrange it in the non-descript gift bag, then walked back out to the car. Stacie was chomping at the bit with anticipation. I couldn’t blame her.
She waited—semi-patiently—for Jack to call once we arrived back at the house. When I handed her the bag, she screamed in delight and quickly waddled her way upstairs to the computer. I waited downstairs; excited to hear them discover the news together. I had exactly thirty minutes before I needed to leave for work, so I busied myself by packing my bag and changing my shoes.
Then I heard it (so did the whole neighborhood I was pretty sure).
“A girl! We’re having a GIRL! Get up here, Tori!” Stacie yelled from her
bedroom.
I ran up the stairs into her bedroom. The picture of this man and wife was priceless. Jack was full screen, choking back tears while Stacie was a full-fledged mess of excited, crying energy. Jack thanked me for helping them have this moment together. I was overcome by his sensitivity—my brother. He adored Stacie, just as he would adore his new daughter. The thought was beautiful.
Stacie grabbed at my hand and pulled me front and center now.
“Jack, guess what else?” Stacie asked him.
Oh gosh. Really, Stacie...now?
“Tori has a boyfriend!” Stacie squealed like a teenager.
Okay. Wow...Thanks, Stace.
“I know,” Jack said, a huge smirk developing on his face.
“What? What do you know?” I asked sarcastically.
“Kai wrote to me. He wanted to make sure I was cool with him hitting on my little sister. I assured him I was, but that he would still get my special talks even from Australia,” Jack said, laughing.
I was dumbfounded.
Kai asked Jack before he’d asked me?
“He’s a good man, Tori. You couldn’t do better if I hand-picked him myself,” Jack said.
“When...when did he write you?” I asked.
“Maybe a week ago or so, before your date to the lake,” he said.
I couldn’t help but feel a tad miffed by this information. “Wow. He’s pretty confident in himself. We only just talked about dating last night.”
“Tori, don’t get all bent out of shape, he didn’t want to start something he couldn’t finish. He was just making his intentions clear, at least to me, and wanted to make sure he knew how to read you.”
A sick, creeping feeling came over me. My throat felt instantly tight as I strained to speak.
“What do you mean?”
“I explained to him that you’d had a very difficult year and that you were just getting back on your feet in Dallas. I told him to give you some space if you needed it.”
I felt like I had just been punched in the gut by his words. I would have gladly traded the feeling for a physical blow.
“Oh Jack,” Stacie whispered, a worried look on her face.
“What? What am I missing here?” Jack asked.
“Nothing, absolutely nothing. I need to go to work,” I said, walking out the door.
I heard Stacie call out to me, but I waved her off.
If Kai already knew about the accident, then why did I have to re-count it to him like he was hearing it for the first time? Was that why he was so quick to move on with our evening—kissing me like a man who hadn’t been bothered by my confession in the slightest?
By the time I arrived at work, my confusion level was at an all-time high. A part of me wished I had asked Jack more specifics about his conversation with Kai, but it was too late for that now. Though I knew Jack was only trying to protect me the way he always had, this was my business. It should have been mine to share—when, how, or with whom I wanted.
I wanted to call Kai—confront him outright with what he had known prior to last night, but I was out of time. I was running late as it was. Mentally I worked to find a scenario that would make it alright—make it okay—that he knew before I told him. I came up with nothing.
Was this yet another failed connection? No.
I had done my part this time.
**********
My escape was work.
For the next three days I did nothing but work and sleep. The overtime hours filled every nook and cranny of my day. I didn’t have time to talk to Stacie, Kai, or anyone else. Instead, I tried in vain to sort out my thoughts alone.
By Sunday night I was beyond drained—both mentally and physically. My shift had started early, but had ended just after midnight. I’d left the house while Stacie was in the shower, avoiding yet another conversation. Her texts had blown up my phone during the last seventy-two hours, to which I responded I was fine and needed at the hospital. I told her we would talk Monday—tomorrow—though I still was unsure what should be said.
I was too tired to think any more about it tonight.
As I dragged myself to my car half asleep, I saw him standing there, waiting. I wasn’t sure how he knew when I was off or where I had parked--those questions were too hard for me to process at the midnight hour. Despite my latest conspiracy theory regarding him, I couldn’t stop the wild flipping in the base of my stomach or the way he made me want to free fall into his arms and forget everything.
His face was conflicted as I approached.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” Kai said, standing there, hands in his pockets.
At his casual stance, my irritation was quickly re-kindled. I wanted to strangle the girl inside me that was so willing to give in without explanation just seconds ago. I pushed her down and silenced her.
“What’s up?” I asked, keeping my distance.
“I’m hoping you can tell me. I’ve called you several times, Tori, and your sister doesn’t seem to know what’s going on with you either,” Kai said.
My sister, of course! Naturally, he would call my family.
“Well, maybe I can start by telling you to stop going to my family members to snoop out information on me!”
My voice was hard and angry. Stewing for three days was probably not the best way to have a calm and rational conversation. His head jerked back a bit as his eyebrows shot up in surprise at my accusation. I held my ground, crossing my arms over my chest.
“What information are you referring to, Tori?” Kai asked.
“Jack told me about your little conversation before our date last weekend. You knew about my accident even before the lake day and yet I was the idiot who had to recount to you at the fireman's ball. No wonder you didn’t want to talk more about it that night! You already knew everything!”
I threw my hands up in the air, adrenaline coming alive in me like a charged bull. There would be no reason to start pretending with him now. If a relationship wasn’t based on truth, then there was no relationship. For once I had actually followed those guidelines. I had taken the risk, laid it all out there and I wasn’t about to let that go unnoticed.
“Are you finished? Or is there more you need to say?”
Why can’t he just yell back like a normal person?
The fight in me deflated as he waited patiently for my answer.
Confused, I put my hand on my hip and shook my head slowly, “No, not at the moment.”
“Okay, then. Jack didn’t tell me about the accident. He told me you’d had a very hard year, and not to pressure you if you weren’t ready to talk to me about it. He said he’d watched you pull away from a lot of people and that I needed to give you space to breathe, allow you to decide when to trust me—if ever,” he said.
Oh wow. I am an idiot.
I leaned against my car with a thud wishing again that I had the power to rewind time, to take back the ugly things I had said, and how I had said them. I grimaced, thinking about how I had treated Jack. He did have my back—just like he always had.
“Jack didn’t tell you?” I asked again, my voice so weak it was hardly audible.
“No. He didn’t tell me, but Tori, I-”
“No, I’m sorry. I was way off in my thinking. You may as well know the rest of it,” I said, throwing my hands up and slapping them back down on my thighs.
“The rest?” he asked, looking startled.
I might as well tell him.
“Yes...I’m seeing a therapist here for PTSD. I guess I’m semi-insane or something, but you should know that before you decide to take this any further with me—if you haven’t already seen enough that is.”
He nodded, absently. I wasn’t sure if he’d heard me.
“I have a form of PTSD, Kai. Post Traumatic Stress Dis-”
“Tori, I know what it is. I suspected something was up the day you didn’t scream for help when that punk tried to violate you. It’s not as uncommon as you think it is. I have a lot of
buddies who have walked that same path. It’s a hazard that comes with jobs like ours, but it doesn’t mean you’re insane.”
“Well, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I haven’t...I haven’t told anyone yet, except you,” I said, realizing the weight of my words.
I really did trust him.
I trusted a man that I hadn’t known for longer than a month.
“I’ll help you, Tori…if you’ll let me. You’re right, your family is your business, but I do think you should at least tell Stacie about this. The more support you have, the sooner and fuller your recovery will be,” he said, taking a step closer to me.
“Yeah. That’s what my therapist keeps telling me,” I said.
“Good, I like her already. Now, I do have one favor to ask you,” he said, leaning in.
My nerves grew wild in anticipation. As he inched closer to my face, our lips were just shy of touching when he turned his head and whispered into my ear instead.
“Can I get a ride home?”
I laughed and pulled back, hitting him in the chest. His laugh bellowed though the parking lot.
“You were that confident we’d make up that you actually had someone drop you off here?” I asked, mouth gaping.
“Well, I would say I was pretty hopeful, yes. I knew that Briggs wouldn’t be nearly as patient to wait for my hot girlfriend to get off work as I would be. There wouldn’t be quite the same pay-off for him,” he said, winking at me.
This time he came closer and pulled me into a hug. I rested my tired head on his chest and listened for a moment to his heartbeat. There was safety with Kai, a concept that had been completely lost on me for quite some time. As he pulled back, he slipped my keys out of my fingers.
“May I drive, please?” he asked.
I gawked at him, doing my best to act appalled.
“What? You’re against women drivers?”